Mom’s voice sounded different, more awake than she had been in a long time. “I miss you, Addy, and Dad so much. But I’m working really hard to get healthy so I can come back home.”
I looked at Dr. Beth in a panicky way, then I pressed the mute button. “I don’t know what to say.”
Dr. Beth looked at me with her therapist’s game face on. “Speak your truth. This is your chance.”
Mom kept talking. “Maisy, I’m different now. You’ll see when we’re all back home together.”
“You spent two years lying every single day! You lied to me, Addy, Dad, your friends, our teachers, Addy’s coaches. Why would I believe anything you say?” I cried.
Dr. Robbins cut in. “Maisy, let’s hear your mother out. Let’s try listening without judgment.”
Dr. Beth jumped in. “I think it’s important for us to hear Maisy out and validate her viewpoint as well.”
“Everything is always about how Mom feels! Dr. Beth is the only one who cares how I feel,” I cried.
Mom’s voice was quiet, but firm. “I care, Maisy. I just need the chance to tell you how sorry I am for the things I did when I was sick.”
“Sick? That’s what we’re calling it?” I shrieked.
Mom sighed. “I know it doesn’t seem like I’m sick…”
I cut her off. “Kyle Madson’s mom is sick. She has breast cancer and is going through chemo. She lost all her hair and has to wear a wig.”
“I know this isn’t the same thing, but…” started Mom.
I kept my voice steady and calm. “I get that you acted crazy when you were on the pills. I can even kind of understand that time you smacked me in the face for flushing your pills down the toilet.”
Dr. Beth sucked in her breath. She scooted in closer to me and wrapped her arm around me in a side hug.
Dad’s voice cut in. He sounded like he was begging. “Kristen, is that true? Please tell me that’s not true.”
I rolled my eyes. Why was Dad asking Mom if it was true? She’s the one with the lying habit, not me.
Dr. Robbins interrupted again, this time using his voice meant for adults. “Eddy and Kristen, we can have our own breakout session after this call to dig in deeper to issues like this.”
Mom made kind of a strangled crying sound, then said, “Oh, Maisy.”
I broke away from Dr. Beth’s grip and cut Mom off. “There were moments in the day when you were sober. Like when you woke up in the morning and the high from the night before had worn off. Or halfway through the day when your buzz was gone. You were sober in those moments when you chose to take the next round of pills. How could you do that to me and Addy? How could you do that to Dad? How could you do that to yourself?”
Mom’s voice was high-pitched and desperate. “I wasn’t ever truly sober then. Not like I am now. I’ve been clean the whole time I’ve been here, but back then…”
“You could’ve killed Addy and me. If we hadn’t hit that barrier, we all would’ve landed in the river!” I shouted.
Mom whispered. “That was my rock bottom. That’s what made me realize I needed help.”
All of a sudden, I was brought back to that night, when I knew Mom was too out of it to pick Addy up from gymnastics. I couldn’t stop her, and I was stupid enough to think that if I went for the ride I could keep Addy safe.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered to Dr. Beth, and sprinted outside before she could stop me.
BEA
Nana Mary’s famous chocolate chip oatmeal cookies had finally arrived. She only makes them once a summer, when she’s able to talk the nursing home staff into letting her use the stove. Nana Mary studied baking at Le Cordon Bleu, so her gastronomical skills are unrivaled. Poppy has a strict “everyone must be in attendance to dive into the cookies” rule, ever since the time she busted Isa and Hannah gorging on them while we were stuck on laundry duty.
Poppy held up the accompanying note from Nana Mary. “OMG, I finally got through to her. She actually used Fair Trade chocolate this year.”
“Maybe there’s hope for getting her to go to the next women’s march with you,” said Hannah.
“Let’s not get too crazy,” said Poppy.
“You guys load up on milk from the dining cabin. I’ll get Maisy,” I said, as I hopped down the porch steps. I took off for the therapy cabin. I was certain Maisy would rather dine on Nana Mary’s culinary masterpieces than talk about her fear of the ropes course for the hundredth time.
The quickest way to Dr. Beth’s cabin is through the haunted woods, which didn’t seem so haunted after our prank. But as I neared the site of our prank, I heard a rustling behind me that made me stop in my tracks. A cold shiver ran through me as I slowly turned around.
There was a girl swinging through the air, her brown hair flowing in the wind as she pumped her legs, taking herself high into the leaves. I jumped back and shrieked at the top of my lungs.
I almost fainted with relief when the girl turned to face me and I realized it was Maisy.
“You just scared the living daylights out of me!” I shouted. “What are you doing out here? Aren’t you supposed to be with Dr. Beth?”
Maisy jumped off the swing and shouted, “Can’t I ever be alone at this stupid camp without someone sneaking up on me? Are you spying on me?”
Maisy’s nose was red and her cheeks were wet. As she walked toward me, she threw her hair up in a bun that didn’t look intentionally messy. Her legs were spattered with mud and her arms had tiny scratches on them as if she had been running through the woods.
“Why would I spy on you?” I took a step closer to Maisy and asked, “Are you okay?”
“Why do you care?” asked Maisy. “It’s not like we’re really friends,” she spit the words out, like razor blades shooting from her tongue.
I felt a sinking in my stomach as I asked, “Why would you say that? What’s going on with you? You were fine thirty minutes ago.”
Maisy crossed her arms. “Come on. No one’s here. It’s just us in the middle of the woods. You don’t have to pretend to be my friend.”
“What are you talking about? Where is this coming from? I thought we were… I mean, I thought…” I stuttered.
“I hate you and your stupid friends and this stupid camp!” Maisy yelled through the trees.
I shook my head back and forth. “You don’t mean that.”
“Don’t pretend like this wasn’t about the pact the whole time. I used you and you used me. But the secret all along was that I used you worse.” Maisy lowered her voice, so it sounded even meaner. “Did you really think you would suddenly become popular when we got back to Mapleton?”
I could feel my face crumpling as I blinked back tears. “But you said…”
“I would have said anything to make it through this horrible camp. That doesn’t mean the M & Ms would’ve accepted you when we got back. Because you are still Bea, the biggest loser at our school.”
Before I could answer, Maisy took off running through the woods and I was all alone, in the one place where I had never felt alone before. I was used to spending days by myself at school, feeling like I had no footing in the world. Now that feeling had followed me to camp.
I always thought my place in my school world was connected to Maisy, that our symbiotic relationship was the key to shedding my invisibility cloak. She was the one who made me invisible and she would be the one who would make me seen again. But Maisy was right. I was still the same old Bea. That wasn’t going to change even if Maisy pretended to be my friend.
When I got back to the bunk, sweaty and short of breath, Isa, Hannah, and Poppy were sitting on the floor with a plate of Nana Mary’s cookies and little cartons of milk spread out on Hannah’s favorite throw blanket. The cabin smelled like warm cookies and everyone looked content, like things were before Maisy came to camp and messed everything up.
“Where’s Maisy?” Hannah asked.
I scarfed down a cookie like a rabid dog. “Which version of her?”
I said, and little cookie crumbs flew from my mouth.
“What?” Poppy asked. “I don’t get it.”
Hannah put her milk carton back down on the floor mid-chug and wiped the back of her mouth with her sleeve. “Are you okay?”
Isa motioned for me to sit, but I shook my head. I felt like my homemade volcano after I added the vinegar to the baking soda and it started bubbling over. I couldn’t get too close to the other girls or I might explode all over them.
The words tasted bitter as they came out of my mouth. “She was never going to go through with it. She played me all summer.”
Isa jumped to her feet. “Maisy’s dropping out of the competition?”
“Oh no!” I put both hands on top of my head. “I didn’t even think about that.”
Hannah waved her hands in the air. “I’m totally confused. If you’re not talking about the competition, what are you talking about?”
“Yeah,” said Poppy. “What’re you talking about?”
Cookie bits flew out of my mouth as the words tumbled out. “Maisy and I were never really friends. I thought we were, maybe not at first, but, at some point, I thought we were friends again, real friends, like I am with you guys. She even apologized for what she did to me last year. But it was all about the pact this whole time.”
Isa put her hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me toward the floor till I sat down. “It’s hard to figure out what you’re talking about when you walk back and forth like that.”
“Yeah, it’s really distracting,” said Hannah. “And I’m already lost in this conversation.”
I took a deep breath and covered my face with my hands. This was going to be mortifying enough without seeing the looks on the girls’ faces. “Um. Maisy and I. Um. We uh. We made a popularity pact.”
Hannah scrunched up her face. “A what?”
I peeked out from between my fingers and mumbled, “She promised to make me popular at school if I made her popular at camp.”
Poppy blinked her wide eyes at me. “What?”
“Why?” asked Isa. “I mean, I get what’s in it for you, but what was in it for her?”
I kept my face covered. “She couldn’t stand having everyone in her bunk hate her.”
Poppy breathed out hard. “And you didn’t tell us?”
I uncovered my face but kept my eyes on the floor. “You don’t know how many times I wanted to tell you but couldn’t. It was part of the pact. Maisy said she would only hold up her end of the bargain if I didn’t tell anyone.”
Isa scrunched up her forehead until a deep crease appeared between her eyes. “You tricked us into being friends with Maisy?”
Poppy’s voice was quiet. “How could you lie to us? We tell each other everything.” She took a deep breath. “Even the things that make us look bad.”
“I hung out with her all summer!” said Hannah. “I thought we were friends. I even told her all about how Carter and I went out for two days before he dumped me for Ashley Brewer.”
“I hated lying to all of you,” I started. “But I had no choice. Not if I wanted the pact to work.”
“We had the chance to get her out of our bunk. You were the one who convinced us to keep her!” yelled Isa.
“Was that all about the pact?” Hannah stretched out the words as if she couldn’t bear to think them, let alone say them out loud. “Did you convince us to keep her, just so you could be popular back at school?”
Shame burned the tips of my ears. I croaked out one word: “Yes.”
“We’re stuck with her now! We’re gonna lose the Cup and it’s all because of your stupid pact,” Isa yelled.
“Four years of winning the tournament down the drain,” said Hannah.
Poppy stood up and held up her hands. “We’ve also had all of these years being friends with Bea, so let’s hear her out.”
I flashed Poppy a grateful smile. “At first, I thought it was fake, that Maisy and I were just playing our parts. I was helping her out, and she was going to help me when we got back home. But then, along the way, it seemed like Maisy became my friend again. I thought she was genuinely friends with all of us. When I told you guys to keep her because of the pact, a small part of me thought she was really going to try for us.”
“Maybe she really was our friend,” said Hannah. “She wouldn’t have made the pact with you if she didn’t want to be friends with all of us in the first place.”
“She didn’t care about being friends. People like Maisy need a group. They don’t know how to survive on their own,” said Isa. “Just like baby animals.”
I grabbed another cookie, but my mouth was too dry to taste it. “I can’t believe I fell for it.”
“Why would you make a pact with the one person who showed you that you shouldn’t trust her?” asked Hannah.
“Make us understand,” said Poppy.
All the tears that had been buried inside of me came out in one big blubbering, snotty mess. “I was desperate! I can’t take another school year being alone all the time. You don’t know what it’s like to be invisible! I could go a whole school day without one single person talking to me, except, of course, Mrs. Shingles, the librarian, and Mr. Cadence, my homeroom teacher. I sometimes wonder if they’re just nice to me because they feel bad for me. I just can’t do it anymore!”
I covered my face with my hands again and let it all out. All the tears that had been stuck inside of me for the past year.
Then I felt a hand on my back.
“Oh, Bea. I wish we all went to school together,” said Poppy.
“But we don’t,” I cried. “All I want at school is what we have here. I just want to find my people back home.”
Poppy turned to the others and asked. “We can understand that. Can’t we?”
Isa sighed. “Why do you girls always have to make it so hard to stay mad?”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
MAISY
I RAN SO FAST THROUGH THE WOODS MY LUNGS WERE ON FIRE. Of course Mom had her doctors fooled. She had Dad fooled all along. Dad works all the time, so he had no clue how bad things got. Or maybe he really didn’t want to know. Even when we bumped into Zoe’s mom in the frozen food aisle of the supermarket and she slipped up and mentioned about not carpooling anymore and then got really uncomfortable when she realized Dad had no idea.
Zoe’s mom sucks, too, because as soon as she realized Mom was out of it on one of her drop-offs, she told all the other carpool moms and even the gym moms who didn’t carpool with Addy. But the one person she didn’t tell was Dad. So Addy got stuck in the car with Mom six days a week driving to and from the gym in rush hour traffic. I would get so worried about them, I would track Addy’s iPhone to make sure they got to the gym all right.
I thought I hated Dad for sending me here, but I’m starting to realize that none of this is his fault. I had done a really good job covering for Mom. Too good of a job.
I didn’t stop running until I found myself back at Dr. Beth’s cabin. I wasn’t planning on going there. It’s just where my legs took me.
Dr. Beth was sitting on the porch with a bowl of chocolate bars in her lap and four cats, including Fozzy Bear, stretched out around her soaking up the sun. In the sunlight, you could see that her red Camp Amelia T-shirt was covered in cat hair. She tossed me a Snickers. “I knew you’d be back.”
The Snickers bar landed at my feet. I grabbed it and sat down on the porch in the only spot that didn’t have a cat. I peeled back the wrapper and took a big bite of chocolate. “Mom wasn’t always like this. She did homework with Addy and me every day after school. She was my Daisy troop leader, Addy’s team mom, and the head drama mama for all my plays. She made dinner for us every night and always had clean laundry folded on our beds when we got home from school. She even sorted it into little piles so all we had to do was put everything in the right drawers. She waited up for Dad to get home from work every night, still in her nice clothes and makeup from the day, no matter what time it was. She was the p
erfect mom. Everyone said so.”
“Must’ve been a lot of work being that perfect,” said Dr. Beth.
“She made it look easy,” I said.
“A lot of addicts are good at making things look better than they really are,” said Dr. Beth. “It’s part of how they keep their secret.”
I took another bite of my chocolate bar. “What if I don’t forgive her? What if I’m never ready?” I asked.
Dr. Beth smiled at me. “You’ll be ready when you’re ready. Something tells me the forgiveness will only start to come when your mom proves to you that she is in active recovery, when she can truly show you how much regret she has. Until then, everyone else in your family needs to accept you where you are.”
All I wanted was for things to go back to normal. When I wasn’t worried about bringing friends home from school. When I didn’t have to run around the house cooking and cleaning and doing laundry so Dad wouldn’t suspect. I even learned how to order groceries online so we wouldn’t run out of food. I just wanted things to be like they used to, when I only had to worry about kid stuff.
“It’s not like she went to rehab because she really wanted to. After the accident, Dad said he would leave her and take full custody if she didn’t go into treatment,” I said. “How is she going to get better when she was forced to get help?”
“That tells me that underneath it all she wasn’t totally lost because she still held on to her love for you guys. Maybe that’s what is pushing her to get better,” Dr. Beth said.
“What if she’s not… better when she comes home?” I asked. “Mom probably has those rehab people fooled.”
“If you see any signs, even little ones, let your father know right away,” Dr. Beth said.
One thing I was learning to do was ask for help. “Can I call you if that happens? Will you help me tell him?” I asked.
Dr. Beth wrapped my hand in hers. “Of course. You have a support system now. You have me. And maybe you can open up to Bea. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a friend back home who knows what’s going on?”
Camp Clique Page 17
