by Nicki Rowe
I pulled into the parking lot at the airport and led Mason through the large building until I found the gate Tina was coming out of. We only had to wait for a few minutes before her flight landed.
“What's Tina like?” Mason asked while we waited. It was the fifth time he had asked in the past three days.
“She's really smart. She went to college to become a teacher. In her off time she works for a non-profit to help kids who grew up in neighborhoods like ours. She tries to keep kids out of gangs and keep them from selling drugs. She still lives in Chicago.”
“Were you ever in a gang?” Mason asked.
“No, and that was one of the reasons I had to make sure I knew how to protect myself. In my neighborhood, if you weren't in a gang then you were a target for everyone.”
Mason shuddered. “I'm sorry you had to live like that, Axe.”
I just shrugged. That wasn't even the worse I had to endure. “I've seen things that no one should see. I've seen people gunned down on the road. I've seen drugs claim the lives of classmates. I have seen too much. I have done too much.”
“Did you ever do drugs?”
“No.”
Mason nodded.
“And if I had?”
“I would ask if you were still doing them. If not then okay I could deal, but if you were still doing drugs then I couldn't be with you.”
“Fair enough,” I said, squeezing Mason's knee. “I've never done anything more than smoke and drink.”
“What else did you have to do to survive?”
“I had to steal just to make sure we had food. I had to fight to keep Austin and me safe from pretty much everyone. In our neighborhood liking the same sex was grounds for ridicule and a good ass whooping. I didn't try to hide who I was, and in turn I had to put a lot of people in the hospital when they tried to pick a fight with me and Austin. I've been in shot at, stabbed, beaten so bad I was almost unrecognizable. I did what I had to do to make sure my Ma and Austin were okay. I learned to use my fists before using my words. I knew how to use a knife before I knew how to do algebra. That's the world I grew up in.”
Mason nodded and looked like he was going to say something, but Tina's plane had landed and people were starting to come out of the gate.
Suddenly, there was a shriek that I recognized as Tina's. I looked up to see Tina walking towards us, dragging a suitcase and holding on to a neck pillow. She looked pretty much the same......except the fairly pronounced baby bump that was barely hidden by her jacket.
“Axe!” Tina lept at me, and it took me a few moments to register that I had to catch her, I was too distracted by the round belly under Tina's pink shirt. I hugged her, then set her back to her feet. “Oh my God, that flight sucked!”
“Tina, this is Mason. The guy I was telling you about.”
“You told her about me?” There was an expression on Mason's face that made my heart swell. “Well, shit.” He smiled.
“It's so nice to meet you!” Tina flung her arms around Mason's neck. “I'm so glad Axe has found you.”
Mason looked over at me with wide eyes. I like her, he mouthed.
I rolled my eyes. Of course. I knew Tina and Mason were going to like each other. They were both sarcastic, funny, loving, and open. They were going to be two peas in a pod, I could already feel it.
“Um....” Tina pulled back, flush colored her cheeks. She ran a hand through her curly brown hair. “So, I'm pregnant.”
“How far along are you?” Mason asked.
“Roughly six months.” Tina's eyes cut to me.
Was she trying to tell me something? I thought back six-ish months ago Tina had come to visit me for Thanksgiving, we had fooled around—
“No.”
“I'm sorry, Axe. I should have told you sooner.”
“We used a condom.”
“They aren't always effective.”
“What am I missing?” Mason asked, looking from me to Tina.
I turned to him. “Baby, listen, at Thanksgiving Tina visited me and things got a little—”
“You guys had sex.”
“Yes. Don't be mad.”
Mason scoffed. His features were unreadable. “I'm not mad, Axe. That was before we met. I can't be mad for things that happened before you and I got together.”
“You're very understanding,” Tina observed.
Mason looked at her. “I try.” He turned back to me. “So, you're going to be a dad.”
I groaned. “I don't deserve to be a father.”
“You don't owe me anything, Axe. If you don't want to be a part of this than I understand.”
I growled. “Of course I want to be a part of my kid's fucking life!”
“How about we take this to a place where we don't have an audience,” Mason suggested, nodding at the people that were now watching us with curiosity.
He took my hand and pulled me towards the exit. I was too numb to move on my own. I could feel both Mason and Tina looking at me, but I didn't acknowledge them.
I was going to be a fucking father! I was starting to feel itchy under the collar. I needed a drink. I needed to talk to Grizz. I needed to pull Mason to me to ground me. I was going to be a fucking father. What the hell has the world come to?
Mason settled both Tina and me into the car. He slid behind the wheel and drove the hour back from the airport. The car ride was silent.
Fear gripped my heart. What if I turned out like my father? What if I was worse than my father? What if I abandoned my child? What if I fucked my kid up with all my messy bullshit?
“It's going to be okay,” Mason said, lightly squeezing my knee.
I hoped to God he was right.
~ ~ ~
Mason pulled up into the parking lot of my apartment complex. I'm out of the car before it even stops. I sank to my knees on the pavement in front of the stairs that led to the apartments above mine. Mason's at my side in an instant. His hands are rubbing over my back, the heat of his palms calmed me enough to look at him.
“I can't be like my father,” I confessed.
Tina knelt on my other side. “You won't, Axe. You're going to be better.”
“You are a better man than your father.”
“Promise me,” I said, looking at both of them. “Promise me that you won't let me fuck up that kid.”
“You're not going to fuck them up,” Tina said. She blushed again.
“Them?”
“We're having twins.”
My heart pounded double time. “I think I am going to be sick.”
“No. You aren't,” Mason said. “And you say I'm dramatic.”
His attempt at humor grounded me a little and I looked up at him. “You are dramatic.”
“No, I'm not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Are you done arguing with me?” He asked, feigning anger and irritation, but I could see the glint of laughter in his eyes.
“Never, weirdo.”
I looked over at Tina. She was watching us with a huge smile on her face and with teary brown eyes.
“What?” I asked.
“Oh, don't mind me,” she replied, dashing at the tears that were threatening to spill over. “Hormones.”
I shook my head at her. “Let's go inside. Mason made ziti.”
“That's supposed to be a surprise! How did you know that's what I brought over?”
I looked at him with one of those mini-smiles he loved so much. “I may have peeked. You made my favorite food.”
“Yeah, and I'm thinking about pulling that stunt you did with the waffles,” Mason grumbled. “Better yet, maybe Tina and I will eat, and you can go hungry.”
“Don't tease me, baby. Don't fuck with me when it comes to ziti.”
Mason just shrugged and got to his feet. He helped Tina up, and led her to my apartment. I pulled her suitcase from the trunk and lugged it to my apartment.
Mason and Tina were already sitting at the table and talking. The smell of fresh brewing coffee
wafted through the small space. Tina laughed at something Mason said as I walked down the hall and deposited her suitcase in the guest room. I removed the sheath holding my favorite knife from my leg. Looks like I will have to get rid of all my knives. I can't have those lying around with kids.
Kids! Holy Fuck.
I let myself have a mini freak out in my bedroom. After a few minutes I composed myself and when I came back to the kitchen Tina was nursing a tea while Mason drank coffee from one of my mugs. Their backs were to me, Tina was showing him pictures on her phone. I leaned against the doorjamb and watched them interact.
“He looks so different!” Mason exclaimed.
Oh, shit.
“Tina, you better not be showing him pictures from high school.”
“What else would I be showing him?” she replied in her usual sassy tone.
“Anything else. I thought we agreed old pictures were off limits when you came to visit. You promised you wouldn't show Mason anything embarrassing.”
She snorted. “Yeah, right. Did you really think I was going to keep that promise?”
Mason looked up at me with a smile. “You were so handsome.”
“Were?” I crooked an eyebrow at him playfully. “You don't think I still am.” If someone else had said those words to me it would have ruffled my feathers. People only saw the threatening bad boy when they looked at me, but Mason saw more than that. He saw me heart and soul. He saw beyond the scars and dark expressions.
“Of course you are,” Tina conceded. “But look at that face.”
Tina turned her phone so I was looking at a grainy picture that had been taken in the tenth grade. Tina had taken a picture with her phone of the hard copy she had hanging on her fridge at home in Chicago. I did look different in the picture. I was skinny with an innocent face, but there was a gleaming in my eyes that said I was a troublemaker.
You look like an angel, but act like the devil, my mother told me when I had gotten suspended after fighting a classmate that had picked on Austin. To be fair, it wasn't the first time I had gotten suspended, so Ma's anger was valid. I had gotten suspended a month before for smoking in the boy's bathroom when I was supposed to be in P.E. Why can't you just behave, Zachary?
“Delete that picture, T.”
“No, Z.”
I grumbled as I came around the table and sat in the chair next to Mason. He took my hand and gave my fingers a squeeze.
“So, what does this mean?” I asked.
Tina looked at me. “What do you mean?”
“With the twins? Are you going to move here? Am I going to move there? Do I get them on Thanksgiving and you on Christmas? How does this work?”
I felt Mason stiffen beside me. I looked at him. The look in his eyes was sad and full of dread. “I don't want you to move back to Chicago, but I understand if that's something you need to do.”
“Oh, honey,” Tina took Mason's free hand. “I'm moving here. You're not going to lose Axe.”
“You're moving here?” I asked, shock raked through me, but I wasn't going to lie and say that out of all the scenerios it wasn't the one I liked the best. I couldn't live in a place that didn't have Mason in it, but I couldn't be apart from my kids. Once I found out about them, I vowed to make sure that I wouldn't be an absentee father. I would have moved to Chicago if I had to, but I didn't want to.
“Honestly, I was getting sick of Chicago,” Tina lied. I knew she loved the Windy City more than she loved anything. “I don't want to deprive you of seeing our kids, but I also don't want to uproot your life.”
“What about your life?” I asked. I didn't want her to give up the non-profit organization or her teaching career.
“Pfft. I already found a non-profit to work for in Seattle and I talked to Holly Dumas on the phone a month ago about starting as a subsitute until something permanent opened up.”
“Are you sure, Tina?” Mason asked. “That's a lot to give up.”
Tina nodded in determination. “Axe has always been my family. Chicago hasn't been the same since my mom and dad moved. I was getting lonely.”
I nodded, knowing that Tina wouldn't budge on this. Once she made up her mind, there was no changing it back. “If you're sure, T.”
She crossed her fingers and put them over her heart, our way of making a promise to each other. “I'm sure.”
Mason stood. “I'm going to heat up the ziti. Why don't you two go into the living room to catch up.”
I nodded, pecked Mason on the temple and then helped Tina to her feet. We settled onto the couch and Tina kicked her feet up on the coffee table.
“So, tell me more about Mason.”
Mason
“So, tell me more about Mason,” Tina said after she and Axe settled on the couch.
“What do you want to know?” I heard Axe say.
“How did you meet?”
I set about to making dinner. I pulled the foil off the ziti I had made for Axe at my apartment that morning before I headed over to his house, and put it in the oven with the garlic bread I had made from scratch while Tina and Axe talked.
I could hear them talking about the bet back at the beginnning of March, and how I told Axe to get his head out of his ass. Axe told her about how he asked about me before he even knew me.
“He's good for you,” I heard Tina say while I made the salad.
“I know.”
“Does he know?” Tina asked. Her voice dropped so I had to strain to hear her.
Normally, I didn't eavesdrop on people's conversations, but they were talking about me so I didn't see what harm it would do to listen to Axe tell Tina what he really felt about me and how he asked Carter about me. I hadn't expected their conversation take such a serious turn.
“No,” Axe said flatly. “I haven't told him.”
“You need to tell him, Axe. He needs to know about all of you.”
“What if he breaks up with me?”
“He won't.”
I turned and tiptoed to the hall where I could see Axe and Tina on the couch. Axe was sitting with his head between his knees and Tina was rubbing a hand up and down his back. Neither of them had noticed I was standing in the entrance to the hall.
“How do I tell Mason that I killed my father?”
The dish I had been holding slipped from my hands, shattering on the hardwood floor. My heart beat in double time and I felt my breath seize in my lungs. The sound of blood pounded in my ears. Did I hear that right? Did Axe just say he killed his father?
Tina and Axe's heads snapped up and looked at me. A look of misery crossed Axe's face. Tina looked apologetic. Axe stood and began approaching me cautiously. I didn't back up or go to him; I was frozen to the spot.
“Y-you killed your father?” My voice was shaking, the octave was a little higher than normal.
Axe stopped just before he reached me. He hung his head. His body was so tense, I was afraid he was going to break into a million pieces. “Mason—”
“Tell me everything, Axe. Tell me why.” I turned to Tina. “Tina, I'm sorry. I don't want to be rude, but I really need to talk to Axe alone.”
“I'll be in the guest room.”
I waited for Tina to leave before I turned my attention back to Axe. I finally went to him and pulled him back to the couch. We sat side by side, which wasn't how we usually sat on the couch. I was usually straddling him, even if we were having a serious discussion. But this was the mother of all serious disussions. I didn't know how to act. I didn't know what to do. Should I walk out and leave him? Should I tell him he doesn't have to tell me and pretend to live in ignorant bliss? Babies I could handle no problem, but would I be able to handle this?
I decided to hear him out. I knew Axe's father was a horrible man from the stories Axe had told me. Maybe there was an explanation. God, I hope there's an explanation.
“What happened, Axe?”
He didn't look at me. His eyes were focused on his hands. His fingers were fisted on his knees. When he spoke
there was so much emotion in his tone, it nearly broke my heart. “He was beating on my ma when I came home one day. I was twenty at that point, and I had never seen him raise a hand to Ma. I guess Pa had seen me kissing Jeffery Smith outside some store or something and he told my ma, when she said she already knew about 'my ways' he started punching her. I got home in time, so Ma didn't suffer too many injuries. Pa was furious. He turned to me and started in on me. He punched me until I was too weak to fight back. I was laying on the ground and crying.” Axe paused. He sniffed back the emotion and started again. “At some point I just got this surge of energy and I got to my feet. Pa tried to come at me again, but I pushed him. I pushed him so hard that he fell backwards. He cracked his head open on the corner of the kitchen counter.”
“That's how he died?”
Axe shook his head. “Ma called the cops and they came to take statements. We lied and told the police that Pa had been drinking and fell, but I think they knew. They knew what had happened, but they didn't question it. To this day I don't know why they didn't look deeper into Pa's death. Pa was taken to the hospital. He died later that night, complications with his brain.”
I slid closer to Axe and took his hands in mine. I pried his fists opened and then intwertwined our fingers. “Why were you afraid to tell me that?”
“I didn't want you to think I was some murderer and leave me.”
My heart clenched. Now, I knew why Axe was too afraid to get close to anyone. He had trust issues based on the way he grew up, but beneath all the tattoos and bravado was a vulnerable man who just wanted to be loved. He was afraid that I wouldn't love him enough to stick by him even after his confession.
“Axe, I'm not going anywhere. You acted in self defense, and I think the cops knew that. If it wasn't for you than your father could have killed your mother, you or Austin.”
“You're not leaving?”
I smirked at him. “Not unless you want me to.”
He growled. “No fucking way.”
The timer on the oven beeped. I stood and looked down at Axe. “You don't need to be afraid anymore, Axe. Your uncle, father, and grandfather can't hurt you. I'm not leaving you. You have a great job that you love, and you have twins on the way. You are living a pretty good life, my friend.”
