by Amber Lacie
A beautiful angel is sitting on the beach with her friends. I can see her laughing. Her smile is bright and full of life. The sun is behind her, giving her hair a golden look to it. I notice one of her friends is a boy. I am suddenly jealous of him, and I’m sure it’s just the start of things.
I think about going over to introduce myself, once or twice, but I stay over here where it’s safe. She doesn’t know me, and I don’t know her. It’s easier when I keep to myself. No one teases me, or expects things from me. No one knows my name, and I can blend in with everyone else.
I watch her and her friends for a while. They are bouncing a beach ball back and forth to each other, while wading through the waves. The wind catches it, taking it away, and landing it at my feet. I stare at it for a second, before I reach out to grab it. My hands clasp around the ball, and I look up into the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen.
“You caught it.”
I did, but I don’t respond. Words chase each other around in my mind, and I’m suddenly confused about which ones to use. She stares at me for what feels like minutes, until I finally hand over the beach ball.
“You could play with us. It’s just me and my friends.”
I stare blankly at her, wishing she could reach into my head and grab my thoughts. I know if I tell her my name, she’ll figure it out. Everyone always does.
“It’s cool, if you don’t want to talk. Wait, oh my God. Can you talk? I didn’t even think about it. I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.” She starts chewing on the inside of her cheek. She looks so nervous. She’s worried that she has upset me. How could a stranger care about me? The thought makes me smile, just a little bit.
“Yes.” My voice croaks.
“Good. Wait. Yes, what?”
Once again, I am speechless. I just stare into her blue eyes, while she tucks strands of her long, brown hair behind her ears.
“So, you can talk?”
“Yes.” My voice is much firmer this time, but it’s still hoarse.
“Right. So anyways, my friends and I are trying to play a game. We could use another player.” She turns around to walk away. She looks like she might be twelve or thirteen. I know I’m older than her, but it’s not by much. I watch and she looks back over her shoulder, flipping her hair. She may be younger than me, but I have never seen anything more beautiful in my life. She yells something, but I can’t quite make it out. She stops and turns around, almost losing her footing in the sand. She starts laughing, and it is the most beautiful sound. I stand up, and start walking over to her to see if she is okay.
She has a huge smile on her face, and she grabs my wrist, as I get closer to her. “Good. I’m glad you’re going to play.”
I never said that I was, but I don’t correct her. My skin is buzzing where she touched me, and it’s the first time I have felt alive in a while.
“So, these are my friends, Kayla and Matt. We all go to school together.” She points her finger back and forth between her friends. I smile a huge grin, when she refers to the boy as just her friend. “Guys, this is…um…I don’t actually know his name.”
They all stare at me, and I just shrug my shoulders. They don’t need to know my name. I might tell her eventually, but not them. They continue to look at me, and I notice the girl wink at me.
“Well, it’s kind of a secret. I’m not supposed to say because his family is so famous. He’s going to play with us. Okay?” She winks at me again.
“Eve, is he dumb?” Her name is Eve and it is perfect. Her friend with curly blonde hair seems to have an issue with me.
“No.” This time my voice is steady and calm.
“See, Kayla? He’s fine. He just doesn’t like talking. It’s cool.” Eve takes my hand, and pulls me into the water with her. We play, bouncing the beach ball back and forth, for a little while. Eventually the other two leave to race up and down the sand dunes. It is just Eve and me sitting on the beach. I like it better this way. I scoot closer to her until our legs are touching. She makes my skin feel hot and alive.
My heart is racing. I don’t want to scare her away, so we sit for a long time just watching the waves hit the shore, spending most of my time at the beach with Eve.
My dad is being a complete ass. He doesn’t want me making friends with ‘locals’. According to him, we are better than they are, and should act like it. He took my bike, but I hid my skateboard before he could find it. He started locking me in my room, but I still sneak out. I must see her. She is the only one that makes me feel even slightly stable with all of this going on.
I hate him.
My mom wants me to avoid him. She says he is coming to terms with things, whatever that means. I heard the doctors in her room the other night. She is dying. She won’t tell me, but I know. She has stage four cancer. I am not sure how much longer she will be here with me. I’m scared. If she goes, I will be alone with him.
He told me he hated me the other day. He said it is my fault that my mom is sick. He said she has been dying since the day she gave birth to me. I know he is lying, but it still hurts.
It is so odd the way your mind works while you’re dreaming. One minute, I am on the beach with Eve, and the next I’m walking into my mom’s room. I wonder if I did break her because she looks so small in her large bed.
I open my mom’s window to let in some fresh air. It’s hot outside, but there is a soft breeze today. She says she likes the smell of the trees. I walk to her bedside and start combing her hair. She can’t do it anymore. Her arms get tired too quickly.
For some reason, I tell her about the friend that I made at the beach. I tell her all about, Eve and how beautiful she is. The words flow out of my mouth like a waterfall and I can’t catch them fast enough. I tell her Eve is short for Evelyn, but I like to call her beautiful. My mom smiles at me, as I tell her every detail about my time with Eve. I set her brush down on the table beside her bed. My mom gently grabs my hand and I carefully sit down beside her. She looks so fragile. I am afraid if I breathe too hard by her, she will shatter into a million pieces and scatter into the breeze.
“Theron, I’m so happy you have finally made a friend. She sounds amazing, sweetie. I love the way your face lights up when you talk about her. When, I go—”
I cut her off with a wave of my hand. I am not doing this. “Mom, no. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“No, sweetie, you need to hear this. When I go, I want you to keep her as a friend. Your father is a cold, angry man. I do not want him to dilute you with his poison. Hold onto her…keep her. You’ll need her.”
“You’re not going anywhere. I need you.”
“Baby, I know. I am trying to hold on for you, sweetie, I am, but it’s getting harder every day. I love you so much it hurts. You deserve to be loved. Promise me.”
“I can’t. I’m not doing it. You can’t go. I don’t want to be alone with him.”
My mom’s hand softly touches my chin, turning my face towards hers. “I will love you whether I am here in this place with you, or if I’m floating above you with the stars. A mother’s love never ends. Now please, promise me you’ll let her love you. Keep her. Hold on to her friendship for as long as you can. I believe she’s going to be your light in a very dark time.” Tears fall from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks.
I can’t let her down. I don’t want to disappoint her, so I do it.
“Okay. I promise.”
Now
That was the last conversation that I had with my mom. Her speech went downhill after that. She died about two weeks later. My dad was destroyed. He swore that I did something to kill her. He acted as though just my presence was vile enough to take a human life. I wasn’t allowed back at the beach, and I couldn’t sneak back out, either.
He had me sent away, so he ‘wouldn’t have to look at my murderous face anymore.’ Those were his exact words. What kind of parent tells their child they have a murderous face? What kind of parent blames their child for spreading cancer? Mine do
es.
I kept my promise to my mom, even through college. I never let Eve go. Her beautiful smile is locked away in my memories. She saved me from myself that summer.
I was ready to go with my mom. I wasn’t sure how exactly, but I considered different ways that I could kill myself, but I was never able to go through with it. Every time I pictured Eve’s face, I felt a little bit of hope. I became an adult that summer. Death will do that.
Every minute I spent with Eve, I felt my heart get lighter. She made me feel as though I mattered. We could sit by each other for hours and not say a word. I felt needed, wanted, and most importantly, I felt loved. The memory of her is the only thing that kept me from falling into an abyss of despair all of these years.
My eyes are closed tightly, refusing to let in any light. I am sitting against a wall, and my shoulder feels like it’s burning. It’s probably from the glass table I had broken and pushed in front of the door, but people were still trying to get in, so I rammed into it with my shoulder. It shattered. Everyone left me alone after that.
I feel like I am going to throw up. The only thing keeping me somewhat calm is rocking my body back and forth. I’m gripping onto my legs, trying to stay in this reality. First my mom, and now my Gram. I am completely alone. I feel void and empty.
I was mad at first, but there are no words to describe how I feel now. I know he did this. I don’t know what he said to her, but I know it pushed my gram over the edge. He will pay for everything he fucking did. He will suffer for hurting Eve, and I will make him pay for everything he has ever done to hurt my Gram.
My Gram is fucking gone. No, no, no, no, this can’t be real. I chant ‘no,’ over and over again, trying to wish this all away. I hear glass crunch, alerting me to someone else being in the room with me.
I stop rocking to yell at whoever is in the room. “Leave! I said I want to be fucking alone. Fucking leave!” Chanting once again, I start rocking back and forth. This isn’t real. I swear that I can smell Eve’s perfume. I must be losing my fucking mind. Feeling a soft hand rest on my forearm, my skin feels like lightening is crawling across it. It can’t be her. I walked away from her. I let her go.
“Theron.”
I stop rocking. Holy fuck. My sweet, beautiful angel is here.
“It’s Eve. I’m here to help you, but I need you to look at me first. You’re bleeding and I’m worried about you.”
Fuck! I don’t want to bring her into this, but he already did. He hurt her to get to me, and now he has taken the only family that I have left. Fuck him.
I look up into her beautiful eyes and see pure fear. She’s frightened. He has fucking scared her.
"Thomas did this! He did this! He fucking took her from me. He's taken everything from me. He's going to pay for this. I will ruin him. I won't stop until he has felt every ounce of pain he has brought into my life. I will fucking destroy him." My words are dark and laced with venom. I mean everything that I have said.
She doesn’t say a word. Her bright blue eyes just stare into mine. She is my light, but dark shadows are taking me over. I need to keep her, so that I don’t lose my mind. I put my hand over hers, and she gasps.
Turning my head, I look away. I must really be a monster.
Eve
He is sitting on the floor, gripping my hand. I finally got him to move, but we’ve only made it to a section of the floor where there’s no broken glass. At first, he wouldn’t move, but once he saw I was kneeling in glass, he followed me to the other side of the room. He wouldn’t sit in a chair, so I slid down the wall, and he sat next to me. He hasn’t spoken since I first came in here.
I check the time on my phone and notice I’ve been in here with him for over an hour. The wall I built around my heart starts falling apart as I sit with him. Just the feel of being close to him, seeps into my heart causing it to thump hard in my chest. Seeing him so utterly destroyed is killing me. I want to save him from all of this.
I need to get him out of here. He needs his shoulder checked, and I need to get him home. I don’t want him to get upset or put off by any of my movements, so I plan everything out in my head as far as I can. I even contemplate different problems or scenarios that could come up.
“Theron.” I hear him take a sharp breath, but he doesn’t say a word. “Babe, I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry, but we can’t stay here. I need you to let me help you. Your shoulder is cut up, and I just want to make sure that you are okay. Then, Evan will drive us back to my brother’s place. Okay? We don’t even have to go to your place. Just come home with me. Please, babe.”
He looks up at me with dark, void eyes. I’m hoping the idea of me needing him will work. He stares at me for a few minutes, and I hold his gaze. “Please, baby. Let me take care of you. I need you home with me, I need to feel you.”
I notice a light flicker in his dark eyes, and I know I have his attention. I stand and pull him up with me. He clings to my hand, as we walk over towards the door.
“I’m going to open the door now…it’s the only way out. The doctors are going to check your shoulder, and then you are coming home with me. I won’t leave you.” I bring his hand up to my lips and gently place a kiss on the back of it.
I open the door to see a devastated Evan, leaning against the wall across from us. He looks at me, and then over to Theron. “Evan, Theron needs his shoulder looked at. After we have the all clear from the doctors, we will need you to drive us back to my place. Theron will be staying with me.”
“As you wish, Miss Evelyn.”
Theron squeezes my hand. It’s painful, but I’m doing my best to ignore it.
Evan follows Theron and me as we walk over to the emergency room registration.
“Excuse me, but he needs to be seen. He cut his left shoulder. He was in the waiting room and had an accident.”
“Accident? More like a temper tantrum. Have a seat and fill out these forms. Someone should be with you shortly.”
I let out a big sigh. I understand that he has had a mental breakdown, but she doesn’t have to be such a bitch about it. I hand the forms to Evan, since he would be able to fill in more blanks than I could.
Theron, has finally released his death grip on my hand, and is now holding my arm. It seems like we have been waiting forever for someone to call Theron’s name, but it has only been about twenty minutes.
We follow a nurse into a private room and she pulls the curtain around us. She hands me a gown for Theron and I help him pull off his shirt. The nurse’s eyes roam his chest, and I give her a deathly stare. If she wants to live while we are here, she had better keep her gaze professional.
She takes his blood pressure, and makes some notes in her chart before walking out of the room. I helped Theron slip on his gown. I start to help him with his jeans, but he stops me.
“Don’t. They only need my shoulder. I’ll let them look at it because you are here. Then we are leaving. We can stay at Robert’s tonight, but then I am going home. I’m going to run him into the ground.” Theron’s eyes are dark and cold. I keep quiet and sit beside him in the sterile room. Thoughts cross my mind of what he may be capable of. He’s such a calm person; I can’t picture him being violent. Although right now, I wouldn’t put it past him.
Theron got eight stitches in his shoulder. The cuts were not as bad as they seemed. Once the doctor cleaned off all the dried blood, there were only a few scratches and one deep laceration. He should have his sutures removed in ten days.
The drive to Robert’s was so quiet; all I could hear was Theron breathing. Evan parked the car. Turning my head, I try to give Theron a soft smile. I want to tell him everything will be okay, but I know that is far from the truth.
Softly taking my hand in his, I help him out of the car. His grip on my hand tightens, as we walk into the beach house.
I can’t imagine the pain he is going through right now. I may have lost a close friend, but now he has lost all his family. I won’t count his dad as family. He’s more of a sperm
donor. A real father wouldn’t treat his son like this.
I’m tempted to ask Theron if he knows what exactly Thomas said to Isa, but I don’t want to push him any farther. He is already broken and falling apart. I don’t want to run the risk of destroying any shred of my Theron that may still exist, even if he is lost, lurking in dark, murky waters.
He follows me downstairs to my bedroom. I open the door, and gesture with a wave of my hand for him to go in. He doesn’t let go of me, instead he pulls me along with him. He still hasn’t spoken, but his breathing is softer, easier.
I start to sit on the bed, but he stops me with his hand. He holds his palm up in front of me, and then raises his index finger on his other hand.
“What? Why am I waiting? I want to help you.” My voice pleads with him, but I’m not sure he hears me.
He sits on the bed, propping pillows up behind him and spreads his legs open. Curling his finger, he motions for me to join him. I crawl up on the bed and make myself at home, lying between his legs with my head resting just above his waist. My head rises, as he takes a deep breath.
“I know you want to help me.” His fingers run through my hair, grazing my scalp, sending goosebumps crawling across my flesh.
I shouldn’t have waited so long. I should have gone to him. Stubbornness seems to be my flaw with him. I mentally take a deep breath, needing to clear away my stray thoughts. My focus should be on Theron, and what he needs.
He lets out a sigh and twirls my hair around his fingers. “Eve?” His words pull me from my thoughts, as guilt settles in my stomach. I don’t want to make this about me. My heart slams hard in my chest. I don’t know why, but I suddenly feel scared.
“Theron.” My voice is flat, not knowing what to expect next.
“I know you want to help me, but I’m not sure what’s going to happen. This could be a dark path and I don’t want to taint you. I don’t want to poison you.”
