“Riley.” Summer’s voice snapped him back to the here and now. Again. “That is a horrible story.”
Duh. Exactly why he didn’t share it, and avoided revisiting it himself. “I know.”
“Come on.” She stood, shook out her long skirt, and extended her hand. “We’re going.”
“The concert isn’t over yet.”
“That’s why we’re leaving. We’re not going to sit here pretending everything is normal with jazz and burbling water and ugly-ass giant sculptures as you finish sharing your heaviest memory. My car’s a few blocks away. We’ll go to dinner early. Someplace quiet. Someplace much more private.”
God. Just what he hadn’t wanted. Riley’s irritation sizzled. “Damn it, I don’t need to be handled.”
“Maybe I do.” Summer whipped off her oversized sunglasses to reveal streaked mascara and a trail of tears running down her cheeks. “You just gutted me with that story. My stomach’s in a knot. My heart physically aches for you. I can’t…I can’t even…”
It was the last thing he’d expected from her. Summer always seemed to roll with whatever life tossed at her. And she let it roll right off of her. Riley hadn’t given a second thought to how she’d take it—except to be positive that she wouldn’t make him feel pitied. The thought that he’d hurt her, even unknowingly, ended all discussion.
Gathering her into his arms for a long hug, Riley said, “Okay. Let’s go.”
Chapter 13
“I’m sorry,” Summer said as she led them up 7th Street, between the ancient-temple look of the National Archives and the thoroughly modern glass edifice of the Newseum. “You planned a lovely, romantic date that I yanked you away from too early.”
“I’m sorry I was late to said romantic evening and then crapped all over it, making you want to leave early.”
“Then we’re a perfectly suited pair, aren’t we?” Summer said it lightly, teasingly, but the words thudded against Riley’s skull like a sledgehammer.
They weren’t a good match. Not at all.
Except that the more he told himself that, the more reasons why they actually worked together kept presenting themselves. She wasn’t the flighty, shallow, easily dismissed woman he’d nursed a grudge against since day one. Summer had depth and intelligence and a wicked sense of humor, and the compassion that she’d just revealed absolutely floored him.
All that was left standing as a wall between them was his fear that she’d puncture his control. No, not just puncture it. Shred it to pieces. Eviscerate it. Sure, maybe it was all in his head. But there was no maybe about the fact that he owed her the truth. That he’d agreed to this date under false pretenses. Especially since the more time they spent together, the more time Riley wanted to spend with her. It wasn’t fair to Summer to keep doing that, to keep enjoying her company and having a great fucking time when he was so sure, so bone-deep positive that they would not, could not work out in the long run.
“Look, I didn’t mean to upset you. You asked why I work at the NTSB, and our experience in the Alps is why. Because I killed Santos.”
Summer stopped in her tracks, right by one of the towering masts strung with signal flags at the edge of the Navy Memorial. “You are making zero sense right now.”
“I distracted him. I pestered him. I pulled his concentration away from the road. If he’d been focusing on driving instead of on the annoying teenager yapping in his ear, Santos would’ve seen the fox sooner and not overcorrected. Distracted drivers are the biggest danger on the road. I could’ve prevented that accident. I could’ve kept us from suffering and starving and almost dying. I could’ve kept Santos from being killed.”
“Didn’t you say that a tree came through the windshield…and that Santos broke his neck?”
“Yeah. That’s the driving force behind our seatbelt campaign. A seatbelt might’ve saved his life. If there’d been no tree, of course. The autopsy said his neck broke, too. Seatbelts definitely would’ve cut down on the injuries we all got. Most buses don’t have them, and we want to change that. Because it’s yet another wholly preventable danger.” Riley tugged to get Summer to start walking again. It was easier to be next to her, holding her hand, and yet not actually looking at her and possibly spotting more tears. Tears that he’d caused.
“Which is all fine and good and noble. But none of that changes the fact that omigosh you in no way are responsible for the death of your driver.” Her tone was as firm and certain as when his boss gave a final go/no go on official statements before releasing them to the press. As if there wasn’t as much as an eyelash worth of doubt to go around.
“I know that—now. It won’t surprise you to know that we were all shoehorned into therapy. It’s been made clear to me that I shouldn’t carry the guilt. But again, you asked why I joined the NTSB.”
A laugh burst out of her. “I got so caught up I completely forgot that’s where you were headed with this story.”
“I made the decision to do it within six months of the accident. When I was still overwhelmed by guilt. Trying to process what happened and why. Trying to make sense of a senseless death. Even though the guilt diminished, my decision didn’t change. I knew I could help save lives.” Riley reconsidered his words. Came at it from a different angle. “More than that, even. To not just prevent fatalities. Not all accidents end in death. Sometimes you’re forced to live with the pain for years afterward. That’s not a decision or a responsibility that I take lightly.”
“I know.”
“If I can help even a handful of people avoid what I went through—what we all went through—I will. Because my broken ribs and fucked-up shoulder aren’t the only injuries I brought home as a souvenir of the crash.”
Riley stopped talking. It was stupid to stop. He’d already told her so much. Revealed his shame and guilt—even though it had been mitigated by time and maturity. This final revelation, though, might be the clincher. As much as he owed it to Summer to share the truth of why they couldn’t be together, the thought of driving her away with the truth clenched his belly into a solid knot.
“If you’re talking about that scar on your forehead, I think it’s sexy. Dashing. And honestly, barely noticeable.”
His hand rose to the two inches of raised whiteness near his temple. “Ah, no. That’s from a bar fight we got into in Cozumel.”
“A bar fight? You? Talk about out of character. Isn’t that reckless? Stupid? Spontaneous?”
“All of the above. You know the Three Musketeers motto? ‘All for one and one for all’? That’s how we ACSs roll. Some asswipe who’d done too many tequila shots heard us talking. Making plans for Josh’s food truck. He called Josh a pussy for wanting to cook for people.”
“Oh, no.” She put a hand over her mouth, but it didn’t stop the giggles from coming out. “I’m sure that didn’t go over well. I’m also sure I would’ve paid good money to watch you guys take him out. Were you all shirtless, by any chance?”
“Of course. It was a beach bar. We were in trunks, and we had more than a few margaritas in us, too. But nobody calls one of us a pussy. Not even once we discovered the asswipe had a half dozen friends with him, ready to throw down and back him up.”
“Who won?”
“We did, of course. The side of might and right always wins.”
“Of course.”
They paused at the curb to let an empty bus roll by, and then crossed D Street. “So, the other thing I brought back with me…it didn’t leave a visible scar. It’s anxiety.”
“You have panic attacks?” Summer asked it matter-of-factly and with utter acceptance of however he answered. The same way a tailor might ask if he hung right or left. That had to be due to her experience after the shooting. Riley wasn’t glad a bit that she might’ve gone through the same thing he did. He was glad, though, that she took his announcement in stride.
“We all did, right afterward. Let me tell you, riding in a bus with us to soccer games the next year was zero fucking fun for the rest o
f the team. We white-knuckled and swore a blue streak through every trip. Everyone else’s subsided. Mine didn’t. Mine got worse. To the point where I had to take drugs to control it.”
“Do you still have them?”
“No. And I ditched the pills the day I joined the NTSB. I won’t make professional judgments, decisions that could affect other people’s lives, while even the slightest bit dulled by drugs.”
“That’s…amazing. You just cold-turkeyed it by sheer force of will?”
If only. “Not even close. I tried everything under the sun. Which is why I’m so against so many so-called alternative therapies. Guess what? Carrying a purple crystal in my pocket didn’t make a damn bit of difference. Except that it ripped the lining out of my pants.”
“Different strokes for different folks, Riley. You don’t have to be so dismissive.”
There she went with her woo-woo acceptance of everything under the sun. But instead of getting pissed like he used to, Riley let it skim past him like a cough. “That’s an argument for another day. The point is I put in the work. Explored all the options. Found that, well, after a shit ton of therapy that went on a lot longer than I’d planned, a combination of meditation and deep breathing works. It keeps me balanced and keeps the panic attacks at bay. Keeps my weakness locked down.”
“No.” Summer turned into him, putting her hand high on his chest. “Oh no, Riley. I can’t let you say that.”
“Why? Do I look like I’m freaking out on you right now?”
“No. You look self-confident, self-aware, and completely in control. Which is what I meant. You don’t have a weakness. You have incredibly amazing levels of resilience and strength.”
“Are you sure you were listening the whole time?” he joked lamely, suddenly uncomfortable with the compliments Summer was raining down on him like verbal confetti.
“I took in every word. And after hearing this story? I don’t hear a single moment of weakness in it. Being afraid isn’t a weakness. Being afraid and still getting up and putting one foot in front of the other is the bravest thing there is. You were brave in the Alps after the crash. You were brave and strong as you struggled for years afterward to not let the anxiety control you. And you’re so very brave right now to share all of this with me.”
How did she turn it like that? How could Summer look at him and not see a wounded, weak victim? Because that’s the reflection he still saw in the mirror some mornings. His parents made it clear that’s what they saw, why he wasn’t advancing to a prestigious post. It was why he’d never opened up about this before to a woman. For that matter, he’d never talked about it to friends in college or at the NTSB, either. Riley hadn’t wanted to see the inevitable pity in their eyes.
All he saw in Summer’s eyes was admiration. Pride in him. It fucking floored him. Made him feel ten feet tall and like he’d finally be able to sink the jump shot he’d given up on ever making back in high school. What he saw in her eyes was an adrenaline shot straight to his ego.
“I’m not sure I agree with you. We did, however, make an agreement not to fight over stupid stuff anymore, so I’ll let it go and just say ‘Thank you.’ ”
Summer pinched him. Hard. Right over his collarbone. “I’m not letting it go. I’m not letting you dismiss it as stupid stuff, either. What you’ve accomplished—what you’ve overcome—it’s enormous, Riley. I respect you so much.” She pulled her keys out of her purse and aimed them at a sky-blue Mini Cooper parked under a tree. “You know what else?”
“What?”
“Having all these layers of your strength revealed is a huge turn-on.”
“Huh.” Riley’s worst-case scenario in telling Summer his pathetic story was her driving away without him. He’d sure as hell never best-case-scenarioed it to having her be turned on. But being no dummy, he wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
“Come on.” She pulled him across the street at a near-jog and threw open the passenger door. “Get in.”
“Okay. The restaurant’s at—”
Summer cut him off with a soft palm across his mouth. “We’re not going to dinner. Not yet. I’m a big believer in positive reinforcement.”
“You lost me.”
“I can tell you don’t believe me. Or at least that you don’t see your own strength and bravery the way I do. So I’m going to give you a little positive reinforcement to make sure it does sink in.”
Riley slipped into the deep leather bucket seat. “How’s that going to happen?”
Summer climbed in on top of him and shut the door. “I’m going to show you just how much you turn me on with all your inner strength.”
“We’re not having sex in your car.”
“That’s exactly what we’re going to do.”
It was too ridiculous a suggestion to even laugh at. Wasn’t it? “We’re two blocks away from a military memorial and a repository of our nation’s history.”
Summer dropped her hat and shades onto the driver’s seat. “We’re off the main drag. This street only has businesses that are closed. Including a Starbucks, for crying out loud. It’s dark now. We’re under a tree and behind a food truck that’s shut for the night. Nobody will walk by. Nobody will see. And I’m wearing a long dress that will hide everything.” She arched onto her side, reached behind to open the glove compartment. A box of condoms tumbled out. Four more were stacked behind it. “I took a page from your book. I came prepared.”
Riley laughed. It was a deep belly laugh that almost felt like it would never end. It cleared out all the leftover angst and hang-ups and tension in his system. And that release was all thanks to Summer. To her ridiculous spontaneity and determination to live in the moment.
“I’m glad you’re laughing.” She traced her index finger across his upward-curving lips. “Does that mean you’ll play along? I know it’s risky.”
“You don’t know the half of it.” Riley hadn’t gotten around to finishing his point. To telling Summer that she threatened the control he worked so hard to hold on to every day. That he couldn’t possibly risk being with her because of it.
Now, though? He’d missed his window of opportunity. They’d moved on, past the serious-sharing section of the evening to the lighthearted laughs. It wasn’t the time. Now was the time for embracing her spontaneity and living in the moment. Because how many moments featured a beautiful brunette ready to ride him?
Summer removed a single condom from the blue box. Pushed the rest back away. Took off her heels and tossed them into the backseat. “We can have mood music, too.” She turned the ignition on halfway, just enough to bring the power up, and dialed a jazz playlist from her iPod. A wailing sax and thrumming bass filled the tiny car. “There. That should help cover up any of your louder shrieks of ecstasy.”
Hell, no. “I don’t shriek. I might let slip a manly groan or two.”
“Why think small?” Summer raked her nails from his collarbone to his belly. “Let’s shoot for at least five. In under five minutes. I may be a tad reckless, but I’m not stupid. This has to be a quickie.”
Riley hit the lever to drop the seat into an almost-prone position. Then he crossed his arms behind his head. Gave over to enjoying whatever show Summer planned to put on for him. “You’re in charge. I’m just along for the ride.”
“Really? Your dominant side sure kept a firm grip on the reins all four times we had sex at the beach.”
“Is that a complaint?”
“No.” She bit her bottom lip. “Not a bit. It was a surprise—both that you’d be that way and that I enjoyed it. I haven’t played those games in anyone else’s bed. It…you…got me hotter than I’d ever been before.”
Her admission turned his dick to pure steel. “Good to know. Collecting data helps me plan.”
“Let’s get you a fresh data set, shall we?” Summer’s nimble fingers had his button undone and shorts unzipped in no time. Then they stilled. “I can’t believe what I’m seeing. You’re going commando, Agent Ness?”
/>
The utter shock rounding both her generous mouth and those liquid chocolate eyes gratified Riley even more than he’d planned. “Women put on fancy lingerie for dates. To impress and heat up their guys. I figured going commando would catch you by surprise. Maybe heat things up.”
“You’ve just officially turned this car into a sauna. I am…most impressed.” Summer did something acrobatic and twisty with her legs that lifted her off of him enough so she could tuck the back of her skirt over the opening in his shorts to protect him from the zipper. She sank back onto his thighs. Lifted his balls out and cupped them, caressing them. Soft, smooth strokes that locked up every muscle in his body into rigid, anticipatory need.
“That’s great. Keep doing that,” he ground out between gritted teeth.
“I don’t think so. Quickie, remember? I’ve got to shift you into overdrive.”
“There are two of us in this car.”
Shaking her head, sending her black waves cascading over her breasts, Summer said, “You really don’t believe me, do you? That thinking about how strong you are turns me on? I’ll prove it to you. Touch me.” She angled her hips forward. Braced herself on the window and the dashboard.
Eager to get his hands on her, Riley brought his palms between her legs. The scrap of white satin was soaked through—and hot as hell. Evidence of her arousal couldn’t be denied. Evidence of her lust for him. Riley twisted the panties in his fist and ripped them off.
“That’ll cost you.”
“I don’t care. Some things are priceless. Like this.” Riley inserted a finger into her heat. She was so wet that it was easy to add a second finger a moment later. Watching the expression on her face—how her lashes fluttered down to her cheeks, how her lips slackened and parted to let out a breathy moan—that was priceless.
Her eyes popped back open. “Don’t distract me. I’m a woman on a mission.” Summer bit down on the foil packet and ripped it open with her teeth. That knowing, sensual grin around it with her bright red lips almost undid him.
Slowly, she rolled the condom onto him. It felt like it took the whole five minutes she’d allotted for sex. Or maybe it just felt that way because Riley wanted inside her so damn badly. Enough was enough. He grabbed her by the hips and lifted her, centered her, and then plunged into her. There was a moment where he caught a glimpse of their joining that sent a fresh surge of desire through his body. Then the folds of her long skirt fell and draped over her thighs and across his stomach, hiding everything from his view—and that of anyone who might be walking by.
Trying It All Page 15
