Heavenly Hijinks

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Heavenly Hijinks Page 9

by Ashley Ladd


  Leo narrowed his gaze at the intruder and didn’t miss the fact that Clestie’s formerly flushed face had paled to a ghostly white. The hair on the back of his neck bristled and he rose to his full height to square off against his rival.

  The wrong man pivoted on a highly polished loafer and raised a finely arched brow at Leo. “Would you care to explain why there is a naked man in your bedroom, Clestie?” He turned back to Clestie and haughtily regarded her down the long line of his pronounced nose. “And why are you lying there when he’s in the room?”

  Clestie’s lips worked soundlessly for several seconds as her fingers clutched the sheet to her chin. “I, uh, can explain.”

  The man’s finely manicured hands delved deep into his pockets. He rocked back and forth on his heels. “Well?” He glanced over his shoulder at Leo. “It certainly doesn’t look good. And to think, I came to ask you to marry me.”

  Clestie gulped and looked from the man to Leo and back. “Marry you?” Her voice was barely a whisper, no discernable trace of glee coloring it.

  The man turned to Leo and held out his hand. “I’m Dr. Richard Hyatt. And you are…?”

  “Leo.” He ignored the man’s proffered hand.

  Clestie scooted up higher in the bed, still keeping a death grip on her sheet. “He’s our new employee, our astrological reader.”

  Richard’s expression grew more supercilious as he swaggered to her side. His glance bounced from Clestie to Leo. “So you’re a psychic? You can read astrological charts?” He laughed outright. “Tell me, Leo, what sign am I?”

  Every muscle in Leo’s body tensed and he longed to leap at the enemy and rip him to shreds. But he held himself in check, maintaining his civilized veneer for the woman’s sake. “Without knowing your birth date, I cannot possibly know.” Although as surly and patronizing as the man was, he’d guess Cancer. Praise Zeus, he didn’t sense any Leo in him.

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  “You’re not a very adept psychic then, are you?”

  “What are you?” Clestie glowered at the man. “The acknowledged expert of the astrological world?”

  Richard bestowed upon her a very condescending glare. “I’m just saying…he doesn’t know his stuff. Psychics are supposed to be able to read minds.”

  Leo grew weary of the man’s tiresome snit. “Psychics aren’t all mind readers.”

  “My birthday is June 23.”

  “Ah, a Cancer.” Supposedly, he was a perfect match for Clestie, but this time the stars were dead wrong.

  “If you will both excuse me, I need a few moments of privacy.” Clestie waved her hand, shooing them away. “Battle it out in the hall if you must. If you break anything, you’ll have to clean it up.”

  “Is there anything for me to fight over?” Richard said looking at his fisted hand. “And what about my proposal?”

  Clestie seemed to look inward for several seconds. “May I have a little time to think it over? You surprised me.”

  “I thought you’d see it as a happy surprise. And you should have known it was coming.”

  She averted her gaze and veiled her long lashes over her eyes. She murmured, “Yes, I was expecting it, but I still need time to think.”

  Richard’s face purpled and mottled. His lips tightened into a thin, almost invisible line. “Fine.” He delivered a stinging slap across Clestie’s cheek, knocking her back against the bed. He tossed a blue velvet box onto the bed that landed with a small thump beside Clestie’s elbow. “Pardon me if I forgot to go down on one knee.”

  Clestie’s hand flew to her bruised cheek and she glared up at Richard. She hissed, “Get out.”

  Aphrodite save me. Leo’s blood boiled and his claws wanted to emerge. Bristling, Leo squared his shoulders and loomed over the man. He growled and shoved the man out of the bedroom. Following close behind, he landed a punch in the man’s midsection so that he doubled over. “No one strikes a lady in my presence. Apologize.”

  Richard held his stomach and glared up at Leo with snarling hatred. “And who’s going to make me?”

  Leo’s chest puffed out and his fist tingled to deck the man again, this time in the jaw. “I will.”

  Aphrodite shimmered to life behind the unpleasant man. “You rang, brother? Is this little bug of a mortal bothering you?”

  Between gritted teeth, Leo said, “Yes. Worse, he’s bothering a lady.”

  Aphrodite waved her hand high in the air and Richard shrank and turned into a snapping alligator. The only accoutrement remaining to identify him as the annoying

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  Richard was his royal blue paisley ascot which still hung about his neck. The goddess clapped her hands. “Okay. Problem solved.” She glanced heavenward and whispered, “Don’t tell father about this. I’ve been forbidden to help you.”

  Aphrodite turned around and waved a hand over Clestie’s eyes. “You will not remember what you just saw.” Shrugging she turned to Leo and then inclined her head at the other woman. “’Tis better for her this way. And you.”

  The goddess winked out of sight.

  With loathing and revenge in its beady eyes, the alligator sprang at Leo, snapping its huge maw not an inch from his legs.

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  Chapter Seven

  The line of clients waiting for Leo’s astrological readings wound around the block. Some stood patiently playing games on their cell phones or conversing with their neighbors. Others hopped from foot to foot and complained long and loudly about the wait. Leo and Clestie still lay abed, enjoying their last free minutes of the long day.

  Ever since Leo had chased Richard the alligator off the premises hours before, he hadn’t caught his scent or heard so much as a primitive grunt or claws scrabbling against the hardwood floor. He hoped the reptile had joined his true kind in the swamp to the west or been caught and put on display in a zoo.

  To Leo’s extreme relief and pleasure, Clestie had not questioned him about the man’s whereabouts. But then of course, Aphrodite had hidden those memories.

  To his knowledge, no one had come around to ask about Richard. He presumed the man wasn’t any more popular with his own kind than with him. And he wasn’t about to muddy Clestie’s thoughts or feelings with the man’s name or evil deeds.

  Leo ached for Clestie, so he gathered her to him and feathered kisses over her face and down the column of her creamy throat to her lushly tempting breasts. The more he tasted of her, the more intense his desire raged. Unable to resist, he leaned over and suckled her nipple while he kneaded its twin.

  “Um. That feels wonderful.” Moaning in ecstasy, she rolled onto her back and curled her arm around his neck as her fingertips massaged his scalp.

  “Um. You taste like ambrosia.” As warmth flooded him, he moved to the other breast, and gently bit the nipple.

  She jumped and yelped. Then she tossed him a mock angry glance.

  He bit back a smile and then muttered in a thick voice, “Stroke my cock.” Bringing her hand to his staff, he showed her how he wished to be pleasured.

  Squirming and writhing, she stroked his cock at first reverently, and then with more fervor. Her heavenly fingers worked their divine magic and soon moans were ripped from his depths.

  Hungering for more, he cupped the triangle between her legs, then dipped a finger inside her moist warmth. When she shuddered against him, he took joy in her delight.

  Her thumb massaged the tip of his shaft, lubricating the silky head with his juices.

  On fire, he throbbed in her hand.

  Releasing her nipple, he lay atop her, capturing her lips, stroking her tongue with his. Her breasts, crushed beneath his chest, tickled him. His full erection nestled between her legs, and he couldn’t wait a moment longer.

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  Rising high above her, he plunged into her tight, moist heat as her muscles clenched and unclenched hypnotically. “You make me so hot.”

  “You make me hot, too.”

  Her wor
ds were garbled and raspy, but nonetheless filled him with irrepressible joy. She wantonly ground her hips against him, in the primitive dance that hadn’t changed in Leo’s 3500 years.

  She massaged his back and then his shoulders until finally her hands came to curl about his waist. Her softness squeezed around him tightly, and she groaned into his mouth as he feasted on her lips.

  Screams tore from Clestie’s lips as she met him for one final, excruciating thrust and clung to him. They quivered and quaked and their release seemed to last forever as they drank deeply of one another.

  * * * * *

  Clestie eyed the hyperactive crowd with worry in her heart. The one that worried her the most was her neighbor, the tae kwon do master. He cartwheeled back and forth. He practiced unbelievably high kicks. He jogged in place for hours at a time. He could do anything except stand still. His neighbors gave him wide berth. Some clapped when he flipped in the air. Others groaned and jumped back.

  Clestie watched with growing dismay as they prepared to open the doors. She feared the mob would stampede the store.

  Elizabeth checked the cash register and grunted her approval. Then she turned her worried gaze on the melee. “Call the police station and see if we can get a couple off-duty officers to guard us. And we need to limit the number of customers inside to five at a time.”

  Clestie stapled business cards to advertising fliers they had hurriedly printed out on Aunt Petunia’s old printer. “Already done. They promised to send them right over. I hope that’s enough.” She looked over at Leo who was standing on his head, meditating, his glorious hair tumbling over his face. Judging how long it had taken him to produce her astrological profile, she worried he wouldn’t be able to service even half the people waiting, even if he worked nonstop ‘til midnight. Not to mention the time needed to translate his words to English.

  “We need more readers,” she said under her breath. “They’re going to riot when they realize we only have one.”

  Elizabeth applied a coat of her favorite chili-colored lipstick and then smacked her lips over a tissue. Then she snapped shut her compact mirror. “Call a temp agency and have them send over two or three.”

  Clestie rolled her eyes heavenward, feeling like she was in a weird sitcom. “Like there’s an agency for psychics?”

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  “You never know. Google it.” Elizabeth gave her pat answer for everything. “Absolutely no installment plans. Cash, credit cards we can immediately verify and money orders only. It’ll be good to give a ten percent discount for cash payment. Incentive.”

  Clestie suspected that her cousin must be a major stockholder in Google. If not, she should be. She thought about buying several shares for Elizabeth’s Christmas gift and a few for herself as well. She’d start looking into it.

  Elizabeth scribbled out a sign and slid it down the counter. “Real quick, run upstairs and type this up. Print out a few copies and post them on the windows and Leo’s table.”

  Her nerves zinging, Clestie took the stairs two at a time. She darted to the computer and pecked at the keyboard until the payment sign was entered. She highlighted the words, blew up the font to thirty-six and bold-faced it.

  Once she finished that, she Googled local temp agencies. None specialized in mystical anything, but she crossed her fingers and called the nearest one. She instilled confidence into her voice when she placed her order, “I need two astrological readers immediately, today if at all possible.”

  The woman erupted into riotous laughter in her ear. “You want what? Try calling the gypsies.”

  Clestie bent her head and massaged her temple. If only she knew where to find gypsies in Fort Lauderdale…

  She swallowed hard and said goodbye to her pride, reminding herself that she was just a disembodied voice over a telephone. “Do you know where I’d find readers?” She paused and the final word slipped off her tongue, “Gypsies?”

  “Look, we don’t have time for crank calls.” The line went dead with a loud snap.

  “Thanks for nothing!” Clestie opened a new Excel spreadsheet and started two lists. In big, bold lettering she put the temp agency at the top of the do-not-contact-ever-again list. For good measure, she highlighted it in glaring yellow.

  She really didn’t want to go through such a humiliating experience again, but it paled at the thought of the potentially dangerous crowd getting antsy on her sidewalk. So she picked up the phone with unsteady fingers and dialed the second agency. “Good morning. I need to see if you have any astrological readers.” Oh lord, was that their official job title?

  “You want what? Would you repeat that? I couldn’t hear you.”

  Clestie leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling. She extended her legs and crossed them at her ankles. Very succinctly, she repeated her request, “I need to hire two astrological readers immediately, this morning if at all possible.”

  “We specialize in office personnel—administrative assistants, bookkeepers and clerical workers. We also screen our employers and it takes longer than ten minutes on the phone.”

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  “Well, thank you anyway.” Clestie dropped the phone on its hook and rotated her feet in small circles. She added the no-go to her list of do not contact again.

  Quickly she opened a new window in the search engine and searched through astrological websites.

  After six unproductive, embarrassing calls, Clestie was about to call the psychic hotline and beg the person who answered to come and work for her. She gave it one last shot.

  “Hello. I need, uh, rather unusual job skills. I realize you probably don’t specialize in this type of employees, but if you could check your database and see if anyone has ever done this…”

  “Done what, ma’am?”

  “Oh, nothing illegal or immoral, I assure you. Just not exactly an office skill.” Clestie bit her nails, a nervous habit she thought she’d broken twenty years before.

  “We can’t help you, ma’am, unless you tell us what you need.”

  Clestie forced her fingers away from her mouth. “No, of course not. I need at least one astrological reader. Two would be better.”

  “Is this for a TV or internet hotline?” The woman’s voice remained professional without a hint of the censure highly evident in all the others.

  Bless her.

  Clestie crossed her fingers again. “No. We inherited a psychic shop and have customers lined up for several blocks. We only have one reader. We’re desperate. Can you please help?”

  “If only we were all so desperate. I wish my business was so good.” There was a pause. “What happened to your other readers? Surely the former owner employed more than one.”

  Hope grew in Clestie’s heart and she typed the agency’s name onto the top of her to-work-with list. Even if they couldn’t help her today, they were professional and trying to be helpful. She tucked the phone between her ear and shoulder and gathered the new signs into a neat pile.

  “I’ll input your criteria into our search engine and see if we come up with any matches. Sometimes people have many talents and hobbies.”

  Clestie prayed they’d find good help quickly. She couldn’t keep the doors locked all day and she’d already been on the phone for half hour as she fended off Elizabeth’s increasingly irritated queries.

  “What rate are you willing to pay? Before you decide, please know that our agency calculates a third of the salary as our profit, so you’ll need to adjust your figures. For instance, if you pay your staff fifteen dollars hourly, we collect five dollars as our share, so you’d be paying us twenty dollars total an hour.”

  She nodded. Fair enough. Right now, she’d pay out her teeth for a competent reader.

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  “And we’ll need a contract that if you hire this person permanently before the end of six months, our agency will receive a three thousand dollar early termination penalty.”

  Clestie paused. As long as Leo stayed,
business would be good. The clients seemed to be coming specifically to see him. So would they even work with a different reader?

  What about when he left? Then what? Would all this business evaporate? She drummed her nails on the desk. Leo couldn’t handle so many people by his lonesome. And she’d need Leo to train his replacements if the new hires weren’t already expert.

  She hoped like crazy she wasn’t being foolish. She inhaled deeply. “Can we interview them first before we hire them?” She’d have Leo test them, give the yea or nay.

  “Of course. Just let me run a quick computer search for any matches.”

  Clestie nodded vigorously, as if the woman could see her head bob. She tapped the signs against the desk to straighten the already neat pile.

  Ten seconds doubled into twenty and then multiplied into sixty. God, it felt like an eternity. She started to type out, “Help Wanted. Experienced Only. Apply Inside.”

  “Jackpot! I found one.”

  Clestie slumped with relief and they made the arrangements. She just prayed the person was still available.

  Panic lined Elizabeth’s face and she pounced on Clestie when she descended the bottom stair. “I thought you deserted us. I was about to send the National Guard after you.” She tilted her head at the irritated crowd outside. “The natives are getting restless.”

  Someone banged loudly on the window and Clestie jumped, throwing the signs to the floor. A chant arose. “We want Leo. Give us Leo.”

  “Have the security guards arrived yet?” She could barely hear herself. She knelt down on one knee and gathered the papers and handed them to her cousin.

  “Not yet. We can’t stall them forever, but I’m scared they’ll storm in if we open without him.”

  Leo said from behind her, his voice deep and soothing, “I’ll talk to them. Those who want readings and to speak to me can come in one at a time. Those who desire other wares can enter five at a time.”

 

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