“Do you know his name?”
Yes, and so do you.
I grinned, bursting to tell her I signed a multi-million dollar NDA. “Can’t tell you, sorry. He made me sign a NDA. And an authorization for a background check.”
Her eyes bugged out. “You’re kidding?”
“Wish I was.”
“Well, that’s thorough. Now I’m really curious. I have a feeling you’re going to have to put out, though.”
My cheeks went a bit pink. If he wanted to have sex with me, would I say no? Of course you would! “If that’s the case, I’ll just end it.”
Natalie knew sex still frightened me. She looked at me unblinkingly. Oh God, she was going to talk about it.
“I just hope that you aren’t pressured into doing something that traumatizes you.”
My mind vividly recalled a hand pressed against my mouth in the darkness. Heavy alcoholic breath poured into my ear. If you make a sound, I’ll kill you.
A violent feeling surged inside me, and I looked around for something to flush it down. A beer. I needed a beer. Maybe an entire case of beer.
“Well, what do you mean?”
She sounded impatient. “Jessica, come on. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve always had issues with men.”
I felt stripped bear, and my face unpleasantly flushed. I always tried so hard to reveal as little about myself as possible, yet Natalie appeared to know all my horrible secrets.
“I’m just worried about you throwing yourself into a situation like this with a man you hardly know. What are you going to do if he forces himself on you? Can you handle that?”
Could I? I hardly knew the man, but really doubted he would do something like that. “Jesus, Nat. I don’t even know what he wants yet. Will you relax?”
Her arms crossed over her chest and she drew a shuddering breath. “Look, I know you don’t like to talk about your foster parents and everything.”
“Here we go,” I said, rolling my eyes. I didn’t care if I was rude.
“You’re going to need to talk about it someday to someone,” Natalie said. “Jess, I’m not saying that it has to be me, but someone. You put your life on hold for way too long.”
“Enough.” The rough edge in my voice made Natalie back away. “It’s not that easy for me. I don’t have health insurance. I don’t have a family I can talk to. I’m dealing with it the best way I know how.” I hated how bitter I sounded.
“You have a family.”
“No, I don’t.”
She looked at me like a wounded animal. The hurt splashed over her face and some of her pain transferred to me.
“You’re getting married and starting a life of your own. You’re not going to always be there for me.” I swallowed hard. “And that’s fine. I want you to have everything you want. But don’t talk to me as if it’s that simple. I’ve been kicked and punched my whole life and you don’t get over that after a few hours in a therapist’s office.”
Natalie physically flinched like I struck her. We never really talked about this out in the open, even when I showed up to school with bruises on my legs. I stood and paced the small kitchen, Natalie’s infuriating look of pity following every step. I didn’t like this. I didn’t want to talk about this.
“I can’t imagine what it was like—”
Needled past endurance, my head whirled around. “No, you can’t.”
“But you haven’t tried, Jessica. Admit it. You’ve survived everything that happened to you, but you’ve never really allowed yourself to live.”
The suffocating fear escalated even more. “What the hell does that mean?”
She was close to shouting now. “I’ve been waiting years for you to wake the hell up and get help for yourself! You’re a fucking mess. You can’t afford groceries. You’re incapable of getting your shit together. And being alone with men makes you have panic attacks, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. And now you’re turning to this insanely stupid idea that will probably make your problems worse.”
My knuckles turned white on the head of the chair. I briefly entertained throwing the hot bowl of soup in Natalie’s face. I didn’t trust myself not to scream something I’d regret forever, so I said nothing. Natalie’s half-enraged, half-remorseful face said it all: something had broken between us. I didn’t need to hear her say all of those awful things out loud, because I said them to myself every day.
My shaking voice finally broke the silence. “Thank you for reminding me that I’m a failure.”
Even my best friend thinks I’m hopeless.
Of course, she was right. Wasn’t she always fucking right? Before she could speak, I fled into the safety of my bedroom. Even though I knew she wouldn’t follow me, I still locked the door. My pinched face and red eyes reflected from my vanity’s mirror. Fuck you. I wanted to destroy the mirror and shatter the image of my pathetic face. I saw myself bent at the waist, clutching the bathroom sink as he ripped down my pants. I looked into the mirror and sobbed as his naked body loomed behind me. Then I was trapped, forced to ride out the hell that was my memory until it was over.
* * *
The buzzing phone jerked me out of sleep, and I rubbed my tear-encrusted eyes. My heart jumped when I realized I had a new email. I rolled on my stomach to read it.
Hi Jessica,
Hopefully, this hasn’t reached you too late. I would like to schedule another meeting in Napa. I have a company outing there tomorrow and I would like to have a chat with you while I’m there. My driver can collect you at your apartment around 3pm. Please reply back if this is acceptable.
- Luke
Does this mean I passed? I doubted it because of his strange business-like tone. Groaning at the thought of going all the way to Napa, but thankful I didn’t have to drive; I punched out a quick email. I didn’t understand how the background check was completed so quickly. Perhaps he would drive me all the way there just to tell me I didn’t get the position. Definitely not. He would’ve just sent a cordial email thanking me for a nice time, and apologize for selecting another candidate.
After sending off a quick reply, I fell back on my pillows and wondered what the hell I would wear since I didn’t want to borrow something else from Natalie. He’s going to be in something more casual, probably. I checked the time. It was midnight. Only fifteen hours to go. Restless, I sprang out of bed and blinked as I flipped on the light. I slid open the closet door and rifled through my sad collection. I bit my lip. There was nothing here to impress him. My fingers lingered over a tired skirt, a frayed blouse, and returned to the cocktail dress. I can’t wear the same thing twice.
Resolving to wait until morning, I threw myself back into bed. A shopping trip might be possible, but I didn’t like the idea of spending the little money I had on clothes.
The restless thoughts haunted me for hours as my body refused to let me sleep. A slightly burnt coffee smell drifted in from the kitchen; Natalie was getting ready for work. I gave up trying to get back to sleep and flipped on the light switch. My worry about meeting with Luke dwarfed the slight twinge of annoyance when Natalie knocked and opened my bedroom door.
She stared at all the clothes laid out on my bed and blinked. “Uh—I just wanted to apologize, Jess. I couldn’t sleep last night. I’m really, really sorry about all the things I said. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.” Natalie squinted at my bed. “What are you doing?”
I wasn’t really sure that I was ready to forgive her, but I didn’t have any energy to stay angry. Desperate for her advice, I waved my hand towards the clothes. “The billionaire wants to meet me this afternoon in Napa. I’m trying to figure out what to wear.”
Natalie stepped inside and inspected the pile on the bed. She bit her lip, an unmistakable signal that she was searching for something delicate to say.
“Just say it—my clothes are crap.”
She avoided my eyes as she picked up a faded blouse sleeve. “Listen, just go in my closet and pick o
ut something. Whatever you want.”
I heaved a great sigh of relief. “Thanks so much. You’re a lifesaver.” Grateful we were the same size, I wasn’t worried with a full wardrobe of Natalie’s cute outfits at my disposal.
“It’s no problem.” She wearily stared into her coffee mug. “Why does he want to see you all the way over there?”
Shrugging, I began hanging the clothes back in my closet. “I dunno. Well, he mentioned he had a company meeting there. He seems like a busy person.” It was weird to be talking to her like this, as though nothing had happened. Her vicious comments still rang in my head. Maybe she sensed I was still a bit hurt because she wished me luck before she left. She won’t be mad at me much longer. I’ll fix everything.
I didn’t leave my bedroom until I heard the front door close. My thoughts lingered on the mysterious, handsome man I met only a day ago even though I tried to distract myself throughout the day. I tried to resist Googling him, but ended up studying his strangely brief Wikipedia page anyway. In contrast, his father’s was very detailed and long. I scanned it to learn Luke was his only child and his mother died in her mid-thirties. His father was an alcoholic and was dying of terminal lung cancer.
No wonder he had a reputation for partying; it was an escape. I closed the page as a small blush crept through my face. I shouldn’t pry into his life. He wouldn’t like it.
At noon, I pulled on the outfit I chose: a pair of black leggings and a sweater from Express. There was no way I was going out in a dress again in the middle of November. Thanksgiving was in a week, Natalie would have the week off, and she’d probably double the effort to make me to go with her this year. I kept my appearance simple with a bit of mascara and lip gloss.
The black Mercedes rolled up against the curb at two o’clock sharp. The magical carriage has arrived to take Cinderella to the ball. Shrugging on my wool coat, I opened the door and entered the stinging air. The same driver from the night prior stepped out and opened the passenger door for me
“Thanks.” I beamed at him as I ducked inside the heated car. I would never get used to this.
He tipped his black driver cap. “Not at all,” he said.
The familiar feeling of being caught in a wonderful, absurd dream was overwhelming, and I giggled as he closed the door. A town car a billionaire hired whisked me away from my crappy apartment and its crumbling streets. Don’t get carried away, I reminded myself. This could all end today, leaving me with nothing but memories.
The driver glanced at me in the rear view mirror, and I wondered what kind of life he had.
“I never caught your name, sir.”
“It’s Jim.”
“I’m Jessica. Nice to meet you.”
My hands fidgeted in my lap. He was probably wondering why the hell Luke asked him to pick up a girl from a Section 8 apartment complex.
I made a few comments about the weather just to make the drive a little less awkward. The discussion changed to BART strikes and found camaraderie in the topic. Then I ran out of things to talk about.
“Whoa.”
A magnificent building loomed over us as Jim turned into the road leading to Opus One Winery. It sat on a deep green lawn elevated on all sides like a pyramid. Fields of grape vines surrounded the whole area. The cream-colored limestone made it shine like a small sun in the late afternoon.
The driver stopped the car in the winery’s parking space and opened my door. “Mr. Pardini will be waiting for you inside.”
“Thank you, Jim.”
What a beautiful place. Out of all the Californian wines, Opus One was the most hyped. If I could rate a wine based on how beautiful the winery was, Opus One would score a perfect ten. My heels echoed within the high-ceilinged walls after I walked through the massive brown doors and stepped into the winery. Like the interior of Mediterranean villa, the soft walls glowed with golden light and colorful flowers spilled from vases. The rich architectural details on the archways mesmerized me.
“Can I help you?”
I turned to a woman dressed in a white blouse and black slacks.
“Yes, I’m supposed to meet Mr. Pardini here.”
“Oh, you must be Jessica. Please follow me.”
I followed her around the sweeping circular hall. The winery was like a giant disc, and she walked along a stretch of private room hidden behind glass doors. Above us was a giant dome of glass where the sun filtered through the second floor’s terrace
My heart gave a sudden squeeze as I recognized Luke seated on a white leather sofa. Dressed in pristine khakis and a sky-blue sweater, he stared thoughtfully at a pile of paper alongside a glass of wine on the coffee table. Definitely more casual and laid back than the night at the restaurant. He didn’t notice us when we approached, and only looked up when the woman rapped on the glass.
The same polite look flicked on his face as he waved us inside. Was it me, or did his smile look strained?
Nervous energy and laughter bubbled from my throat as Luke stood up to receive me. I stopped thinking completely when his arm wrapped around my shoulders and his fingers lightly stroked my skin as if he’d done it a thousand times before. The shock ran like a hot drop down my throat.
When he spoke, I felt the vibrations through my body. “That’ll be all, thank you.”
The woman smiled and looked a bit flustered as she left the room. Well, good. Now I know that I’m not the only one who gets so affected.
Then his body left me so abruptly that I felt like icy water had been thrown on my face.
“Would you like some wine?”
“Sure,” I said. I took the delicate stem he offered me, disguising my confusion by hiding my face behind the glass. The wine’s acidity balanced perfectly with the tangy fruit taste. I sat across from him on the couch while my heart hammered in anticipation. Well, how did it go?
“Thank you for coming here, Jessica. The background check I ran on you was clear, but I do my own extensive research with my PI. I wanted to talk to you about what he found.”
He has a private investigator? God, this guy’s paranoid. The wine felt high in my throat no matter how much I sipped. I didn’t like the detached tone of his voice.
He folded his long fingers into steeples and looked at me. “Do you mind if I ask questions about your background?”
My gaze dropped and I shrugged. “I guess not.” Inwardly, I felt like my heart would jump out of my chest.
“I know that you were a foster child and that you were transferred from a few homes. The reports mentioned that you had behavioral problems.”
He held his hands up at the look of my stunned face. “Listen, I know that this is very awkward. I just need to make sure that you’re well-adjusted.”
I set the dangerously wavering wine glass on the coffee table. No one ever invaded my privacy like this, and I didn’t know how to react. Luke took a flying leap over my comfort zone. I looked at his handsome face and simultaneously thought of a viper. Am I well adjusted? Nope.
“Well, I didn’t have the most stable home life, so I acted out a lot.” I knew no one would ever adopt me, and my foster parents would eventually get sick of me, so I threw fits and smashed things to get me transferred as soon as possible. Knowing I would get the same reaction every time, it was oddly comforting to repeat those behaviors.
He waited for me to elaborate, but there was no way in hell I was going to talk about my fucked up childhood.
“Okay, um…I actually contacted one of the foster parents you were with the longest earlier today. The Kramers. They mentioned that you were particularly—Jessica?”
Luke’s polite face dissolved into horror as my face crumpled against my will. Bill and Shelly Kramer. Their fat faces swam in my mind. The feeling of their cruel hands on my flesh, twisting, hitting, and striking me. The belt whistled through the air. The terrifying sound of his leather belt slipping through the loops of his jeans. Their oldest son, Vincent, with his sweet, angelic face. They believed every word out of h
is psychotic mouth, even though he—he raped me.
I avoided that word for years, but now it burned in my mind like a red-hot poker searing into raw flesh. Rape: the four-letter word that triggered hell whenever I stumbled across it.
RAPE.
My face fell into my hands. The pressure built from holding back tears made my forehead feel like it was going to explode.
I WAS RAPED.
It blazed in my mind like a giant, neon billboard. I was humiliated and exposed. I was broken. Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it—
Blinded by tears, I stood. I wanted to kick the khaki and blue colored blob sitting on the couch. “You actually talked to them? What did they—what’s wrong with you?” The last words erupted from my throat. “Do you think it’s okay to pry into people’s lives like that?”
He appeared in front of me. “It was all in the contract, Jessica,” he said in a kindly voice. “You signed it. I do this for all my employees.”
The rage left me with overwhelming embarrassment. “I need to leave.”
I grabbed the door handle.
“No, wait!” He pushed the door shut and used his body to block my path. I turned away but he took my shoulders gently and forced me to face him. He actually looked pained.
“Hey, listen, I’m really sorry. Please don’t be upset.”
He sounded so desperate and human. For the first time, I relaxed around him.
“I know that what I did was way over the line. Please forgive me.”
It’s not his fault. He didn’t know. I sniffed and nodded, allowing him to steer me back to the couch. I discretely wiped my eyes as Luke sat down in front of me. His hands fidgeted in his lap, making him look as though I caught him stealing.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I didn’t know that was part of the contract. There are certain things I don’t like to talk about and my past is one of them.”
He nodded. “I understand.”
Break (Billionaire New Adult Romance) Page 5
