It was true she’d grown up in another woman’s home, this home, as a matter of fact, but that was okay too. Despite the fact her mother was employed here, it always felt like a real home. Looking back, she could see how much care Aunt Bea took to make it right for her as she grew up. Her little bedroom at the back of the house had been hers and hers alone. The choices of paint colors, furniture, drapes were given to her making the room all the more special. She’d grown up happy and well-adjusted thanks to both Mom and Aunt Bea. That was enough.
Except in moments like this when she stood like a peeping tom watching others in the exchanges that only siblings understood. She’d wanted that, still did, and no matter how many years passed or how mature she became, that little girl in her who longed for a younger brother or sister, reared her head now and again. It probably had a lot to do with why she’d married Bryan. He came from a large, close-knit family, and she’d enjoyed his brothers and sisters to no end. With the divorce and his subsequent marriage, her contact with his family became infrequent. It wasn’t that they disliked her, and she certainly held no ill-will toward any of them. No, it was just the inevitable consequence of a broken marriage. The loss was always more than just the bonds of husband and wife; it was the loss of friends and family as well. It couldn’t be helped and wasn’t something she wanted to linger on. He’d moved on and so had she. Sort of.
Again, the feeling of being adrift wafted over her as she studied Lorna and Jeremy. She hadn’t been completely honest with her mother earlier when she’d said it was all because of the fire. This feeling of being lost in the world had been coming over her for a long, long time. It was partly why she’d had to leave Bryan. Things weren’t right between them, and it hadn’t been fair to him or her. He at least had picked up the pieces and moved on. He’d found what he’d been looking for all along, and she wished him many years of love and happiness. She wasn’t so convinced it was going to be in the cards for her.
That night on the rocks so long ago still haunted her. In a perfect world, she’d like to believe she’d been able to reconcile with everything that had driven her to that moment. Unfortunately, her world was far from perfect and she was far from convinced. Especially at moments like this. Doubts lingered, and she shook her head to dispel them. She wasn’t going back to that dark place ever again.
Frankly, she didn’t know what she wanted. Most of the time she felt a little lost and very much alone. Her saving grace was Clancy. He kept the loneliness from becoming unbearable. And he was a funny guy—that helped more than she could explain. His gentle and comedic disposition was a godsend. It was hard to understand people who didn’t share their lives with pets. If Clancy wasn’t with her, she was pretty certain there’d have been some serious drugs in her cabinet to keep her from returning to the rocks. Not a road she cared to go down.
Her attention was drawn back outside where Lorna had grabbed her brother’s hand and was dragging him in the direction of the front door. Renee spun away from the window. The last thing she wanted was for either of them to see her puppy dog expression. As she whirled away from the window, she smacked right into her mother who went “umph” before landing on her behind on the floor.
“Oh God, Mom.” She leaned down and grabbed her arms, helping her back to her feet. “I’m so sorry. That was so stupid of me. You okay?”
Brushing off the non-existent dust from her backside, her mother smiled. “You know you used to have that same look on your face when you were a little one. You’d stand at the window and watch other children playing down on the beach. I’d tell you to go play with them, but you always said no. I never understood why you wouldn’t go out with the other children.”
Vague recollections filtered into her mind as her mother spoke, and visions of Makah kids running along the beach began to jell. “I remember,” she said slowly.
“So why was it you’d never play with them?”
It was on her lips to say she didn’t know, and then she paused, recollecting the days when she’d stand at the window watching the kids play, wanting to run along the beach with them, and knowing she wouldn’t. She remembered it as if it were yesterday instead of a lifetime ago. “I was afraid.”
Her mother’s brow wrinkled as she studied her face. “Afraid of the kids? They were all a great bunch. Many of them still live nearby. I never would have suggested you go play if I thought a single one of them would hurt you.”
“No, Mom, it wasn’t that. Getting hurt was never something I worried about.” Old fears wafted across her heart like a cold wind. “I was afraid they wouldn’t like me.”
Her mother took her face between her hands and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. “You were always such a sensitive child. Who wouldn’t like you? Then or now? You are one of the most wonderful women I’ve ever known, and I’m not saying that just because I’m your mama. You underestimate yourself, Renee. You always have.”
Warmth threaded through her, pushing out the icy memories, and she wrapped her mother in a hug. “And you always know what to say to make me feel better.”
“I love you, Twinkle. Always have, always will. Come on, now. Let’s go say hello to Jeremy. I haven’t seen that boy in eons. I plan to give him the what for.”
“I haven’t seen him since he was just a little kid.”
“I’m not surprised. He wasn’t here as often as a child and even less as a teenager. The last few years, both he and Lorna phoned in now and again to check on their aunt. It was a sweet thing to do, and I doubt either of them have a clue how much it meant to Bea.”
Lorna and Jeremy came toward the house, their arms linked together. Their auras blended together in colors warm and filled with love. Sometimes her gift made her heart light.
Sometimes it didn’t. Threaded through the vibrant red, yellow, blue, and green aura was a streak of black.
Chapter Six
God, Lorna was glad to see Jeremy. When she made the decision to come over here, it didn’t occur to her how much she’d miss her brother. At the time, all she could think of was how much distance she could put between herself and Anna. That living here would essentially separate them by the entire state seemed perfect. That it would also put that same amount of distance between her and Jeremy didn’t occur to her as she was packing up the moving van.
Even in the time she’d been here, it had been okay. She was lonely, sure, but at least she hadn’t had to worry about running into Anna and her new girlfriend if she stopped in at the grocery store. There was a great deal of peace to be found in that. Now, seeing her brother’s smiling face brought tears to her eyes. Missing him hit her hard.
Something wasn’t quite right though. It was in his eyes. Ever since he was a little kid he always thought he could fool her. If he put a goofy smile on his face, he figured she’d be none the wiser. He’d been wrong then, and he was wrong now. He wasn’t fooling her, and before he headed back to Spokane, whatever it was, she’d get it out of him.
For now, though, it was party time. She was so excited to see him and her tri bike…she could bust out dancing, and that wasn’t something she did every day. Rather than scare everyone with her sad attempt at dancing, she figured a shower and a beer on the patio would be a whole lot better. She’d drag Renee and Jolene out too. It would be a regular party and maybe, just maybe, she’d feel a little like the woman she’d been before she ran away from Spokane.
Or not.
In her heart, she believed that woman was gone forever. She’d been trusting and gullible then, something she vowed never to be again. All the shit Anna had dished out about love and forever, she’d bought into hook, line, and sinker. She’d been a fool, and that wasn’t going to happen again. The woman she’d been when she was with Anna wasn’t the kind of person she wanted to be anymore.
What she wanted more than anything was for the pain to go away. To feel free and alive and happy instead of suspicious and gloomy would be incredible. But the suffocating sense of betrayal lingered like a cold th
at wouldn’t respond to antibiotics. No matter what she did or where she went, there it was. The elephant in the room. She’d never thought of herself as a sensitive woman. Practical and even-tempered was what she liked to think even if lately it hadn’t been her M.O. so much. She wanted that woman back, and today, for the first time, it felt like a glimmer of hope dangled out there just waiting for her to grab it.
Yeah, a shower and a beer. It was going to be great. With a kiss on the cheek for Jeremy, she walked with him into the house, and then left him in the massive living room while she took the stairs two at a time. In her room, she threw her sweaty clothes on the floor and stepped into the huge, dual-headed shower that made her feel like a queen every time she used it.
*
The pounding of Lorna’s feet on the front stairs made Renee smile. She liked the way she moved. It was more than her obvious conditioning. She was an athlete through and through, yet it was something beyond athletic training that made Renee take notice. There was a grace in the way she walked and ran that was unique to her. It captured the eye, and Renee found herself entranced each time Lorna was around.
It was definitely not out of the realm of possibility it was her first real girl crush. Lord knows she’d tried to be the woman everyone expected, and any time there was a twinge of attraction toward another woman, she’d stifled it the second it raised its head. She’d told herself it was no big deal to feel attracted to a woman. Every once in a while every woman felt that kind of pull, right? When her marriage ended, so did the lie. She’d felt free for the first time in her life. Funny thing, though, with freedom came a sort of solitude she hadn’t expected.
In her head, she’d expected the world to open up to her. To make peace with who she really was and come out to friends and family was sure to topple the barriers to happiness or so she’d believed. Deep in her heart, the seed of hope that she’d find the kind of love she’d always desired began to take root. Her life would take bloom and grow because she was brave and fully alive for the first time ever. It didn’t happen. In fact, it was pretty much the opposite. The world seemed to have gotten smaller, and love, well, that didn’t even show up as a blip on the radar. Nothing. Nada. Nyet.
She was more alone than she’d ever been. The truth had set her free and had become her isolation. That might be a bit of dramatization about her world these days, but it wasn’t too far off the truth either. Most of her friends still stood by her, and her mother had taken the news with the grace of a saint. It didn’t change the fact that her reality was skewed. At times, old friends seemed awkward around her as if they didn’t know what to say or do. Some of her girlfriends appeared downright nervous as if they expected her to jump their bones. Not likely to happen because though she loved her friends deeply, she didn’t love them like that.
Damned if she did. Damned if she didn’t.
Maybe that was why the shop burning down didn’t send her into automatic crisis mode. It was an unexpected excuse to get away from her day-to-day life for just a little while. A break was, if not needed, greatly appreciated, and this was a perfect place to take it.
Except for Lorna. No matter how she looked at it, Lorna was trouble on a pair of shapely legs. Renee could make all the excuses she wanted and it wouldn’t change anything. She thought Lorna was the most intriguing woman she’d met in a very long time, and was attracted to her in a way that made her hot in all the right places. Yeah, it was most definitely her first serious girl crush and that realization made her smile.
Lorna, on the other hand, was polite and friendly. Just like any other casual acquaintance who felt absolutely nothing beyond friendliness. Figured she’d be here in this big house with the first woman to light her fire and the feeling was one-sided. Her timing seemed to suck no matter which team she was on. With that thought, she didn’t feel like smiling anymore.
Oh well, she was a big girl, and like all first crushes, this too would pass. Give it a few weeks and she’d be back in Seattle rebuilding her shop, and Lorna would be here training for her big race. She would pick up her life in the big city and let fate roll the dice. Lorna wasn’t the only game in the Evergreen State. Surely there was at least one woman in Seattle who could share Renee’s feelings. Or at the very least be up for a hot love affair. She didn’t need the forever kind of love, but she certainly wouldn’t turn away heartfelt companionship.
She stopped in the doorway to the living room. Jeremy was staring out the big windows at the ocean as the waves rolled toward the sandy beach. The sky was growing dark from yet more incoming storm clouds. They were in for another rainy night. She didn’t mind. The rain was comforting, and that’s probably why she never moved farther east than Seattle. If she got too far away from the ocean or the volatile weather that made this area so special, her heart felt empty. Some people found rain dreary. She didn’t. It was soothing to her.
“Hi,” she finally said after watching him for what had to be a full minute. The aura of color that surrounded him captured her completely because now it was an aura barely troubled by the wave of black she’d seen just minutes before. Vague as it was, the streak was still present in his otherwise joyful aura. That it had backed off in intensity was a good thing. That it was there at all wasn’t. She didn’t like it, and before she headed back to Seattle, she would find out what it meant. A man like this shouldn’t ever be troubled by something like that.
At the sound of her voice, he jumped a little before spinning in her direction. His face at first was sad, serious, and then a smile banished the dreary expression and his eyes sparkled. “I remember you,” he said as he strode in her direction, his hand extended.
“You do?” She was shocked. He’d been so young last time and she wasn’t usually the person people remembered. Her ability to blend into the background was legendary.
“Oh yeah, you’re Renee, and when I was six I thought you were coolest girl ever. I told Mom I was going to marry you some day.”
She laughed and all her somber thoughts of a moment before banished. “Well, I am single.”
A shadow briefly crossed his face, quickly replaced by the high-wattage smile. “Sweet, maybe I should propose.” His eyebrows rose in an expression of teasing suggestion.
His hand was warm in hers as his long fingers wrapped her hand. She loved the warmth and friendship the simple gesture conveyed. “Jeremy, you are just the prescription I needed.”
He frowned slightly, his eyes searching her face. “You’ve been sick?”
She shook her head, letting go of his hand. “No, just displaced. My place burned down, and your sister has kindly opened her home to me while I wait on repairs.”
“Oh, man, that sucks. How did it happen?” He stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels.
As much as she hated thinking about what happened to her beautiful building, she recounted the gritty details of how she and Clancy ended up as grateful recipients of Lorna’s hospitality. When she finished, he was shaking his head.
“Wow, you’re handling it better than I would have. I’d be a mess if I’d lost everything like that. Sounds pretty shallow, but I’m kind of attached to all my things.”
She shrugged, and her earlier distress over the insurance and fire investigation began to fade. “It was just stuff.”
“Cool stuff.”
She nodded. Her shop had been awesome and her inventory unique. It was going to take years to build it back to the level it had been just yesterday. “Definitely cool stuff.”
In a way, it wasn’t all bad. Yes, it had taken years to build the inventory. They had been incredible years filled with impromptu trips, excursions to estate sales, and accidental finds. Every find, every treasure, had been a joyous discovery. The shop had been more than simply a shop. It had been her own world of bliss. The fire had indeed taken her things. It had not destroyed her bliss.
Her eyes were drawn to his hands that were fiddling with his phone as if he wanted to call someone but didn’t want to offend
her. She knew the move, had been guilty of it herself more than once. The curse of the electronic world was its instant access to everything. It was a lure hard to resist. He was doing an admirable job though she decided it was time to leave him be to make his call or send his text or do whatever it was he wanted to do with his phone. She was glad she’d come in to say hello and even more glad that he was such a bright light, but there was wisdom in letting their pleasant reunion be at short and sweet.
A storm was surely on the way, and before it came, she and Clancy needed a bit of fresh air. With a wave and a smile, she headed outside, leaving Jeremy to make his call while she pondered the disturbing slash of black that darkened an otherwise beautiful aura.
*
As soon as he was alone, Jeremy stared at his phone and resisted the urge to hit speed dial one. His heart said call. His pride said walk away. Merry was the one who was hiding something. Not him. She was the one who wouldn’t look him in the eye. Not him.
So why should he be the one to break the silence that had now stretched on for three long days? If she cared, Merry should be the one to call him.
And therein was the rub.
He wanted to come off as the big, strong guy with a chest full of pride. He didn’t need a woman to make him whole or happy, and while that sounded good, it was essentially a crock of shit. Any way he came at it, he loved her with his whole heart. He’d never met a woman like Merry, and no one had ever made him feel such extremes, both good and bad. He didn’t want to lose what they had.
Whatever she was hiding, he wasn’t going to like it, and that belief cut him deeply. Lorna always told him he’d know when the right one came along and she’d been dead-on. It only took him a couple of months with Merry before the light bulb hit a hundred watts. With long, curly brown hair, a build that leaned toward an extra ten pounds and green eyes that sparkled, she wasn’t a classic beauty. To his eyes, she was the perfect beauty. He loved the way she looked, the way she moved, and the way she laughed. He loved everything about her.
Twisted Echoes Page 6
