by J. A. Owenby
“Hey,” he said.
“Hi, James. Listen, I wanted to say thank you for helping Walker with the ring,” I said. “You’re a great friend and I appreciate everything you did. It means a lot to me and I hope you and I can become friends.”
“He’s crazy about you, you know.”
“He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I replied. “Hey, I need to find Walker, but thank you again.” I closed the gap between us and attempted to kiss him on the cheek, but he turned his head and our lips brushed.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” I said. “I was aiming for your cheek.” I stepped back and flushed at my clumsiness.
James smiled and moved toward me again. I backed into Joss’s door. What was he doing? Why was he so close?
“James?”
“You’re just like he said—so beautiful,” he whispered as he lowered his mouth to mine.
My eyes widened at the realization of what he was doing.
I pushed against his chest as hard as I could. The door gave me additional leverage, and he stumbled several feet back.
“What the hell was that?” I snapped. “Are you out of your mind? Walker just proposed to me. How could you do that to your best friend?” I wiped my mouth.
Anger clouded James’s face.
“Stay away from me,” I said and hurried away.
I located Walker and we said our goodbyes to Joss and Walker’s remaining friends.
We got into my Mustang and I blasted the heat while we waited for it warm up.
“Thank you,” he said and reached over to squeeze my hand.
“For what? Your surprise party?” I asked and laughed. I was determined to forget the incident with James and focus on what was important.
“For saying yes.”
“Were you scared I wouldn’t?”
“Hell, yeah! I kept telling James I was screwed if you said no in front of all my friends. I wanted to surprise you, but I put you on the spot, too. So, since it’s just us in the car, are you sure you want to marry me?”
I turned in my seat so I could face him. His brow furrowed as he waited. I could tell he was worried that I’d said yes just so he wouldn’t be embarrassed.
“Yes, Walker, I’ll marry you,” I whispered.
Relief washed across his face, and he kissed the back of my hand.
“I love you muches and muches and muches, Lacey.”
“I love you more than that,” I said and smiled.
The car had warmed up and I shifted into drive and pulled onto the dark road.
“Walker?”
“Yeah?”
“You’ve had more time to think about things than I have. How long do you want to stay engaged?”
“It’s difficult to say. I want Mom there.”
“So do I.”
“I thought we could talk about a date after I got back from boot camp and I could see how Mom’s doing. Are you okay getting married after I get home?”
My stomach flipped at the thought of planning a wedding and getting married that soon, but I understood why. We both wanted Susan there. I loved him; I wanted to marry him, there was no doubt in my mind. I just didn’t think it would happen so fast.
“Yeah, I’d be good with that, but if she’s doing okay can I have a little longer to plan?”
“You can have whatever you want as long as she’s doing okay.”
We sat in silence for the rest of the way home. I twisted my new ring on my finger. It would take some time to get used to, but I had no doubt that I’d made the right decision. The hardest part would be telling Mama. She would shit a brick, but I was eighteen. She was going to have to face the fact that I was grown. I did, however, realize that it wasn’t the right time to tell her yet since she’d just gotten out of the hospital.
Walker’s house was dark and quiet when we got home. We slipped into his bedroom and closed the door behind us.
He reached for me, but I held him at arm’s length.
“Not yet—I’ve got something to show you,” I said with a mischievous grin on my face. I gently pushed him back and he sat on the end of his bed.
I unbuttoned my shirt and dropped it on the floor. My skirt followed. I stood before him in my new black lace bra and G-string I’d bought from Victoria’s Secret.
“Wow,” he said. “Wow.”
I turned around slowly, allowing him to take me in. I smiled as he licked his lips. I’d waited all night for him and by the look on his face, he’d been waiting for me, too.
We didn’t wait any longer.
Chapter 39
I had the nasty habit of being an early riser and waking before anyone else did. I slipped into my clothes and closed Walker’s door behind me. I made coffee and snuggled under a blanket on the couch in the living room. It was so quiet and peaceful, with a few rays of sun trickling in through the curtains.
I leaned my head back and thought about last night. I was engaged. Never in my life would I have guessed that I could change so much in a few short months. I sure as hell wouldn’t have walked out on Mama. I almost pitied Patsy for having to deal with it, but then decided I wouldn’t feel sorry for her. I’d pay for my own sins as soon as I got home.
I heard Susan’s oxygen tank before I saw her. I set my coffee on the table next to me and hurried into the kitchen to make her some as well. I met her in the living room and helped her get settled.
“Thank you, Lacey,” she said and took the coffee. “How was your night?” she smiled at me over the top of her cup.
“Good,” I said. “But you knew that already didn’t you?” I glared jokingly.
“He told me he was going to ask you, but I wasn’t sure what your response would be.”
I held my hand up to show her that I was now her future daughter-in-law.
“Welcome to the family! I couldn’t be happier.” Susan didn’t just smile; she radiated.
“Thank you so much. I’m pleased to be a part of it.”
We sipped our coffee and grinned at each other. I felt like we’d just entered the secret club for the cool kids, but we couldn’t tell anyone. Any fears that had nagged me melted into the background. I was going to have a real family and a mom who loved me.
Walker appeared at the living-room door and stretched. Thoughts flickered through my mind of taking him right back to bed and leaving his clothes on the floor. A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.
He lifted my blanket and joined me on the couch.
“Hi, Mom,” he said as he stifled a yawn.
“Good morning, Walker. And it is a good morning,” she said. She still hadn’t wiped that silly smile off her face, but neither had I.
“Does Garrett know?” I asked.
“Yup,” Walker replied.
“So everyone knew except me? And I was trying to keep the party from you. I guess that didn’t work out as planned,” I said, frowning.
Walker chuckled and squeezed my hand.
We chatted for a while and just spent time with Susan. She was so happy that I didn’t want to break the mood, and neither did Walker.
Garrett joined us and the morning passed us by as Susan shared memories and funny times about Walker and Garrett. I’d spent my first morning with my future family. It was a glimpse of more to come, surrounded by love and laughter. The exact opposite of what I was used to, but I would cherish every moment of it forever.
* * *
Dread taunted me as I pulled into the carport at home. I slipped off my ring and put it in my wallet. I didn’t want to fight with Mama any more than necessary. I’d decided on the way home that I would tell her that Walker and I were engaged right before he finished boot camp.
With that decision made, I opened the door and walked into the house. Mama was exactly where I thought she’d be: in her chair.
“Hi, Mama,” I said. I didn’t want to give her a kiss until I’d figured out what kind of mood she was in.
“Have fun, Lacey?”
Her voice
was firm and clipped. She was pissed, but I hadn’t expected anything different.
“Yes, we had a good time,” I said, sitting down in the rocking chair. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better, no thanks to you.”
“I’m sorry I left like that, but I have one more week with Walker before he leaves. I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to upset you either, but I’m hoping we can talk about it. I’m going to spend time with him and then go with his family to Little Rock next Saturday to say goodbye. It would mean a lot to me if you were okay with it.”
Mama didn’t respond for a few minutes. I couldn’t tell if she was planning on what to say next or if she was praying, but the only response I got was the squeak of her chair as she rocked.
“We never talked about the night I went into the hospital,” she said.
I didn’t answer because she hadn’t asked me a question.
“I had a sneaking suspicion you were going behind my back after Walker called the first time, but I believed you when you said you weren’t.”
“I wasn’t dating him then. I’d just met him,” I explained.
“It doesn’t matter—you still lied to me when you didn’t tell me you were seeing him. You went behind my back and I’m sure you didn’t think you’d get caught,” she said, smirking.
“Mama, you make it sound like I did something wrong. I didn’t. I went on a few dates and got to know him. I don’t understand how there’s anything wrong with that.”
“Of course you wouldn’t.”
Emma’s voice broke my thoughts. We all know your mama hates men.
As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Emma was right. She’d understood it way before it had sunk into my head. Mama did hate men. I could date anyone, it didn’t matter who it was, and she would fight me over it. I finally realized what had been happening over the last several years. The moments at the hospital, Emma and Joss trying to tell me, but until I met Walker I hadn’t recognized the truth.
My mind floated back to my conversation with Aunt Linda as Mama kept talking. I tuned her out as I pieced things together. Even though I wouldn’t have known any different, it pissed me off that I’d taken everything Mama said as truth. I wasn’t bad or evil. I was in love.
“Lacey!”
“Yes?” I jumped as her tone jolted me out of my thoughts.
“Didn’t you hear what I said? You put me in the hospital. You almost killed me!”
My head snapped up as the words traveled from her mouth to my ears. I’d been home less than thirty minutes and she was accusing me of putting her in the hospital. Too bad Krissy was missing it all.
“You’re making me sick and I’m going to die if you don’t stop your nonsense!”
“Mama,” I said, keeping my tone even and calm. “I love you, but I won’t stop dating Walker. I hope you can make peace with that.”
I got up from my chair, grabbed the banister in an attempt to hide my shaking hands, and went downstairs. In reality, I was safer downstairs. Mama rarely came down; she sent Pasty instead.
I paused in the family room and listened. It was eerily quiet. I might have stood up to her without any violence or major outburst this time, but deep down I figured it wouldn’t continue.
And then I heard it. Mama was crying. No, she wasn’t crying; she was sobbing. My heart sunk into the pit of my stomach as I listened to her gut-wrenching cries. Patsy would be with her, though, and the only thing I could do now was let it go and keep my distance.
Chapter 40
It amazed me how fast the week flew by. When I wasn’t at school, I was with Walker. I spent almost every night with him, telling Mama I was at Joss’s or Emma’s. I’d kept my distance since standing up to her last weekend.
It was getting easier to leave that world behind and live in the one with Walker and his family. There were even days when I didn’t think about Mama at all.
Walker stayed surrounded by family and friends the entire week. The moments we had together were few and far between, but at the end of the day when the moonlight filled his bedroom, that was our time together. We whispered in the dark about future plans and made love. I promised I would take care of Susan and Garrett and write him every day. He promised he would call as often as he could. I tried to hang on to every moment and every touch, but I had no clue of how I was going to get through the next six weeks.
We left for Little Rock that afternoon. Aunt Linda drove and we sat in the back with Garrett. Walker and I stole kisses while Susan and Linda made small talk. Garrett stared out the window. He remained quiet. It was going to be hard for him too.
Walker’s cousins and other family members met us for dinner in Little Rock. He introduced me as his fiancée and I was greeted with hugs as they shook Walker’s hand and slapped him on the back.
I was quiet as everyone rehashed stories about Walker’s younger years. Susan’s smile was sad, and it no longer reached her eyes. I wasn’t sure if she was getting sicker or if she already missed Walker. In the back of everyone’s mind, we all wondered if she would make it long enough to hug him again.
As much as I wanted time to stop, it sped by. We said goodbye to his family and left the restaurant. It was time.
The hotel parking lot was full as we searched for a parking space. Walker and I had agreed that he would say goodbye to his family and then I would walk him to his room.
I lost my breath as we stepped into the hotel lobby. It was full of men saying goodbye to loved ones. Tears filled my eyes and I looked down, trying to hide them from Walker. He had enough on his plate already; I had to do what I could to reassure him.
“Last call! Say goodbye and get up to your room!”
I searched for the voice and spotted a man in an air force uniform.
“You do not get to take anyone upstairs, so say goodbye right here!” he yelled over the crowd.
“What?” I grabbed Walker’s hand.
“Lace, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” He pulled me to him and kissed me.
“I love you, Walker,” I said, my voice breaking.
“I love you muches and muches and muches more than that. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks when you come down to see me, okay?” His voice sounded strong, but his face couldn’t hide his emotions.
I nodded as the man in the air force uniform made his way to our side of the room. He tapped the guys on the back and rounded the last few of them toward the stairs.
Walker kissed me one more time and then walked backward, as though trying to burn the image of us into his mind forever. His eyes searched each of our faces. As hard as he tried to hide it, fear flickered across his face. He was terrified he wouldn’t see Susan again. He lifted his hand in an attempted wave as he joined the group of men. Then he mouthed I love you and turned his back to us.
Tears spilled down my cheeks as I took Susan’s hand. We stood in silence as the group ascended the stairs and out of sight. Walker had just left with my heart.
No one said a word as we walked out of the hotel and got back into the car for the ride home. I couldn’t stop the tears as I huddled in the backseat. I didn’t want to make a scene, but I couldn’t stop. When we got back to Walker’s house, I went into his bedroom and closed the door. I didn’t come out again until the next afternoon.
* * *
I woke to the patter of rain against Walker’s window. I reached for him and found his side of the bed cold and empty. I grabbed his pillow and inhaled his scent. The tears returned as I closed my eyes and imagined his strong arms around me, his kisses on my neck, and his hands on my body.
I wiped my tears away and sat on the side of the bed. If there was such a thing as an emotional hangover, I had one. I rubbed my eyes, desperate to eliminate the burn. My stomach flipped at the thought of Walker being hundreds of miles away.
I put my robe on and entered the empty kitchen. Susan wasn’t up yet, so I poured myself a cup of cold coffee left over from earlier in the morning. I heated it in the mic
rowave and wandered into the living room. I curled up under the blanket and sipped my coffee. I had just snuggled with Walker under this blanket yesterday and now he was gone.
I stared at my ring and thought about our promises. I couldn’t change the fact that Walker had left for the air force, but I’d given him my word that I would take care of Susan and Garrett. I couldn’t sit here on the couch and feel sorry for myself. The world was still moving forward and I needed to move with it.
I took another sip of my coffee and placed it on the end table. Then I flung the blanket off and headed for the shower.
The hot water soothed my burning eyes as the steam filled the small bathroom. I stood under the water and made myself focus on the day ahead. I needed to make sure I was strong for Susan, and I wanted to take Garrett to a movie. I had to go back to work in a few days and I wanted to spend some time with him.
Out of everyone, I figured Garrett struggled the most. Not only had his brother gone off to boot camp, but he was left here watching his mom die.
After Susan left us, Garrett would stay with his Aunt Linda, and nothing would ever be the same for him. I understood why Walker did it, but Garrett was only thirteen and he probably couldn’t grasp that Walker was trying to take care of him.
Thirty minutes later, I was ready to face the world and found Susan in the kitchen. She smiled as I joined her at the table, but her face was paler than normal.
I reached for her hand and squeezed it.
“How are you?” I asked.
“I’m alright,” she whispered.
“You don’t have to be strong for me, Susan. I realize you’re not okay. Hell, I’m not okay,” I said, laughing.
“I’m glad you’re here, Lacey.”
“Me too,” I said.
“I . . . I’m afraid I won’t see him again,” she said as tears spilled down her cheeks.
“We’ll visit him in a few weeks. Hang on to that,” I said and took her hand.
I sat helplessly as her tears spilled over.
