“I think differently. And it is a journey. I truly feel that God has been in charge of this trip of mine since the moment I left our driveway. There’s been too many coincidences to think otherwise.”
“You sound like your head’s in the clouds.”
“Well, maybe it is.” Gentling her voice, she said, “Mom … Zack is different. He’s a good man. He’s a police officer.”
“That means nothing. It doesn’t mean he’s perfect.”
“I don’t want perfect.”
“You should in this case. Leah, you really do need to rethink these sudden decisions of yours. I’m afraid you’re going to look back on this moment and really regret it. Be smarter.”
Leah knew everything her mother said made sense. She knew everything her mother said was from concern, too. Because she cared.
But that didn’t mean she was right.
The strained silence that fell between them felt awkward when she hung up the phone and breathed deeply. She and her mom had rarely ever fought. Their relationship had been a unique one in Leah’s circle of friends.
Usually, her mom seemed to “get” her. She usually trusted Leah, and the feeling was mutual. Leah trusted her mother’s instincts about people, and about making the right choices in life. She’d always felt like she could tell her mom anything.
But this time, she regretted doing so.
Maybe it was all that coaching that her mom had done over the years, coaxing Leah to be strong and independent, persuading her to think for herself—because, right now, she felt she wasn’t making a terrible mistake by going with Zack.
As Leah walked back to the truck from the gas station they had stopped at, Zack saw the look on her face. “Uoh. What happened?”
“Do I look that obvious? Sorry. I just got off the phone with my mother.”
“And?”
“And she doesn’t think it’s very smart of me to go anywhere with you.”
His face became a mask as he continued forward. Leah stepped to the side when he opened the passenger door for her. Then he turned to her. “Do you want to go by yourself now? If you do … I’d understand. We can turn around.”
“I don’t know,” she answered quickly. Not because she wanted to do anything but go to Adams County with him. But because now, suddenly, she wondered if she had been acting too rashly.
With measured movements, he straightened and closed the truck’s door, then walked around to his side. “What are you unsure about?” he asked quietly as he settled into the driver’s seat.
“I guess we don’t know each other all that well.”
“Ah. Well, okay. Is there anything special you want to know?”
“You know that’s not how it works. You don’t get to know someone by asking each other twenty questions.” She winced as she heard the last of her comment. She sounded sharp and shrill.
Maybe even immature.
But instead of losing patience, Zack seemed to turn even more understanding. “Leah, I wouldn’t have offered to take you to the inn if I didn’t want to be with you. I told you before, I don’t pick up girls on the highway. Everything that’s happened between us, it’s not the norm for me.”
“It’s not for me, either.”
“I know. That’s why I brought you by my parents’ home. I wanted you to meet them, and for them to meet you. I’m not hiding anything, Leah.”
His words made sense. “And here, I thought it was all about those puppies,” she said, lightly teasing.
“I hoped you’d go for the puppies. I hoped when you got there, you might feel more comfortable around me.”
“I do. I’m not afraid.”
For a moment, his gaze warmed. Her breathing quickened. For a moment, his eyes drifted over her face, glanced at her lips.
In that second, she knew he was thinking about kissing her. Instinctively, she knew that she would have let him. There was that strong of a pull between them.
But he didn’t. “So, are you ready?”
“I am.” She looked in the backseat. “So, I’ve been meaning to ask, what’s in the cooler?”
“Snacks and sandwiches and a couple of bottles of water. My mom’s idea. Even though I’m on the highway all day with my work, and could really use a sandwich every now and then, as soon as I tell her I’m traveling across the state line, she starts packing supplies.”
“Then we won’t go hungry.”
Zack buckled up and turned on the ignition. “You’re exactly right. No matter what happens, we won’t go hungry.”
Leah’s stomach knotted. It was probably her imagination, but for a moment there, his words sounded extremely ominous.
Chapter 17
December 23, 7:00 P.M.
Later that evening, Melody spied Levi sitting on the floor with Mary Lundy, Katie and Jonathan’s eldest daughter. Around them was a mountain of yarn, all of it twisted and tangled.
“What are you two doing?” she asked as she came to join them.
“Sorting yarn,” he replied. “Please join us.”
Levi looked so overwhelmed, surrounded by the mountain of string, that Melody couldn’t resist his cry for help. Or tease him a bit. “I will … if you’re sure you don’t mind?”
“Please. Have a seat.”
“All right.” Knowing better than to sit on the floor—if she did that, she wouldn’t be able to get up—she sat on a nearby chair and grabbed a fistful of yellow, orange, and green. Strands snaked around and popped out like in a photo of a giant squid she’d seen in a textbook. A few longer pieces continued through to the ball on Mary’s lap. “These are tangled horribly! Mary, how did it get this way?”
“Our cat found my mamm’s yarn basket and played with it last weekend.” With a dramatic grimace, she added, “Katie was terribly upset, I tell ya. She said Patches almost ruined it all.”
“Patches sure tried his best,” Levi muttered.
Mary ignored him. “As my Christmas gift to her, I offered to sort it.”
Melody nodded in her direction seriously. “Perhaps you wouldn’t mind if Levi and I stayed for a bit to help?”
“I wouldn’t mind, but Katie might get mad. This is my job.”
“If she spies us, I’ll tell her I offered. Untangling all this yarn is a difficult thing.”
“It’s awful! I’d throw it all out and go buy new yarn if I could.”
“That would be a waste of good money,” Levi murmured. “I don’t mind sitting here and helping. Do you, Melody?”
His dark eyes flickered her way. Once again inviting her closer. Inviting her to reach out to people. To enjoy the other’s company instead of feeling overwhelmed. “I don’t mind at all. It will be fun.”
Mary snorted. “This ain’t fun.”
Instead of correcting her surly attitude, Levi just laughed. “There are worse chores to do, I promise you that.”
Melody dug through her clump. After pulling apart strands and searching, she uncovered what she was looking for, just like a prize. “I’ve got the end of the yellow.”
“I have the green,” Mary offered.
“And I have brown.” Levi’s eyes twinkled. “The most masculine color.”
“It suits you,” Melody quipped.
He grinned at her, his expression revealing his surprise. “I didn’t know you could joke.”
“I might have forgotten, but I do have a sense of humor,” she murmured. “There was a time when I used to always tease people around me.”
“I used to laugh more, too,” Levi said.
In between them, Mary sighed.
Melody glanced at Mary. “Are we boring you, child?”
“No,” she said quickly, obviously too polite to speak her mind.
But five minutes later, when her little sister peeked in, the look on Mary’s face was priceless. “Hannah, do ya need something?”
“Winnie’s going to take me for a walk to gather pin-cones. She said you could come.”
Glaring at the yarn, she shook h
er head. However, the rest of her looked wistful. “I best not.”
“Why don’t you go, Mary?” Levi surprised them by saying. “There’re plenty of knots here. They’ll be some when you get back still.”
She looked from one to the other. “You don’t mind?”
“I don’t mind at all,” Melody said, surprising herself. She was eager to be alone with Levi. Eager to learn more about him, and about how he used to be, without Mary’s ears.
“Go now,” Levi prodded. “Holidays are for spending time with your family and friends. Go enjoy yourself.”
That seemed to be all the encouragement she needed. With a swish of her skirts, she was off and running.
The moment it was just the two of them, Levi stood up with a groan. “Never again let me ever complain about women’s work. Sitting here, trying to sort out those strands, is tiring. I need to stretch.”
“It is kind of you to even help her as much as you did.”
She started to move his pile of yarn toward herself.
“Don’t—” He reached out and covered her hand with his own, stopping her. When their fingers touched, she stilled.
He pulled his own hand away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to grab at you like that.”
The proper thing to do would be to pretend nothing had happened. But try as she might, she couldn’t. “You have nothing to apologize for. You didn’t grab.”
“I don’t want to frighten you.”
If the memories weren’t so hard to bear, she would have told him just how different his touch had been from the other man’s. “You didn’t frighten me. I promise.”
Then, because she was learning a bit more about herself … and because she knew he was suffering in his own way, she reached out to him. This time, she carefully placed her hand on top of his. Not to caress. Just to still.
But just the same, his hand trembled slightly. It was obvious he, too, didn’t know where their boundaries lay.
Quietly, she said, “Ever since I was raped, no one—man or woman—dared touch me. At first I was grateful for it.”
“But now?”
“Now I have to admit to missing human contact. Being scared and unsure, it wasn’t who I was. It wasn’t who I used to be. Deep down, I don’t think it’s who I am now.”
Ever so slowly, he rotated his hand so her palm slowly perched inside of it. “Used to be, I wasn’t so stern. I wasn’t so judgmental. Far less used to make me frown.” He swallowed. “And I never, ever shied away from my wife’s touch.”
As if their hands belonged to other people, Levi’s fingers spread and she slipped her fingers through his. Linking their hands. Heat rushed through her skin, sinking into the fine muscles of her palm. Sinking into her bones.
They were connected.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you something. Your hand, it feels good in mine,” he murmured. She heard a thread of wonder there.
The same wonder she felt. Unable to speak, she nodded.
Just as slowly, their hands loosened. She pulled her hand away. Dug it into the wad of string. “Back to work?”
He pulled up a chair and sat near her. “Back to work,” he murmured.
However, he didn’t look that upset about it.
Neither was she. In fact, it was so nice sitting with him she could almost ignore the twinges of pain she’d started to feel in her back.
As well as the fact that they seemed to be coming at regular intervals.
Chapter 18
December 24, 1:00 A.M.
Jonathan rolled over and opened one bleary eye. “Katie, is the storm keeping you up?”
As the wind whipped another burst of snow and ice against the windowpane, she shivered. “The storm’s bad, but I’ve been worried about our boy.”
She was worried about other things, too. Here in the middle of the night, she’d had so much on her mind. At the forefront was the likelihood that their family would be increasing again—and that Jonathan had no idea.
As the days passed, she knew it was time to tell him about her pregnancy. But there never seemed to be the right time.
Now, in the middle of the night when the rest of the house was asleep, would be perfect. However, there was a greater issue at hand. Something was wrong with their son.
Eli had become increasingly fussier by the hour. He was feeling warmer, too. Those things, along with a general lack of sleep, had set her nerves on edge. “Nothing I’m doing seems to quiet him. I’m getting worried.”
One open eye became two. With a shake of his head, Jonathan sat up. His covers slid down to his waist as he leaned forward and looked her way.
She couldn’t help herself from examining him as well. A warmth encased her as she reminded herself once again that this man—this wonderful man—was her husband. Even though so much else was worrying her, Katie felt that same pull toward him that never seemed to go away whenever they were together.
Sometimes, she still could hardly believe they were married and a real couple. The Lord had been so good to her! He’d given her so many blessings. Thinking of her own behavior when Melody and Levi had first arrived, Katie wished she’d remembered then to spend more time giving thanks—instead of resenting their arrival.
A shrill cry from Eli refocused her attention. As best she could, she sought to soothe him, but still his face scrunched up as if in pain. Seconds later, another scream filtered the air.
Jonathan’s sleepy expression turned concerned. “When was the last time Eli had Children’s Tylenol?”
Katie turned to the glowing clock on her nightstand. The news there made her head pound. “Three hours ago.”
“It’s, what, one A.M.?”
“Jah.” As Eli’s fretful squirms threatened to break into louder cries, she bit her lip. Oh, she felt so helpless. She’d give almost everything she had to be able to read her baby’s mind. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I don’t know what to do.” She knew her voice was turning high-pitched and shrill, but she didn’t care. “Jonathan, he seems to be in pain, but the bottle’s directions are clear. I can only give him medicine every four hours. It’s too soon to give him more.”
The quilts piled in a heap as he crawled out of bed and padded her way. The long-sleeved T-shirt and plaid flannel pajamas had been her birthday present to him, and never failed to make her feel happy inside. The outfit was a favorite of his, and he often let her know how comfortable it felt.
After he brushed a hand down her back, he held out his arms for their baby. “I’ll take a turn.”
The moment she handed Eli to him, Jonathan competently tucked him close to his shoulder.
She was thankful for the help, but still worried her lip. Even in Jonathan’s solid arms, Eli still squirmed and fussed. “Perhaps it’s time to try a bottle?” he asked.
“Maybe. The pressure of swallowing will either lessen the pain or it won’t.”
As Eli’s cries became louder and his little body seemed to go stiff with frustration and pain, Katie knew she had to try anything to help him. “I’ll go down to the kitchen and fix a bottle.”
“You’re tired, Katie. Why don’t you try to sleep a bit?” Jonathan cupped a large hand around the back of her head. “I don’t mind taking care of our boy for a bit.”
Though exhaustion made her feel like she was dead on her feet, Katie knew she’d never sleep. There was no way she could relax enough to sleep when her baby was so distraught.
Even if she were to lie down, Katie knew she would simply sit in the cold bed and worry about Eli and Jonathan. “I’ll go downstairs with you. I won’t be able to sleep.”
“Katie, I promise he’ll be in good hands.”
“I sleep better next to you, anyway,” she said with a smile and pulled her robe’s belt more tightly around her waist. “Besides, Eli’s cries are so loud, I’m afraid he’s going to wake the rest of the house up.”
Instead of saying anything to the contrary, Jonathan simply smiled. “If he hasn’t already, I’m s
ure he’s about to. His lungs are working well.” Pressing a gentle palm on the small of her back, he guided her forward. “Come on, then. We’ll take care of this boy together.”
Together, the two of them walked down the dimly lit stairs. Luckily, her mother had invested in a few battery-operated nightlights that were positioned every few feet. Though their dad liked to complain about the expense, her mother—and Anna—had enjoyed the improvement tremendously. It was so nice to be able to walk in the dark without holding a candle or light.
As they continued down, Eli fussing in Jonathan’s arms, and Katie stepping right behind them, she said a little prayer of thanks for her husband.
It was times like this that Katie was grateful for their age difference, and for the fact that he’d raised two girls out of their infancy before she’d come into their lives.
Very little rattled her husband. He approached each task with a self-assuredness that made her proud and just a little bit envious, though he often told her that her far more high-strung disposition was a gift for him. For some reason, he enjoyed her energy.
They were a good pair.
When they got to the main floor, Katie darted off to the washroom and pulled out a thick fleece blanket, just in case it was drafty in the kitchen. Then she met Jonathan there. “I’ll take him now, if you’ll prepare the bottle.”
Easily, he passed over the baby. Katie frowned as she felt Eli’s too-hot skin. He seemed to shy away from her touch. Fearing he was chilled, she attempted to wrap him up a bit, but he kicked and wiggled against the warmth of the thick blanket.
Obviously, their little journey downstairs didn’t ease Eli in the slightest. If anything, he was getting worse. He continued to fuss and cry, stopping only seconds at a time—and that was to inhale.
Jonathan lit the light overhead, then moved to the gas stove. A match lit a burner. Next, he poured some water into a kettle and set it on the flame. When the water got warm, they mixed it with powdered formula and poured it into one of the waiting bottles.
As Eli continued to cry, Katie hoped the water would heat quickly—and that the warm formula would ease the baby’s pain.
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