I’m not one of those people who can laugh and joke through emotionally stressful situations, I just do one thing, shut down.
“Alright, then,” he mumbles, pulling out a few sheets of paper, he hands me a pen, and before he speaks, I already know I have to sign and initial wherever is noted. “You have –”
“To sign where the yellow tabs are and initial next to the blue,” I finish for him, this time giving him a small glance and trying to fake a smile, but I suck at it, and I know the only thing I’m doing is making this harder for the both of us. Sure, I’m the daughter, but Erik lost his best friend. I’m not the only one who has to deal with their loss, and I’m constantly reminding myself of that.
“As you know, this is your last inheritance. You’ve done a good job of saving and investing what you can, Bell, and I’m hoping you still continue to do that, even with the path you’re on.” The path you don’t approve of, I want to say back to him. I’m a musician, it’s not like that screams instant fame or a return on the investments I’ve made into my career. My uncle would rather I am safe with my career choice and not fight with millions of other up and coming starlets. He’s made his opinion apparent at Sunday dinner, which I go to, every week. “You’re not just getting your money today, sweetheart. I don’t like to keep things from you, but I have two letters, one from your mom, and one from your dad. They did a fantastic job of preparing for this, hoping it would never happen, but nonetheless, they had prepared for it. You need to read them, especially your mother’s.”
I nod as he hands me the letters, one in my mom’s lovely cursive handwriting, and the other in my father’s chicken scratch. I couldn’t help but wonder to myself if I’d even be able to read it, but I’d find out whenever I opened it. For a few moments, I wondered if I should wait, but I didn’t want to. There was something deep down inside that was telling me to open those letters, and I started with my mother’s, ripping apart the envelope and pulling the piece of paper from it. I unfolded the two sheets, starting at the beginning.
If you’re reading this, then things didn’t turn out the way that I ever wanted them to. Firstly, I want to apologize. I want to apologize because you’re in this situation, going through life without a mother – which is something that I’ve never wanted for you, but that isn’t the only thing that I want to apologize to you for, sweetheart. I lied to you. For years, I lied to you, in the hopes of protecting you, but it seems as if I have even failed at doing that.
I’m sure your head is wracking around the possibilities of what it is that I could have lied to you about, and I will tell you, in a moment. I know that you must have grown into the most beautiful, intelligent, young woman. I am so beyond proud of you, in whatever adventure it is that you’ve chosen to pursue.
Your father and I made your life as safe as we possibly could have, tucking you away in our small, suburban neighborhood. What you don’t know, my dear is that when I met your father, you were two weeks old. I was alone in a brand-new city. He was nice, loving and by the time you turned one we were married, and you were legally his daughter. I’m sorry that I never told you that, but I felt like I never needed to. He’s been your father since the day we met him and loved you as a father should’ve.
I kept secrets from you, sweetheart, big, awful secrets. I knew that by lying to you, I was protecting you, so I did what any mother would have – protected their baby.
I’m not from Nevada. I’ve never even been to Nevada in my entire life. I’m from a small town in central Texas. That’s where I moved from when I came to Oregon.
I lived in Texas until I was nineteen and pregnant with you. I was young and dumb, and ultimately, I ended up leaving because of your biological father. I got mixed up with the wrong crowd, with him being the ringleader. Back then, I thought I was madly in love with this powerful man, and I was, at that time. Looking back, I couldn’t have been more naïve. It most certainly was not love, I was in awe of Jimmy and his lifestyle, of the risk, the danger, and the thrill.
I made the decision to leave Texas the day I found out that I was pregnant with you. There wasn’t really anything for me to stick around for; both of my parents were dead and at that moment…the moment I found out that you were entering my life, well, I saw things in a different light. I think that at that moment I saw Jimmy for what he truly was: an abusive, manipulative, monster of a man. I packed up a small bag, went to the bus station, and boarded the first bus that was leaving town. That is how I ended up in Oregon.
I am telling you this now because you are old enough to understand. Obviously, I’m dead. Jimmy is most likely the reason why I’m dead. I did a damn good job at hiding you as best as I could, baby, but obviously, I didn’t try hard enough.
This is a warning, Bellamy. Do not engage in any sort of communication with your biological father. He is an evil, hateful man. There was a reason that I ran from him, and I hope that you can use your own judgement and understand why I made that decision.
The thing about Jimmy is that he’s smart. He charmed me in all the right ways. I was playing with fire, and I knew that the very first second, I laid my eyes on him, but like the stupid little girl I was – I didn’t care.
I can’t imagine what you’re thinking right now, or how you must feel, but I have one more thing to tell you, sweetheart.
You have an older half-sister, her name is Elena, and while I beg you not to track down your father…I couldn’t bear the thought of you not knowing that you have a sister. There is little information that I can give you about her besides where I last saw her and what your father does. Jimmy is the President of a biker gang called the Vipers MC. He shouldn’t be hard to find, and finding Elena should come easy, if you choose to search for her.
Please, just do not go searching for Jimmy. Find your sister if you will, but do not –I beg of you – reach out to your father.
I love you, baby,
Mom
I stare down at the two pieces of paper in my hand, shocked beyond belief. I thought I knew just what I was going to feel coming out of this meeting. The thing was, nothing could have prepared me for this.
CHAPTER 1
The comeback is always stronger than the setback. - Anonymous
1 year later…
Bellamy
“You killed it, Hells Bells!” I glance over to Jase, who’s the lead singer of the band that I’m touring with. I’ve been headlining with them for two weeks. Each one of the boys knows about my obvious stage fright, but somehow, every night, I seem to push past all of my fears.
“Welcome to the big leagues, Kiddo. YouTube might’ve got you some spotlight, but damn, girl, we’re your ride to the big leagues,” Syd cockily says as he slides his arm around me while we walk back to our tour bus. Syd may be a cocky bastard, but he’s right. I was lucky to be found online from singing covers, but I’d seen other artists do it and have success. Sure, they were one in a million, but why would I have stopped? My failure wasn’t guaranteed, so that meant success was an option, and I dang well was going to see that through as best that I could.
“You know, you don’t suck as much, anymore,” Miles growls. He’s hated me since day one, I don’t know what on Earth I ever did to him, but he hates me. I don’t mean the “Oh, I think he hates me,” kinda feeling like when it’s your first day at school and you’re the new kid. Miles really hates me. You wanna know how I know? I overheard him talking to Rocky, the fourth and final member of The Stones, that I was a charity case with no talent and that it was a waste of their time for the label to even put me with them.
The funny thing is, I’ve known these guys for a few months, and everyone except Miles is like an adoptive brother to me. I was terrified to be coming out here, all alone with these guys, but it’s been working out so far, and I just have to be thankful that by headlining for them, it’s helping me create my own noise and build a decent fanbase.
The fans that I have now are all haters of my ex, country musician Zac Depp. Or they’re
following me because of what Zac did, and I don’t want that. I don’t want these haters to be fans of my music because Zac wronged me in the worst way. I want them to be fans because they believe in me, Bellamy Mason. Deep down, I know that it won’t happen overnight, nor do I expect it to. Now tell me if I’m silly or not, but I do expect my fans to believe in me, and respect my music, as new and raw as it is.
“You, wanker. Stop fucking with my girl!” Evie snarls at Miles, as she steps off the step to the tour bus. “I don’t know why you hate our Bell so much, and I don’t fucking care. She’s on the tour, go fuck yourself if you don’t like it!” You’d never hear me saying half of the things that come out of this fierce Australian’s mouth, and no, it’s not because I don’t curse. It’s just because I don’t have balls the size of a watermelon, like she does.
The wind picks up, and I can even see her blonde hair swaying in the darkness. It’s a little after eleven at night, and we just finished our show. We’re in Jacksonville, Mississippi, and our next stop is Nashville. I’ve been waiting a long time to get to Nashville. Ever since that bomb was dropped on me a year ago, all I’ve done is look into my sister, and somehow, I’ve managed to find almost everything there is to know about her.
Elena is…something. She works for the FBI and is married to a biker Prez. When I discovered she was married to a biker Prez, I had to wonder if the apple really fell far from the tree, if she was like our father and maybe I should steer clear of her, but I knew that was wrong. Throughout my life, the only thing I’ve ever wanted was a sister, and I have one. All I have to do is see her, and I will, in just two days’ time. I will go find my sister, who is also part-owner of a bar named Bubba’s. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I just know that I have to.
I have to know the sister that I never had the chance to.
Jase pulls me close to him as we walk into the converted Greyhound that houses the five of us. It’s not overly large, but it’s nice. There are four cubby sized beds in the hallway, and the only privacy is a small black curtain. The first time I came on the bus and looked at it, I almost scoffed. Now, I’m not the kind of girl who is ungrateful for anything, but there was no way in heck they were gonna see me in my undies! He let everyone know that night that I was the lady, so, I was getting the bedroom in the back. Normally, I’d insist that something didn’t have to be done…in this case, though? I didn’t fight it at all! I will gladly take the little bit of privacy that I can get.
For the next thirty minutes, we all decompress like we do every night. I end up going straight into my room and changing into the fluffiest, most comfortable pajamas that I have, which usually end up having Pikachu or some other cute character on them. Miles heads straight for the shower, while Jase sits out in the front of the bus with his notepad and pen, writing songs as they come to him, and Syd grabs a joint from the Ziploc baggie that he thinks the rest of us don’t know about.
I go over to my bedside table, open the drawer, and pull out my phone, checking to see if there are any notifications. I’m not surprised to find out that the only notifications I have are from twitter; trolls who insist on calling me a whore.
Have you ever done something stupid for someone you loved? Yeah, well I have too. I did something stupid, I gave a piece of myself to someone I trusted, and he broke all that trust. He tried to do so much to me, including destroying my music career before it even started. I understood that we broke up, but you just don’t do that to people you love. Doing something like that to him would have never crossed my mind, and never would I have done what he did…
As I glance to see what the trolls are calling me, I realize that it’s the same crap different day. The fact of the matter is that I don’t have anyone who is going to call or text me besides the people who are on this bus with me, and they’re all just co-workers. When my parents were killed, my life changed. From that point on, I had my Uncle Erik, his kids, and my ex, Zac.
Now, I have next to no one. It’s funny how things turn out, isn’t it?
Maybe that’s why I’m going through with this because I want to have someone. After all, when you’re alone, the only thing you want is to have someone. I can’t say what will happen when I meet Elena, how she’ll react, or if she’ll even want me in her life. The only thing I know is that I have to try because if I don’t, I will regret it for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER 2
I will not be another flower, picked for my beauty and left to die. I will be wild, difficult to find and impossible to forget. - InspirationalQuotesMagazine.com
Bellamy
Today is the day I meet my sister…
Fudge! Did I really just think that? Oh boy.
I have to remind myself to take deep, slow breaths as the anxiety sets in. Where did all of this determination come from to even find her? I feel so anxious that I can barely think straight. The only thing coming to my mind is how I’ll probably be laughed at, or told I’m not wanted. In the back of my mind, I keep telling myself to shut up because, in the end, I won’t know until I know, and there is no point in focusing on the unknown.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re thinkin’ about, but shit, Bells, I can tell all you’re doin’ right now is thinkin’ too damn hard, and what have I told ya about that shit?” I glance over from my seat on the couch to look at Rocky, who’s been standing in the doorway to the bus for God knows how long. “What did I tell ya? I wanna hear you say it!”
“If you keep thinkin’ like that your pretty lil’ head is gonna explode, and what a shame that would be,” I sigh, repeating exactly what he said to me.
“You’re damn straight! Have you seen your head? It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen!”
“My face, you mean my face is the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen.” I correct him, shaking my head at the country buffoon.
“No. I meant what I said and said what I meant. Your head. Bell, I dunno how to break it to ya…but your face is…eh, it’s alright.” He grins, as he moves his hand side to side, causing me to bust out into laughter with him.
“You are such a jerk! I wonder why the women love you.”
“They love me ‘cause’ I’m the spittin’ image of Charlie Hunnam, baby. Dunno how many times I’ve been called Jax when I’m makin’ em scream.”
“You make them scream alright, ‘cause your terrifying the living shit outta them,” Syd cackles, walking from the back of the bus as he plops down on the couch next to me.
“Terrifyin’ em? Well, damn! Is it so terrifyin’ when they’re melting in front of me, ‘Harder, harder!’” He imitates what his bed partners sound like, and all I can do is blush. Never have I openly talked about sex with friends before, and maybe this is just different because I’m on a tour bus with four dudes, but…it’s a little overwhelming at times.
“Rocky is right. What the hell is going on in your head, kid?” Syd asks me, furrowing his eyebrows and looking at me like a worried older brother would look at a sister.
“Nothing,” I lie, hoping that he’ll just take the hint and leave me alone.
“She fuckin’ sucks at lyin’, doesn’t she?” Rocky asks Syd, and the only thing I can do is roll my eyes.
“Sure does. Spill it,” Syd orders, and I think of keeping it to myself, but then I just can’t help but wonder if telling them might make me feel a little bit better.
So, I trust my gut and tell them almost everything, not leaving out any nitty gritty detail. Basically, I tell them everything except how my parents died. I may have known these guys for a few months, but that doesn’t mean that they get an inside scoop on the hell that I’ve been through my entire life. My childhood wasn’t a walk in the park. It was great until the day that it wasn’t, until everything was ripped away from me and I was faced with a newer, crueler reality.
I should consider myself lucky; when my parents were killed, my Uncle Erik took me in. There were a few months where I was in a foster home until he could legally adopt me, and those sure were r
ough, but at least I had someone who wanted to pull me out from that life. In a way…I should be thankful that I was in that foster home because if I wasn’t, I would have never met Zac. If I had never met Zac, then maybe I wouldn’t have ever explored music, so that means I wouldn’t be where I am today, on this tour bus, singing alongside some of the nicest guys I know – minus Miles, of course, he’s a jerk!
Neither Syd or Rocky say a thing to me. At this point, Rocky has come over and sat across from me on the barstool that’s in front of the small island we have along the kitchenette. He stares at me, and I think he’s going to say something funny like he usually does to lighten the mood, but he doesn’t. When he speaks it’s like hearing his voice for the first time. No, this isn’t my friend from Hicksville in the mountains. This is someone else entirely.
“We aren’t gonna let you go find your sister alone, and sure as hell not at some biker bar in bumfuck nowhere. Syd and I go with you, and that’s that.”
“…You guys realize that I’m going to be okay, right? This is something that I need to do alone. She doesn’t know about me, or at least I don’t think she does. I have to handle this with care ‘cause….”
“Cause, why?” Syd asks, those dark chocolate pearls glaring me down like I’m nothing but a child making a stupid decision.
“…cause, I’ve always wanted a sister, and I know I have one…I just want to get to know her, and I’m hoping that she’ll want to get to know me too.” Somehow, I laid my heart out on the line in front of these two without even planning to do so. Although, that’s what you do in front of friends, isn’t it? You put everything on full display, even if you know there’s a chance that you’ll be crucified for feeling a certain way. I hold a lot inside, constantly worried about what other people will think about what I say or do. When it boils down to it, I know that the only person’s opinion that I should be worried about is my very own. No one else matters.
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