“You know how close those two have become. I’m sure they talk about shit, but he hasn’t said anything to me, honey. I’m sorry.”
“What a jerk,” I groan down the phone. “I really thought we had something special. We both went into it with our eyes wide open. We knew what was between us would be frowned upon. That my family would forbid it. But you know, as soon as Carter was out of the picture, I thought it would be easier. I thought we’d go public and everyone would be cool with us. But he still wanted it to be a secret.”
“He knew his father would disapprove?” she asks.
“Yeah, that asshole disapproves, but so what? He’s a grown man…”
“Who lives an MC lifestyle. One where women aren’t respected. They take what they want when they want.”
“But, he’s not like them. He’s different.”
“I agree,” she replies in an upbeat tone. “He isn’t like the rest of them, but how do you expect him to break free? If he walks away, his father will hunt him down and kill him. Why do you think he hasn’t done it already?”
“You’re right,” I sigh loudly, falling back on the bed with a thud. “I’m just not sure I can live without him.”
“There will be others. You’ll find someone else.”
“What if I don’t want anyone else?” My words are barely audible as they come out as a whisper. “I gotta go,” I say, suddenly jumping up and giving myself a mental slap across the face. “I got to get to work. Don’t want the boss on my case.”
“I am the boss,” she chuckles.
“See you later.” I stifle a laugh and shake my head as I end the call.
Nate
Standing back, arms crossed over my chest, I check out my handiwork. I nod, feeling a sense of satisfaction as I look at my new tattoo studio. The old garage was full of junk, and I'd managed to convert it into a sanitary, state-of-the-art studio. There was no way I could work from my friend’s studio forever. But mostly, I needed to keep myself busy. Focus my mind on something other than Tara.
“Hey,” the voice bellows causing me to spin on the spot. Smiling, I offer the asshole my hand. “Brax,” I say, shaking vehemently despite his attempt to squeeze the fuck out of my hand. My smile fades to a grimace and I try to pull my hand away. “This is my tattooing hand, jerkoff!”
A deep, throaty laugh escapes him. “Oh, sorry, man,” he replies, loosening his grip and retracting his hand. His eyebrows lift as his eyes widen. He scans the room, his lips pulled into a small line. “This looks fucking awesome, man.”
I nod in agreement. “Yeah, it turned out good.”
“Shame about the rest of the place.” He nods his head toward the main house. To say it was dated and needed work would be an understatement. But it’s always been the same. Lazily shrugging my shoulders, I drop down into the chair in front of my desk, letting out a huge sigh.
“You okay there, man?”
“Sure,” I reply. Only my response is a lie. A complete fucking fabrication of the truth. I'm lost and fucked up since I had to end things with Tara. Emotion toys with my mind and I feel like I’m being pulled in a thousand different directions. There’s no doubt what I feel for her and I know not seeing her, having to stay away from her, is going to kill me.
“You don’t look so good. What’s going on with you?” He steps closer, resting his hand on my shoulder and squeezing it a little. Lifting my head, I tilt it a little, looking up at Brax.
“I don’t want to fucking talk about it,” I snap.
“Okay, okay,” he says, letting go of my shoulder and taking a small step backward. He holds up his hand in a mock surrender. “But should you need…”
“No,” I yell, cutting him off. “I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”
“You’ve become a real miserable asshole since you called it off with Tara. I ain’t stupid, man. I know that’s what this is all about.”
Don’t freak out, I tell myself repeatedly. My body shakes as the anger rattles through me. Tapping my leg, I try everything to not jump out of the seat and race toward him.
“You should leave,” I grit out.
“Answer me,” he says with a heavy sigh.
“Why?” I roar, no longer able to keep myself seated. I barrel toward him, pushing my hand against his chest. “I said I don’t want to fucking talk about it.” My teeth are clenched together so tightly my jaw is aching.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” His deep bellowing voice reverberates around the garage space now known as my tattoo studio. “I care about Tara, but we’re friends. I’m asking because I’m concerned. Seems to me you’re both fucked without each other… so why? Why end it with her?”
“I had no choice.”
“What? Because that asshole Jeffries says you can’t see her anymore? I took you for more of a man than that.” I look at him, eyebrow cocked and a smirk drawn on his face. He’s taunting me. He wants a reaction.
“I’m not biting, Brax.” My voice is low and I drop back onto the couch behind me. Inhaling deeply, I place my hand at the back of my neck and try to loosen some of the damn tension. Being tied to this MC isn’t a choice and being related to that motherfucker means I have to follow his rules.
“Stand up to him. There’s no real reason why he should forbid you from seeing Tara. You’re a Savage. You take what you want, remember?” Slowly, he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. Offering the packet to me, I nod and take one, desperate for the hit of nicotine to calm my nerves. My hand shakes as I hold it between my teeth. Taking my own flick lighter from my jeans pocket, I work my thumb over the wheel, placing the flame at the tip of my cigarette. Taking the lighter away, I give it a strong, brief draw, the warm feeling is like having my lungs wrapped in a warm blanket. I take a few, long drags of the cigarette, slowly blowing the smoke out of my mouth. The nicotine rush is a small high, a lightheaded, pleasant, hazy feeling that seems to calm the tremble in my hand.
“Standing up to him would mean the whole of the Savages turning on me. They are loyal to my father. Just have to follow the fucking rules.”
“Fuck, man. I have no idea how all this MC bullshit works, and honestly, I don’t fucking understand it. I just don’t get why you can’t fuck who you want?”
“Because he wants her for himself, Brax.”
“The fuck…?”
“You heard me, man. She has to stay away, for her own good.”
“Nate, that’s fucked up.”
“Yeah, and Dad held a knife to my motherfucking balls when he found out about us. He’s had his eye on her for so long, that as soon as Carter was out of the picture, he was going to make her one of his whores. No fucking way,” I say, taking a huge drag of my cigarette, slowly blowing out a controlled breath. My free hand grips the side of the couch and I feel my nails digging into the leather as I struggle to contain my rage over the whole fucked-up situation.
“Jesus,” he sighs, running his hand through his messy brown hair. “Jeffries does realize that Tara is under my protection? That girl is as good as family.”
Sighing heavily, I step up from the couch, walking over to the open shutter and flicking my cigarette to the ground. “He knows,” I say, slowly nodding my head. “Which is why I kept this to myself. Involving you, after everything you and Izzy had been through, just didn’t seem right. Pushing her away to keep her safe just made sense, I guess.”
“I should speak to him.” He walks, flicking his cigarette outside, making his way back over to me. His eyes are dark, the look of anger in them unmistakable, and I can’t deny that there is something I admire about this guy. He looks scary as fuck and has proven time and time again that what you love is worth fighting for. Yet, I can’t seem to find the same strength. I can’t fight against years of being in the MC, or against my father. And above all else, sacrificing the love I have for her seems worth it to keep her safe.
“Look, I know you’re angry, fuck, I’m furious, but you can’t say anything.
” Standing with my arms folded, I look him in the eye. “I mean it.”
“But you two… listen; I think you forget I was there when the two of you met. That I saw that connection. I’ve watched you two sneaking around for months…”
I interrupt him mid-sentence. “It’s over.”
Snickering, he shakes his head, his eyes still hard on me. “You don’t really believe that.”
“It’s the way it has to be,” I say with finality.
He narrows his eyes on me, his brows drawn together. “You’re giving up on her that easily, huh? She clearly didn’t mean that much to you to start with.”
“Fuck you,” I spit back, anger lacing my tone. “You know nothing about what I think or how I feel.”
“I know that if you had any sort of feelings for her, you’d fight. You’d fight with every ounce of strength you have to make sure the two of you are together.”
“Whoa,” I say dramatically, chuckling nervously as I hold up my hand. “That’s some deep shit you’re spouting.”
Slapping my back with a thud, Brax moves closer. “Admitting you have feelings for her isn’t deep, it’s honest. I know that conventional ‘boy meets girl’ hasn’t exactly been the norm around here, but it’s okay to feel that way.”
“Yeah,” I chuckle. “There ain’t a lot of love flying around these parts.”
Even though I laugh about it, there’s a lot about this place I hate. The way my dad gets inside my head. How he makes me feel worthless even though I’m now his only son. For as loyal as we are, I’ve always felt like an outsider. I thought that would change when Harlan left, but nothing changed. Not really. My mother was just another whore. My dad reminds me of this all the time. I don’t remember her, not at all. My only memories have always been of Dad and this place. I’d like to say he raised me, but I’m pretty sure I raised myself. There have always been kids running around our clubhouse. Some stay, but most leave. I’ve taught myself not to get too attached, because I could never bear the pain of yet another friend leaving.
“Listen.” His deep voice interrupts the memories racing through my mind. “I’m gonna head to the office. But you call me should you need anything, got it?”
“Sure, but you know I have to step back from business for now. My father's orders since he knows how involved you are with Tara,” I reply, offering my hand to him. He takes it, but pulls me in, patting me lightly on the back.
“Fucked up, man.” He blows out an exaggerated breath.
“Not my call,” I say holding up my hands in surrender.
“I mean what I said, man. You call if you need anything.” His tone is low, and his head is dipped as he pulls back, trying to meet my eye.
“I know,” I quickly respond, never once looking him in the eye. I can’t bear it. Dealing with the way I feel inside is one thing, but talking about it and shit is alien to me. I hear his footsteps as he makes his way out. Inhaling deeply, I try to push out all thoughts of Tara. I skulk back over to my desk and drop into the seat. Leaning back, I swing from side to side in the chair, my head resting back as I try to lift the stiffness in my neck. There’s no denying I feel like shit over all of this, but I can’t dwell. There’s nothing I can do to get her back, because that would mean endangering her and that’s never fucking happening. Sacrificing my happiness to keep her safe is a no-brainer, even if it’s tearing me up inside.
Tara
Making my way to the office located downtown, I can’t help but feel nervous about seeing Brax. I know he’s seen Nate, and I know he knows more than he’s letting on.
Pressing my hand against the door, I push it open. The security guy is sitting in his usual chair, sipping on his coffee.
“Hey, Griff.” I plaster a smile on my face and make sure I sound upbeat.
“Good morning, Miss Mellano,” he greets me with a polite smile and the faintest nod of his head.
Pausing for a second, I turn and point. “Is he in?” I ask lifting my brows a little.
“Of course, ma’am. He arrived ten minutes ago.”
“Great,” I reply, clapping my hands together and heading for the stairwell. Braxton’s empire is run from this office. It’s attached to one of his many bars, the offices located on the first floor. Taking two steps at a time, I race upstairs. Opening the door into the office, I make a mental note to smile, because a smile hides a thousand feelings, right?
“Hey,” I sing as I walk in and make my way over to the desk. Glancing around the room I see Izzy sitting on Brax’s knee, her arms strewn around his neck.
“Oh, hey, Tara,” she replies. I watch as she jumps down from Brax’s lap, making her way over to me. Izzy wraps her arms around me, hugging me gently. “Shall I get us some coffee?” she offers with a tilt of her head and the cutest of smiles.
“Coffee would be good,” Brax chirps, looking at us with his feet resting on the table. She looks over her shoulder at him, glaring a little.
“Don’t you have a meeting to attend?” Her eyes widen, and a lazy smile spreads across his face.
“Sure.” He lifts and drops his shoulders. “But coffee first, yeah?”
With a growl of frustration, she rolls her eyes before making her way out of the office.
“So, how are you?” Brax asks, dropping his legs from the desk and standing up from his seat. I can’t help but let out a huge sigh, my hands resting on my hips.
“Honestly? I’m trying to be okay with it, but I’m hurting.”
“If it helps, he’s not doing so good either.”
“Really?”
“Talk to him, Tara. You’re both fucking miserable without each other, and honestly, I can’t deal with this shit.”
Narrowing my eyes on him, I ask, “He made it very clear to me that it was over. Talking to him would be pointless.”
“What he wants and what he says are two completely different things. Believe me.”
Dropping down into my seat with a thud, I lean forward, holding my head in my hand. “He knows where I am if he wants me.” My words are nothing more than a mumble and I instantly straighten my posture, brushing down the front of my blouse. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got work to do.” I give him the side-eye as I use my hand to push him from my desk.
“Oh God, not you too? You deserve each other, pair of stubborn asses.”
“It’s my stubborn ass that keeps your staff in check.”
“I guess,” he says as he walks back over to his desk. I glare at him, giving him an unspoken warning. Turning, I grab a handful of files from the cabinet. Each business that Brax has control over has its own file. It’s my job to liaise with the management and make sure everyone is doing their job. I put it down to my great people skills and my persuasiveness. But, whatever it is, it works well.
“So, how’s the new manager doing at Suite 102?” Brax calls over as he slides back into his seat.
“I have an appointment with him today at noon.” The last guy that worked there was taking money from the business and was fired, or at least that’s what I was told.
“Any problems or concerns and I will pay him a visit.”
“He’s a good guy, it will be fine,” I dismiss him, hoping he will back off and let me handle this. “Just let me do my job, okay?”
“Okay, okay,” he repeats, his eyes wide and his head ducking behind his computer screen. “Jeez,” he whispers. The door flies open and Izzy walks in, holding three mugs of coffee in her hands. I jump up to help her, taking mine and slamming Brax’s down on his desk. He jerks in surprise, glaring at me. “I’m taking my drink into the back room.” He grabs the mug, sipping on it loudly. “Send Silver up when he gets here.”
“What?” I gasp, a little surprised that Brax has a meeting with the Savages that I knew nothing about. “No Nate?” And there it goes. His name falls from my mouth as I can’t fight the curiosity.
“I saw him earlier. Let’s just say he’s otherwise engaged.”
He’s otherwise engaged? “What do y
ou mean?” I ask, annoyance lacing my tone. “If you have something to tell me, Brax, just go ahead and spit it out.” My heart hammers in my chest as a thousand thoughts blur through my mind.
“It’s not my place to say. All I know is that Nate has stepped back from Savage business for the time being.”
“Really?” I say in a huff, crossing my arms and sighing heavily. “That’s how it’s going to be?” My voice is wavering and has become louder than I’d intended. But I can’t help it. The anger bubbles so intensely deep in my gut.
“Why are you so angry at me?” He stands in front of me. “I’m just caught in the middle.”
“Because you’re keeping secrets from me. I know you know more than you’re letting on, and honestly, that stings like a bitch, Brax. I’ve been nothing but loyal to you. Hell, I put my life on the line for you two.” I point between them, tears stinging my eyes. I’ll be damned if I let them break the seal and fall over my face.
“Babe.” Izzy steps between me and Brax, placing her hand gently on my arm. “It’s so hard to see you hurting, and despite you trying to hide it, I know it's cut deep. But we’re stuck in the crossfire.”
“Exactly,” Brax chimes in. “If I repeat what he’s told me, he’s gonna be pissed. If I don’t tell you, you’re pissed at me. It’s a no-win situation.”
“Fine,” I dismiss quickly, taking a step back. If they won’t tell me what’s going on, I’ll go to the source. It’s about time I got some honest answers.
I sit at the desk in Suite 102. This particular bar is one of my favorites, and as I look through the books, I’m pleasantly surprised. I take a glance at the handsome man staring at me from across the table. I feel my face flush as he grins a little, exposing his bright white teeth. There’s no denying this guy is hot, but he's not my type, with his strong jaw and bright green eyes. He doesn’t have a single hair out of place. He’s way too perfect.
“I think you’ll agree that we’ve had a great first week,” Justin says cheerfully. Closing the book, I place it down on the table in front. Leaning forward, I rest my elbows against the dark wooden desk. “I’m happy with everything I’ve seen so far.”
In love and ruins Page 3
