“As soon as they pick him up, yes.” I say, looking at the lamb.
But Sam peeks her head in and corrects me. “Go home. I have paperwork to finish up, so I’ll be here when they get back.”
“Thanks Sam,” I say before heading out to close things up. It was an uneventful day, but a good one. And better now that Victoria is by my side.
“So, best part of the day?” she asks, looking up at me with those big, trusting brown eyes. And I suddenly want to kiss her.
But I don’t.
“You coming here to tell me it’s time to come home?” I say in a teasing tone.
She nods, as if accepting this answer. “Worst part?” she asks and I think about it a moment.
“Wiggly lamb butt in my face for five minutes.” Hands down, worst part.
“So why didn’t you sedate him?” she asks, “Or have Sam put him in a headlock. Or buttlock?” she amends, her face scrunching up as we walk out the front door with a nod to Sam, who’s watching us with a gleam in her eyes.
“He’s pretty young for sedation for a couple stitches,” I say, and she nods as if that makes perfect sense.
“What about you?” I ask, “Best part first.”
She thinks a moment and I enjoy her as we walk toward home. “Sentinel tried to play with Jax,” she says and I feel the need to tell her that he can’t do that yet. But Victoria holds up a finger and turns toward me, her eyes serious, “But I didn’t let him.”
I see the sparkle in her eyes and want to laugh that she knew I’d take on that admonishing role. “Worst part?” she says, her tone musing as we step inside the house. I close the door behind us and turn to her. “The worst part is that you didn’t kiss me when you wanted to.”
I turn to face her and see her playful smile. My confusion must be in my expression, because she rolls her eyes at me and grabs my hands. “Come on, you looked right at my lips with a longing that’s been in every damn romance movie since the beginning of romance movies.”
Her smile widens and I see her even, white teeth. And I pull her in.
Our lips meet and I feel her heart pounding against my ribs. My tongue tickles her lower lip as I ask for permission to enter. I’ll only ask once.
But she lets me in, her whole body giving over to me. She moans into my mouth and I swallow the sound, loving how sweet she tastes; like banana smoothies. With my arms around her, I can pretend we’re the only people in the world.
Until I hear the sound of dogs trotting over to see what we’re up to. She squeals and pulls away, laughing and staring at a perplexed Jax. “He just shoved his nose up my butt!” She says, her voice full of laughter.
But all I can think about is how I’d like to take her to bed, shove her down, and enjoy every bit of her.
And when her eyes meet mine, I know she’s reading my mind and every perverse, twisted through I’m having about her. Her lips part and her eyes widen as she studies me, suddenly still.
Chapter 19
Victoria
He’s staring at me like he wants to fuck me right here on the floor. And oh, my god, I want him to. His kiss was like touching an electric fence; tingles everywhere and the overwhelming sensation of not being able to breathe.
But I’m not ready for that. And I need to talk him down before he does something we both regret – or something we can’t come back from.
Gulping back the bit of fear I feel sparking through my chest, I remind him that we were going to have dinner. “Time to talk?”
And it’s like a light switch has been hit. He’s all calm and controlled as he turns away. Sentinel walks up to him and he pets my dog on the head like he’s greeting an old friend. “How are you, boy?” he asks, and Sentinel’s tail swishes back and forth.
I watch as he heads into the kitchen. “How can I help?” I ask, following him in.
“I’ve got this,” he says, his smile taking the sting out of the words. I lean on the counter and he glances at me, his eyes narrowing. And I know he’s thinking about deliciously wicked things.
“So I asked if Sentinel could sleep in my room with me?” I ask, hoping to get the conversation back on track.
Kyle begins to get some food together. He places a pan on his induction stovetop and it begins to heat as he grabs fish from the fridge.
“I mean, is it an issue?” I ask, wondering why it’s such a big deal if he sleeps here or in the house with Kyle.
And as I watch Kyle set out some spinach and check the pan, I try to figure him out. The sizzle of fish touching a hot pan startles me, but Kyle’s words seem to cancel out the beginnings of the flashback. “It is an issue, kind of.” He seems to be speaking slowly, as if considering his words while not wanting me to feel like he’s ignoring me or blowing me off.
How the hell did he do that? I assumed the panic attacks would only get worse, but he somehow managed to head that one off before it began. Like a sneeze, I felt it tickling my mind, but his voice managed to snap me out of it again.
I want to explore this, to know why, to research, but now doesn’t feel like the time to think about it. “How so?” I ask, feeling dazed.
“Well, if he’s in your room,” Kyle says, expertly seasoning the fish and turning it. “He might see me as a threat to you and try to protect you.”
I stare at his back, startled. I would never have thought about something like that, but it makes total sense. “Can’t argue that,” I say, then realize he’s holding something back. “What?” I ask, and he glances at me over his shoulder.
He’s quick to turn back to food and I watch him as he tosses the spinach in the pan and slides the fish along the edge all the way around the pan. I watch, fascinated. Once they’ve made the circle, he grabs stainless steel tongs and plates both fish steaks and divvies up the spinach that didn’t stick to the fish. It smells heavenly in here, and I’m excited to try the food.
I set the table quickly, while prodding him about holding back on me. “What else was it?” I ask as he brings over both plates of food. We take our seats and I take a drink of my water as he places his napkin on his lap.
“You wanted me to come in your room while you’re asleep to check on your dog.” He’s looking at me, fork in mid hover over plate.
I shrug, watching him as I pick up my own fork. “Yeah, so?” I ask, taking a moment to shave a sliver of the perfectly cooked, flaking fish with my fork. My gaze returns to him as I pop the bite in my mouth. It practically melts on my tongue and is so mild and wonderful it’s easily the best fish I’ve ever had. “It’s not like I sleep naked,” I joke.
But Kyle arches an eyebrow at me and I wonder how he knows. “Okay, I do sleep naked, but it’s not like that,” I say, feeling my cheeks burn. “And how did you know?” I ask, looking up at him quickly form my plate.
“I didn’t,” He says, taking a second to pop a bite of fish in his mouth before giving me a startlingly white flash of a smile. He’s so devilish I’m amused.
“Tricky, tricky,” I mutter. It is odd that the worry hadn’t ever crossed my mind. “I don’t know,” I muse aloud as I eat. “I mean, you’re not a threat. If you were going to rape me, you’d have done it already. I haven’t even locked the door since I’ve been here.”
“Don’t ever leave that door unlocked,” He says, and I look up at him in surprise. He’s watching me, that intense blue stare surprising.
“Why?” I ask, wondering why it’s such a big deal. But it seems like it’s a big deal to Kyle, so it’s a big deal to me.
“Because I worry about you,” he says and my heart melts.
Damn it, why does he have to be so incredibly sexy? And such a good kisser… I glance at his lips, loving the shape of them. They’re a bit thin, slightly cruel, but so very sexy. And his kiss… he’d tasted like wicked freedom, like crossed lines and danger. Everything about it had been amazing.
I realize he’s studying me with as much intensity as I’m watching him. “Are you thinking about kissing me again?” I ask, weakl
y teasing even as it feels like my breath is impossible to catch. My heart is hammering my chest and I feel lightheaded as he shakes his head.
“I was thinking about so much more than kissing you,” he says, his voice so low it’s more like a growl.
Chapter 20
Kyle
I open my eyes, remembering how the night ended with a smile. Everything about Victoria seems to light up every nerve ending in my body. I’m even dreaming about her. It’s sheer insanity.
She’d loved talking about work, she’d loved talking about her day, she’d loved dinner, I couldn’t imagine a more perfect evening. Even now, the thought of going back to coming home to just Jax makes my chest ache like someone smashed a sledgehammer into my ribs and crushed my chest cavity.
It’s agony.
I hear a sigh behind me and my smile widens. Things are just weird. Everything has changed so much in only a little over a week. And even more stranger; it’s hard to remember how I lived my life before. All I can think about is now. It’s like life before Victoria didn’t exist.
I roll over in bed. And am met by a warm, wet tongue covering my nose and mouth in a layer of saliva.
“Damn it Jax,” I say, pushing him away. He begins to give me that little howl that tells me I over slept while standing up like he’s going to jump on me in a playful – and slimy, drool-filled - attack.
I get out of bed and pull on some clean clothes. Jax bounces around my feet like some happy, insane artic fox diving in the snow for mice.
“Okay, okay,” I tell him, leaving my room. I spot Victoria in the kitchen. She offers me a glass and I thank her for making breakfast. She’s gotten used to my routine of smoothies for breakfast and she’s getting better at deciding what flavors go and which ones don’t.
I have to admit, a chia seed lemonade smoothie might be the weirdest thing I ever put in my mouth. But she’s got it down now, I think, and there’s still that experimental nature in her personality that I find endearing.
I take a sip, enjoying the burst of flavors. With Jax on my heels, I open the back door and he rushes out right to his favorite bush.
“I was going to let him out this morning when I got up, but he ran right to your room,” she says, mischief in her pretty brown eyes.
“Yeah, he decided to bathe my face for me,” I say, remembering that I wanted to go wash the gross off. I set my glass down and head to the kitchen sink to rub some antibacterial soap on the spots he’d licked.
“Aww, don’t wash it off,” she says, her voice coming from very near my elbow. “It’s his way of saying he loves you.”
“Is that why he licks his balls and butthole?” I ask, amused by her line of thinking. “I don’t want all that on my face.”
She giggles and I rinse my face off. Her fingers touch my cheek and wipe off a bit of soap I missed. “Here,” she says, her voice husky as I run the water over my skin where she touched. She moves to the other side and touches my cheekbone and temple. “Here,” she says again, this time her voice barely more than a whisper.
My body, seriously turned on by her touches, begs me to touch her. It had taken every last bit of strength I had last night to walk away, to not give her what her eyes had been begging me for. And I wanted to. With every ounce of my being, I wanted to take everything she was silently offering.
But I’m already in too deep.
I dry my face off and look at her over the towel. She’s studying me, her face alight with wonder. “Thank you for breakfast,” I say, unable to keep my hands to myself. I pull her in close and press my lips to hers. And it feels as natural as breathing to have her here, this close, her lips moving under mine like she can’t get enough.
How did everything come to this? How did we go from strangers who didn’t really like one another to this feeling I have of needing her?
“Thank you for desert,” she says, her breath cooling my damp lips. Her lips taste sweeter than the smoothie she’d made me this morning, and more like home than this kitchen feels.
And everything in me hits the brakes. I need to stop this. I need to remember she’s going to be walking away in a few weeks. I can’t have this complication in my life.
Jax rushes back in, his tail beating at our legs as he winds around Victoria. She releases me to kneel and give him loves. “Feel better, mister?” she asks him and he gives her his little husky howl that communicates his pleasure.
“I bet you do!” She scratches him behind the ears and he tucks his chin to his chest to give her better access. When she looks back up at me from this kneeling position, my body instantly snaps back to attention. Fuck. Why does this keep happening?
“What are your plans today?” she asks, her gaze darting to my cock before back up to mine with more than a hint of shock.
I want her so bad.
“I need to get out of here,” I say, backing off a step. It’s leave or do something we both might regret.
She’s quick to get to her feet, a look of worry twisting her pretty face. “Want me to come with?” She asks, and I shake my head.
Some time alone will do me good. It’ll remind me how things were before her. It’ll be the conformation I need that I can go back to being alone once she picks up and moves on with her life and her healed dog. Because she will. She’ll live her life with Sentinel, and I’ll be here with Jax.
“What did I miss?” she asks, wiping her palms on her jeans. There’s a look of panic in her face and I know I need to talk her down.
Or do I?
Maybe instead of being a nice guy, I need to go back to being the man she thought I was at first. The asshole. I never should have stopped being that man. Because the look in her eyes hurts more than her leaving will.
So I opt for truth, without regard to her feelings. Like the Kyle I am, not the Kyle she thinks I am. “I can’t do this anymore,” I say, gesturing to the space between us. “I need to get away from this. From you,” I clarify.
Chapter 21
Victoria
It feels like my heart is being squeezed in a vice; I can’t breathe through the agony combusting in my chest. Of course he needs to get away from me. But more than hurt, anger rises up in me.
“I knew it,” I say, my accusing voice hardly more than a whisper. “I knew you were an asshole.” The anger within struggles against my ability to reason and I turn and walk away from him.
“Sentinel!” I say sharply. He gets up from his bed, his eyes questioning. He falls into step beside me as I open the sliding glass door and head toward the mother in law. My eyes are filled with stinging, hot tears, but it only makes me more mad.
He doesn’t want to do this anymore? Fine. I’ll stay out here until we can leave.
But the thought of leaving fells wrong. I feel like I belong here, like I could start a good life here, with him. I’m so stupid. Of course he wouldn’t want me. I’m so fucking broken no one will ever want me. I don’t deserve love or happiness.
Especially from someone like Kyle.
God, I’m so fucking weak! Why did I let myself get in so deep with him? Why did I let myself start to have feelings for someone who showed me his true colors the first time I met him? So what if he’s been playing nice now, he hated me when we met. He thought I was weak. He thought I was annoying and there to ruin his good time.
Hell, he’d been cruel. He’d told me to watch where I was going. When I’d confided that I don’t usually come in stores without my service dog, he’d been so condescending when he’d said okay. He’d said it like he actually wanted to ask my why the fuck I was telling him something like that.
And when he’d offered me help? Of course he’d just said it out of a sense of obligation. He hadn’t actually wanted to help. He hadn’t cared that I was in a bad place, that my panic was starting to shift into full gear. He’d wanted to shut me up and move me along while still not feeling like a total waste of a human being.
That’s who Kyle is. The one who wants to feel good about himself while not
doing anything good unless it’s in his best interest.
Even saving Sentinel had been self-serving.
He loves animals. He couldn’t, in good conscious, not help. It had absolutely zero to do with me, or my feelings, or how I’d manage to live if I lost my dog. He did it because he loves animals and one was suffering in front of him.
But doesn’t that negate everything? I wonder.
If he’s willing to do something kind like that without hope of compensation for something weaker than himself – an injured animal – doesn’t that means he’s being selfless? He’s helping something that can never even thank him, so he’s not doing it for what he can get out of it.
I struggle over whether or not that makes him a good person or a selfish one for a moment.
Sentinel whimpers at me and I realize my purse is on the nightstand of my bedroom. “Sentinel, purse,” I say, feeling how hard it is to suck in a deep breath. It’s been over a week since my last attack.
Sentinel takes out into my room and I hear him whining softly as he moves. I know his stitches have been bothering him, but I assume it’s normal. Though Kyle didn’t check him this morning, he’d been too busy washing his face.
But Sentinel is fine, I’m sure. He hasn’t been playing hard or anything. He’s been being a good boy.
I hear the clicking of his nails on the wood floors before he comes back into sight with my purse. I sink to the floor and take out the meds, hating how hard my hands are shaking. But it’s better this heartbreak happen now than later. At least this is happening before I fall totally, irrevocably in love with him.
Or is it?
Fumbling with the bottle, I spill the pills on the floor. They scatter and bounce away like gritty pearls. I begin to gather them up, popping two in my mouth as I struggle to grab them with flawed depth perception and blurred vision.
Capture Me Page 65
