As he was doing at the moment. “Do you mind the snow?” he asked when she stopped to stomp one of her boots. “Is it too icy for you? Do you want to go back?”
His conciliatory manner was so sweet, she shook her head. “I don’t mind the snow at all, and it doesn’t feel too icy to me. Actually, it does my body good to get out and about.”
“I feel the same way.”
Melody hid a smile. She’d been talking about her very large condition. She was so big and uncomfortable now, sitting or lying down brought precious little relief. “Are you used to sitting around less?”
“Very much so. At the factory, I’m constantly in motion. I mean, I’m busy there.”
“You work in a garage-door factory, don’t you?”
“Jah.”
“Do you like it?”
“I do, well enough.” He shrugged. “It’s a gut job. I not only help build the doors, I sometimes am asked to assist in managing the men.”
“They must respect you.”
“Perhaps.” Lines around his eyes deepened as he smiled. “Like I said, I like working there. I’ve worked there almost ten years now. The men there are good and easy to work with. And fair, too. There’s no one who makes things difficult or who doesn’t want to do his part. That’s a rarity, I think.”
“Are they all Amish?”
“Nee. We’re about half and half, which makes life interesting. We joke around with each other. And laugh a lot, too. All of that makes the days go by fast.”
They continued to walk down the gravel driveway. There wasn’t much to see, beyond snowbanks and bare thickets of woods. Around them, the tall oaks and maples were void of branches. Every so often, a vehicle’s engine could be heard. But other than that, they were completely alone.
That’s when Melody realized two things. One, he was the first man she’d been alone with in almost nine months, and she wasn’t afraid. Secondly, she was enjoying this man’s company. Enjoying his self-deprecating humor.
Stopping again, she looked at him in wonder. “Levi, it is wunnerlich, but now I think I can actually imagine you laughing.”
“And how is that strange?”
“When we first met—all of two days ago—I don’t know if I could. You seemed very sullen.”
The twinkling in his eyes vanished, making her wish that she’d held her tongue. “I had a lot on my mind,” he finally said when they started walking again.
They had reached the end of the driveway. In unison, they turned and started back. Now the beautiful oak sign announcing the entrance to the Brenneman Bed and Breakfast greeted them like a symbol of hope. Drawing them closer.
Perhaps the right thing to do would be to drop the subject. To not push Levi. But Melody found she couldn’t. Now she had no secrets left. The man beside her knew she was with child, and that this child was a product of the most terrible of things.
But he also knew that she’d survived, was stronger for it.
So she pushed. “Is your mind burdened because it’s Christmas?”
“Partly.”
“But not all …”
She misstepped and almost tripped on a rock. He held out his hand and supported her elbow. And finally answered. “Christmas is part of my problem. But no, not all.”
“Do you want to share?”
“Not especially.”
“You might feel better for it.”
“My, you’re being direct now.”
She couldn’t deny that. “You don’t have to answer, of course. If you choose not to, I’ll understand.” She paused, trying to put into words what was jumbled in her brain. “But I think something tragic happened to you. And I know what dealing with that feels like.”
“Yes, I guess you do …”
She smiled, frankly surprised at herself for her whole attitude. “Now that I’ve told you my worst, I suppose it is easy to be open.”
“I am sorry for you.”
“I know.”
“And … I am grateful that you aren’t afraid of me.” Under the brim of his black hat, Levi’s hazel eyes darkened, revealing a mix of emotions. Tenderness and caution warred in their depths, drawing her closer.
As did his voice. “I … I would never hurt you, Melody.”
“I know that, too,” she murmured softly. “Believe me, if I thought you would, I would have left the inn right away.”
Again, her frankness seemed to take him off guard. “I hope I never make you feel worry or pain.”
Like his gaze, there was something in his voice that drew her to him. For a moment, she yearned to reach out to him. Almost wished he’d wrap a comforting arm around her shoulder.
Stunned by the direction her mind was taking her, she attempted to lighten things up. “I’ll only feel pain if we walk for another hour. Our stroll is showing me that even the shortest walks can be tiring. I’m a little winded.”
“We can go slower …”
“Oh, no. I’m fine. Just big and pregnant.” They were nearing the inn. In twenty or so more steps, they would reach the front door. And then their private time together would end. “So … why did you leave your home for Christmas, Levi?”
“I wanted a respite from my life.”
“I can understand that. I did, too. But there was another reason, wasn’t there?”
“There was.”
She took a chance. “Levi, what were you running away from?”
He swallowed hard. “My memories.”
“Bad ones?”
“Bad and good.”
They were almost at the house. Through the windows, Melody could see Mrs. Brenneman and Katie’s two daughters sewing. Through another, Mr. Brenneman was visible, whittling.
In mere moments, they would no longer be alone. This closeness would dissipate. They’d meld into the rest of the group … go separate ways. The opportunity to talk openly would be gone.
“Levi, what is your bad memory?”
He hung his head. “I’m reluctant to tell you.”
Was he guarding himself? Or more worried about how she would receive the news?
Fearing that, she touched his arm with one mittened hand. “I promise, there’s nothing you could say that would shock me.”
As if in slow motion, he turned her way. “On Christmas Eve, two years ago, my wife Rosanna and our baby died,” he said bleakly. “She’d wanted to have our baby in the hospital, but I saw no need for that. My mother and sisters had delivered at home …” His voice drifted off, as if the rest of his thoughts were too painful to share.
But then, before she could say a word … before she could actually reach out like she yearned to … Before she could press a hand to his arm and assure him that he didn’t need to say another word … Before she could apologize for prying, he spoke.
“There was a problem. So much blood.” He swallowed. “The midwife couldn’t help—Rosanna … my Rosanna needed a blood transfusion. But of course, we couldn’t do that.” Looking as bleak as the empty plains beyond the house, he continued. “And so, she died. They both did.”
They were at the front steps now. Though she still stood, frozen, Levi climbed the three steps. When he reached the door, he looked her way. His eyes now looked vacant. Curiously empty.
“And so that is what I am running away from, Melody. My ghosts. Christmas. And the knowledge that my arrogance—my heavy-handed pride—killed my wife and child.”
He turned the handle and stepped inside.
Leaving Melody to realize she’d been a liar. Here, she’d thought no one’s words, no one else’s story, could ever shock her.
But she’d been wrong. She was stunned to the core.
Turning on her heel, she started walking again.
Chapter 14
December 23, noon
Levi strode by the whole family without a word and marched up the stairs like he was in a daze.
Beside Katie, Jonathan whistled low. “That there is a man who is hurting.”
“Hurting or angry
?” Katie asked as she watched him cross the second-floor landing, and then walk down the hall. Seconds later, they all heard him take the last bit of stairs to his attic room. A dull thud of his door let them all know he wasn’t coming out anytime soon.
Still looking upward, Jonathan tilted his head to one side. “My guess is hurting. If he was angry, he’d probably be stomping more.”
“Perhaps.”
Katie’s mom turned to the window. “Ah. Melody turned and went walking again. It looks like she’s going to do another lap on the driveway.”
“I hope she’ll be all right. It’s a long walk in the cold.”
“It is.” Her mamm frowned. “I know their business is private, but I can’t help but wonder what got them both so upset. They hardly know each other.”
Jonathan crossed his arms over his chest. “It does seem strange. From the looks of their faces, they were having quite a discussion. A serious one. I wonder what happened?”
“I guess we’ll never know.”
In Katie’s arms, Eli fussed again. When he’d woken up, his cheeks were bright red and he pulled at his ears. Now no position seemed to make him happy. Katie was worrying that he might be sick.
After repositioning and gently patting his back, Katie watched Melody walk down their driveway again. “She sure is getting a lot of exercise. Oh, I hope she’s not about to deliver.”
Reaching out, Jonathan took the baby from her. “That has been on your mind, hasn’t it?”
“I can’t help but worry. It’s a big event.”
“Which you don’t want to happen here.”
“I promise, I feel much better toward our guests. I don’t resent their presence any longer. But delivering a baby is a scary thing.”
“Let’s not borrow trouble,” her mother said. Pressing a palm to the windowpane, she said, “But I will admit to being worried about Melody out there, walking alone. Katie, why don’t you go see if someone can talk to her? Maybe Anna or Henry is free?”
“There’s no need. I can go speak with her. That is, if you don’t mind staying with Eli, Jonathan.”
“Of course I don’t. But do you know what you’re going to say?”
“Not at all.”
“You’re just going to hope something comes to you?”
“Well, I will hope and pray.” She smiled. “I know God is with us. I’ll have a word with him while I walk out to meet Melody. Wish me well.”
Jonathan pressed his lips to her brow. “Good luck, Katie. I hope you won’t offend Melody while you walk.”
“Thank you for your faith in me,” she said sarcastically.
“Oh, I have faith in our Lord,” he said with a smile. “I’m just not certain if He’s going to have time to answer you right at this moment.”
“He will. I’m certain of it.”
Katie caught up with Melody just as she’d turned around and was facing the sign. “Hi.”
Melody looked at her in wonder. “Is anything wrong?”
“I don’t know. We saw Levi go upstairs in a lather and you continue walking … is everything okay?”
“It’s fine. I just thought I’d get some exercise.”
“I’ve walked this driveway a time or two. I can vouch for its benefits. You must be careful though, yes? You don’t want to overdo it.”
“This is nothing to my usual day at work. I’m on my feet all day then.”
“You work in a coffee shop.”
“I do. It’s called Great Grinds. I make fancy coffees for people.”
“Is it a good job?”
“The best. The owner, Mrs. Sheridan is a good lady. She’s the one who gave me the gift certificate for here, you know. She thought I needed a break.”
“I’m worried with all the commotion you aren’t having much of one.”
“It’s good enough.”
“Do you have any close friends there?”
“One. Leah. She’s English, but we’re very close. I feel like she could be my sister.”
“I was that way with Anna. Well, almost. We didn’t see each other all that much, but when we did, it was as if we’d only been apart for a day or two.”
“So you had a lot in common, even though she wasn’t Plain?”
“We did. And she was very different. She had adopted a way of life unlike the Plain lifestyle before she sought refuge here. At first, I was really worried she wouldn’t be happy.”
“She seems really happy.”
“She is. She loves my brother, and I think she loves being surrounded by lots of family, too. Friends make good family, too, you know.”
“Perhaps.”
“So, is there anything we should do for Mr. Bender?”
“For Levi? I don’t know.”
“Is he upset with something here?”
“No. He’s upset with something in his past.”
“Ah.”
“I wouldn’t feel right about sharing too much, but I will say that Christmas reminds him of unhappy memories.”
“Then we’ll have to do our best to make new ones for him,” Katie said simply, though she knew that was a very difficult thing to do. One cannot just wish away problems. They have to be dealt with, not hidden.
For a moment, she let herself think about her English friend Holly, who had gone to such lengths to find her after the end of Katie’s rumspringa. At first, Katie hadn’t wanted to see her because she’d felt guilty about her treatment of Holly’s brother.
But Holly had taught her much about the power of love … and about forgiveness. The last time Katie had visited with Holly, her friend had shown off her engagement ring and had been full of smiles about Charlie, her fireman fiancé.
Katie and Jonathan already had plans to attend Holly’s wedding.
Yes, the past always had a way of returning. Especially when it was least expected.
December 23, noon
Zack was frowning when he found her by the back door. “Leah, I looked at the weather report, and the snow is supposed to get worse. The roads are going to be difficult.”
Leah felt her stomach drop. “I better not wait another moment, then. I better get going.”
To her surprise, Zack reached out and took her hand. “Are you sure you really have to go to Adams County?”
“I am. Melody needs a friend.”
“You can’t be her friend when she returns? I’m sure she’ll understand once you tell her what you’ve been going through.”
“Zack, I hear what you’re saying. I know the weather’s horrible and the roads are in bad shape. But the thing of it is, Melody would never expect anyone to go out of their way for her. That’s why I need to go. She needs to know someone still cares for her, no matter what.” Leah paused, struggling to find another way to describe her petite, fragile friend. “She’s a really sweet person.”
“You are, too.”
The way he looked at her—as though she was really special—made Leah feel like she was the luckiest girl in the world. “It’s Christmas. Everyone should be with family and friends.”
“But she made that choice to be away.”
“I don’t think she felt like she had a choice. I think she was trying to find peace, and the only way she thought she could find it was by running away. I can’t let her be all alone.”
He slumped, but still didn’t look happy.
His body language spurred her to finally ask something that she’d been pondering all day. “Zack, please don’t take this the wrong way, because I really have been enjoying your company. But, why are you so concerned about me?”
“Please don’t be afraid … but from the moment we met, I haven’t been able to think of another thing. I like you a lot.”
He’d been in her mind, too. But she’d been embarrassed. After all, who fell in love like that? “I like you, too.” She took care to keep her tone upbeat and light.
But Zack didn’t follow her lead. “From the moment I saw you leaning against your car, I wanted to get to know y
ou better,” he said seriously. “And everything I’ve learned has led me to want to get to know you even more. “I promise, I’ve never done this before. It’s not like me to want to protect virtual strangers, but suddenly I’m worried about you.”
“I promise I’m a good driver.”
“It’s everyone else I worry about. And it’s about you traveling by yourself.”
“Are you worried some other man is going to try to pick me up?”
“Honestly? Yes.”
“Zack!”
“Don’t act so surprised. You asked, and I’m telling you the truth.”
“I think you’re worrying a little too much.”
“I can’t help it. You’re beautiful.”
In a flash, her cheeks started to heat. His words embarrassed her. His attention was disconcerting. No one had ever called her beautiful. Leah looked at him closely. What was this man really like? Could guys really be this … nice?
It seemed all he wanted was for her to be safe and cared for.
“Leah, I’ve been turning this around in my head all day, trying to find a way to ask you. But there isn’t a good way, so I’m just going to say it. Leah, how about I go with you to the Brenneman Bed and Breakfast?”
“What?”
“I’ll drive you. I’ve got four-wheel drive; we’ll be able to get through anything.”
“But—”
“And I’ll be the perfect gentleman. I won’t even try to kiss you.”
She was curiously disappointed. “You won’t?”
He laughed. “I won’t, if you don’t want me to.”
She wasn’t sure what she wanted, so she left that one alone. “But what about your family? Your job?”
“I’ve got vacation hours. I was going to skip them and work so other guys—guys who have girlfriends and wives—could have the time off. But now I’m thinking I should have a turn, too.”
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