by J. A. Owenby
He leaned forward on the table as his intense stare burned a hole through me. This was worse than I thought it would be. I’d pushed him, and I couldn’t lead him on any longer. I wanted to be honest and end the torture for both of us.
Our food came and the next several minutes were filled with complete silence as we ate. I racked my exhausted brain for any possible way I could make this work, but last night’s events kept playing over and over in my head.
Yet, at the same time, if I allowed myself to really think about it, I could fall in love with him. In less than a month, he’d shown more respect and fought for me more than anyone else in my life. No one, especially not a guy, had ever cared enough to show up at my job, scare the shit out of me, and talk me out of breaking up with him. I’d never had to fight him off physically like with other guys. Those jackasses hadn’t even bothered to buy me something to eat. Walker asked nothing of me except my honesty.
I dipped a fry into my ketchup and then tossed it onto my plate.
“I can’t do this, Walker.” I threw my napkin on the table, grabbed my purse, and flung some money on the table. I turned and walked out of the restaurant without so much as a glance behind me, and for the millionth time in the last twenty-four hours, tears ran down my cheeks.
I stumbled out the front door, into the parking lot, and gasped for air. I struggled to see through the tears as I searched for my car. A horn blared at me as a pickup swerved to avoid hitting me.
I found my car and fumbled through my purse for the keys. His footsteps echoed in the parking lot as he approached me. I bit my lip to stop the tears. My breath came in short, raspy gasps as I dug around frantically in my purse.
“Lacey, you left your keys on the table,” Walker said as he jangled my keychain.
I closed my purse.
I didn’t dare turn around yet. I frantically wiped at my tears and rolled my finger under my eyes to eliminate any possibility of raccoon eyes. I leaned forward, my hands on my car, and tried to regain my composure.
“It’s been a terrible day, Walker. I thought I could handle things, but apparently I can’t.”
“You can’t drive—I won’t let you. So, regardless of whether you want to be with me or not right now, you’re stuck with me. I’ll take you home.”
“No!” I spun around. “I mean, I’m going to Joss’s house tonight.”
Walker shoved my car keys back into his pocket.
“Okay, I’ll take you to Joss’s and someone can pick me up there. I wanted to make sure you’re alright first,” he said.
“No you don’t, Walker. You want answers,” I said as I kicked at the ground.
“That would be nice under the circumstances. Just take a breath and listen for a minute. Try and think about things from my side, Lacey. We’ve dated for almost a month and you’ve always called when you said you would, but not last night. I waited and waited. Of course I’m upset. And worried.”
He paused and ran his hand through his hair.
“I wanted to call you so bad, but I remembered what you said about your mom when I called that first night. The last thing I wanted to do was piss her off. The next best thing I could think of was showing up at your work. I couldn’t think of anything else. Were you okay? Had I lost you already? Why hadn’t you called? Today lasted for years and I was scared of what you’d say to me tonight. But, you didn’t say anything. In fact, you told me every reason you thought we should be together and in the same sentence shattered any hope I held for us moving forward. So think about that for a minute, Lacey. Think about how I’m feeling right now. How I want to wrap my arms around you and keep you safe from whatever you’re running from. Tell me, or I’m left to draw my own conclusions and it starts with something bad at home, which means I’m going to hurt some motherfucker if they laid a hand on you.”
I froze, unable to breathe as his words sunk into my head and traveled to my heart. I’d already hurt him without meaning to.
“You can’t run from yourself,” I whispered.
“What?” he said and moved closer.
“You can’t run from yourself,” I said louder. “When you’re the problem, if you run, it just follows you. No matter what I do, no
matter how hard I try to change, I’m not getting better.”
Confusion clouded Walker’s face as he struggled with my words.
“Are you sick?” he asked as his voice hitched.
“I . . .”
He didn’t step any closer and wrap his arms around me. He didn’t promise things would be okay this time.
“Yes, Walker, I’m sick.” I bit my lip and forced the tears back. I was so tired of crying.
“What? No, I don’t understand. You don’t seem sick.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Yeah, I mean we’re not best friends, but I think he’s out there. What does this have to do with you being sick, Lacey?”
“Angels? Do you believe in angels?”
“I guess so,” he said as he ran his hands through his hair.
“Do you believe in fallen angels?”
“What? Lacey, for shit’s sake, are you dying? How sick are you?”
“No, Walker, I’m not dying. It’s not that simple.”
He bent over for a second as though my words had removed the fist from his gut and he could breathe again. I hated seeing his reaction, but it would hurt more in a minute. I took a deep, ragged breath, realizing that in a moment I would be left empty.
“Do you believe in fallen angels, Walker?” I asked again.
“I suppose so. I’ve heard the stories in Sunday school about Lucifer and the fallen angels. The same thing most of us learned, I guess—they turned on God and he kicked them out of heaven. They were evil and did all sorts of messed-up crap. I don’t understand what this has to do with you being sick, though, Lacey.”
“Walker, I’m . . . I’m possessed. By demons.”
“What the fuck?” he said more than asked as he took a step backward.
Chapter 13
“If I’m around you I’m going to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you—anything but that. I can’t stand it. This is bad enough. I’m so sorry, I should have never agreed to go out with you.” I crossed my arms in front of me and waited for him to get pissed.
“Lacey, I want to make sure I understand. You’re telling me you’re possessed, like The Exorcist kind of possessed?”
“I haven’t watched the movie, so I’m not sure.”
“You spoke with a priest? Is that who told you?” he asked as his brows knitted together in confusion.
“No, it gets complicated.”
“Tell me,” he demanded.
I paused and tried to gather the words to tell him something other than what had actually happened last night, but I failed.
“I didn’t call you last night because Mama suspected I’d been dating someone. She didn’t know who, but she has this relationship with God and he . . . he just tells her stuff. There’s no way she should have known I was with you. I’ve worked hard at hiding it. She would have said no because I would hurt you, and as long as I’m possessed I can’t date anyone. It’s not you, it’s everyone, Walker.”
“Keep talking, Lacey.” An edge clipped his voice, but I couldn’t tell if he was mad at me or the situation.
“She said when I turned thirteen I became possessed. She said these demons make me act like a slut, attract guys who aren’t good for me, make bad decisions, and hurt everyone around me.” I stared at my feet, unable to watch as the truth dawned on him. We couldn’t be together and now he understood why.
“What happened last night? Tell me everything.”
“I got home and I couldn’t wait to call you.” I searched his face as I talked. I wanted him to understand how much I already cared about him, but his eyes held a stony gaze, almost cold.
I’d finally revealed the ugly I’d tried to hide for years. I wanted to run, but I forced the words out of my mouth. I owed him the ful
l story and I had nothing else to lose. I’d already lost him.
“The moment I walked in the front door . . . Mama hadn’t had a good day. She told me God had told her I’d been sneaking behind her back and seeing someone. She demanded I tell her who, but I didn’t. I tried to calm her down and then I made the mistake of walking into the kitchen for a glass of water. I was still talking to her, but she got mad. She . . . she grabbed my hair.”
I struggled to form the words as I hiccupped through my tears. Walker stared at me. I would rather a hot knife stab me over and over than have him look at me like this.
“I . . . she . . . shit. She grabbed my hair and threw me backward, calling me a slut and a whore. She started praying and telling the demons to leave me. I caught myself on the kitchen table, but she moved so fast. Mama’s big, and when she prays she gets a little excited. She shoved me and I hit the floor. I don’t know how long I was unconscious, but when I woke up, she was in her bedroom. I just went to my room after that.” I couldn’t tell him the rest; that was as much truth as I could handle at once.
“Let me make sure I understand this,” Walker said. “You’re telling me that your mother has been saying you’re possessed by demons, and that on more than one occasion when she’s prayed for you, she’s physically hurt you?”
I answered him with my silence.
“What does your dad say?”
“I haven’t seen my father in years. It’s just Mama and Patsy now.”
“Who the hell is Patsy?” His voice still sounded cold and clipped.
“Mama’s roommate.”
Walker took a few steps back and covered his face with his hands. He would probably leave at any moment. At least I was so numb that I wasn’t crying anymore and I could see to drive to Joss’s house by myself.
“Okay, I’m still working this out. Give me a minute,” he said.
He paced back and forth in front of me for a few moments. One second he searched the sky and then he glanced back at me. Confusion danced across his face, and then anger. This was it. The next words out of his mouth would shatter my heart into a million pieces and send me crawling back to Mama begging her to help me get better.
“Where does Patsy sleep?”
“What?” I asked in disbelief.
“Where does Patsy sleep? Does she sleep in her own room? You said she’s your mother’s roommate right?”
“Yeah, they share the bills, sort of . . . but no, they sleep in the same bedroom.” I shook my head as the words came out of my mouth. I realized what he was implying; my friends had said it for years.
“She sleeps in the same bed with your mother?” he asked.
“It’s not what it sounds like, Walker. Mama has a gift—she has this relationship with God and he tells her things. She sits there all day and talks to him like you and I are talking right now.”
Walker stepped back and ran his hands through his hair. “You’re serious aren’t you?”
“What? Why would you ask me something like that? What the hell is wrong with you?” I yelled. “Screw you, Walker!”
I turned to open my car door. It refused to open and I remembered that Walker had my keys in his pocket.
“Not yet, Lacey.” His voice had softened. “I didn’t mean to upset you, but this is some crazy shit and I’m trying to process it. It’s not every day your girlfriend tells you she’s possessed by demons.”
“What?” I said. I turned around to face him. “Walker, you’re not listening to me! I can’t be your girlfriend. I’m possessed.”
Walker closed the gap between us and placed a kiss on my forehead. My eyes flicked up to meet his.
“Lacey, I can’t tell you everything that’s going through my mind right now, but I do know this.”
I looked away, squeezed my hands into fists, and attempted to control my shaking. I was pretty sure that nothing he was about to say could breathe life back into my broken heart.
“Look at me, Lacey,” he said as he lifted up my chin and forced me to meet his eyes. “You’re not in any way possessed by demons—not one, and not a hundred. Your mother is fucking crazy, and you’re right, she won’t like me or any other guy you bring home.”
I shook my head frantically, denying what he was saying. He didn’t understand. I tried to turn away from him, but he refused to let me go.
“Stop, don’t turn away from me. I’m sorry, but you’re not possessed. You don’t behave in a way that would harm other people, you’re not mean, and you don’t lie, steal, rape people, or hurt kids or animals do you?”
I didn’t even have to think before answering those questions. I shook my head no. No, I’d never done those things, not in a million years.
“Okay, we’ll get through this. I can’t imagine how tired you are right now. Did you go to the hospital? Do you have a concussion?” he asked as his face filled with concern.
“What? Oh . . . I’m not sure, I never thought about it,” I said as I rubbed my head.
“I think it’s been long enough that you’re okay, but let’s get you to Joss’s for now.”
“I don’t understand, Walker. You shouldn’t want anything to do with me.”
He touched my cheek and wiped away the remnants of my tears.
“You’re braver and stronger than you’ll ever realize, Lacey. Please just trust me when I say there’s nothing wrong with you. You aren’t possessed. Don’t push me away anymore. Let me help you.”
The next several moments were filled with complete silence as he waited for my response. I wanted to trust him. And what if he was right? What if there wasn’t anything wrong with me? Did I dare reach out for the one piece of hope that anyone had ever extended to me? Did I dare trust him and what he said? I wanted to, and I wanted him.
I shuddered as I realized I’d just shared my darkest secret with him. I’d kept it so buried that I’d wondered if I even held the key to unlock it any longer. I hadn’t told Emma, Joss, or anyone, ever. I was terrified of losing the few people in my life that I allowed in.
“You don’t need to say anything else, Lacey. You’ve been through enough tonight, but remember what I said.”
He leaned down, brushed his lips against mine, and pulled back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and drew him back to me. He gently kissed me and ran his fingers through my hair. My mouth opened and invited him in, my tongue tentatively touching his. Our kiss deepened, and his arms enveloped me in a warm cocoon as I melted into him.
“You crazy kids break it up!” someone yelled from across the parking lot.
“Crap,” I said as I broke the kiss, embarrassed. Walker laughed as he dug my keys out of his pocket and unlocked the passenger door to let me in.
Chapter 14
“Where does Joss live?”
I gave him directions and as he drove he occasionally planted kisses on the back of my hand and smiled. I wondered if he thought I might run off again or do something crazy. I wanted to trust him, but there was a part of me that expected him to call me tomorrow and break things off. Who could blame him? I’d just opened a whole can of crazy.
He pulled into Joss’s driveway, turned off the car, and held onto my keys. “There’s been a small change of plans—don’t move,” he said and kissed me before he got out of the car.
Puzzled, I watched him knock on Joss’s door. Joss opened it, peered around him to make sure I was in the car, and then let him in. I’m sure it was only for a few minutes, but I wondered what in the world they could be talking about for so long. I was left alone with no radio, only my thoughts.
I stifled a yawn as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.
“Hey sleepyhead, wake your ass up,” Joss suddenly said through the car window.
I smiled and opened the door. “Sorry, I didn’t realize how tired I was,” I said and reached to unbuckle my seatbelt.
“Nope, keep it buckled. Walker is going to take care of you tonight. You’re going to stay at his house okay?”
“What? Joss, no!”
“Hey, it’s alright, I’ll take care of your mom. It’s almost midnight so she won’t call tonight anyway. You focus on getting some sleep and feeling better. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, alright?” Her tone shifted from playful to gentle and motherly. Walker had told her something. I glanced at him as he got back into the car.
“I seriously doubt his mom is going to let me stay the night,” I said, sighing.
“He already called her from my house, and she’s expecting you both. Now hush, and go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Everything will be okay, I promise.” She reached in and gave me a hug.
“You promise things will be okay, Joss?” I struggled to push down the panic in my chest.
“I promise. I’ve never lied to you, right?”
“No, never.”
She smiled as she closed my car door.
Walker started the car and we pulled out of the driveway.
“I think I’m mad at you, but I’m not sure,” I said.
“Why would you be mad at me?”
“Because you just went into my best friend’s house and convinced her that I should spend the night at your place. And your mom actually said it was okay? Shit!”
“What?” Walker asked, a hint of worry threaded through his voice.
“I look like hell and I’m going to meet your family! How could you do this to me? And all I have to wear is this ugly work uniform!”
Walker tried to hide his grin.
“Tell you what,” he said. “I’ll let you take a hot shower and brush your teeth, and you can sleep in one of my T-shirts and my sweats. You’ll just need to tie them really tight so they don’t fall down.” He laughed. “I wouldn’t be upset if they fell down, but you might. I have a younger brother who walks around with a hard-on, so we’ll keep you covered. You can grab some of Mom’s makeup in the morning if you need too. Honestly, I can’t wait to wake up with you in the morning, even if your hair does stick up in every direction.”
I appreciated the darkness as my face flushed at the thought.
Chapter 15
Thirty minutes later, we pulled into a gravel driveway. A small, two-story red-brick home stood at the end of the road and only a single light shone from inside. Large oak and maple trees lined the road, their leaves just starting to change color. I hoped I’d be able to come back in a few weeks to see them when they were at their most brilliant.
