“Well, I am seventeen years old now. I have grown quite a bit.”
“Yeah that’s...” I look at him with shining eyes. “You look good, bro. I’m glad to see you again. It’s been too long, I will make more effort to come back again.”
“Oh my goodness, Serena, Is that really you?” Mom joins us then, with a shocked expression on her face. “I can’t believe that you’ve finally come back home. Have you decided to come back now? You know we want you home.”
“Erm, not exactly.” Urgh, if only it was that simple. Now I kinda wish that was it. “Can we talk? Do you mind? Can we all go in the living room?”
Mom and Dad share a look, but they follow me into the front room. At first, Ethan makes us all tea, during which time we do some pointless small talk. I fill my parents in on the very basics of what I’ve been doing in the city over the last five years. I give the scantest details, even though I know they want more. They also tell me a couple of things too, not that I pay much attention. My buzzing ears can’t hear anything.
Then Ethan comes back in and it’s time to tell all. As he hands me a mug, I have to instantly put it down for fear of making a mess. My shaking hands can barely hold anything right now. I’m a mess.
“So.” I rub my hands up and down my trousers. “The reason I’m here actually is because I’m... I’m...” I breathe in and out a couple of times, trying desperately to steady myself. Mom and Dad are staring at me like I’ve grown an alien head, but Ethan is more focused on the TV. Thank God, I don’t know how I’d get this out with his eyes on me as well. “I’m pregnant.” An intense hush fills the room so I feel the need to continue, to get it all out. “With twins, actually.”
Mom and Dad look at each other again and I’m sure I see both their faces pale. Even Ethan shoots me a little glance but there isn’t any judgement there. He’s just giving me a look, almost as if he’s trying to tell me that he’s there. For a seventeen year old, he sure seems mature.
“You’re having a baby?” Dad finally pants out. “With who? Why isn’t the father here with you? Are you married? Did you get married and not tell us?”
Of course he would ask that. He comes from a time period and a small town that expects such behaviour. People from here don’t have babies unless they’re married. Of course that leads to lots of shot gun weddings, but that’s preferable to doing it alone. I knew this was a bad idea.
“No, I’m not married,” I say quietly. “I’m not with the father either. He... well he freaked out when I told him about the baby and now he doesn’t want to know.”
“Oh my God.” Mom stands up and she paces the room. “Oh my goodness. I cant believe this. I cannot believe this happened.” She runs her hands through her hair looking incredibly stressed by my news. I knew she wouldn’t take it well, but I don’t know if I thought it would be this bad. “This is why we didn’t want you to go to the city, we knew this would happen. You should have just stayed here and continued dating that nice Luke boy. You know what he does now? He’s the manager of the supermarket.”
Urgh, I can’t even entertain that notion. It’s too painful for words. Mom clearly doesn’t know what an asshole Luke is. I can’t even start going down that road with her... at least now I know to avoid the supermarket.
“Mom, this is serious,” I tell her. “This didn’t happen because I went to the city, this happened because I fell in love with someone who didn’t deserve it.”
That stops her in her tracks. Maybe she thinks it’s better because I’m in love with Ben, I don’t know. Either way, she stops ranting which is good.
“What do you intend to do?” Dad jumps in, unfortunately taking over that role. “Have you come home to live here? Because I don’t know if we can have you living here with twins...”
“Dad!” Ethan jumps in, sounding stunned. “Seriously, Dad.”
“What? You can clearly see that we don’t have the room for two babies to live here and what will the neighbours think? This is a small town, Ethan, people talk. I don’t want everyone to know that our daughter ran off, got knocked up, then came running back.”
Holy fucking hell, this is rough. I can barely stand it. “I don’t want to come back here either,” I interject quickly. “That isn’t why I’m here.” God the thought of staying back here again for an extended period of time makes me want to shiver with sickness. “I guess I just wanted you guys to know.”
I push myself into a standing position. I need to get out of here now, this was a mistake, I can’t believe I even allowed myself to think this might have been a good visit.
“Are you going?” Mom gushes. “We can’t just let you go like this.”
“We can’t have her to stay either.” My dad was not letting me forget that.
“No.” Mom sits by Dad and she looks up at him. “I know that, I’m not crazy. I know it’ll be hell for Serena if she comes back. Everyone will talk about her, it’ll be horrible. What I think is we should give Serena some money to get her started.”
Mom and Dad stand up and they quietly leave the room so they can talk about it in private. They’ve always been this way. Every chat that they’ve ever had about money has been without me and Ethan in the room. I guess it’s because they don’t want us to worry, but we’re adults now. It really doesn’t matter.
I roll my eyes as they leave the room and give my brother a weak smile.
“This is why I can’t wait to get out,” he tells me seriously. “Everyone is so small minded here. I hate it. I mean, in my eyes you’re really brave. You have twins growing in your belly and you’re ready to take them on alone. That’s awesome.” Wow. That’s the first time anyone has said that to me. In a way it feels kinda nice. “The asshole dad doesn’t want to know, but that’s not important to you. You’re going ahead anyway.”
“Thank you, Ethan... when did you get so wise?”
He smiles but doesn’t answer me. Instead he continues on the same road he was before. “You should take the money that Mom and Dad give you and start again. Move somewhere far away from here. Make a good life for you and your babies.” He smiles down at my stomach. “I can’t believe I’m going to be an uncle, you will send me pictures when they’re born, won’t you?”
At least I have him. He’s awesome. I’m so damn lucky to have him. He’s been the one good thing to happen in this whole trip home. “Thanks, Ethan.” I give him a genuine smile. “That means a lot, and of course I’ll send you pictures.”
“Where do you think you’ll go?” he asks me curiously. “Any ideas?”
“Hmmm, that’s a good question.” I tap my chin thoughtfully. “I honestly have no idea. I could go anywhere...”
I do know though, there’s only one place in the world I want to be. It might not be smart, but I have to go back to the city. That’s my home.
Chapter Twenty Three – Ben
Mom?” Is that her? I can barely see, my eyes are so blurry. I think that’s her though, it looks like her shape. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m sick of this,” she says while pushing past me. “I’m sick of coming into this house and seeing you in a mess.” I want to tell her to stop coming, but I don’t bother. It feels like too much effort. “You cannot tell me that you’re still drinking today for a business meeting. It’s ten in the morning. That pathetic excuse won’t roll today.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Mom, that really isn’t any of your business.”
She spins around rapidly to stare at me with nothing but sheer anger in her eyes. “None of my business? Are you serious, Ben? None of my business?” She steps closer to me and points her finger dangerously close to my face. “You left a girl who sounds perfect for you, who’s carrying your baby by the way which I know even if you won’t admit it to me, because you want to focus on your business. But you aren’t, are you? You’re pissing your life away in the next bottle you can find. You won’t even let me contact Serena myself. You’re denying me of the chance to be a grandmother. If you don’t
want to be a father then fine, I don’t like it but you’re old enough to make your own choices. To keep me away is just selfish.”
“Mom, it’s been four months. She won’t want to hear from either of us now.”
“Are you insane?” she snarls at me. “Who the hell are you to make that sort of choice for someone else? You aren’t even giving her a try.”
The world is spinning around me, I need to sit down. I crash into the first chair I can find. Mom’s words twirl around me, but I’m still too drunk from last night to focus on any of them properly. “I don’t know what to say to you, Mom. I think by this point it’s just better for us both to keep out of Serena’s life.”
Mom sits down opposite and she gives me an intense look. It’s hard for me to focus, but her piercing eyes get through. “Can you honestly tell me that you don’t miss Serena? That you aren’t interested in the babies at all?” I shrug childishly, unable to answer her. “Then you need to make an effort. You need to clean yourself up.”
“I can’t, it isn’t that easy.”
Mom sighs loudly and she shakes her head. “Son. I’m going to tell you something now that I haven’t told you before, because I never wanted to damage your view of him...”
“Him, who?” I ask. There’s a horrible sensation in my heart that I’m not going to like what comes next.
“Your father.” Yep, I’m right. This is definitely something I don’t want to know. “He was a wonderful man, don’t get me wrong, and we had a great marriage... but right now, you remind me of him.”
“What do you mean?” I gasp out thickly.
“I mean... he had an addictive personality and I think you do too. He could never just drink, he always had to end up wasted. He could never just do something, he had to go all out, dedicating everything to it, a bit like you and your business.” I don’t know if I’m supposed to hate that, but it feels nice to have a connection to him. “Sometimes that sent him into self destruct mode. A bit like you, right now. I remember this all the time with him. It was hard for me, a battle every day during his outbursts, and then of course it eventually killed him.”
“Huh?” That catches my attention. “But I thought that he was caught in a crash with a drunk driver on the way home from work?” That’s what I’ve always been told, why would I believe anything else? I wait impatiently for Mom to explain.
“Oh he was killed by a drunk driver alright, but it was him.” She grips onto my hand and gives me a stare. “I never wanted to tell you this because I didn’t want to taint your opinion of him when he wasn’t around to defend himself. But now I think you need to know. He was driving home from work, but he was wasted and he drove straight into a tree.” Her eyes flicker downwards, she looks absolutely gutted. “I always warned him something like that would happen, but he wouldn’t listen. It didn’t matter what I did, I couldn’t ever save him. I really want to be able to save you.”
My heart sinks, her words actually affect me. I cannot believe it. My dad went down a spiral, a bit like what I’m doing right now, and it killed him. Maybe that will happen to me too, maybe it’s in my genes, I just don’t know. I don’t want that to be me, I don’t want to end up ploughing my car into a tree in a drunken state.
“I know this might come as a shock to you, Ben, and I do apologise for keeping it from you, I just thought it was the right thing to do. Now I’m not so sure that it was.”
“Y... yeah,” I don’t know what to say. My head feels way too fuzzy to be dealing with this nightmare. “It is a bit of a shock.”
“Well I just hope that it helps. I’ll tell you what, why don’t you go to bed and sleep this off, let it all sink in a bit. I’ll ring your office and make sure everyone else has it under control. Then I’ll tidy this place up. When you get up again we can really have a talk about things and think about what you want to do next.”
All the fight has zapped from my body, which is probably because I think Mom might be right. I’m certainly not happy at the moment and nothing is improving in my life. I can’t seem to party like I used to, I can’t manage the balance between having fun and totally losing control. Something inside me has changed irrevocably and I can’t seem to get it back. I think it’s time to give up and to try it someone else’s way. I’m ready to relinquish control of my life for now to see if someone else can do a better job.
“Thanks, Mom. I think I will.”
As I stagger upwards I fall forwards slightly and Mom catches me. As she pulls me in for a hug I allow her to do so because I really need some comfort. Pushing everyone away has always been what I’ve done, but it’s never hurt this much before. Serena has done more than get under my skin, she has crawled in there and set up home and now I want her back.
“It’s two babies, Mom,” I admit quietly. “She’s having twins.”
“Oh, Ben, you are going to have to make it up with her. You do understand that. Don’t you? Especially now, one baby is hard enough but two... plus I really want to be a part of their lives.”
“I know, Mom, and I’m sorry. I’ve been an idiot, but I won’t let that happen again. I promise you.”
She pulls back to look at me, gives me a sweet smile then sends me off to bed. As I go all I can think about is her words. I do need t o make it up to Serena, that makes so much sense. I want to as well. I probably should wait until I’ve slept and I can speak to her in a much more sensible way, but there’s a deep itch in my chest that needs to do it now. Like right now. With the alcohol still coursing through my system I can’t help myself, I need to know right now.
Screw it.
I pull out my phone and hit dial just as I fall into my bedroom. I collapse onto my soft bed and wait for her to answer. I’m still not sure she will, I do think I might have left it too long, but I need to at least try.
“H... hello?” she sounds unsure. “Ben, is that you?”
“Yeah, tis me.” Shit, I sound about as drunk as I feel. “How are you?”
She pauses for a moment before answering. “Are you serious? You wait until I’m almost six months pregnant and then you call me just to say how are you? And are you drunk at this time of the morning? You sound it.”
I can’t help it, that riles me up. I’m offering an olive branch here and she’s throwing it back in my face. “No, I obviously want to know how my babies are doing,” I snap back. “And I think I have a right to as well, since I’m their father.”
“Babies... so you did get my voice mail, probably my text too. What makes you think you suddenly have a right to know anything when you’ve been ignoring me all this time?”
What a bitch, why is she jumping down my throat? This chat wasn’t supposed to go like this at all. “I just want to know, Serena, I don’t want to fight.”
“You don’t want to fight?” Now she sounds really angry. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve struggled? I’ve had to do all this by myself with no money, nowhere to live, no help... do you know how much doctor’s bills are?”
“So this is all about money? I’ll refund you...”
“No, Ben, not everything is all about money. Maybe if you get your head out your ass you’ll see that.”
Mom might be all for me making up with Serena, but how can I when she’s being a stubborn cow? How am I supposed to make up with someone who doesn’t want to know?
“I’m just trying to help...”
“Well, it’s too late for you to help, Ben. And it certainly isn’t going to work with you calling me while drunk. That proves absolutely nothing except that you can’t be trusted. I don’t think you should call me again, Ben. Not unless you’re actually going to be serious.”
“I am serious, Serena. You can’t keep my baby away from me.”
“I’m not trying to...” She tries to interrupt, but I’m on a role now, acting like father of the year even though I haven’t done anything as yet. I can hear myself, I can see what I’m doing, but I just can’t seem to stop myself from acting like an idiot. It’s almost like I�
�m not even in my body at all now.
“I’ll get lawyers, I’ll go for custardy, I have rights...”
“Ben.” Her tone is so firm, I can’t ignore her again. “Don’t call me again.”
“Ever?”
“Ever.”
“But...” It’s too late, she’s gone, taking my last hope with her.
The dial tone fills my ears and I feel like I might throw up. That is not how I wanted that call to go, maybe I should have waited until I was full sober. That was foolish, I might have wrecked things forever more. At least I still have my mom downstairs, she’ll somehow sort me out. I need her now more than ever. I don’t think I can do this by myself anymore. Everything I touch turns to shit, I’m like a freaking disaster area.
For now all I can do is sleep it off, just like Mom said. I should have listened to her all along. Clearly she knows better than me, I don’t know what’s good for me anymore. I’m just a mess.
Tomorrow will have to be a brand new day, I’ll just have to hope that I find a way to make all of this right. Somehow...
Chapter Twenty Four – Serena
I hang up the phone and throw it across the bed with tears in my eyes. I just cannot believe it. After months and months of hearing nothing, he calls me now with that attitude? He has to be kidding me!
“Who was that?”
Relief floods me as Jenny walks in the room. Thank God she’s back, I don’t know how I would do this without her. She keeps insisting that she didn’t come back from her life dancing on the cruise to look after me, that it was because she got a chance to dance in a music video – which I know is true, she’s been in a few – but I think a part of it was me as well. She feels bad for me, she thinks I’m young and naïve and I’ve been stupid.
She’s right, and I hate that she’s right.
“It was Ben.” I can’t see any point in lying to her, not when I’m on the verge of tears. “He rang me up saying it’s his right to know what’s going on with the baby.”
The Most Eligible Bachelor: A Texas Love Story Page 52
