Prunella grinned. ‘I’ll take you three doggies up to the front door, and see if they want to buy you!’
CHAPTER 13
The Trap
The security guard in the sentry box at the front gate was eating a sandwich.
Aunty Paws sniffed. ‘Fish paste,’ she whispered. ‘I love fish paste!’
The guard stared at Buster, Aunty Paws and Uncle Flea. ‘They’re very big dogs,’ he said doubtfully.
‘They’re Irish wolfhounds,’ said Prunella confidently.
The man blinked. ‘No they’re not!’ he objected. ‘My brother breeds Irish wolfhounds! Those look more like,’ he gulped, ‘wolves!’
Prunella forced a laugh. ‘Wolves! How would a kid like me get hold of wolves? Of course they’re not wolves!’
‘Ferocious wolves,’ added the guard nervously.
‘They’re not ferocious at all!’ Prunella assured him. ‘Act cute,’ she hissed out of the corner of her mouth.
Cute! Buster wondered if he should bite her ankle. But this was all for Mum and Dad’s sake, he reminded
himself. He could even act cute if it meant saving his parents.
Buster sat on his haunches and launched himself up, his paws in front of his chest. ‘Woof, woof,’ he said sweetly, letting his tongue hang out in a dribbly doggie grin.
‘See?’ said Prunella reassuringly. ‘The cute doggie woggie is begging! And look, this doggie is playing dead and this one,’ she pointed to Uncle Flea, ‘just wants to shake hands.’
‘What! Oh.’ Uncle Flea lifted up one paw. ‘Woof, woof, woof,’ he growled disgustedly.
The guard gulped. ‘That cute little doggie woggie looks like it wants to eat my hand, not shake it! But Miss Snotgrass says we do need more dogs. Half the last batch of dogs we got died of indigestion,’ he confessed.
‘Who’s Miss Snotgrass?’ asked Prunella. ‘Down,’ she hissed to Aunty Paws, who was slobbering at the fish-paste sandwich. ‘You’re supposed to be playing dead!’
‘Miss Snotgrass owns Doggie Yum,’ said the guard. He spoke into the two-way radio. ‘Miss Snotgrass, it’s Jim at the gate,’ he said. ‘There’s a girl here with three dogs she wants to sell. Big dogs. With fangs,’ he added.
‘All the better,’ came the voice from the radio. ‘Big dogs eat more! Send her in!’
The barrier lifted. Prunella smiled at the guard, Buster showed his teeth, Aunty Paws grabbed the guard’s fish-paste sandwich, Uncle Flea lifted his leg on the corner of the sentry box, and they headed towards the front door.
The door slid open as they approached. There was a lobby with big cushioned chairs, and a reception desk. Behind the desk was a young woman on the phone. She nodded to them as they came in. ‘Take a seat,’ she said. ‘Miss Snotgrass will be with you in a moment.’ She went back to her phone call.
Buster leapt up onto one of the seats. Uncle Flea took another.
‘Burp!’ Aunty Paws vomited up the fish-paste sandwich neatly next to the sofa.
‘Sorry,’ she whispered, ‘I should have remembered fish paste always makes me chuck up. I don’t suppose there’s any grass in here is there? A few mouthfuls of grass always makes me feel better.’
Prunella edged round the fishy lump so the receptionist wouldn’t see it. ‘Forget about the grass!’ she hissed, and glared at Buster.
‘Down, boy!’ she ordered. ‘Off the chair!’
Buster ignored her.
Prunella cast an embarrassed look at the receptionist. ‘Down!’ she ordered more loudly.
‘Woof,’ said Buster coolly.
Prunella bent down. ‘Look, buster,’ she scowled, ‘good dogs don’t jump on the furniture! Get off at once!’
‘I’m not a dog, I’m a werew—’ Buster began, when the door to the laboratory opened, and a woman stepped out.
Miss Snotgrass looked like Mum’s age, or a bit older. She had a white coat and a spiky hair cut and she carried a bunch of keys at her waist, and she smelled like…
The hackles on Buster’s neck rose. She smelled like Mum! And Dad! Buster sniffed again. Miss Snotgrass even smelled of Uncle Wal’s talcum powder.
Where were they? There were other smells too. Strange, frightened smells, and not quite meaty smells—smells Buster couldn’t understand.
‘Woof!’ cried Buster urgently, leaping off the sofa. ‘Woof, woof!’ Beside him Uncle Flea leapt to his feet and howled, and Aunty Flea put her tail between her legs.
Miss Snotgrass blinked. ‘A noisy lot,’ she said. ‘No wonder you want to get rid of them.’
‘Er, yes,’ said Prunella weakly. ‘My mum doesn’t like dogs,’ she added.
‘They’re such big ones,’ agreed Miss Snotgrass. ‘Smelly too.’ Prunella edged guiltily around the fish-paste sandwich vomit.
‘I can give you fifty dollars each for them. One hundred and fifty dollars altogether. Is that alright?’ Miss Snotgrass took a cheque book out of her pocket.
‘Er…yes,’ said Prunella. She looked like she was wondering what to do next. ‘And they’ll be well treated?’ she asked desperately. ‘You just…er…feed them dog food? Nothing else?’
‘Of course,’ said Miss Snotgrass, her smile just a bit too reassuring.
‘We treat all our doggies wonderfully here at Doggie Yum laboratories.’
‘That’s just wonderful!’ Prunella beamed at Miss Snotgrass, but her eyes gleamed as though she had just worked out a plan. What was Prunella up to now? Buster wondered. How were they going to get inside to search for his parents and Uncle Wal?
‘You know,’ Prunella continued confidentially. ‘When I leave school I’d like to be just like you! Wear a white coat and do important work like testing dog food. I don’t suppose…’ She looked wistfully up at Miss Snotgrass.
Miss Snotgrass smiled. It looked a more genuine smile this time, thought Buster. ‘What?’ she inquired.
‘I don’t suppose I could just see your laboratories?’ asked Prunella eagerly. ‘Only I’ve never ever seen a real laboratory! It would be sooo exciting.’
Miss Snotgrass looked doubtful. ‘We don’t usually let the public see…’ she began.
‘Oh, please…’ pleaded Prunella.
Buster looked at her admiringly. If she’d been a dog she would have been sitting up begging!
‘Oh, alright,’ Miss Snotgrass decided. ‘Now, I’ll just put these on your dogs.’
SNAP!
‘No…’ began Buster. But before he could get the word out, a muzzle had been clipped around his jaws. Even worse, a thick leather collar was latched around his neck. Buster watched mutely as Uncle Flea and Aunty Paws were muzzled too.
How could he speak with a muzzle on?
Even worse, how could he Change back to human with a thick collar on! You had to be able to nod two times to turn human! But this collar didn’t let you nod at all!
Was that how Mum and Dad had been captured? he wondered. If they’d had collars on they couldn’t turn back into human! And with muzzles they couldn’t even talk!
Where were they? Trapped in this horrid concrete box? And how did Uncle Wal fit into this?
It was all up to Prunella now, he realised desperately. Prunella had to save them all!
He glanced at Prunella. Did she understand how desperate things were?
Prunella gave him an almost imperceptible nod.
CHAPTER 14
Cages!
Miss Snotgrass led the way up the corridor, the three dog leads in her hand. ‘Now here,’ she said proudly, gesturing into a door, ‘we have the Doggie Yum trial kitchens!’
Buster peered inside. Great vats with mechanised stirrers were mixing stuff that looked like rabbit guts and peanut butter. But rabbit guts smelled…well…gutsy! thought Buster. This smelled sweet and stale. The sort of stuff you’d only eat if there was nothing else about.
‘It looks very, um, impressive,’ said Prunella. ‘Big!’
‘Very big,’ Miss Snotgrass said and smirked. ‘We can mix 1,000 cans of Doggie
Yum in one batch here!’ She led the way into the giant room, past the mixing vats, and past a conveyer belt.
Plop! Plop! Plop! A line of nozzles filled each can with gunk, then the conveyer belt passed them into a sealed section. A few metres later the cans emerged, and were labelled with the picture of a grinning, glossy-haired dog.
Ha! thought Buster. If that dog’s been eating Doggie Yum, I’m a shih-tzu.
‘And that’s the end of the process,’ said Miss Snotgrass proudly.
‘Wow!’ breathed Prunella, giving Uncle Flea a nudge as he began to lift his leg on the conveyer belt post. ‘And now could we see the doggies? The doggies that test Doggie Yum? Oh, my friends will be so impressed when I tell them I’ve seen where Doggie Yum is tested! All my friends feed their dogs Doggie Yum,’ she added, with her fingers crossed behind her back. ‘Maybe they could find you more doggies too,’ she added innocently.
‘Well, alright.’ Miss Snotgrass’ smile grew even wider at Prunella’s flattery. She led the way into another corridor, and then another, down the stairs and along again.
The smell of dogs was stronger now. There was another smell too, Buster realised. The smell of fear, and hopelessness.
Uncle Flea whined. Aunty Paws’ tail was between her legs.
Miss Snotgrass opened the door.
Buster stared.
It was a long room, very clean and white. And it was full of cages.
Each cage was just long and wide enough for a dog to stand, or lie down. The cages weren’t even big enough for a dog to lift its leg properly, Buster realised in horror.
Each cage held a dog, and a dish of Doggie Yum. Big dogs and small dogs, shaggy dogs and dogs with hair half-fallen out. Dogs with blank, hopeless eyes, wearing collars and muzzles so tight, there was just enough room to put out a tongue to eat their Doggie Yum.
And there, in the middle, were three cages with faces he knew. Mum and Dad. And Uncle Wal!
Uncle Wal hadn’t betrayed Mum and Dad, thought Buster. He really had been trying to track them! And he’d been captured too!
The three caged wolves stared out at him. Mum whined in alarm. But the muzzle stopped her from speaking.
‘Now you see,’ Miss Snotgrass was saying, ‘it’s all totally hygienic! The cages are cleaned three times a day. This lot of dogs over here are trying a new type of Doggie Yum. It’s mostly ground fish bones. Fish bones with meat flavouring are much cheaper than meat. The next lot of dogs are trying a recipe based on old newspapers and urea—that’s processed from sewage. It’s used a lot in cattle feed. We need to see if the dogs will eat it, and if they get sick, or lose their fur.’
‘Oh,’ said Prunella. She was staring at the dogs. She seemed too shocked to make even a fake enthusiastic comment. Then suddenly she turned to Miss Snotgrass again. ‘It’s all been absolutely wonderful!’ she said. ‘You’ve no idea what this has meant to me,’ she added, and this time her voice sounded totally sincere. ‘Do you mind if I just hug my doggies goodbye?’
‘Of course, dear,’ said Miss Snotgrass. ‘And if you ever want a holiday job, you know where to come!’
‘Thank you,’ said Prunella calmly. She bent down and hugged Uncle Flea, then Aunty Paws, then Buster.
Buster felt Prunella’s arms around his neck, and her fingers fiddling with the catch on his collar and muzzle. ‘When I say go, Change,’ she whispered.
Prunella stood up again. She beamed at Miss Snotgrass. ‘I’ve got a little surprise to say thank you for showing me round!’ she said brightly.
Prunella looked at the others to check they were ready. ‘Go!’ she yelled.
The collars and muzzles fell off Aunty Paws, Uncle Flea and Buster.
‘Hurry! Let Mum and Dad and Uncle Wal out!’ Buster yelled to Prunella. ‘They’re the big dogs in the cages at the front!’
Buster shut his eyes, nodded his head twice, then…
Nunggg!
It was like an earthquake all through his body, with a sort of volcano exploding on the way. He could feel his tongue growing shorter, his feet getting bigger, and his fur disappearing except on his head…
And he was a boy again.
Suddenly the dogs began to howl! It was a cry of despair at being caged, and terror too. They’d probably never seen dogs turn into humans, thought Buster. And the humans in this place were their tormentors!
Aunty Flea was Changing too. A naked elderly woman with wild hair and fingernails like claws reared up at Miss Snotgrass.
‘You…you monster!’ Aunty Paws shrieked.
Miss Snotgrass stared, then screamed. ‘No…no…werewolves!’ she cried. ‘Help! Help! Help!’
The caged dogs howled all the louder.
‘I’ll rip your throat out!’ Uncle Flea hadn’t bothered to Change. He crouched, his hackles raised, then leapt…
‘No!’ yelped Buster. He dashed in front of his uncle and knocked him sideways. ‘Don’t hurt her!’
‘Don’t hurt her?!’ snarled Uncle Flea, crouching at Buster’s feet, his fangs gleaming and drool dripping to the floor. ‘Look what she’s done! I want to hurt her! I want to…’
‘No!’ yelled Buster again. ‘Stop thinking like a wolf, Uncle Flea!’
‘I am a wolf!’ began Uncle Flea.
Miss Snotgrass was whimpering now. ‘Werewolves,’ she muttered fearfully. ‘Werewolves! Naked werewolves,’ she mumbled, with a glance down at Buster, and another at the fearsome Aunty Paws. She shrank back as far as she could till her back was to the wall.
‘No, you’re not a wolf, Uncle Flea!’ Buster fumbled for words. ‘You’re a werewolf! You’re human too! Listen to your human half! If you rip her throat out (Miss Snotgrass whimpered again) the police will come and you’ll be arrested and everyone will know about us and…and who knows what will happen then!’
‘He’s right,’ said a voice.
Buster turned to see who had spoken. It was Uncle Wal. Prunella had got his muzzle off, and Mum’s too, and now she was working on Dad’s.
‘Just what I have been trying to teach you, boy!’ barked Uncle Wal approvingly. ‘A good werewolf knows when to think like a human!’
‘Oh, Buster, darling, I’ve been so worried about you,’ barked Mum, pushing at the door of her cage.
‘Me too!’ said Uncle Wal gruffly. ‘You kept hunting about by yourself. I was afraid the dognappers would get you too, before I tracked them down!’
‘Good lad!’ Dad bounded out of his cage and sniffed Buster all over to make sure he was alright.
‘But we can’t just let that woman go on like this!’ cried Uncle Flea, sitting back on his haunches. ‘Dog-napping, keeping dogs in cages, making them eat Doggie Yum!’
‘No!’ declared Buster. He turned to Miss Snotgrass. ‘Do you know what we are?’ he snarled.
‘Werewolves!’ muttered Miss Snotgrass, cowering in a corner.
‘Right,’ said Buster. ‘And if you ever, ever keep dogs in cages and experiment on them like this again I’m going to the newspapers. I’m going to tell them that Doggie Yum turns dogs into werewolves. I’ll tell them I ate Doggie Yum and look what happened to me! I’ll tell them that if people buy Doggie Yum one night their dogs will turn into werewolves too and…’
‘Rip their throats out!’ put in Uncle Flea with relish. He was drooling again.
‘And eat them with chilli sauce and peanut butter,’ added Aunty Paws.
Prunella looked at her, shocked.
‘Throats taste boring without some sauce,’ Aunty Paws explained, with a wink to Prunella and a fierce glance at Miss Snotgrass.
‘But that would ruin us!’ gasped Miss Snotgrass.
‘Exactly,’ said Buster.
‘But…but how can we test Doggie Yum without dogs?’ whimpered Miss Snotgrass.
Uncle Flea jumped up on his hind legs, his forelegs against Miss Snotgrass’ shoulders. ‘You eat it,’ he said, with a sharp gust of wolf breath in her face. ‘Let’s see if it makes you sick. And if you can eat it and your hair doesn
’t fall out, then maybe it’s fit to serve to dogs.’
Mum, Dad and Uncle Wal exchanged glances. ‘Now!’ ordered Dad. The three werewolves shut their eyes, nodded their heads twice, then…
‘Errrp!’ gulped Prunella, staring at Dad and Uncle Wal and then further down at Buster. She quickly shut her eyes. ‘Put some clothes on!’ she muttered.
She handed Buster the backpack with his clothes in it, still with her eyes shut. Buster handed a shirt to Uncle Wal then began to put his pants on.
‘Sorry about that!’ Dad’s voice was amused. ‘Oh, it’s so good to stretch again! And it was all my fault,’ he added. ‘This big van stopped up on the mountain and I just wandered over to lift my leg on its tyres and they grabbed me. Had me muzzled before I knew what was what, and your mum too.’ Dad clapped Uncle Wal on the back. ‘If I’d just thought like a human for a change they wouldn’t have got us!’
‘Huh! Being human wasn’t enough! When I finally tracked your parents here they grabbed me too,’ said Uncle Wal, tying the shirt around him so it covered his bum. ‘If it hadn’t been for Buster here we’d have had it!’
Dad hugged Buster roughly. ‘Congratulations, son! I should have known you’d save us. One day you’re going to be the best leader this pack has ever had! And thank you too, Prunella! You can tell her to open her eyes again,’ he added. ‘I’ll Change back.’
‘Wouldn’t mind Changing too,’ remarked Aunty Paws. ‘It gets awfully draughty being human.’
Suddenly Dad and Aunty Paws had fur again.
Mum hugged Buster too, and kissed his cheek. ‘You were wonderful!’ she said. ‘As for you,’ she added to Miss Snotgrass. ‘If you don’t behave yourself, I’m going to make sure you get mange and fleas. Now take your dress off.’
‘My…my dress?’ whispered Miss Snotgrass.
‘Yes,’ said Mum.
Miss Snotgrass lifted her dress over her head and stood there in her petticoat, while Mum slipped the dress on over her own head instead. It was a bit short, but not too bad a fit.
Wonderfully Wacky Families Page 6
