by BETH KERY
“I know. I told you it would be.” She studied the rugged, handsome angles and lines of his face. How had the image of it become so ingrained in her mind so quickly? She’d dreamed of it for the past several nights. Passionate dreams. Joyful dreams. It was almost like some elemental part of her recognized his face. Like some part of her rejoiced at a reunion of their souls. Which made no sense, of course.
But there you had it.
She forced her mind back to the practicality of the moment. Did she see remorse in his expression?
“Are you regretting it?” she asked, dreading his response. “Deciding to be together, for as long as we can?”
“No,” he replied emphatically, and she saw the blaze of truth in his eyes.
“Then let’s forget about it,” she said softly. “My mother’s attempts at setting me up are just an annoying part of my life I have to deal with. Ben doesn’t mean anything to me. I wanted to explain right away why I couldn’t come yesterday but was worried you’d make a bigger deal out of it than it was.”
He closed his eyes briefly, and this time she definitely sensed his remorse. “Which is exactly what I did. I’m sorry,” he said after a pause, sounding sincere. His face tightened in anger. “It’s just so frustrating, to think in this day and age that things like race or religion could actually keep us apart, that it actually matters when you compare it to this.”
“This?” Laila asked quietly, searching his profile.
“This . . .” He waved between them. “Feeling,” he finally said, staring out at the lake.
She felt tears prickle on the back of her eyelids. He’d said it, but he hadn’t said it easily. It had been hard for him. She guessed the Gaites-Granvilles didn’t speak of their deepest feelings easily. But he’d been breaking that rule with her, and not once.
Several times.
“I know. Trust me, Asher. I know,” she said softly, pressing her hand more tightly to his chest, feeling his strong, steady heartbeat. He met her stare. “In everyday life, I’ve convinced myself it’s not a big deal. I’m a third-generation American. In high school, I was on the volleyball team and in the French club and in chorus, and I played piano for concert band. I went to a huge, diversified high school. I had dozens of friends—white, black, Indian, Hispanic, Chinese, Arabic. I work as a waitress in a sports bar and restaurant, and I know just as much as, if not more than, any American girl my age about sports teams, the entertainment world, pop culture. For a lot of people, I’m just a typical American girl. But it’s like I straddle two worlds, Asher.” She sensed his attention fully on her. She wanted him to understand so badly. “At home, I speak a crazy mishmash of Darija and English, which would probably seem even more confusing to outsiders, since there’s so much French and Spanish in Darija. I fast during Ramadan, and I like my mother’s Arabic soap operas almost as much as she does. I crave both Mercury Burger sliders and Moroccan donuts. I love being invited over to my friend Jessica’s house at Christmas and seeing all the decorations and drinking eggnog. I know precisely what to say about my life at work or at school in front of my parents, or my aunts and uncles. I know what not to say. I’m good at managing it. So are Tahi and Zara, and dozens of other friends and family members I know. I’m good at it because I love both worlds.”
“But I don’t fit there. There’s a whole part of your life that I wouldn’t be accepted into.”
“There’s a whole part of your life that I wouldn’t fit into either. Can you imagine your parents’ reaction if I showed up on your arm at their house?”
“I don’t give a damn what they think. That’s the difference between you and me.”
She gave him an admonishing glance and laughed. He frowned, clearly surprised by her gentle sarcasm.
“Please. We all care what our parents think about us. I know how much you want their approval.”
“I’d introduce you to them tomorrow,” he stated unequivocally.
“I believe you would,” she shot back, her spine straightening. “They hurt you as a matter of course, so you hurt them back.”
“They’d have no business being hurt just because I want to see a gorgeous, smart, talented, incredible woman that I like being with. A lot.”
She started to speak but then just made a frustrated sound. She smiled and shook her head, knowing when she’d been beat. “I can’t talk to you about this. Especially when you throw sweet things like that into the argument.”
He leaned toward her. “Is that what we were doing? Arguing?”
“Weren’t we?”
“I don’t want to fight with you. Our time together is too rare for that.”
Her smile faded. “I don’t want to fight either,” she whispered feelingly. He placed his opened hand on the side of her head, tilting her face fully toward his. He leaned toward her, and she felt his intensity.
“This place.” He nodded out at the still lake and the deep woods that protected it. “This is our place. When we’re together, it’s our world.”
“Yes,” she whispered fervently. “You’re right. It is.”
His mouth covered hers.
Here was the truth, right in front of her, burning her. Laila realized for certain she had a whole new, thrilling, amazing, scary world to deal with.
• • •
After she reluctantly left Asher on that golden afternoon that would forever be stamped in her memory, she went to Crescent Bay South beach to meet up with Tahi and Zara. Predictably, Jimmy and Rudy were there too. She saw Tahi, Rudy and Jimmy straddling a paddleboard and bobbing up and down in the rough surf, laughing as they tried to stay afloat. They all looked happy and sun-kissed, each as golden brown as the next. She went to the edge of the lake and waved at them. They waved back.
“Where’s Zara?” she called.
She saw Tahi’s sardonic expression as she gripped the board and rolled her hips with the waves. “With Eric,” she shouted. “Somewhere.”
“We better find her. We’ve got to get back.”
The three of them came to shore. Rudy said that Eric and Zara were probably in the car in the parking lot.
“Who’s going to look for them?” Rudy asked amusedly.
“I’m not,” Tahi stated flatly. “I’ve already seen way more than I ever wanted to when they’re making out here on the beach.” She gave Laila a conspiratorial glance. “I say making out loosely. It’s actually like watching them have sex with their swimsuits on.” She made a disgusted face. “So gross. Oh, guess what? The guys asked us over to Asher’s again tonight. We were thinking of grilling out by the pool again, and then going over to that country-western place off Silver Dune Drive. Rudy and I are going to kill it on the dance floor,” she drawled teasingly, reaching for Rudy’s hand. The two of them did a surprisingly skilled little two-step in the sand. “You up for it, Laila?”
She and Asher had already discussed the possibility of them being able to see each other tonight. Her father and uncles were coming on Thursday this week instead of Friday. On Wednesday, there was always the chance her mom would ask Laila to help prepare dishes for their arrival, so she might not be able to get away then. Tonight was the best opportunity.
“We can probably get away,” Laila said. “But I can’t really promise . . .”
At that moment, she spotted Zara and Eric walking toward them. Her heart dipped in her chest. Zara’s gait was wobbly. Eric was practically holding her up with his arm around her waist. Her cousin wasn’t going to be going anywhere tonight. Which meant none of them would be. Zara certainly wouldn’t be driving them to a meeting with Asher and his friends. As her cousin got closer, Laila saw the wildness of Zara’s hair, the glassiness of her hazel eyes and her lopsided grin.
“What have you been giving her?” Tahi asked Eric angrily when they approached.
“Nothing controversial. Just some good old-fashioned Scotch,” Eric replied g
libly.
“Yeah, Glenlibbet. Glen . . . libbet,” Zara tried again, bursting into laughter at her uncooperative mouth.
“Glenlivet,” Eric corrected her. His stupid grin made Laila suspect he was nearly as far gone as Zara.
“I’ll drive,” Laila said, giving Tahi a grim once-over. “We’re going to have to stop and get her some coffee and try to sober her up. Hopefully she can get through dinner tonight without giving away that she’s wasted. We’ll get her into bed after that, and there’s a remote chance no one will notice.”
Tahi sighed bitterly. “Nice job, both of you. Zara is the one with the car. Now we’re not going to be able to go out tonight.”
“You’re a dick, Eric,” Rudy stated bluntly. “Why’d you have to go and get her drunk?”
“Did I pour it down her throat?” Eric asked, scowling. “She drinks like a fish.”
“Never mind,” Laila said loudly when Zara irritably tried to contradict him. She wrapped her arm around Zara’s waist and pulled her away from Eric. “Come on, Tahi. We’ve got to go. Now.”
• • •
They took Zara to a drive-thru on the edge of town and pushed coffee, water and some food into her. Both Laila and Tahi got brushes out of their bags and took a side, each of them smoothing Zara’s out-of-control hair. By the time they got back to the cottages, Zara looked like death warmed over, but at least she wasn’t slurring her words, tripping over her feet and giggling manically anymore. The aunties accepted Laila and Tahi’s cover story that Zara had eaten a bad fish taco at the beach concession stand. When Zara just stared down at the Moroccan tortilla on her plate at dinner that night and turned green, Nadine hustled her off to their cottage.
After dinner, the younger kids asked if they could go over to a carnival that had come to Crescent Bay North beach. Tahi and Laila volunteered to clean up and stay back with Zara, so the aunties could take the kids into town. Tahi and Laila found Zara passed out cold on her sleeping bag when they quietly entered the sleeping porch that evening at dusk.
“Eric is a bad influence,” Tahi said, frowning as they lay down on their sleeping bags.
“It’s not all Eric’s fault,” Laila murmured, studying her cousin’s wan, pretty face while she slept.
“Yeah, Zara is being so irresponsible and selfish. She’s kidding herself if she thinks Eric is going to so much as text her once he goes back to New York. Guess what Rudy told me today?”
“What?” asked Laila, propping herself up on her elbow.
“He heard Eric talking to another girl on the phone.”
“How did Rudy know it was another girl?”
“He could tell,” Tahi said wisely. “Besides, does it really surprise you? Eric’s probably got a girl stashed away for every location and mood.”
“No, I guess not,” Laila said uneasily, thinking of some of the things Asher had said about his cousin. It suddenly struck her that Asher had never talked about a girlfriend. How likely was it that someone as good-looking, smart and sexy as Asher wasn’t in a relationship?
“If Zara doesn’t watch out, she’s going to get herself pregnant from a summer fling. Nadine would die on the spot if she found out. Amu Reda would kick her out of the house. Then what’s Zara going to do?”
“You really think Ami Reda would kick her out?” Laila asked, referring to her uncle, Zara’s father. What Tahi had said about her aunt Nadine dying on the spot had been an exaggeration, although Laila could easily picture her aunt getting hysterical and at least imagining Zara had sent her to her deathbed. But what she’d said about Reda left Laila feeling a little ill. If her uncle Reda kicked out Zara, whom he adored, then surely her father would do something similar to Laila, if she ever found herself in similar circumstances. Her father and Reda were brothers, and very similar in their values and outlook on life. She’d never really had to think about it before. It left a gaping hole in her stomach, even considering the idea of her father or mother rejecting her.
“Of course. Are you crazy? Look what happened to that girl Amal, in high school, the one that got pregnant her sophomore year from that loser senior quarterback? They shipped her off somewhere, and we never saw her again.”
Laila made a face. “Her family was a lot different than ours. I can’t believe Reda would ever do that to Zara.”
Tahi scoffed. “I can’t picture her living with them and having a white guy’s baby while she’s single, can you?”
Laila placed her hand on her belly in an attempt to calm a swarm of butterflies. “Do you think I’m being irresponsible too? And selfish? With Asher?”
Tahi froze in the action of smoothing her long ponytail over her shoulder. Her gaze darted down to Laila’s hands on her stomach. Her eyes sprang wide.
“Do you mean you could get pregnant?”
Laila blinked. “What? No. We’ve never . . . I just wanted to know if that’s what you think? That I’m being selfish in getting involved with Asher?”
“No. Not as long as you’re careful. There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun, is there? That’s what I’m doing with Rudy. Nothing serious,” Tahi said matter-of-factly.
“But it is serious,” Laila said quietly.
The sun had set minutes ago. The light was very dim on the sleeping porch. Tahi leaned forward, examining Laila’s face closely.
“You mean like you’re in love with him?”
Laila swallowed thickly. “I don’t know. Maybe,” she whispered. But the true answer rang in her head like a resonant bell. She lay on her back and stared blindly up at the beams on the ceiling.
I am so screwed.
“Tahi?”
“Yeah?”
“Have you ever felt like . . . like your whole world—the one that you’ve always known and loved—suddenly got too small? And you feel like you’re going crazy? Like you’re suffocating, and you just want to burst out of it?”
“Sure. All the time. Doesn’t everybody our age feel that way? We’re not kids, but we’re not adults either. Not completely. It sucks.”
Laila lifted her head. “So what do you do when you feel like that?”
Tahi shrugged. “Deal with it. It usually fades with a good night’s sleep. It’s all going to turn out, eventually. You and I will get our degrees from Wayne State. We’ll get jobs. We’ll get married. Then we’ll be in a position to call the shots.”
Laila laughed at her friend’s practicality and rested her head on her pillow again. “It’s just so hard to know sometimes, isn’t it?”
“Know what?”
“What’s selfish and what’s courageous?” Laila said softly. “What’s being naïve and immature, and what’s being adult and strong?”
“I wouldn’t know. You lost me. Let’s get back to Asher. Are you worried you’re being selfish when it comes to him?”
For a moment, she didn’t answer. She just stared up at the beams on the ceiling, trying to find the right words. Maybe she was being selfish. But was being selfish always bad?
“He’s so incredible. So brave. So independent. Fearless. He makes me feel so much. Not just in regard to him. About myself. He makes me want to take chances. Live bigger. Deeper.”
“You mean like run off with him or something?” Tahi asked, sounding incredulous. Mystified. Maybe a little awed.
“I don’t know. It’s not just that. That’s not what I’m trying to say,” she said, frustrated that she couldn’t make Tahi understand.
“I was half joking about Nadine keeling over if Zara ever pulled anything scandalous with Eric the Jerk. But I’m serious when I say Khal-ti Amira would have a stroke if you ran off with Asher. That’s definitely not what Auntie has in mind for her precious little girl,” Tahi said drolly.
“I know,” Laila whispered, hiding her wince at the mere thought of her mother’s pain if she ever did something so drastic. Her shame. And Lail
a’s subsequent shame, at exposing her need . . . at making her dreams and desires more important than those of the ones she loved.
What was selfish, and what was brave?
That question made her dizzy. How was it that when she asked that question from one point of view, the answer was so drastically different than when she asked it from another?
Chapter Twelve
Wednesday morning, she and Asher texted.
I missed seeing you last night.
I missed you too, she wrote.
Eric is a jerk, getting Zara drunk like that. Is she okay today?
She’s pretty hungover still, but surviving.
Do you think you can meet me at the sl at one?
SL was their abbreviation for secret lake.
You know I’d like to. I’ll try my hardest to be there.
I’ll bring some peaches.
Are you trying to bribe me? she texted jokingly.
I’d do just about anything to see you shining again on that beach this afternoon.
Her cheeks had grown hot at that. His words had sounded intensely sexual in her head . . . but somehow sacred too.
After lunch, Laila helped her mother clean up and then said she was going to put on her suit for the beach.
“No, I need you here this afternoon,” her mother said.
“But Tahi and Zara are going—”
“I know, but it’s your khal-ti Nora’s birthday tomorrow. That’s why your father and your uncles are coming to Crescent Bay early. You and I need to get busy and make Nora some of her favorites for her party. Plus, we need to decide what we should do for decorations. I thought we could run into town this afternoon and pick out some things.”
“But, Mamma, I can do that tomorrow—”
“We still have plenty to do tomorrow. Think of all Nora does for you. She’s your favorite auntie,” her mom said, looking hurt and a little put out. “Have you even gotten her a gift yet?”
“No, but I was going to get her something in time for her party. Tahi is her daughter, and she’s going to the beach this afternoon,” Laila exclaimed heatedly.
