“Well.”
I gave him a look and snorted, “Small world.”
“Yeah,” He agrees.
“How’s your mother?” I finally ask, feeling my own breath grow still at the question.
A silence was pushed between us and I automatically felt myself regretting the question. I shouldn’t have asked Dex at all, it was dumb of me, if I had any questions about his mother I should have gone to one person – Blackjack. I hate it when my curiosity gets the best of me, even when I didn’t think to speak. However, Dex’s expression didn’t really change much at the question. He lifted his shoulders with a light shrug just as Edd took his empty root beer bottle.
“Things aren’t good with Mom, so I guess it’s the same as usual,” Dex responds, looking up at Edd as the bartender replaces the bottle with a new one. “Thanks.”
“Anytime, kid.” The man smiles underneath his thick mustache before stepping out from the bar.
I watch Dex’s expression as another solemn wave hits his face. The smile he once had simply vanished into thin air and everything in his eyes felt like they were concentrated on his thoughts.
“I’m sorry, Dex,” I say slowly, “I feel terrible for… I didn’t know––”
“I guess Dad never told you much about her.” He cuts me off.
I shake my head without a word.
“My dad is a good guy, but I think you need to know about my mom,” he insists, urgently looking back up at me.
My brows furrowed but I couldn’t hide my confusion. “I know that,” I say.
The boy nods carefully before sliding his hands behind his neck with a steep sigh. “Where should I start?”
“Wherever you feel comfortable.” I take his shoulder.
I couldn’t help but watch Dex with a pain in my heart as he explained his father in a way that Blackjack couldn’t.
Unlike myself, Dex’s mother was still alive but still absent from much of his life. Everyone recognized her as a drop out from high school that was so burnt out, she’d probably never get back on her own two feet. At the time, Blackjack seemed like her only shot at life.
The rumors were that he’d been taking her to therapy and consultation groups for coping with addiction. He’d found out she was pregnant when I was in middle school – I think. It was then that everyone knew she was pregnant with Blackjack’s son––Dex. Those were some tough times for her given that she was still struggling with her own demons and afflictions.
I was a kid, but I saw her – I knew exactly what was going on and dammit, she was still using when she was pregnant. It hurts my heart to know that was happening, I’d be damned if Dex ever found that out. Hell, maybe he already knows.
Blackjack had his wife sign away her parental rights after he found Dex alone in his cradle and her passed out in their living room on her third syringe. He and I never spoke too deeply into that. I had only heard of what happened through average clubhouse gossip.
“I can’t help her change.” He shakes his head, his eyes swallowing up the floor underneath him. “But she’s my mom and I still love her”
I listened to him, feeling his emotions build up with every word he said. “Dad won’t see her and if he does, it’s just screaming. Screaming and yelling.” Dex covers his mouth to close his eyes. “I can’t. I can’t.” His hand slides back down to his lap and he stares back out to the bar, the weight of his voice dropping low. “I don’t even think she loves me.”
The stool underneath me screeched as I jumped off to pull the boy into my arms, squeezing him hard like my life depended on it. It broke my fucking heart. A boy, a child, should not be thinking things like this. His breath hitched, and I could feel his shoulders rise as he tenses at the sudden embrace. In that moment, I could only hold him.
I didn’t know, and I didn’t think about it too much as I held him at the bar, hiding my face beyond his shoulder so that he wouldn’t catch me crying so hard. As the warm tears trailed down my cheeks, I had a swirl of thoughts that I could say to make it better––to make him feel better.
“Don’t say that.” I finally manage, but my voice betrayed me. “She loves you. She might not have the best way of showing it, but she does. Sometimes, adults aren’t as strong as you think after they’ve fought so hard for what they have.” I try to explain. “We need a light to help us out of the dark. If you’ve been in the dark for so long, could you really expect yourself to see the way you did before?”
I could feel him shake his head against my shoulder. “You won’t be alone in this, Dex.” I assure him while leaning back to wipe my eyes away.
“Didn’t you need to find my Dad?” He says, obviously changing the subject. “He texted me earlier and told me he was at the old plot of land where the lake house used to be?”
“What?” I looked up at him, surprised. The boy pulled out his cellphone and scrolling through information within his messages, finally putting his thumb to a stop when he found what he was looking for. He showed me the screen where three sets of lines made up an address.
“Know where this is?” He asks.
I nod with a little smile pressing into the corners of my lips.
“Yeah, I know just where he might be.” Only, we never called it the lake house.
CHAPTER 15
Ashley
There was an old aged path leading into the woods that could be taken by car if you were determined enough, but I decided to go on foot. Sure, the trail was riddled with bumps and rocks that made it a painful to endure but it was the scenery that made it well worth it. Plus, I needed to get some cardio in today, the walk would do me some good.
I could remember being here even as a small child. Dad used to bring me here on his hunts with the boys to show us how it was done. Whenever he passed the gun to either of the twins to take down their first doe, they both ended up bawling at the idea of shedding blood. I still made fun of them both to this day for their emotion in saving Bambi’s mom.
Instead of forcing these two 9-year old boys to maim some defenseless animal, my father took us out to the lake where the house had burnt down in an awful fire. The four of us would sit there and spread out a picnic between us while Daddy told us how the fire started in the first place. I think Kade and Zane remember it to this day.
My Dad used to tell us stories about how his home burned up into flames. Even as a child I knew that something was wrong with what he was telling us. I was always so perceptive, and there was no way that anything he said was near the truth. The land had been in our family for generations, he’d go on and on about how our ancestors bartered with the natives to claim this land, and somehow, we got where we are today.
Overall, my father owns over five hundred and eighty thousand acres in Montana. He rents out a lot of the land to farmers for crops, to use as a pasture for their livestock and so on and so forth, but this plot of land is simply ours. I hadn’t been here in ages, but from the looks of it, it was the same.
I was going down memory lane when I was brought back to reality. I was furious with Blackjack on not including me in this decision. For weeks I’ve had people make decisions for me, not out of a bad place but I was still irritated that he had the nerve to talk to my father about me moving in with him so soon.
I was too deep in my thoughts and suddenly my foot hooks itself into a patch of overgrown weeds and I found myself jolted forward in a stumble. My breath hitches to the back of my throat and I wave my hands in front of me, trying to regain my balance.
“GHT!” I grunt just as I catch the tree in front of me. My heart was practically jumping to get out of my chest. With a kick of my leg, I send the weed backwards and let out a steep exhale. “That was close.”
When I looked up from the ground, I could finally see bits and pieces of the clearing between the gaps in the trees. On the edge of the lake stood a tall house overlooking the beautiful dark blue waters. There was never a house here before, well – not besides the bones that were left of my Dad’s old place.<
br />
As I walked deeper into the clearing, I noticed the amount of sawdust sprinkled across the grass. I don’t know what was going on, but I could see construction equipment everywhere. They must have been working here for quite a while given that it looked like the debris fanned out closer to the trees with time.
I approached the empty porch and saw my reflection in the tall mirrors climbing the stairs one step at a time. My eyes searched the inside of the windows as I took the knob in my hand and twisted the door open at last.
The smell of mahogany wood filled my nostrils as I took my first breath in the new place. Dim but welcoming, the living room space felt like it was inviting me in with its white fireplace freshly lit. I slipped my shoes off and closed the door behind me with a soft click, letting my eyes follow the trail of stairs that lead my sights up to the high ceiling. The place was like a modern log cabin, something I’ve always dreamt of living in since I was old enough to read furniture catalogs.
When I walked across the floors, I felt like I was practically gliding across the house like a dancer. My head turned left and right to take up every detail as I ventured into the dining room. At the archway gap, I finally found the kitchen and my jaw dropped to the floor. I strode up to the black marble counters and felt the smooth finish underneath my fingertips – this was any woman’s dream kitchen, and it was certainly mine.
As I stood there wondering how any of this was possible, my ears picked up the heavy footsteps that lingered behind my back before a pair of strong arms wrapped around me.
A little sigh left my smile as he pulls me back against his chest. I could feel his nose bury into my shoulder before it was replaced by his hot mouth to plant a kiss at my neck.
“Blackjack,” I mutter lowly.
“Ashley,” He whispers against my skin, an apparent smugness in his voice.
“You’re not out of the clear just yet,” I smirk to myself.
The man pulled his head out from my shoulder to roll his eyes as I turned around to face him. Despite him playing coy, I knew he had an idea as to why I was here. I could only shake my head while he kept his eyes on the floor, refraining to so much as smirk.
“You’re in big trouble, mister,” I say, poking his chest twice. “What were you thinking?”
His hand slips up to take mine and he smiles, giving me a look. “Your dad gave you a talk?”
I narrow my eyes. “Don’t make it sound like it was entirely my dad’s fault. You agreed to his idea, am I right?” I pull my hand out from his grip to place it on my hip. “I understand why, don’t get me wrong.”
“Then what’s with the pout, Monroe?” He asks, pinching my cheek.
“You didn’t tell me anything about it!” I throw my hands up with a hint of frustration. “I mean come on, Blackjack. If we’re going to do this together, you must tell me these things. Give me a heads up so we can both decide on it.”
He cocked a brow and crossed his arms, unconvinced. “If we talked about it together, would you have said no?”
“I wouldn’t have said no, but––”
“What’s the problem then?” He uncrosses his arms to take my shoulders, “Just be straight with me Ashley. Is this just for show, or do you actually want to give us a shot this time?”
The weight of his hands made me pull myself closer to him. My hands picked up to his chest as I stroked, focusing on the buttons of his shirt rather than looking in his eyes.
“Of course, I want to be with you,” I mutter lowly.
“Ash.” He takes my face, pulling my eyes back up to him. “Then what’s wrong?”
I felt myself get swallowed in those dark hues until I could only stand there looking up at him in the moment. How could he make me feel so helplessly in love with just a look from him?
“Are you sure that you want to be with me?” I manage out, feeling my voice grow heavier.
“What are you talking about?” His brows furrowed as I watched his expression grow tense with confusion.
“Am I what you really want?” I assert the words again, taking his wrists in my soft hands. “I know you’re not doing this because you pity me but––am I really the kind of woman you want to be with forever?”
Blackjack opened his mouth to say something before shutting it back closed; his disbelief was growing by the second and I couldn’t think straight even in the silence. I could feel my eyes filling up with stupid tears all over again and it didn’t make sense why now of all times––in this beautiful place––I had to start up the water works again.
“You’ve done so much for me and all I’ve––all I’ve brought with me is baggage”
“Shh, not one more word.” He pulls me against him further, holding my head against his chest to where I can hear his heart beating rapidly.
“Do you hear that, Ash? Can you hear what you’re doing to me?”
I sniffed to myself and closed my eyes, unsure. “What am I doing to you?”
“Listen, Monroe,” the man whispers in my hair, “Every beat that drills into those ears of yours should show you how terrified I am of you.”
“Terrified?” I asked before pulling back, concern filling my eyes.
He chuckles at my confusion.
“You don’t understand how much I’m in danger of falling deeper in love with you. You have absolutely no idea how dangerous you are to me. I have loved you since the very beginning. The way you make me feel.” His voice grows husky as I feel his hands slide down to my hips.
“How do I make you feel?” I ask, letting my eyes fall to his lips without even thinking.
He catches my stare and automatically pushes me into the counter with his hips against my groin with a hot smirk. “Do you really want to know?”
Before I could even catch him, his head dips down to my shoulder to collect the flesh of my neck in a sharp bite. I felt my breath hitch against the back of my throat as I took the back of his head with my fingers through his black hair.
My fingers tighten around the locks sharply and I could hear him growl against the skin, making my hips rub up against his hard on. I could feel his lips traveling across the nape of my neck ‘til they roamed along my jaw to hover over my hungry mouth.
The craving was intense as I opened my mouth to kiss him in the darkness of the house only to meet him halfway, tongue already pushing past mine.
I lifted my head up to deepen the kiss, feeling my body melt every time he squeezed at my hips with need. When his hands ran across my thighs, he finally collected his palms back up to my ass as he drove my groin up against him. A moan left my mouth and he groaned in return, the vibrations making my lips hungry for more of his sweet kisses. His tongue massaged mine against the roof of my mouth, wet and warm with its search.
When he let me go to breathe, his hands traveled down to the end of my shirt to pull it over my head without a second to waste. I helped him throw it off before jumping up to the counter with my legs around his waist, pulling him back to me. His took his shirt off while I started unbuckling him quickly, a thousand things running through my thoughts.
How did we even get like this? One second we were talking about the house, living together, and I didn’t even mention Dex yet.
Despite that, we found ourselves ravishing ourselves in a house that wasn’t even furnished. As I pushed the thoughts into a mental filing cabinet labeled “For Later”, Blackjack was shuffling me out of my jeans with me kicking, to get them off. Once they ended up on the floor, we were back at it again. His fingers hooking up to my panties, teasing me as he circled those thumbs into my thighs. I was squirming when his groin pushed into my heat, the tenderness making my insides go wet at the touch. A thought came to my head in that moment.
“Blackjack,” I pant aloud as his mouth bites down on my breasts, “Mm!”
“Yes?”
My fingers lace through his hair and I tug for his attention.
“The kitchen, babe,” I warn.
“There isn’t anyone living around h
ere for miles, Monroe.” He growls at me.
“I’m not talking about the windows.” I push him by his shoulders, squeezing my legs against him. “Ahem.”
Those deep brown eyes of his grow confused for a moment before he looked down at the counters where my ass just so happened to be sitting. His brow automatically rose and when he looked back up at me, I was met with the most amused expression.
“Afraid to get your counters dirty, honey?” Blackjack teases lowly.
I gave his crotch a squeeze to which he jumped with a start. “Careful, darling. Your wife runs a tight ship,” I respond back just as playfully.
“Oh, believe me,” he leans in to mutter in my ear, “I know.”
My eyes went wide at the sudden bite on my ear. “Blackjack!”
He lets out a laugh before pulling back, “Sorry, I got carried away.”
I let out a snort, “You think?”
His lips curl into a smile, “Upstairs, then?”
“If it’s safe.”
“Monroe, you should know by now. Any time you’re with me, you’re safe”
My hands were already searching his chest for his shoulders as he pulled me up from the counter to carry me across the house. With a firm squeeze, he had me at my thighs as we ventured from my dream kitchen to the still under construction stairs.
My nerves were shot beyond belief, as he was carrying me up, so I took his face in my hands to kiss him as he blindly approached a doorway once we reached the top of the stairs. I could see the hallway stem with four different rooms. Their doors were open ajar, spilling the dying sun’s light across the bare floors.
Before I got a chance to ask him about them, we were already in another room with a view like nothing I’d ever seen before. He spun me around when I saw it for the first time––the way the sunset hit the open waters as if it were cutting a passage through the pond.
With the harmony of the trees surrounding the forest, I felt like he had carved a piece of heaven for the two of us. If I didn’t want him so badly in this moment, I would have shed a tear out of sheer happiness.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I finally manage out as he drops me down to my feet. My feet took me to the large scaled windows where the woods and lake stared back at me. I could only smile like an idiot as I put my hand to my mouth, covering it in my own awe.
Knox Brotherhood Page 136
