The truth was that George was not my first love, or my second—and that was okay, because he was my last love.
The question isn’t, am I in love with George the way I was in love with Neil; and it isn’t, was I wrong about being able to love someone more than I loved Cypress? I didn’t love Neil more than I loved Cypress; I loved him differently. And I’m not in love with George like I was with Neil because he’s not Neil. The only question that matters today is: who do I choose? And the answer is George! Of course I choose George—and not because he’s better than Cypress or Neil, but because he’s chosen me.
With Cypress, he didn’t choose me because he didn’t want to hurt me.
With Neil, he didn’t choose me because he wanted me to find someone who would put me firstnowinstead oflater.
But with George, he activelychooses me because he loves me and the best way for him to express that is to marry me.
“Oh, no he didn’t,” muttered Lily as she yanked the phone from my hand. “Sorry, bro, you’re done. She’s on the brink of washing away mom’s handy work and that just won’t do. Say goodbye.”
Her last command was directed at me, which I caught onto when she held the phone up to my ear. “I’ve got to go my darling, but I’ll see you soon, okay?” I managed, forcing the words past the knot in my throat.
“Yeah, I’ll see you soon. No crying—or my mother and my sister will both have my head.”
I laughed, amused by his astute awareness of the women in his life, and then said goodbye. Just as Lily was hanging up, Michelle and my mother returned to the room announcing it was time for us to leave. “Just one more minute,” I told them as I sat in the armchair and tore open my card from George. I was now hungry for his words and I wasn’t leaving until I read the last love letter I would receive as a single woman.
Stefany Marie,
I can hardly believe that at the end of this day, I will be your husband. I know I’ve told you this too many times, but I can hardly wait. For most of my life, I didn’t care one way or another if I was single. My sense of adventure and my academic drive made me selfish, unwilling to sacrifice my desires for the compromise relationships call for. I always imagined that when the right woman came around, I would notice and she would encourage me to consider my future outside of bachelorhood. Little did I know that said woman would be you, my little firecracker.
You burst into my life when I was least expecting you and you stole my heart. I pray that you never try and give it back. You have graced me with the gift of yours and I have no intention of ever returning it. It is mine to hold, cherish, and care for. Today I vow to be better than the man of your dreams; I vow to be the man that God has called me to be for your sake and our future family’s sake. I will protect you, counsel you, and lead you as best as I can. I long to be the man you proudly call your husband. No woman has ever been worthy of this desire, until you.
You, my love, have always been better than the girl of my dreams—it just took me a little while to see it. But six months ago, God opened my eyes. You are a strong, courageous, bold, unapologetic, smart, funny, sassy, endearing, kind, and loving woman who is constantly chasing after God’s heart. I look forward to chasing after Him with you.
Thank you for saying yes when I knelt down on one knee.
You are the personification of Christ’s love for me and I love you with all my heart.
Forever your darling,
George
“I think he might love me,” I said through a grin, looking up at the anxious faces that surrounded me.
“I imagine we’ll know just how much after you open that box you’ve been hanging onto for far too long,” Tabitha replied, clearly the most impatient of them all.
Feeling eager to unearth the treasure I knew I held in my hands, I finally opened the velvet case. I gasped, totally unprepared for what I found. It was perfect. Too perfect. “Did you help him?” I asked, glancing up at Lily. My gaze fell back to the necklace before she could answer.
“No. I don’t even know what you’re looking at right now. All I know is that when I asked him what he was planning on getting, he said that he got the idea when he saw you making your hair piece.”
“Oh my gosh,” I sighed, suddenly in awe of my future husband.
Not even twenty minutes ago, I was afraid that what George and I shared hadn’t been in existence long enough for us to understand the concept of forever. But his gift to me filled my heart with hope and joy; I felt safe and secure knowing that no measure of time would bring me someone who sought to understand me in the unique way that George did. It seemed silly that I would put so much weight on a piece of jewelry, but the necklace was more than a simple gift from a groom to his bride. He had chosen wisely, reminding me why—after only three months—I knew he was the one man I couldn’t live without.
The gold chain was simple with no adornments, save the pendant that served as the focal point. It was a rustic, golden peacock, his head arched back and looking down at his body; below the body draped his feathered tail; and embedded in the gold, spotting his body and his tail, were emerald gems. This necklace was a testament to George’s observant nature. As I admired it, I rested in the knowledge that even though there was still plenty for us to learn about each other, we were both making the commitment to keep exploring who we were; as individuals and, more importantly, as one.
“Mama Peters,” I began to say as I turned the necklace around so that everyone might see. “I think you’ll need to touch up my make-up.” I couldn’t blink away my tears, but I didn’t care. The tears I shed were fueled by an overwhelming sense of peace. I was getting married to the man that I would always choose again and again—and the hour in which it would become official couldn’t arrive soon enough.
4:45 pm
The ruched bodice of my classic mermaid cut gown held me close, accentuating my small waist and offering the illusion that I had some height to boast of. The layered, organza ruffles that flared out at my knees and hung to the floor hid the marvelous green heels I had been dying to wear since the moment I first laid eyes on them. I made sure to request a couple photo-ops that gave me an excuse to show them off, for they begged to be remembered.
The hour I spent with the photographer, my bridesmaids, and George’s groomsman was nothing short of spectacular. For the first time all day, I was having so much fun I could hardly contain myself. The weather was still gorgeous, so we got to take all of our pictures outside—something I had been banking on since we reserved the venue months ago. There was a field across the street from the church that was filled with wild flowers and tall grass, and the sun provided a glow no artist could photo-shop.
Yet even though I was more than ready to walk down that aisle on the arm of my father, my guilty conscious reared its ugly head at the last minute. I was standing in front of a full-length mirror, Lily busy fluffing my ruffles and checking my train for remnants of our frolic outdoors, when I got the overwhelming urge to come clean. I imagined that George had spent all day thinking about me—his heart filled with love and his feet toasty warm; I, on the other hand, had battled with a heart full of worry and doubt, my feet cold until we left for the church. It didn’t seem fair, him not knowing.
I fixed my gaze on Lily’s reflection, mentally preparing myself for the resistance I knew I was about to face, when I said, “I need to see George. Right now.” She halted in her crouched position and stared at my reflection as I stared at hers. “Please.”
“Honey,” she began to say as she stood, “you’re getting married in fifteen minutes. You’ll see him in fifteen minutes.”
“No,” I insisted, turning to address her face to face. “I need to see him now—I mean before. I want to talk to him.”
She nodded her head, but it was not an act of approval. She cupped her hands around my arms, a gesture that was supposed to instill comfort, and bent to my eye level. “You don’t need to be nervous. Really. But if talking to him will help, I’ll get him on the pho
ne.”
“Lily, I’m not nervous,” I retorted, shrugging away from her touch. I was running out of time and it wasn’t her encouragement I was after. “And I don’t want to talk to him on the phone. I want to stand in front of him like I’m standing in front of you—and I want to do it right now.”
“It’s a little late to change the program, babe,” piped in Tabitha as she stepped up beside Lily. “You agreed you weren’t going to see each other until the ceremony.”
When Abby joined their ranks, I felt like I had been placed in front of a brick wall. “What’s going on? Is something wrong? Should I go grab your mom?”
“No. But you could go grab my fiancé.”
Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she looked down at me. “I thought you guys—”
“I’m the bride, am I not?” I cried, boldly pulling rank. I knew that as we stood around debating whether or not I was going to get my wish, the chances that I actually would were slipping away with each passing second. “I want to see George. And if one of you doesn’t help me, I will go find him myself. Either way, it needs to happen now or I’m gong to be late for my own wedding.”
There was a beat of silence as they exchanged a glance between each other before they all focused their attention back on me. It was Lily who spoke up first. “I’ll go get him.” She rushed out of the room and returned five minutes later, alone. I was about to open my mouth and demand an explanation when she reached for my hand and started escorting me out of my holding cell. “If you’re going to do this, you’re going to do it right. He’s waiting for you out back. It’s just an empty gravel, parking lot, but it’ll do. I told the photographer to keep her distance—but she will be documenting this moment, so no arguing. And—”
I stopped her as we reached the back door, taking both of her hands in mine. “Thank you,” I whispered. “And we won’t argue, I promise.”
“You have seven minutes. I’ll be waiting right here with a tube of lipstick, okay?”
I grinned up at her before wrapping my arms around her in a tight embrace. “You’re the best!”
“What are sisters for? Now go,” she commanded, pushing me away from her and out the door.
When I stepped out into the warm, fresh, air, the first thing I noticed was how quiet it was. With all of our guests inside, the only sound that remained was the melodic song of nature’s creatures, and the far off hum of small town traffic. And then I saw him—all six feet of him. He was standing on the far side of the lot, his back to me as he took in the scenery. His hands were in his pockets and he looked completely at ease.
I stepped lightly across the distance that separated us, keeping my eyes on him the whole time. As I drew closer, I admired his details as they came into focus. His chocolate colored curls were cropped short; and with his body turned just slightly, I could make out the crisp lines of low-trimmed beard. His square shoulders, broad chest, narrow waist and long legs spoke of his strength and endurance. He was a tall glass of water and I couldn’t help but grin knowing that he was all mine.
He must have been lost in his thoughts, because he didn’t acknowledge that I was behind him until he felt my hand slide down the length of his back. At my touch, he drew a shaky breath before slowly turning to look at me. He surveyed me from head to toe and back up again. The admiration I saw in his striking blue eyes made me blush. When he opened his mouth to speak, no words came out. Instead, he shook his head at me, in awe, as he reached for my hand; lifting my arm up, he twisted me around in a circle.
“Dear Lord in heaven,” he murmured as I came to a stop. “I get to takeyou home tonight? Hallelujah!” I giggled when he bent down and scooped me into his arms, pressing his lips just beneath my ear as he lifted me from my feet. “Baby, let’s just get out of here,” he teased.
“Not until you put a ring on it, mister.”
“That’s a good idea. I just so happen to have one of those with your name on it,” he spoke softly, moving his face so that he could look into my eyes. With one arm wrapped securely around my waist, he brought his free hand up to my cheek and stroked my skin with the backs of his fingers. “So if I can’t take you home yet, can I at least kiss you?”
“Please,” I barely managed to whisper before his lips were pressed against mine. I almost lost myself in his kiss. His devotion to me was expressed in his tenderness and his hunger for me was evident in his unrelenting embrace. His affection comforted me, making me feel safe and whole. He felt like home.
Then I remembered that we weren’t married yet and there was a reason why Lily had dragged him outside for me. “Wait,” I forced the word out, my body wanting exactly the opposite. “Man, I wish we didn’t have to stop,” I muttered under my breath. A cocky grin spread across his face and I felt my cheeks heat up with another blush. “I…I—”
I couldn’t think straight with him so close to me. He smelled amazing and he felt so warm and I couldn’t take my eyes off of his lips, curled into that handsome smile. “Put me down, please. I need to tell you something and we’re running out of time and I’ll never get the words out of if you keep looking at me like that.”
He chuckled as he lowered me down to my feet. “Okay. What is it that you need to tell me? What is so important that you insisted we see each other before the wedding?” He cupped his hand around my cheek before adding, “Not that I’m complaining.”
I reached up and took his hand away from my face. Not wanting to lose the sensation I felt with his touch, I laced my fingers with his before I began. “I’ve been nervous almost all day. And I don’t mean butterflies in my stomach nervous. Panic seems to be a more appropriate word. I was freaking out, afraid that we might be making a mistake.” His grip around my hand loosened as his face paled. In an instant, my arms were wrapped around his waist and words were tumbling out of my mouth as fast as I could speak them.
“It had nothing to do with you! I didn’t doubtyouor your love and commitment to me evenonce. It wasn’t even that I questioned that I loveyou. I was worried that my love wasn’tenough for you; that you might deserve more than me. I was worried that because my love for you was different than what I had experienced in the past, that somehow made it less valuable.”
“Stop,” he muttered, shaking his head at me.
His face was pulled into a scowl and a fresh bout of nerves came over me—except this time, it did feel a bit like butterflies in my stomach. I didn’t know what he was about to say, but I expected the worst. I had wanted to be honest, but in my split second decision to come clean, I didn’t think that he might be furious with me.
I opened my mouth to finish telling him what I needed to say, hoping that whatever he was thinking would change once I had spoken my peace. But he spoke before I could. To my surprise, his words were not as harsh as the expression on his face; they were exactly the opposite.
“You thought your love wasn’t enough for me?” he scoffed. “Cupcake—your love means everything to me.” He paused long enough to lower himself and wrap his arms around me. He splayed his fingers across the bare skin of my back and my body leaned against his in response. “And what Ideserve is nothing at all, but God blessed me with you anyway. How could you think any different?”
“My head was a mess. Honestly, it felt like a war zone up there today.” I reached up and traced my fingers across his forehead and down his cheeks, smoothing away his look of concern before lacing my hands together behind his neck. “I’m sorry that you weren’t the only person on my mind all day. I’m sorry that I even thought for a second that this—wemight not work. But I’m not sorry that I embraced my panic; that I fueled it with memories of love lost. Do you know why?” His pretty blue eyes searched my face for an answer, but found none. He shook his head in bewilderment and I smiled up at him. “Because it made me realize that my love for you is incomparable. I will never love anyone the way I love you. Our love is great because it’sours.”
“So—you still want to do this?” he whispered hesitantly.
“More than ever.” I felt his shoulders relax as a small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “I love you, George. I just wanted you to know how much.”
He drew a deep breath and let out a relieved sigh as he moved to rest his forehead against mine. “Thank you for telling me.”
Despite the weight of my dress and the gravity that kept me on the ground, I felt as light as a feather dancing in the wind. I closed my eyes and directed my focus inside of me, the urge to give thanks filling my heart until it overflowed. “Abba Father—You are more remarkable than I will ever know. Just when I think I’m beginning to understand Your grace and faithfulness, Your mercy and love, You shower me with more, assuring me that Your glory will never be contained or limited by the confines of the human brain.
“Thank You for rocking my world, yet again! Thank You for the blessing of marriage—for this man that I will soon call myhusband. Our covenant is more than a promise made before You, it is a giftfrom you—one that will remind me of You everyday. I hope we make You proud and that we bring You praise through our union. We love You. Amen.”
“Amen,” George echoed.
“Come ‘ere,” I murmured, tugging on the lapels of his jacket. His lips found mine without further ado. For a moment, I felt like we had disappeared. Wherever we were, there was just he and I—neither one of us able to get enough of each other. I felt his hand slide around the back of my neck as he kissed me deeper; everything inside of me quacked with desire. I wrapped my arms around him and held on tightly. A soft moan escaped my lips when he crushed me against his chest and lifted me from my feet. I had never felt as wanted as he made me feel in that moment and I never wanted it to end.
We were yanked back into the church parking lot by the sound of Lily’s voice. “Okay, you love birds, your time is up!” she called from the back door.
George glanced behind me for a second before delivering another kiss, Lily’s insistence not deterring him in the slightest. “What do you say we go put a ring on that finger so we can pick up where we left off?” He kissed me once more before I could answer, keeping me close even as Lily called out for us again. I giggled as he left a trial of kisses from my cheek all the way down to the end of my shoulder.
For the One Chosen: a novella companion to For the Lost & Wayward Found (Crossroads) Page 4
