Levi sat back, startled. The chapel became awkwardly silent as Jim, David, and Gayle stopped praying.
“What?” Skyler asked, turning to look at the surprised adults around him. “You didn’t know?” He looked back at Levi and stared into his eyes. “Levi’s gay too.”
Levi’s face froze in shock. The three prayer members stared at him.
“I’m, I’m not gay.” Levi stammered.
“Gaydar, Levi. Gaydar. I suspected your gayness from a mile away every Sunday in church since you arrived but didn’t quite nail it until Tuesday afternoon’s meeting. That’s when it became obvious. You want me to hug men. You want me to think about testicles. What straight guy would suggest that?”
Someone cleared their throat behind him,
Levi swallowed and spoke softly, his voice squeezed. “But I’m not gay.”
“Then neither am I. I’m finished here.” Skyler stood and walked toward the door. He opened it and turned around. “You guys hoped you could avoid a scandal. Well, you can’t. Except, Levi, it’s not me who’s the scandal now. It’s you. Jim, David, Gayle, it’s been real. Sorry for wasting your time. See you later. I’m out.” He flipped them the bird as he slammed the door behind him and headed out of the parsonage.
I probably didn’t need to do that.
He walked over to the church and sat on the front steps. He exhaled and wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his chin between his knees. Some birds were poking around the lawn for worms.
I guess I know what’s next.
Skyler guessed about ten minutes had passed when he heard one of the church doors open and close. He recognized the sound of the approaching footsteps as Rebecca’s.
“Get in the car, please. We’re going home.”
He pulled himself off the ground and followed her to the car. When he had clicked his seatbelt into position, she gripped the steering wheel and looked at him. He glared at her through the side of his eyes.
“You set me up with a gay pastor, if you didn’t know it already.”
“That’s very rude of you to say about Pastor Levi when you have no proof.”
“He’s gay. I’m gay. We exist. Get over it.”
“No, I won’t. It’s time for you to move on to another home. When we get home, I’m going to call Katie. You’ll be moving soon.”
“Fine.”
Skyler choked back tears and bit his tongue so he didn’t burst into a sobbing fool.
Shit.
I guess you knew how to hurt me after all.
* * *
“Relocate him? Are you serious? Rebecca! What the hell are you thinking? He’s our son!” Stephen yelled from the kitchen. Skyler sat in the den with Grace, Noah, and Victoria. They were watching something on television, but the fight in the kitchen was more interesting than whatever was on the TV that night.
Skyler had a hard time keeping his eyes dry. His stomach knotted at the thought of relocation because he had fallen in love with the Tinsdale family. But this afternoon, Rebecca thrust upon him the worst possible punishment ever invented by humanity for orphaned children. Hurt filled his heart as he realized relocation to a new family had become his only option. It was too late to go back and pretend to accept Jesus into his heart, to pretend to want to be straight. Now, Rebecca simply refused to tolerate or accept him.
Tears filled his eyes again as he realized it was only a matter of time before he had to say goodbye to his brother and sisters, of whom he would miss Vicky the most. She sat next to him on the couch and held his hand. Occasionally, she would reach up and wipe the tears from his face. He smiled at her whenever she did this. Grace and Noah, who were fourteen, silently sat on the floor in front of him, resting their backs on the couch.
Rebecca’s words echoed through the house. “He is not our son, Stephen. I will not have this abomination in my house! The Lord has revealed to me that it is time to have him sent to another foster home. This is what happens when things don’t work out with foster children.”
“You want to relocate him because he’s gay?” Stephen cried out incredulously.
In the den, Grace turned around and put her hand on Skyler’s knee. “I don’t care if you’re gay, Skyler.” she whispered.
“Me neither,” Noah said. “I like having a gay brother. I think it’s kinda cool.” Noah stumbled over the last few words as tears started running down his face. He buried his head in his arms.
Skyler’s shoulders shook with sadness as he fought back tears once more. Vicky wrapped her arms around him and he tuned into Stephen’s angry voice in the kitchen.
“It’s not that things aren’t working out, Rebecca. What’s not working out is you are going berserk with this and involving the church and everyone else who has no business in our family affairs. What else is completely and utterly ridiculous is that Bill and Jen are moving out of town next weekend because their son is gay and fell in love with Skyler. Their reaction makes no sense at all!”
Next weekend? They’re leaving next weekend? How does he know? Did he talk to them?
“It makes perfect sense to me. Homosexuality is not acceptable, and he is not repentant. Clearly the Moshers do not have a problem saving the soul of their only child. Besides, it’s too late. Katie is already working to find him a new home. She seemed just as agreeable with me that it was time for Skyler to move on when told her he thinks he is gay.”
“She said that?” Stephen asked incredulously.
“Not in those words, but I could tell. She said she would make his case a top priority.”
“I don’t think you guys are on the same page at all,” Stephen countered.
“Of course we are. She is a god-fearing woman.”
“Rebecca, if that were even remotely true, where do you think she’s going to send him?”
“That is not our problem.”
There was a pause in the conversation, and then Stephen asked a poignant question. “Do you even love him, Rebecca?”
Vicky tugged on Skyler’s arm. “Are you going to leave us, SkySky?” Vicky asked sadly. Skyler choked on his tears and nodded his head.
“I think so,” he whispered. So, I get kicked out because I’m not yours. All you care about is your stupid reputation and your horrible church.
Grace’s hand squeezed Skyler’s knee as she unsuccessfully fought back tears. Tears ran down Noah’s face as he looked at Skyler with a shocked expression.
“I need to leave. I am late,” Rebecca said, not answering Stephen’s question. Skyler heard her stomp across the kitchen and into the living room. She grabbed her purse, car keys, and a light jacket from the front closet. Then she walked out of the house and a few seconds later, Skyler heard her car start.
“Where’s mommy going?” Vicky whispered into Skyler’s ear.
“It’s Thursday, Vicky. She’s going to, ugh, Church, to the ladies Bible study.”
“Oh yeah,” Vicky said.
Footsteps alerted them to the immanent presence of Stephen. Skyler checked the time. It was seven o’clock. I wonder…
Stephen entered the room and looked at his children. He walked in with a smile, but it disappeared when he saw their tear-stained faces. “I’m sorry you guys had to hear us arguing.” He sat down in one of the sofa chairs next to them. He leaned back and closed his eyes. “Skyler, I’m so sorry. I think Rebecca has set things in motion that can’t be undone. If there’s anything I can do…”
Skyler cleared his throat. “Yes, there is.” He felt a new boldness surge through his veins. “She’s gone for a couple of hours, right? So will you watch a movie with me?”
“What? Seriously? With all this going on, you want to watch a movie?” Stephen asked, surprised.
“Steve, it’s important.”
“Okay, what movie are we talking about? Vicky should get to bed soon.”
“I’ll put her to bed, Dad,” Grace offered, wiping her tears. “But I want to watch the movie with you guys, if that’s okay with Skyler.”
Skyler nodded. “Yeah, that’d be cool. Really cool, actually.”
“Come on Vicky, let’s get changed for bed,” Grace said, standing up. She extended her hand toward Vicky.
“Wait, I need to kiss daddy goodnight.” She made her way over to Stephen, who told her he loved her as he gave her a hug and a kiss. Next, she stepped over to Noah and affectionately patted him on the head. Then she jumped into Skyler’s arms and gave him a big hug. She pulled back and looked at him with sad eyes. “Will you still be here in the morning, Skyler?” Vicky asked. Out of the corner of his eye, Skyler saw the color drain from Stephen’s face.
“Yes, Vicky, I’ll still be here. We can still have our cereal together like normal.”
“Okay,” she said. Then she followed Grace upstairs.
“Noah, would you mind grabbing the DVD? It’s on my desk. I rented it from the library, so it should be obvious to you.”
“Sure, Sky.” Noah headed upstairs, leaving Skyler and Stephen alone in the den.
“Are you okay?” Stephen asked.
Skyler wiped his eyes. “No, of course not. What kind of question is that? I just found out you’re shipping me out.”
“Didn’t think so.”
“I’m gonna go pee,” Skyler said. “Be right back.” I can’t deal with this right now.
“Okay.”
Skyler headed off to use the bathroom.
When he returned to the den, Stephen looked more comfortable in his chair. Noah was sitting cross-legged in front of the entertainment center. He loaded the DVD into the player.
“You really want to watch a movie, huh?”
“Yup.”
An awkward silence ensued.
Grace walked in a few moments later and sat with Skyler on the couch and settled in. Noah climbed into the bean bag chair with the remote control in his hand, pointing at the DVD player. “Ready to go?” he asked.
“Hold on, son,” Stephen said. “Is Vicky okay?”
“A little shaken up, but okay,” Grace said. “She wanted to go to sleep without a story.”
Stephen grunted. “What are we watching?” A second later, the DVD menu appeared and displayed Prayers for Bobby on the television screen. “Ah. Never heard of it. Hope it’s good!”
“Oh, it’s good,” Skyler said. Noah clicked play and then settled himself in the bean bag.
“Oh, Sigourney Weaver. I like her!” Stephen said.
“Who?” Grace asked.
“You know, the actress from the Alien movies?” he asked. Noah and Skyler looked at each other and shrugged.
“Never mind,” He said, laughing.
“Wait, he’s going to, oh whew!” Grace said as she watched the opening title scenes.
Skyler looked at Stephen. He could tell from the expression on his face that he had begun to understand the importance of the movie from the opening scenes. “Skyler, is this what I think it’s about?”
“Please, you said you would. It’s really important to me. I promise it’s PG-13.”
“I wanna watch it, dad.” Noah chimed in.
“Me too,” Grace said.
Stephen took a deep breath and nodded.
Skyler smiled and sat back. As the movie played, he glanced over at his family’s reactions to different moments throughout the movie. When the grandmother said the queers should be lined up and shot, Noah jerked his head to the side in surprise. When Bobby jumped, Grace cried. When Mary washed her hands after shaking David’s hands, Stephen shook his head. During the last fifteen minutes of the movie, Stephen had buried his face in his hands but was watching through his fingers. When Mary saw her son Bobby’s image in the young man at the pride parade, they all cried.
When the credits rolled, Noah clicked stop and the DVD’s menu sequence began cycling. No one seemed to mind the profound silence that filled the room. Stephen sat back and exhaled a deep breath. He didn’t try to hide the tears on his cheeks.
Grace wiped her face and then leaned over and gave Skyler a big hug. She kissed him on the cheek and then headed upstairs. Noah pushed himself up from the bean bag and hugged Skyler. As he stepped toward the doorway of the room, he paused and turned around.
“Hey dad?” he said softly.
“Yes, Noah?”
“What if it was me, dad? What if it was me who liked boys? What if I was the one who was gay?” He let the questions linger in the air before he turned away and headed up to bed.
That’s a great question.
Skyler looked over at Stephen, who had been caught unawares by the emotional punch Noah had landed in the center of his being.
Stephen swallowed and cried, burying his face in his hands again. “My God,” he whispered to himself. “What have we done?”
6 | Not in This House
THE ROLLER COASTER OF LIFE settled into an awkward calm as the Tinsdale home struggled to find normalcy in the days that passed. Within a day of receiving Rebecca’s call, Katie Smith, Skyler’s case worker at the foster agency, met with Rebecca and Stephen and tried to reason with them. Skyler sat in the den with tears streaming down his face as he listened to every hurtful word Rebecca said about him in the kitchen, insisting that God’s laws were above those of a sinful and corrupt foster system who couldn’t see that Skyler and kids like him needed help.
When Katie realized she could not reason with Rebecca, she pulled Skyler into the living room and closed the doors for a one-on-one conversation. Instead of talking, Skyler sobbed and shook with despair in her arms. She held him, unsure of what to say or do in the face of such hatefulness.
She checked in with Skyler every day by phone and visited the Tinsdale home every third day. With no immediate relocation available, she reached a mutual agreement with Rebecca and Stephen that would allow Skyler to finish out his academic year before moving to a new home.
Skyler let his hurt feelings transition through bitter anger to abject numbness because he had yet to pass his final exams. With Katie’s counsel and an eye toward his future, he realized he didn’t want to mess up his transition into junior year at a new school. Katie reminded him each time they spoke one-on-one to watch the It Gets Better videos he liked on YouTube and promised to find him a truly accepting and wonderful family.
Skyler knew it was only a matter of time before Katie called back with a plan for the next phase of his life. He thought about emancipating himself, but he had no place to go and no way to support himself.
At school, Cam remained obedient to his parent’s wishes. After school, Skyler continued to take out his frustrations on his bike or his running shoes. As the days cranked past toward final exams, Skyler felt an achy numbness replace the visceral anger that flared up every time he went toe to toe with Rebecca at night in the kitchen. Eventually he stopped caring. Denial had transformed into acceptance and he preferred the numb feelings to the angry ones.
Skyler’s apathy inadvertently killed Rebecca’s zeal for the repentance and holiness God expected for his life one night after dinner. When he sensed the oncoming tempest, he sucked the wind out of her sails.
“Why do you even care anymore, Rebecca?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I’m out of here this or next month. You’ve won. There’s no point in beating me upside the head anymore. I don’t care. I’m gay, and that’s not going to change. So please, just stop already.” He pulled himself up from the table and walked out of the house for an evening stroll down the quiet neighborhood streets. And that’s all it took. That was the last night Rebecca preached at Skyler, and the entire family silently rejoiced.
* * *
Amid all the turmoil, Skyler’s studies for final exams suffered and the last day of school had finally arrived. It was nearly mid-June, and summer freedom was right around the corner—whatever that meant for Skyler. He sat at his favorite table in the library and tried to study for his last final exam later that morning. His books and note books were spread across the tab
le so no one would join him. He needed to focus because he had let his schoolwork fall to the wayside as the family turmoil hopelessly churned around him. All he could do at this point is try his best. He didn’t think it mattered since it was going to be his last year at Cornerstone.
In his mind, he felt like he was judging a tennis tournament. His thoughts shifted between the anger of Rebecca and the acceptance of Stephen and the kids. On the one hand, he knew getting out would be the best thing for him, but on the other, his heart would tear in two. He’d have to leave his siblings, schoolmates, and the family life he had come to know. On top of all that pain, his heart still missed Cam.
Distracted again, he looked at the clock—9:40. Dammit. There were only twenty minutes until his last final and his last two hours as a high school sophomore. He had no idea where the summer would take him, or where he would attend high school as a junior.
Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the familiar walk of…
Cam. It can’t be.
Cam walked toward him from the entrance of the library. “Hey, Skyler,” Cam said, sitting in a chair on the other side of the table. He kept his backpack slung over his shoulders.
“Yeah?” Skyler answered. Hurt and confusion started to bubble inside him. Skyler regarded him with suspicion and surprise. Seriously? Today you’re going to break your parent’s enforced silence and separation?
“I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I am going to. This is my last day in this school. Heck, in this state for that matter.” Cam paused and became a little emotional. “We are moving to Ohio tomorrow.”
“Ohio!” Skyler echoed with surprise. Didn’t expect that…at all.
“My parents didn’t want you to know. But I couldn’t leave without telling you. I’ve been seeing a Christian counselor, too. I want to say that I’m really sorry for what went on between us. I can see how wrong and sinful it was, and I didn’t mean to lead you into temptation…or to lead you into sin. That is the worst thing a friend can do to another friend.”
The Climb Page 9
