by J. A. Owenby
I ran out of the room and up the stairs.
“Mama! Where’s my furniture?” I couldn’t control the fear in my voice.
“I sold it. If you want to stay with your friends for two or three days at a time, you don’t need furniture anymore. I prayed about it and God told me your demons are too attached to worldly possessions. I only did what was right for your healing.”
“What? Are you serious? Mama, you’re teasing, right? You sold my bed and dresser? Why? I don’t understand.”
“I just told you. Apparently you don’t think family is important enough to come home to.”
“That’s not true at all. Just because I spent a few days with friends doesn’t mean I don’t want to be here. Mama, I’m on the floor now with the spiders.”
“Guess you’ll learn to kill them then, won’t you?”
At that moment, the front door opened and Krissy walked in.
“Hi, Mama,” she gushed as she ran over and crawled onto her lap like she was three.
My mouth dropped open. Krissy hadn’t been home for almost six months. She lived on campus at college and didn’t make it home often. I had no idea she was coming.
“How’s my angel?” Mama asked as she hugged Krissy.
“Good. I’ve missed you so much, though. I love college, but it can’t take your place.” Krissy giggled as she hopped out of Mama’s lap and got comfortable on the couch. She hadn’t even glanced at me.
“Don’t you have classes, Krissy?” I asked her. “What are you doing home on a Thursday morning?”
“Well, I hear you’ve caused a lot of trouble for Mama, and that’s why I’m here for a few days, to make sure she’s okay. I’m going to talk to her first and then I’ll be downstairs to speak to you.”
The color drained from my face as I realized what Krissy had said. Mama had called her to come home, which meant that Krissy hadn’t gotten the real story.
The story Mama told was usually twisted. It was always someone else hurting Mama, not her shoving me or pinning Patsy to the floor. If she ever did share any of that with Krissy, she’d put a spin on it so she’d be the victim, and Krissy was worse than I was about believing it. She never questioned anything—she fell for every word out of Mama’s mouth.
I turned and made my way downstairs as calmly as possible. I went into my bathroom, locked the door, and turned on the water. Then I puked up every bit of the breakfast that Walker and I had cooked together.
I flushed the toilet and washed my face. I leaned my forehead against the mirror, closed my eyes, and thought about the last few days with Walker and his family; my time with Susan, Linda, the meals together, and the sound of everyone’s laughter. I could almost imagine Walker’s arms around me, his soft kisses, and when he whispered I love you muches, and muches, and muches.
My stomach calmed as I remembered that Walker and his family weren’t the only ones who knew what was going on at home—Joss knew, too. As long as I could get out of the house, I now had safe places to go.
Regardless if I was or wasn’t demon-possessed, what Mama did wasn’t right. I hadn’t done anything wrong. No demon had acted out through me and made her take my furniture. All my friends who still lived at home spent days at someone else’s house. We were in college, for God’s sake.
I stopped and giggled as I realized my thought process. Mama’s behavior wasn’t okay or normal. We weren’t fucking normal. Before I could stop, the giggles turned into choked tears once again, but behind the tears, for the first time in my life, a small glimmer of hope appeared.
Chapter 21
I had almost forgotten Krissy was home until she appeared in my room about an hour later, leaning against my bedroom wall.
“Guess your chat with Mama went well?” I said. “I’d offer you a place to sit, but as you can see, I have no furniture.” I crossed my arms in front of me and leaned against the opposite wall.
“I heard you pushed Mama.”
“Is that what she told you? You’re never here, but you believe anything she says. And what did she say about Patsy? Did she mention that she pinned her down on the floor and held a butcher knife to her throat? Threatened to kill her?”
“Yes, Lacey, she did. Patsy realizes Mama gets depressed and she still said those horrible things to her. She asked for it.”
My mouth hung open. I thought I’d been prepared for anything Krissy was going to say, but she blindsided me.
“I’m sorry, what?” I snapped.
“You don’t know, do you? I’m not surprised. Mama can’t trust you with anything. I don’t blame her,” she spat.
I wanted to slap the smug expression off her face and into next month.
“What, Krissy? What’s so important that Patsy asked to have a knife pulled on her?”
“You’re so stupid, Lacey. Mama told Patsy she remembered her uncle raping her and Patsy said she deserved it. That’s why Mama got so pissed. Patsy deserved it.”
I stared at her, stunned. Mama hadn’t said anything about her uncle or being raped. As awful as it was, Mama still didn’t have the right to treat Patsy that way. But then again, I’m not sure how I’d react if someone close to me said I deserved to be raped. I might beat the hell out of them too.
“Yeah, I thought so,” Krissy said.
“I had no idea. That’s horrible. How old was Mama?”
“Sixteen. She said he reeked of alcohol and came into her bedroom one night, placed a pillow over her face, and raped her.”
We were both processing this information not only as Mama’s daughters, but as women, thinking about what that must have been like. The horror of being hurt by someone you loved, by family, and not being able to stop it.
The silence weighed heavy in the air between us.
“I do worry about her, Krissy. It’s different since you left. You’re not around very much so you don’t see the fights.” I tugged at the string hanging from the hem of my T-shirt.
“It sounds like it, but you can’t push her.”
I’d forgotten the real reason Krissy was here. Mama had said I’d pushed her instead of the other way around.
I hesitated while I considered telling Krissy what had actually happened, but it wouldn’t change anything. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. I couldn’t get past the fact that Mama had been raped and the awful things Patsy had said to her.
“If you hurt Mama again, I’m going to call the cops and press charges against you,” Krissy said and smirked.
What the hell? Was I ever going to stop being surprised by what came out of her mouth? I wanted her to leave and get out of my empty bedroom, and the only way for that to happen was to give her what she wanted. I was trapped, and if I tried to defend myself, Mama would start casting demons out of me. Krissy wouldn’t acknowledge the truth even if it were a poisonous snake that had sunk its fangs into her.
Mama had got me. She’d won, and all I wanted was to go to work and get out of this hell hole.
“I understand,” I said. And I did. I understood too well. I was considered the outcast of the family, the crazy one.
Krissy stared at me for another moment before she left my room and went back upstairs.
I searched the rubble on my bedroom floor and found my tote bag. I stuffed it with some clothes in case I found myself unable to come home again. I carefully laid my books for class on top of the clothes so nothing would appear suspicious. At least I could hide it in my car and be more prepared than I was last time.
I headed for the shower and got ready for work. I was once again grateful for my job. It was so much more than a paycheck.
Chapter 22
The store was busy, and I welcomed the distraction. The time passed faster than I’d hoped, and I dreaded going home to not only Mama but Krissy as well. Mama surrounded herself with believers, which left me alone. It wouldn’t matter if I tried to talk to Krissy and Patsy about mental illness. They believed whatever Mama told them.
My break arrived and I clocked
out, grabbed my purse, and walked down the mall to Wyatt’s Café to meet Emma. We’d missed our regular lunch meeting earlier in the week and had rescheduled. I had so much to fill her in on; there was no way I could do it in an hour. I found her waiting for me at the restaurant door.
“Hi!” Emma said and hugged me.
“Hey,” I said and hugged her back. “How are you?” I grinned.
“Good, just the same ol’ thing with classes. I’ve come to realize that you truly have to love taking care of people to be a nurse or doctor. I’m studying some really gross stuff!”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Emma had a big heart and was genuine in everything she said and did.
“What about you? Are you still dating Walker?”
I couldn’t stop the huge smile even if I’d wanted to.
“That says it all. You lit up like a Christmas tree! Lacey Anne, are you in love?”
My laugh filled the busy restaurant.
“Emma, I really need to master my poker face when we’re together.”
“You go right ahead, I can read you no matter what expression’s on your face.”
“Am I that easy?” I asked.
“Sometimes, but I’m familiar with you and all your moods.”
We grabbed our food and found a booth in the corner of the restaurant. I’d hoped for a bit of privacy, but it wasn’t going to happen.
“Okay, now that we’re settled, fill me in,” Emma said between bites.
“Things are great. He’s so good to me. I’ve met his mom and brother too. Actually, I spent the weekend with them.”
Emma’s fork clattered to the floor as she stared at me with her mouth open.
“I’m sorry, you did what?”
I handed Emma my spoon to eat with.
“It wasn’t like that at all, so you can close your mouth.”
“Are you sleeping with him? Do you love him? Oh my God, are you using protection? Are you on the pill?”
I shook my head as the questions kept coming.
“No, we aren’t sleeping together—yet. If you give me a minute, I’ll explain everything,” I said.
I couldn’t help but laugh. When Emma got excited, her questions came at you like rapid fire. When she was upset, it was like dodging little torpedoes.
“Mama and I got in a fight. She found out I was with Walker.”
Emma gasped.
“Yeah, right? I have no idea how she found out either.”
“I do. God told her.” There was no mistaking the sarcasm in her tone.
“Well, it doesn’t matter, but in a nutshell—” I put my fork down and stopped eating. “Emma, she pushed me. I fell and hit my head hard enough that I blacked out.”
Emma’s spoon clattered to the floor. At this rate, she would be eating with her fingers.
“Are you okay?” she asked in disbelief. “Why didn’t you call me?” Her expression transitioned from shock, to worry, to anger in a matter of seconds.
“I didn’t have time,” I said. “It happened so fast, and I was upset. I was afraid to call anyone. I just stayed out of Mama’s way until the next day when I went to work. Then, after work, Walker was waiting for me. I hadn’t called him that night and he finally got me talking. I told him more than I should have.” I took a drink from my Diet Coke.
“What do you mean? You should have told him about her hurting you!”
“Emma, keep your voice down, please.”
“I’m sorry, I’m just upset.”
“Hang on, there’s more. I also told Walker that I was possessed by demons.”
Emma stared at me, her expression unreadable.
“Explain, please,” she said firmly.
“For years, Mama has told me I’m possessed by demons. I was afraid that if I told anyone they wouldn’t want to stay around me. You’d think I was crazy and your parents sure as hell wouldn’t allow me around you and your brother. I was scared, and no matter how hard I tried to get better, it never worked. I thought if I told anyone about what was going on, no one would understand. And they didn’t.”
“Lacey.”
“Don’t, Emma,” I said, cutting her off. “Let me finish, and then you can say whatever you need to.”
She nodded.
“I told Walker everything.” I leaned back in my seat and moved my food around on my plate. “That night I planned to stay with Joss, but when I told Walker what happened, he took me home with him instead. His mom said it was okay. Isn’t that nuts?” I asked and took a breath.
“Anyway, we didn’t sleep together,” I continued. “I stayed with his family, but where it gets really interesting is when I met his Aunt Linda. She’s a mental health therapist and she talked to me about Mama. She thinks she’s sick, Emma. That Mama is mentally ill. She also said that I was in no way demon-possessed.”
I put my fork down. I wasn’t hungry anymore, and it was Emma’s turn.
“I had no idea. I mean, I figured your mom had control issues, but Lacey, I had no clue what was going on. I should have put it together. I should have done something!” Her eyes grew wider as she talked.
“Stop, it’s not your fault. I’ve kept this quiet for a long time. I mean, how do you tell someone you’re possessed?”
“But you’re not. That’s insane, and it pisses me off that you believed it—that she said it so many times that it became the truth to you. Honey, if you want to see possessed, I’ll show you what that looks like. You can come over and watch The Exorcist with me. You’ve never acted like that, especially the head-spinning thing,” Emma said and attempted a smile.
Emma’s classic humor announced itself during tense situations. It was her way of coping when she didn’t know what to do.
“I’m not sure I want to watch it, but I appreciate the support.”
“You need to move out, Lacey.”
“I can’t. She’s my mother, and it’s my responsibility to get her help. Don’t you understand? She’s sick, but she can get help.”
“I’m sorry, what did you say? No. No way. She is not your responsibility.”
“Emma, I’m serious.”
“So am I, and she’s abusive. Why in the world would you think it’s your responsibility to get her help?”
I flinched at Emma’s words, each one stinging me like tiny needles.
“What if it were your mom?” I leaned forward, daring her to answer any differently than I had.
“I’d leave. I would leave and call for help when I was in a safe place.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” I mumbled as I leaned back in my seat again. “But right now I have to wait until Krissy leaves.”
“Jiminy Christmas! Krissy is home? Why? For what?”
“Mama told her we got into a fight and I shoved her.”
Emma laughed so loud that people turned around and stared at us.
“What’s so funny about that? I wanted to slap the shit out of Krissy the moment she showed up and you think it’s funny?”
“What I think is funny is the idea that you would ever shove your mom, first of all—not to mention the fact that you wouldn’t even be able to move her. No offense, but your mom isn’t a small woman. I guess if you got a running start, maybe?”
I smiled at the thought of me backing up and running headfirst at Mama. I’d watched too many cartoons, and Emma wasn’t helping.
“So, you told Walker and his family and they took care of you?” Emma asked.
“Yeah, they’re really great. Walker has been amazing, even with everything that’s going on with him. I was shocked when I met Susan.”
“What do you mean?”
“She has stage-four lung cancer. She doesn’t have much longer to live. Walker and Linda have been taking care of her.”
Emma gasped. “I’m so sorry.”
My heart sank as I thought about the situation. Not only was I in love with Walker, but I was already closer to Susan and Garrett than I was my own family. They were quickly becoming my new one.
“So, what now?”
“Well, I’m trying to believe I’m not possessed, and sometimes it’s easy for me to think I’m not, but there’s a part of me that tugs at my sleeve and says that no one understands except Mama. It terrifies me to think she’s right.”
Emma leaned across the table.
“She’s not right, Lacey. She’s just using it to control you and everyone else in the house. She’s found exactly how to feed on one of people’s biggest fears—dying and going to hell. That’s not okay.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I am. You need to trust me. And I’m not the only one telling you the truth. You have several of us, including Walker’s aunt. I’d think her word was good for something, right?”
“Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry I took up the entire dinner telling you all the crap that’s happened. Thanks for listening to me.”
“I’m always a phone call away, but I still think you should reconsider trying to help your mom. I’m not trying to be mean—I’m just trying to protect you.”
“I know,” I mumbled.
Emma and I walked back to Jack’s Department Store and made plans for next week. She made me promise I’d call every day and tell her where I was staying and what was going on.
Chapter 23
Most of the time I was happy to get off work, but not tonight. The only thing that would make it tolerable was meeting Walker for a few minutes before going home.
I pushed through the back doors at work and stepped into the early evening air. It was perfect. The stars danced in the sky as I walked across the parking lot. I found Walker leaning against my Mustang and hurried toward him.
“Hi,” I said as I unlocked my car door and tossed my purse onto the passenger seat.
“You look amazing,” he said as he kissed me. “Mmmm, peppermint,” he whispered against my lips.
“You like peppermint? It’s my lip gloss. I’ll have to use more of it.”
