After a minute of staring at the sad, forgotten horse, I walked over to my answering machine. Afraid to hear them, but unable to stop myself, I played the old messages that Kami had left weeks ago. There were seven.
Beep....
Hey you. Just calling to see how you're doing, call me when you get home.
Beep...
Estelle, it's me. I wanted to see if you were free to shop for party decorations. You know the success of this shindig hangs on whether we pick Clifford or Thomas the Train. Call me.
Beep...
Geez, I guess they're keeping you busy at the office. And here I thought the market was soft. Hope you're getting lots of overtime.
Beep...
This is the fourth message I've left. I'm officially your stalker. I gave up on you for decorations, we'll all just have to live with Batman. That's what I get for taking the ball and chain shopping with me. Talk to you soon.
Beep...
Estelle, I'm starting to worry here. I know you're busy, but you know what tomorrow is, right? Let me know when I should send Jack over to pick up the horse. I found a gigantic bow for it, it's so adorable. If I don't hear from you tonight I'm sending out a search party.
Beep...
Okay, I hope you're machine is eating these messages, otherwise you've been kidnapped. The party starts at three, okay? Just bring the horse by anytime around noon. LBJ will be napping, so we can get it set up.
The last one was received at eight pm, roughly the same time that I was looking at a house with Mick.
Beep...
Estelle, at least I know you're okay. I finally gave up and called Lawson & Stone. They told me you'd just left with Slick, so at least I know you're alive. I hope you're having a great time, I'm sure not. Not much of a party without a birthday present. I'm just glad that LBJ's too young to remember this. I wish that was the case for me.
There was more anger in her voice with every passing message. The last one killed me. She was so disappointed. What hurt the most was how worried she'd been, wondering if I was okay.
After I listened to the messages a few times I stared at the phone. I wanted to call her so badly, but had no idea what I would say. It would have been bad enough if I'd just hurt her, but I'd forgotten about LBJ too.
I thought back to when she'd first found the horse at a yard sale. It was sturdy, but a mess. Kami planned to pay someone to refinish it, but I volunteered. I'd refinished furniture in the past, and I told her it could be part of my birthday present to Jack. I couldn't help envisioning the birthday party; a ton of decorations, family, cake, and Kami in tears because she had nothing to give her son.
No wonder she had been so mad at me. I remembered her face during the shopping, all through the pedicures. She'd been waiting the entire time for me to remember and apologize. My stomach twisted as I remembered her face showing more disappointment with every passing minute. How could I have forgotten?
I took a deep breath and stood up. Flipping on the patio light, I got to work on the little neglected rocking horse. So much for guilt free. Turns out I'd already had more than my fair share of Me Days.
Chapter 15
Two days later I gingerly lifted the rocking horse up the front steps of Kami's house. After all my work, I couldn't stand the idea of nicking the finish on the concrete steps. I knew Kami would melt when she saw the horse with it's glossy brown paint and bright blue saddle. I'd even painted “LBJ” on the side of the saddle. I know, major sucking up on my part, but I figured it couldn't hurt. I checked my watch: 12:14. Perfect. LBJ would be down for his nap as he always was, due to Kami's precise schedule.
I rang the bell and stood up straight, preparing myself for the battle I was about to face. I heard the front lock being turned and took a deep breath as the door swung open.
“Estelle,” Jack addressed me in a sharp tone.
“Oh, hi Jack. I-I thought you'd be at work.” Not the most stellar response, I know, but Jack was never at home during the week, and judging by how he stubbornly filled the doorway, he definitely wasn't sick.
His voice lacked all the warmth I'd come to love as he answered, “No. Not at work today. Can I help you with something?”
I fumbled with my bag for a few seconds, forcing myself to meet his eyes. “I'm here to see Kami.”
“Estelle, I'm not going to pretend with you, okay? Kami doesn't want to see you. There's no point in you stopping by.”
I was shocked by his coarseness. Though I suppose I shouldn't have been. When I first met Jack, I was sure that I wouldn't like him. He was way too perfect. I just knew he had to be hiding something. Once I got to know him better, I realized Kami's gushing description had been irritatingly accurate. He was the ideal family man; caring, funny. The kind of guy any woman would line up to settle down with.
But he was also a man's man. The tough, take no prisoner's type. If someone threatened his family in any way, he did what was necessary to protect them. It was a quality that was usually missing from the family man type. They were typically push-overs. Jack was definitely not.
Even as he blocked the doorway I couldn't help but admire him. Admire him, but not fear him. All I had to do was picture him rolling on the floor, blowing raspberries on his son's stomach, and the intimidation was history.
“Jack, knock it off, alright? I know you're both pissed at me, and I don't blame you in the slightest. I'm here to try and make up for everything that's happened. We've known each other a while, and you know I'm stubborn enough to camp out on your front steps if necessary.” I crossed my arms and glared at him. “Now, please tell Kami that I'm here to see her. If she's busy, there's no rush-I'll be here until she's ready to talk.”
I caught the amusement in Jack's eyes as he turned back toward the house. “She says she's going to camp out on our front steps. No big deal, right? We'll just use the garage.”
Exasperated, I shouldered past him, but not before he took the rocking horse from me. Leading me into the living room, he said, “Estelle's here.” He held up the horse to show Kami. “And she brings gifts.”
Kami eyed the horse but showed no reaction to it. She also showed no amusement at her husbands jokes. Jack set it down beside her, kissed the top of her head, and made a hasty exit.
I stood in the middle of the room and watched my best friend. She refused to make eye contact. I got down on my knees and crawled up to where the horse was sitting. I leaned in and whispered into it's shiny brown ear, “Now listen up, Ed. This lady is tiny, I know. But don't mess with her. You screw around and you'll find yourself at the glue factory-or worse, in the wood chipper.”
Pleased with my wit I looked at her. Though she still wouldn't look at me I could see she was fighting a smile. I pleaded, “Kami, I know I screwed up. I will never forgive myself for missing LBJ's party.”
She finally looked at me. “It wasn't just about his party-though that was a huge letdown for me. It was also that you just blew me off completely.”
“Kami, I didn't mean-”
She held up a hand silencing me. “Let me finish. This whole money thing was supposed to be a laugh, something to show just how shallow Slick and the others were, but suddenly you're sleeping with him? And as soon as you were in with him, I was out. And that really pissed me off.”
I waited a beat to make sure she was finished before explaining, “It was all a big mistake. You're right, it was supposed to be a joke, but once they all started being so nice to me I couldn't help it. Even though I knew it was all an act, it was too inviting to walk away from.”
She watched me expectantly. “So, now what?”
I sighed. “I have no idea. I really got myself in deep. Now Mick wants to talk about the money, he's concerned about me.” I rolled my eyes.
Kami, sounding every bit the mother, lectured, “I told you this wasn't a good idea. You're going to have to think of a solution.”
“No kidding.” I looked up at Kami. “So, anything new around here since our big blow-out?�
�
She avoided my eyes as she quickly got off the couch. “Uh, no. Nothing to report.”
I followed her into the kitchen, hustling to block her path to the fridge. “Hey, what aren't you telling me?”
Shrugging, she replied, “Nothing. Things have been boring around here, as usual.”
I knew she was hiding something, but since she'd just gone and forgiven me, I didn't want to rock to boat.
Chapter 16
Another day at the office. It had been a week since Kami had forgiven me. Seeing LBJ squeal and launch himself onto his new horse had helped to smooth the way. Things were pretty much back to normal with us, but I couldn't stop feeling like she was keeping something from me.
It had also been a week since I'd vowed to find a solution to my problem. You'd think that someone with enough imagination to invent this lie would be able to think of something to diffuse it. Apparently not.
Mick still thought I was Miss Moneybags, and though I'd stopped sleeping over, I had slipped a couple times. Well-known weasel that he was, he was hard to resist. Especially now that I knew exactly what I was missing.
“Hey, you ready to get out of here?” Gina asked, dangling her keys in front of me.
“Absolutely.” At least I'd made a new friend. Yes, it took more than a year of seeing each other everyday, definitely no need to call Guinness, but a friend was a friend. As we walked out to her car I marveled at how comfortable I'd gotten around her.
No one could replace Kami, but it was such a relief to have a friend at work. It'd been so long since I'd had one, I'd forgotten how vital they were. Just being able to laugh at a quick joke, or grab a coffee in the morning made the day zip by at an almost enjoyable pace.
As we munched on our deli sandwiches, she told me about her house. “Estelle, it's bizarre; I've lived in this place for years, even before I met Steven, but I don't remember what it was like not to have his gym bag by the door, or his four remotes on the table.” She sighed as she stared at nothing. “The place feels so empty now. How is it possible that I miss all the things I used to nag him about?”
I chuckled and immediately regretted it when I saw her bruised expression. “I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you, Gina. I was just thinking that we're all the same. We all want what we can't have, right?”
She scoffed, “Yeah, just like Steven, he never wanted kids until we decided not to have them.”
I wasn't sure what to say about that. Though we'd been having lunch almost every day, she very rarely mentioned Steven, and when she did I always felt like she was wishing she had a closer friend to confide in. “Gina, I know you miss him, but if you really don't want kids, then there's nothing more you can do. At least you're doing what makes you happy.”
I felt as if I'd said something absurd from the way she stared at me. She just kept her eyes on mine, not blinking. Not budging. I was about to apologize for what must have been something awful, when she broke her stare and admitted, “I'm not doing what I want. None of this is what I want.”
“What do you mean?” She didn't answer me so I probed further, “Gina. I know we're not best friends or anything, but you can trust me. If you need to talk about something, don't worry about me telling anyone else. Are you changing your mind about Steven?”
She finally responded, “No. I mean, no I'm not changing my mind...I never did. I never wanted a divorce, he did.” I waited while she took a long breath then continued, “Jesus, why is it so hard to admit this? I do want to have kids. But it doesn't matter, because I can't have them.”
She sat across from me, head down, doing anything to avoid my stare. She looked so small in the booth. Gone was the woman who was always in control. She looked like any other girl. She looked like I looked a lot of the time; terrified.
I was the worst human on the planet. Here was a woman who had told me a secret. Something she'd been afraid to tell her own husband. She'd laid it all out on the table, and I was lying to her about something so stupid.
I stared at her dark brown hair which hid most of her face. And before I could re-think it I blurted, “Gina, I never inherited any money.”
Her glossy black hair flew around her face as she snapped to attention. “What?”
After a moment to collect my courage, I repeated, “I never inherited any money. My grandfather wasn't rich, didn't die. No money.” I couldn't force myself to meet her stare, but once the secret was out I couldn't hold anything back. I continued to purge all my secrets, “I'm so sorry. I just did it to prove how shallow everyone at work is...I mean, not you. I-I don't mean you.” I finally looked up and pleaded, “Gina, please let me explain everything. Please don't hate me, I never meant to hurt anyone.”
Gina watched me for a few seconds. I was relieved to see that her expression wasn't one of anger, but I was a little worried because I couldn't quite describe it. She was shocked, but maybe by some miracle she understood where I was coming from?
“Shallow...everyone at work is shallow,” she said in a thoughtful tone.
“Gina, I'm sorry I did this, but I didn't know you then. I don't think you're that way at all-”
“Estelle, get a grip, okay?” She scoffed and shook her head. “Of course some of us are shallow, I won't argue that, but some are just incredibly driven. We like money, but that doesn't make us all horrible people. Regardless, I don't care about the money, or lack thereof.”
I was stunned. “You don't?”
“Nope. Honestly, I've kind of forgotten about the whole 'Loaded Lobby Chick' thing.”
“I'm sorry, what?”
Gina giggled and explained, “Loaded Lobby Chick. Tess came up with it when the news first spread, pretty soon it was your nickname. Kinda catchy, right?”
“You bunch of sneaky bastards,” I joked.
“Takes one to know one.” She laughed and asked, “So, when you first came to lunch with me and Tess, and she all but made out with you for a possible commission, you must have been loving every second, huh?”
I smiled slyly. “Yeah, honestly, that was one of the highlights. She just thought I'd fall in line. But that's when I first realized you might actually be human.”
“Me, why?”
“I remember you didn't seem too happy with her tactics. I was surprised, I thought it was going to be a tug-of-war, but you never tried to sway me.”
She frowned. “I've never been a fan of her approach.”
“Now that we're talking about Tess, how come you guys aren't having lunch like you used to?”
She sipped her tea and smiled at me. “Not all of us are blood-suckers, you know. I'm not successful because I'm pushy. I have a lot of contacts. When I first joined Lawson & Stone I got a lot of attention because of my record. Tess was the other top selling female agent. She invited me to lunch, and we became work friends. The rest is history.”
I was surprised to hear that. I assumed that they had the same philosophy: whatever brings it home on a flatbed.
“I am so relieved that you're not angry Gina, you have no idea. I have been so happy to have a friend at work again, and when you were telling me...” I lowered my voice, “About wanting to have kids, I felt so awful about lying to you.”
She shook her head. “I don't want to get upset again, so let's forget about my stuff for a while. Here's what I want to know: How much do you love screwing over Mick the Prick?”
I leaned back in my chair and grinned. “I have to tell you, Gina, there have been some memorable moments.”
Chapter 17
I returned from lunch with Gina feeling like I'd lost fifty pounds. It was so liberating, having someone else in on the secret. As I told her the stories, Gina had rolled with laughter. At least she'd forgotten about Steven for awhile.
I told her that I'd been toying with the idea of coming clean. Or more likely, thinking up a believable lie to cancel out the first one, but she disagreed.
“Why would you do that now, Estelle? You're already into it, and I can guarantee that no
one suspects the truth. Why not have some fun with it? Who's ever going to know anyway?”
I decided that there was wisdom in that. Especially when I entered the office and Tess smiled at me. I could almost hear her thinking, “Loaded Lobby Chick” as she passed by. What did I have to lose? Especially now that I'd put the brakes on Mick and I. What could he do really? If he tried to pressure me into buying a house, I'd just say no. It's not as if we had a joint bank account. If he got pissed about it, well that would just be more entertainment as far as I could see.
I had just settled in at my computer, confident about my decision when Mick stomped up to my desk. “Estelle, We need to talk. Immediately.”
I had just enough time to panic before he pulled my by the hand into the nearest conference room. He closed the door loudly and took a deep breath before turning on me. “I need you to explain something to me, because I must be an idiot!”
Nope, I'm the idiot. How could I have trusted Gina? Of course she would run and tell her real friends. I'm so screwed. “Mick, I don't know what-”
He cut me off and implored, “Because who else would be unable to sell a flawless home to a man who claims to want just that? You should have seen this guy today, this Drew,” he spit the name out with disdain. “You've seen how much effort I've exerted for these two, you've been with me through half of it-and still they aren't satisfied.” He let out a long frustrated breath. “I have never had this much trouble selling a property.”
It took me a few seconds to catch up. I thought I was busted. I had to go back over his words to catch on. “So this is about Trina Bennett?”
“Oh no, it's not about her. She's actually been fairly rational. It's this boyfriend of hers. Nothing satisfies him. I'm out of ideas. I even suggested that I show them some vacant land, that way they could build whatever little slice of perfection they wanted.” He scoffed. “Want to know what they said? They told me they didn't have that kind of time. Looks to me like they have all the time in the world!”
The Millionaire Myth Page 7
