by J. A. Owenby
“What, be rude?” I asked as I reached for another one.
“No, I’ve met plenty of rude girls. I’ve just never seen a girl eat like that.” His laugh filled the quiet picnic area.
“Well, I tried to warn you last night, but you didn’t want to listen. Sorry, I’m nervous,” I said as I wiped my clammy hands on my jeans.
“I don’t care, it was funny. I want you to feel comfortable with me.”
I stared at him for a moment, still holding the strawberry in my hand. He reached for it and gently put it in my mouth. I took a bite. His eyes never left my face.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too, Walker.” As hard as I tried not to, I meant it.
“There’s something about you. I mean other than the obvious.”
“What do you mean, ‘the obvious?’” I asked as I made air quotes.
“You’re beautiful, gentle, and funny. You don’t find that combination often. Hopefully you’ll let me hang around long enough to figure it out.”
“Maybe.” A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.
“Do you want to take a walk on the beach?” he asked and extended his hand.
“Yeah, I’d love to.” I accepted his hand and he pulled me up. We stood so close that his breath brushed against my cheek. He held my gaze as his fingers brushed across my hand. A tingle ran up my arm and swirled through my body. If I responded like this to holding his hand, I wasn’t sure I could handle it if he kissed me. But the more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to find out.
A ski boat whizzed by in the distance and broke my train of thought. I used the distraction to step back and take a breath. I’d promised myself I could handle this date and not do anything stupid. This was either going to be a perfect opportunity to show Mama I could make good choices, or not.
We reached the beach and I slipped off my sandals and rolled up my jeans. I squished sand through my toes and listened as the water splashed against the rocks.
“Do you water ski?” Walker asked.
“I’ve tried, but I don’t stay up long. I’m pretty wobbly and I only manage to smack my ass on the water, giving myself a massive bikini wedgie on the way down. You?”
“No, I can’t say I’ve ever had a bikini wedgie,” he said, smiling. “I used to go with my dad, but that was years ago, before my parents divorced.” He frowned slightly and turned his attention toward the lake.
“How long have they been divorced?”
“Since my little brother was six, so seven years now.”
“Mine too—I mean, they’re divorced. I’ve always wanted a younger brother.”
“Really? You can take him. He’s a brat.”
“I’ll give you Krissy, my older sister,” I said. “We can trade.” My voice filled with excitement at the idea of getting rid of her.
“How old is she?”
“Twenty-three. She’s away at college.”
“So, you’ll trade me a bratty younger brother for your older sister who doesn’t live at home? That sounds like a deal I can’t pass up,” he said.
I laughed. He was right, but I’d always wanted a brother. I thought they might be less of a pain in the ass than an older sister, but I never found out.
“I think our parents might object to our idea. What’s your brother’s name?”
“Garrett.”
“Oooh, I like it. You guys live with your mom?”
“Yeah, for now.”
I waited for him to elaborate, but he stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared at his feet. I’d asked the wrong question. I was trying to figure out how to break the awkward silence when he finally saved me.
“Lacey, I want you to meet my family and I’ll tell you all about them, but for today can we not talk about them?”
“Walker, of course, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude or nosy. It’s so not my business.”
“Stop, you didn’t do anything wrong. Come on, I want to show you something. You need to put your shoes back on so you don’t cut your feet, though.”
I wasn’t sure why he didn’t want to talk about his family, but I understood it all too well. I was familiar with keeping secrets. And, for today, I wouldn’t ask him to share his.
I bent down to slip my shoes on, taking a moment to soak him in from head to toe. He ran his hand through his hair, leaving the short, dark strands rumpled. I wanted to fix them, but I decided he wore it well. His shirt was halfway tucked into his shorts and halfway untucked. He appeared comfortable in his own skin. I wanted to be comfortable with his skin as well, and I found myself thinking about running my hand over his chest and stomach. I bit my lip and brought my focus back to my shoes. I wasn’t doing well with keeping my word to myself.
“Do you need help?” he asked as his eyes twinkled.
I wondered if he’d realized I was checking him out or if he was trying to be nice.
“Huh? No, no, they’re just a little stubborn sometimes.” I glanced away and tried to focus on actually slipping the strap over my heel instead of imagining him without a shirt.
As I stood up, he reached for my hand and led me forward. I followed in silence and enjoyed watching him climb the hill in front of me. I wasn’t sure what sports he played, but he definitely played something. The tight muscles in his legs flexed as he moved with ease up the rocky path. A few minutes later he stopped and turned, helping me the rest of the way up the hill. He guided me over to a small clearing in the trees.
I gasped. “My God, it’s beautiful,” I whispered.
“I’ve never brought anyone here before.”
“Really? Not even Brittany?” I asked, not taking my eyes from the lake.
“No, she wouldn’t understand.”
The sun cast a warm orange and pink across the tops of the trees as it began its slow descent. There were gentle ripples across the surface of the lake as the fish jumped and nipped at the bugs. I held my breath and absorbed the moment.
“You get it, though. Your expression says it all,” he whispered.
“It’s amazing watching the sunset from up here.”
“It reminds me that no matter how crazy life gets, there’s something greater,” he said. “I’m not sure what it is, but it’s there and it helps.”
We stood in silence as the sun continued its descent behind the trees. I realized then there was more to Walker than beautiful eyes and a hot body.
“Walker.” My voice came out a hoarse whisper and betrayed my emotions.
He turned to face me. “Lacey, there are a lot of things going on in my life and I’ll share them with you later. I promise I won’t hold out, but for tonight, I just wanted to look at you while the sun sets. I wanted to see the light on your hair, look into the most amazing green eyes I’ve ever seen, and let everything else go except us. I’m in trouble already. You’re going to kidnap my heart and make me fall in love with you. I knew it the minute I laid eyes on you at the party.”
“What? Walker, you don’t know me.” The words tumbled out of my mouth, but they contradicted the emotions that churned inside me.
“I realize it sounds crazy, but I want to be with you, Lacey. Go out with me—let’s talk until three in the morning and fall asleep on the phone together. I’d like you to meet my family and eat dinner with us. I want to learn everything about you. Please say yes, that you want the same thing.”
“What exactly are you asking me, Walker?” My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to wrap my head around what he was saying.
“I don’t want to share you with anyone else. I want to spend every possible moment with you.”
“Walker, there’s so much we don’t know about each other. I told you last night I wasn’t good for you,” I said.
“No, I’m not okay with that,” he said and shook his head. “Spend time with me and give me a chance.”
I stared into the sunset as guilt gnawed at me. I knew I shouldn’t let this happen, but the pounding and ache in my chest told me I w
anted differently. I’d experienced it too—when our eyes met at the party, we’d said so much more than hello.
“Don’t break my heart, Walker. You’re too good to be real, and as much as I want you, you scare me. I would never forgive myself if I said no, and I might not forgive myself for saying yes.”
He released my fingers and brought the back of my hand so close to his lips that his breath caressed my skin.
“I’ll take care of you like no one ever has before, Lacey Beaumont,” he said, brushing his lips lightly across my hand. He brought my other hand up to his mouth and grazed it with a soft kiss.
I bit my lip and struggled to still my shaking knees.
“Lacey,” he whispered as another soft kiss landed on my left palm and then my right.
Heat flooded my body and an ache swirled through me.
He slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me within an inch of his body. His fingers brushed against my cheek as he feathered kisses across my forehead, nose, and cheeks. He paused, our lips almost touching as his hand slipped under my shirt and teased the small of my back. I gasped as I grabbed his arms to balance myself.
“Lacey,” he whispered, still not kissing me as his fingertips played gently across my back and up my spine. My legs wobbled as I leaned into him, bringing our bodies against each other. He stepped backward into a tree to balance us. His breath quickened as his reaction grew and I released a soft sigh as I allowed my body to fully lean into him. His fingers continued a slow and steady caress on my back as he planted light kisses along my neck. I couldn’t handle much more. I wanted to kiss him; I needed his lips on mine.
He pushed a wisp of hair from my cheek and gently ran his fingers down the side of my face. He tilted my chin up toward him until I met his eyes. An intense ache washed over me as his hand slid down my side and wrapped around my waist. He pulled me in tighter as his soft mouth brushed across my lips. He tugged at my bottom lip and brought his mouth down on mine. I parted my lips and welcomed him as I tentatively touched the tip of his tongue with mine. A groan rumbled in his chest as I brought my arms up around his neck. His salty and sweet taste filled me.
Walker lifted me up and I instinctively wrapped my legs around him as he turned and leaned me against the tree. I could feel his desire as he leaned his hips into me. I tightened my grip on his arms as his lips moved from my mouth to my neck and then trailed down to my collarbone as he slipped my shirt buttons open. The hint of my bra peeked out of my shirt as his fingertips danced over the lace trim. I grabbed the back of his hair as his hot breath burned my skin. He gently pulled my bra back and lightly grazed my nipple with his tongue.
“Shit! Walker, stop. Walker!” I said and pushed him away.
He stepped back so fast he almost dropped me on the ground.
“Lacey, oh my God, are you okay?” he asked.
“Walker,” I said as I adjusted my bra and struggled to button my shirt. “Shit, shit.”
“Did I hurt you?”
I buried my face in my hands. I’d allowed my hormones to completely control my actions. Guilt flooded through me as Mama’s earlier words whispered through my thoughts.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry I did that. Listen, I’m—” my voice faltered. I stared at the ground trying to find the right words. He stepped toward me and placed his hands on my arms.
I chanced a quick glance at him, but I couldn’t stand to watch the disappointment register on his face when I told him.
“Tell me—what did I do? I’ll make it right,” he said as his concern deepened.
“Walker, I’m a virgin,” I said, staring at the ground. “I didn’t think things would progress this far and a part of me was afraid that if I told you, after your relationship with Brittany . . . that you wouldn’t want to go out with me again.”
Walker threw his head back and laughed.
“It’s not funny! What the hell is wrong with you?” I said as I tried to pull my arms away.
“I thought I hurt you. I’m sorry. Come here,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. He kissed the top of my head as he rubbed my back. “Lacey, I’ll take anything you’re comfortable giving me and no more. You set the rules and I’ll follow them. We can take a break, find something else to do, and I’ll stand under a shitload of cold showers. God, you are so beautiful.”
I tilted my head up and searched his face. Was he serious?
“Really? You’re okay with stopping?” I asked. I examined his face for any signs that he was lying but didn’t find any. The earlier tension slipped away from my shoulders.
“Yes, I really am. I was telling you the truth when I said I just wanted to spend time with you. I don’t care what we do—watch movies, go hiking, hang out at home with my family—it’s fine. I just want to be with you.” He brushed a few strands of hair from my face.
“And kiss me? You still want to kiss me right?”
“I want to kiss you forever,” he whispered as he brought his mouth to mine.
Chapter 9
I couldn’t believe that Walker and I had already been dating for three weeks. I smiled to myself as I pulled my car into the college parking lot and searched for a space. Monday mornings weren’t as busy because no student in their right mind wanted an 8 a.m. class. I didn’t mind; it was just another excuse to not be home.
I grabbed my English composition and psychology books and made my way to my first class. Mrs. Jones entered the classroom as I settled into my seat.
“Good morning, everyone. I hope you all caught up on your reading assignment over the weekend,” she said, smiling as though she knew better.
I glanced out the window as she talked and my mind drifted to Walker sitting at the pool, half-dressed. The country club closed the outdoor pool in the beginning of October, which meant that Walker was babysitting at the indoor pool today. I sighed and leaned back in my seat. I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to swim this afternoon.
The morning flew by and my stomach growled as I walked from psychology class across campus to the student center.
The student center was packed as I pushed through the door and searched the tables for Emma. A group of kids gathered around the Ping-Pong table and cheered as a fast-paced game took place. I meandered through the line at the vending machines and continued my search. Most students came to unwind between classes and grab a bite to eat, but it was also party-planning central. If you were searching for a party, the student center was the place to ask around. If half the campus hadn’t been underage drinkers, I’m sure flyers would have been posted.
Emma and I hadn’t seen each other since school started, so we had agreed to start meeting on Mondays and Wednesdays for lunch to catch up. Between my course load, job, and her nursing classes, we understood that times like these could separate a friendship, and we didn’t want that to happen.
Emma and I met during our sophomore year of high school. She’d been the new girl from an even smaller town, and she’d landed in my English class.
The first time I spent the night at her house, I tossed my glasses on her bed and, not realizing they were there, she sat on them. I got so excited trying to tell her my glasses were getting smashed that I sent myself flailing off the edge of her bed and flat onto the floor. The only thing Emma could see were my feet sticking straight up in the air. When she leaned over to see if I was okay, she said my face was almost purple from laughing so hard. There was no turning back after that. She could make me laugh no matter what happened in my life, and I loved her for that.
Emma’s aunt and uncle attended the same church as my cousins, so she was already familiar with all the nasty lesbian rumors about Mama and Patsy. Although her parents kept an eye on her, they always let her spend the night, and they invited me over often. For a few years I’d fit almost seamlessly into their perfect family—or so I told myself—but you can only hide ugly for so long before everyone sees it.
“Lacey!” Emma yelled over the noise of the crowd.<
br />
I waved as I made my way to the table and smiled as I noted her hair color of the week. Emma had a lot of fun with her hair, but this time it had taken a wrong turn, leaving her with hot pink, spiky locks. Although it was an accident, it fit her: spunky and fun.
“Is it busier than normal?” I yelled as I sat down and unwrapped my sandwich.
“Good Lord, I’m thinking so.”
“How are you?” I smiled, glad to have time with her.
“Labs are kicking my butt, Lacey. What in the world was I thinking wanting to become a nurse?”
“That you get to change bedpans and wipe old-people ass?” I laughed.
“Right?” she said as she threw a grape at me.
“You’re in a smiley mood today,” she said as she peered at me over her glasses. “What gives, Lacey Anne?”
I giggled. I couldn’t slip anything past her even if I’d tried.
“Guess?”
“You passed algebra?”
“Crap, thanks for ruining my mood. I hate that class!”
“You’ll pass it, keep studying. Hmmmm. You’re moving out?”
“Emma, no,” I said, laughing.
“Then quit torturing me and spill. You’re glowing.” She paused as she leaned across the table and peered around as though anyone could actually hear our conversation, “Crap! Lacey! You’re not pregnant are you?”
“No, Emma—you have to have sex to get pregnant, from what I remember in our sex-ed class.”
She feigned relief as she ran the back of her hand across her forehead. “That’s good. I could imagine your mom now.”
“Emma, knock it off. You’re taking all the fun out of it!”
“Okay, Lacey, what gives?”
I leaned on the table and propped my chin on my hand.
“I’m dating someone.” I couldn’t control the grin that spread across my face. The Joker had nothing on me.
“Whaaat? Who? When? Where? Fill me in!” she squealed as she set her sandwich down, picked up her drink, and situated herself to hear the full story.
“Well, there’s not a lot to tell, but his name is Walker. I met him at Joss’s party last month and we’ve gone out for three weeks, and . . . he’s gorgeous, Emma!”
