“Have you told Mr. Gaylord about it?” she asked of either, or neither, or both, as they chose to take it.
Bartley left the word to Marcia, who answered, “Well, no, mother. We haven’t yet. We’ve only just found it out ourselves. I guess father can wait till he comes in to dinner. I intend to keep Bartley here to prove it.”
“He said,” remarked Mrs. Gaylord, whom Bartley had led to her chair and placed on her cushion, “‘t he had a headache when he first came in,” and she appealed to him for corroboration, while she vainly endeavored to gather force to grapple again with the larger fact that he and Marcia were just engaged to be married.
Marcia stopped down, and pulled her mother up out of her chair with a hug. “Oh, come now, mother: You mustn’t let it take your breath away,” she said, with patronizing fondness. “I’m not afraid of what father will say. You know what he thinks of Bartley, — or Mr. Hubbard, as I presume you’ll want me to call him! Now, mother, you just run up stairs, and put on your best cap, and leave me to set the table and get up the dinner. I guess I can get Bartley to help me. Mother, mother, mother!” she cried, in happiness that was otherwise unutterable, and clasping her mother closer in her strong young arms, she kissed her with a fervor that made her blush again before the young man.
“Marcia, Marcia! You hadn’t ought to! It’s ridiculous!” she protested. But she suffered herself to be thrust out of the room, grateful for exile, in which she could collect her scattered wits and set herself to realize the fact that had dispersed them. It was decorous, also, for her to leave Marcia alone with Mr. Hubbard, far more so now than when he was merely company; she felt that, and she fumbled over the dressing she was sent about, and once she looked out of her chamber window at the office where Mr. Gaylord sat, and wondered what Mr. Gaylord (she thought of him, and even dreamt of him, as Mr. Gaylord, and had never, in the most familiar moments, addressed him otherwise) would say! But she left the solution of the problem to him and Marcia; she was used to leaving them to the settlement of their own difficulties.
“Now, Bartley,” said Marcia, in the business-like way that women assume in such matters, as soon as the great fact is no longer in doubt, “you must help me to set the table. Put up that leaf and I’ll put up this. I’m going to do more for mother than I used to,” she said, repentant in her bliss. “It’s a shame how much I’ve left to her.” The domestic instinct was already astir in her heart.
Bartley pulled the table-cloth straight from her, and vied with her in the rapidity and exactness with which he arranged the knives and forks at right angles beside the plates. When it came to some heavier dishes, they agreed to carry them turn about; but when it was her turn, he put out his hand to support her elbow: “As I did last night, and saved you from dropping a lamp.”
This made her laugh, and she dropped the first dish with a crash. “Poor mother!” she exclaimed. “I know she heard that, and she’ll be in agony to know which one it is.”
Mrs. Gaylord did indeed hear it, far off in her chamber, and quaked with an anxiety which became intolerable at last.
“Marcia! Marcia!” she quavered, down the stairs, “what have you broken?”
Marcia opened the door long enough to call back, “Oh, only the old blue-edged platter, mother!” and then she flew at Bartley, crying, “For shame! For shame!” and pressing her hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. “She’ll hear you, Bartley, and think you’re laughing at her.” But she laughed herself at his struggles, and ended by taking him by the hand and pulling him out into, the kitchen, where neither of them could be heard. She abandoned herself to the ecstasy of her soul, and he thought she had never been so charming as in this wild gayety.
“Why, Marsh! I never saw you carry on so before!”
“You never saw me engaged before! That’s the way all girls act — if they get the chance. Don’t you like me to be so?” she asked, with quick anxiety.
“Rather!” he replied.
“Oh, Bartley!” she exclaimed, “I feel like a child. I surprise myself as much as I do you; for I thought I had got very old, and I didn’t suppose I should ever let myself go in this way. But there is something about this that lets me be as silly as I like. It’s somehow as if I were a great deal more alone when I’m with you than when I’m by myself! How does it make you feel?”
“Good!” he answered, and that satisfied her better than if he had entered into those subtleties which she had tried to express: it was more like a man. He had his arm about her again, and she put down her hand on his to press it closer against her heart.
“Of course,” she explained, recurring to his surprise at her frolic mood, “I don’t expect you to be silly because I am.”
“No,” he assented; “but how can I help it?”
“Oh, I don’t mean for the time being; I mean generally speaking. I mean that I care for you because I know you know a great deal more than I do, and because I respect you. I know that everybody expects you to be something great, and I do, too.”
Bartley did not deny the justness of her opinions concerning himself, or the reasonableness of the general expectation, though he probably could not see the relation of these cold abstractions to the pleasure of sitting there with a pretty girl in that way. But he said nothing.
“Do you know,” she went on, turning her face prettily around toward him, but holding it a little way off, to secure attention as impersonal as might be under the circumstances, “what pleased me more than anything else you ever said to me?”
“No,” answered Bartley. “Something you got out of me when you were trying to make me tell you the difference between you and the other Equity girls?”
She laughed, in glad defiance of her own consciousness. “Well, I was trying to make you compliment me; I’m not going to deny it. But I must say I got my come-uppance: you didn’t say a thing I cared for. But you did afterward. Don’t you remember?”
“No. When?”
She hesitated a moment. “When you told me that my influence had — had — made you better, you know—”
“Oh!” said Bartley. “That! Well,” he added, carelessly, “it’s every word true. Didn’t you believe it?”
“I was just as glad as if I did; and it made me resolve never to do or say a thing that could lower your opinion of me; and then, you know, there at the door — it all seemed part of our trying to make each other better. But when father looked at me in that way, and asked me if we were engaged, I went down into the dust with shame. And it seemed to me that you had just been laughing at me, and amusing yourself with me, and I was so furious I didn’t know what to do. Do you know what I wanted to do? I wanted to run downstairs to father, and tell him what you had said, and ask him if he believed you had ever liked any other girl.” She paused a little, but he did not answer, and she continued. “But now I’m glad I didn’t. And I shall never ask you that, and I shall not care for anything that you — that’s happened before to-day. It’s all right. And you do think I shall always try to make you good and happy, don’t you?”
“I don’t think you can make me much happier than I am at present, and I don’t believe anybody could make me feel better,” answered Bartley.
She gave a little laugh at his refusal to be serious, and let her head, for fondness, fall upon his shoulder, while he turned round and round a ring he found on her finger.
“Ah, ha!” he said, after a while. “Who gave you this ring, Miss Gaylord?”
“Father, Christmas before last,” she promptly answered, without moving. “I’m glad you asked,” she murmured, in a lower voice, full of pride in the maiden love she could give him. “There’s never been any one but you, or the thought of any one.” She suddenly started away.
“Now, let’s play we’re getting dinner.” It was quite time; in the next moment the coffee boiled up, and if she had not caught the lid off and stirred it down with her spoon, it would have been spoiled. The steam ascended to the ceiling, and filled the kitchen with the fragrant smell
of the berry.
“I’m glad we’re going to have coffee,” she said. “You’ll have to put up with a cold dinner, except potatoes. But the coffee will make up, and I shall need a cup to keep me awake. I don’t believe I slept last night till nearly morning. Do you like coffee?”
“I’d have given all I ever expect to be worth for a cup of it, last night,” he said. “I was awfully hungry when I got back to the hotel, and I couldn’t find anything but a piece of mince-pie and some old cheese, and I had to be content with cold milk. I felt as if I had lost all my friends this morning when I woke up.”
A sense of remembered grievance trembled in his voice, and made her drop her head on his arm, in pity and derision of him. “Poor Bartley!” she cried. “And you came up here for a little petting from me, didn’t you? I’ve noticed that in you! Well, you didn’t get it, did you?”
“Well, not at first,” he said.
“Yes, you can’t complain of any want of petting at last,” she returned, delighted at his indirect recognition of the difference. Then the daring, the archness, and caprice that make coquetry in some women, and lurk a divine possibility in all, came out in her; the sweetness, kept back by the whole strength of her pride, overflowed that broken barrier now, and she seemed to lavish this revelation of herself upon him with a sort of tender joy in his bewilderment. She was not hurt when he crudely expressed the elusive sense which has been in other men’s minds at such times: they cannot believe that this fascination is inspired, and not practised.
“Well,” he said, “I’m glad you told me that I was the first. I should have thought you’d had a good deal of experience in flirtation.”
“You wouldn’t have thought so if you hadn’t been a great flirt yourself,” she answered, audaciously. “Perhaps I have been engaged before!”
Their talk was for the most part frivolous, and their thoughts ephemeral; but again they were, with her at least, suddenly and deeply serious. Till then all things seemed to have been held in arrest, and impressions, ideas, feelings, fears, desires, released themselves simultaneously, and sought expression with a rush that defied coherence. “Oh, why do we try to talk?” she asked, at last. “The more we say, the more we leave unsaid. Let us keep still awhile!” But she could not. “Bartley! When did you first think you cared about me?”
“I don’t know,” said Bartley, “I guess it must have been the first time I saw you.”
“Yes, that is when I first knew that I cared for you. But it seems to me that I must have always cared for you, and that I only found it out when I saw you going by the house that day.” She mused a little time before she asked again, “Bartley!”
“Well?”
“Did you ever use to be afraid — Or, no! Wait! I’ll tell you first, and then I’ll ask you. I’m not ashamed of it now, though once I thought I couldn’t bear to have any one find it out. I used to be awfully afraid you didn’t care for me! I would try to make out, from things you did and said, whether you did or not; but I never could be certain. I believe I used to find the most comfort in discouraging myself. I used to say to myself, ‘Why, of course he doesn’t! How can he? He’s been everywhere, and he’s seen so many girls. He corresponds with lots of them. Altogether likely he’s engaged to some of the young ladies he’s met in Boston; and he just goes with me here for a blind.’ And then when you would praise me, sometimes, I would just say, ‘Oh, he’s complimented plenty of girls. I know he’s thinking this instant of the young lady he’s engaged to in Boston.’ And it would almost kill me; and when you did some little thing to show that you liked me, I would think, ‘He doesn’t like me! He hates, he despises me. He does, he does, he does!’ And I would go on that way, with my teeth shut, and my breath held, I don’t know how long.” Bartley broke out into a broad laugh at this image of desperation, but she added, tenderly, “I hope I never made you suffer in that way?”
“What way?” he asked.
“That’s what I wanted you to tell me. Did you ever — did you use to be afraid sometimes that I — that you — did you put off telling me that you cared for me so long because you thought, you dreaded — Oh, I don’t see what I can ever do to make it up to you if you did! Were you afraid I didn’t care for you?”
“No!” shouted Bartley. She had risen and stood before him in the fervor of her entreaty, and he seized her arms, pinioning them to her side, and holding her helpless, while he laughed, and laughed again. “I knew you were dead in love with me from the first moment.”
“Bartley! Bartley Hubbard!” she exclaimed; “let me go, — let me go, this instant! I never heard of such a shameless thing!”
But she really made no effort to escape.
V.
The house seemed too little for Marcia’s happiness, and after dinner she did not let Bartley forget his last night’s engagement. She sent him off to get his horse at the hotel, and ran up to her room to put on her wraps for the drive. Her mother cleared away the dinner things; she pushed the table to the side of the room, and then sat down in her feather-cushioned chair and waited her husband’s pleasure to speak. He ordinarily rose from the Sunday dinner and went back to his office; to-day he had taken a chair before the stove. But he had mechanically put his hat on, and he wore it pushed off his forehead as he tilted his chair back on its hind legs, and braced himself against the hearth of the stove with his feet.
A man is master in his own house generally through the exercise of a certain degree of brutality, but Squire Gaylord maintained his predominance by an enlightened absenteeism. No man living always at home was ever so little under his own roof. While he was in more active business life, he had kept an office in the heart of the village, where he spent all his days, and a great part of every night; but after he had become rich enough to risk whatever loss of business the change might involve, he bought this large old square house on the border of the village, and thenceforth made his home in the little detached office.
If Mrs. Gaylord had dimly imagined that she should see something more of him, having him so near at hand, she really saw less: there was no weather, by day or night, in which he could not go to his office, now. He went no more than his wife into the village society; she might have been glad now and then of a little glimpse of the world, but she never said so, and her social life had ceased, like her religious life. Their house was richly furnished according to the local taste of the time; the parlor had a Brussels carpet, and heavy chairs of mahogany and hair-cloth; Marcia had a piano there, and since she had come home from school they had made company, as Mrs. Gaylord called it, two or three times for her; but they had held aloof from the festivity, the Squire in his office, and Mrs. Gaylord in the family room where they now sat in unwonted companionship.
“Well, Mr. Gaylord,” said his wife, “I don’t know as you can say but what Marcia’s suited well enough.”
This was the first allusion they had made to the subject, but she let it take the argumentative form of her cogitations.
“M-yes,” sighed the Squire, in long, nasal assent, “most too well, if anything.” He rasped first one unshaven cheek and then the other, with his thin, quivering hand.
“He’s smart enough,” said Mrs. Gaylord, as before.
“M-yes, most too smart,” replied her husband, a little more quickly than before. “He’s smart enough, even if she wasn’t, to see from the start that she was crazy to have him, and that isn’t the best way to begin life for a married couple, if I’m a judge.”
“It would killed her if she hadn’t got him. I could see ‘t was wearin’ on her every day, more and more. She used to fairly jump, every knock she’d hear at the door; and I know sometimes, when she was afraid he wa’ n’t coming, she used to go out, in hopes ‘t she sh’d meet him: I don’t suppose she allowed to herself that she did it for that — Marcia’s proud.”
“M-yes,” said the Squire, “she’s proud. And when a proud girl makes a fool of herself about a fellow, it’s a matter of life and death with her. She can’t hel
p herself. She lets go everything.”
“I declare,” Mrs. Gaylord went on, “it worked me up considerable to have her come in some those times, and see by her face ‘t she’d seen him with some the other girls. She used to look so! And then I’d hear her up in her room, cryin’ and cryin’. I shouldn’t cared so much, if Marcia’d been like any other girl, kind of flirty, like, about it. But she wa’ n’t. She was just bowed down before her idol.”
A final assent came from the Squire, as if wrung out of his heart, and he rose from his chair, and then sat down again. Marcia was his child, and he loved her with his whole soul. “M-well!” he deeply sighed, “all that part’s over, anyway,” but he tingled in an anguish of sympathy with what she had suffered. “You see, Miranda, how she looked at me when she first came in with him, — so proud and independent, poor girl! and yet as if she was afraid I mightn’t like it?”
“Yes, I see it.”
He pulled his hat far down over his cavernous eyes, and worked his thin, rusty old jaws.
“I hope ‘t she’ll be able to school herself, so ‘s t’ not show out her feelings so much,” said Mrs. Gaylord.
“I wish she could school herself so as to not have ’em so much; but I guess she’ll have ‘em, and I guess she’ll show ’em out.” They were both silent; after a while he added, throwing at the stove a minute fragment of the cane he had pulled off the seat of his chair: “Miranda, I’ve expected something of this sort a good while, and I’ve thought over what Bartley had better do.”
Mrs. Gaylord stooped forward and picked up the bit of wood which her husband had thrown down; her vigilance was rewarded by finding a thread on the oil-cloth near where it lay; she whipped this round her finger, and her husband continued: “He’d better give up his paper and go into the law. He ‘s done well in the paper, and he’s a smart writer; but editing a newspaper aint any work for a man. It’s all well enough as long as he’s single, but when he’s got a wife to look after, he’d better get down to work. My business is in just such a shape now that I could hand it over to him in a lump; but come to wait a year or two longer, and this young man and that one ‘ll eat into it, and it won’t be the same thing at all. I shall want Bartley to push right along, and get admitted at once. He can do it, fast enough. He’s bright enough,” added the old man, with a certain grimness. “M-well!” he broke out, with a quick sigh, after a moment of musing; “it hasn’t happened at any very bad time. I was just thinking, this morning, that I should like to have my whole time, pretty soon, to look after my property. I sha’n’t want Bartley to do that for me. I’ll give him a good start in money and in business; but I’ll look after my property myself. I’ll speak to him, the first chance I get.”
Delphi Complete Works of William Dean Howells Page 145
