“Sure, yours came in the mail today. Challenging, huh?” Leah arched her back and kneaded her waist. “Sure will be glad when this is finished.”
“Guess I just never thought about it. They sure are busy. Uncle Bjorn is on the phone or meeting with people all day and Aunt Keira says she’s always running to catch up. I never realized all that it takes to run a business like that.”
“That’s why many people do internships in the field they’re interested in. Gives them a taste of it.”
“Well, I don’t think it’s for me. I want to help make people well again.” Kirsten picked up one of the pictures of her and her cousins when they were younger, playing in the orchard at the home place. “We sure had fun.”
“That you did, and that’s why I’m killing myself putting this book together—to help everyone keep those memories alive.”
“Oh.” She laid the picture down.
“How come you went out to the home place last night?”
“Guess I was hoping Grandma would still talk to me. Crazy, huh?”
“Not altogether. Any idea yet what you plan to do?”
“I know what I don’t want to do.” Kirsten clenched her jaw. “I don’t need to decide on the baby’s future right now, do I?”
“True. But you do need to see the doctor.” Leah gave her daughter one of her mother looks. “I know you don’t want to do this, but taking good care of yourself and this baby is mandatory. No shirking your duty there.”
“Duty, duty. I’ll go make an appointment now. You don’t have to get mad at me.” She stomped out of the room, with a glance over her shoulder to see her mother shake her head and return to her pictures, adding in the stories each of the families had given her.
“Next Monday at ten,” Kirsten announced when she returned from the phone call.
“Good.”
Kirsten spied the travel brochure on the table and picked it up. “Are you and Dad going with Uncle Bjorn and Auntie Keira to Norway in August?”
“We’ve talked about it,” Leah answered without looking up from what she was doing. “But with all that is happening, I think it’s pretty iffy.”
“Mom, I don’t want you to stay home because of me—and what has gone on.” One more thing that was her fault. They just kept piling up. A baby, their trip, her dad, José, and her brothers when she told them. I’m sorry was never enough.
“We’ll just have to wait and see.” Leah looked up at her daughter. “We’ll keep praying about it, all right?”
Kirsten nodded, knowing that when her mom said that, she really was doing so. They weren’t pat words that indicated either a no or a yes.
She swallowed and bit her bottom lip. “Uh, are you praying for me too?” Her voice cracked. “I mean, about what I should do?”
Leah put down the picture she was working with and turned to hug her daughter. “You are at the top of my list, my ongoing, pray-without-ceasing, give-God-the-glory list.”
“I know He listens to you better than to me.”
“No, He doesn’t. He listens to all of us equally. Maybe I listen to Him better because I have many more years of experience. This is one of those times, I think, where…” She put her palms flat against her daughter’s cheeks and looked deep into her eyes. “You have to search His Word and believe His promises. Make a list of promises that you can repeat over and over and over.”
“But where do I find them?”
“I’d say start with the Psalms. If God promises something to one person, it applies to all of us. When Jesus said to his disciples, ‘And lo I am with you always, even to the end of the age,’ He meant that promise for you too. And for that baby you are carrying. Start with Psalm 139.” She wiped Kirsten’s tears away with her thumbs. “Also, ‘Be still, and know that I am God.’ This is a hard one for you because you are so seldom still. Actually it is a hard one for all of us.”
Kirsten blinked and then broke the embrace to reach for a tissue. “Thanks, Mom. Keep reminding me, okay?”
“You are almost eighteen now. Legally an adult. And I will not nag you. But we can search out verses together once a day if you want.”
“Thanks. How come I don’t feel like an adult?”
“How do you think an adult feels?”
“Oh, sure of herself. Ready to leave home and go to school, or a job, or whatever. I just want to curl up in a ball and wake up with everything back to normal.”
“Don’t we all at one time or another?”
“I need to tell Curt and Thomas, don’t I?” She watched her mother nod. “And I need to work things out with José.”
“You do.”
“And with Dad, but he doesn’t want to talk with me.”
“He will.” Kirsten rolled her eyes. “And you say God still has a plan for me.” She stared into her mother’s eyes. “And you really, really believe that?”
“I do.”
“But what if—what if I don’t?”
“That’s part of growing closer to Him. The more you read and say His Word, the more you will believe it.”
“You are sure.”
“Yes! Absolutely!”
“And Dad?”
Leah inhaled and rolled her lips together. “You’ll have to ask him that. He is struggling too, you know.”
“And it’s my fault.” Kirsten sniffed and swallowed, then stepped back. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re welcome. Because you are an adult, I can’t make decisions for you or force you to make them. But if you don’t, you’ll make a tough situation a whole lot worse and eventually you might be forced into something you didn’t want.”
“Like being pregnant?”
“There are always consequences for our actions. Always.”
Why did her mother always have to be right? Kirsten kept from giving a smart answer by chewing on her lower lip again. “Lindsey called and asked if I wanted to go out for burgers and a movie. I said yes, okay?”
“I don’t care. If you want to.”
“I do. Be good to think of something else for a change. Any calls on my flyers for work? I got a few put up.”
“Nope, sorry.”
“Maybe Lindsey will help me spread more out tomorrow. Where’s Dad?”
“At the church. The elders meet tonight and…” Leah stopped and stared down at the picture in her hand.
“And what?”
Leah heaved a sigh and sort of smiled. “Nothing, we’ll see.”
Kirsten studied her mother for a moment, shrugged, and drained her water glass. “We won’t be late.” Since Munsford was too small for a theater, besides many other things, they would drive to the mall on the interstate. She kissed her mother’s cheek.
“Tell Lindsey to drive safely.”
“Oh sure, as if we were into racing or something.”
“Just doing my job.”
“Bye.” Kirsten set her glass in the sink, grabbed her bag, and slung it over her shoulder. When she heard a car stop in the drive, she headed out the back door to slide into the passenger seat.
“Well, I can’t believe we are actually doing this,” Lindsey, wearing dark glasses and a grin, announced.
“What?”
“Having an evening together, just us. Without José or my little sister. Just us.”
Kirsten slid her sunglasses into place and buckled her seat belt. “Yeah, well, let’s go. I’m hungry.”
“Kirsten, how come you’re not returning my calls lately?”
Kirsten heaved a deep sigh. “I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
“What? We can talk about anything, right? I mean, I thought we were best friends.”
“We are. I’m sorry.” Kirsten puffed out a breath. Tell her and get it over with. You know you want to.
“You didn’t break up with José, did you?”
“No.”
“Uh-oh. You’re mad at him?”
“You could say that. Look.” Kirsten turned as much as the seat belt would let her. “I’ll tell you
the whole sad story later. First, I want to know the good news you so nicely teased me with.”
Lindsey eased the car out on the main road, after looking both ways. “You ready?”
“More than.”
“I have a job.”
“Good for you. Where and when?”
“I start Saturday. At the Bar Z.”
“Waitress?”
“Yep. Didn’t want to do that again, but hey, the money is good and I couldn’t find anything else.”
Kirsten nodded. “They know it’s only for the summer?”
“Unless I decide to go to community college.”
“I thought you were thinking of going to State instead.” Kirsten shook her head. “What’s been going on that I missed out on?”
“First, I didn’t get the scholarships you did. Second, I’m still not sure what I want to do, and my dad said I can figure that out a lot cheaper at CC.”
That’s where I’ll be going too, Kirsten thought.
“Kirsten, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Kirsten heaved a sigh. “Can we talk about it later? I just want to eat and see a movie and have fun and then we can talk.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure. Where are we going to eat?”
“Burger Barn?”
“Sounds good.”
“What are we going to do for your birthday?”
“I have no idea.” Her birthday was tomorrow, but not much mention had been made of it at home. Her grand announcement had taken over all their lives, leaving no room for things like birthdays and birthday cake and a party. Not that she wanted a birthday party. But she and José would have planned something. Only she hadn’t heard from him since he stormed off, and she had managed to keep from calling him. Even though her fingers itched to hit the number four on her speed dial.
“Maybe I won’t have a birthday this year.”
“Hey, girlfriend, you don’t turn eighteen every day. Only one day in your whole life. You getting too old for birthdays?”
“What movie are we going to and what time?”
“Oh, another thing we can’t talk about yet.”
Kirsten didn’t answer. It wasn’t like Lindsey to be sarcastic. Kirsten watched the green fields giving way to houses and more houses as they neared town. They turned on New Main Street, and Lindsey pulled into the parking lot of the red, barn-shaped building. After parking they started to get out, but Kirsten stopped with her seat belt still in place. “I’m sorry, Lindsey.”
Lindsey nodded. “Okay. But you better have a good reason.” They both applied gloss to their lips and, bags in place, strode to the doorway. Kirsten opened the door. “After you.” They slid into a booth and smiled at the girl who waited on them.
“Just think, that could be you,” Kirsten said.
“I applied here, but the Bar Z is so much closer. And besides, the tips will be better in a steakhouse than in a place like this.”
“They make good burgers and the place is always busy.”
“True, so you apply here.”
“I’m working for my uncle, remember? And trying to find odd jobs for the other days. I put flyers out. Did you read yours?”
“No, but my mom did and she said she already had someone to do those things, namely me.”
“And your brother and sister. They’re big enough to do those things too.”
“That’s what I keep telling her—and them. They help too, Mom makes sure of that.”
When their orders arrived, they kept talking while they ate. It felt normal again, like they always had been, not like the last few days. When they walked out of the restaurant, they smiled at each other and Lindsey nodded. “Thanks and welcome back.” She glanced at her watch. “We have ten minutes to showtime. Let’s drive the car around instead of walking all the way to the other side of the mall.”
“What if we didn’t go to the movie?” Kirsten replied.
“What would you like to do? Please don’t say go home or call José or…” She shrugged. “Whatever.”
“No. I told you I’d—”
“How about if we grab some sodas and park somewhere where we can talk?”
“Good.”
Once they had their supplies, Kirsten said, “If we go to the church parking lot, someone will see us and ask if we need help.”
“If we go home, too many people.”
“How about the home place?” Kirsten nodded as she spoke. “We won’t go in, but parking in the driveway should be okay.”
“Won’t one of the neighbors call either your house or your aunt’s and ask if they know if someone is out there?”
“No, most of them wouldn’t be driving the roads this late.”
They talked about general things on the roads back to Munsford and out to the home place. When they parked under the newly leafed maple tree by the garage, Lindsey unscrewed the cap on her cola bottle. “So, what’s happening that’s got you so down?”
Kirsten stared straight ahead. Might as well get it over with. “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re what?” Lindsey turned in her seat and leaned against the door. “Are you sure?”
Kirsten nodded. “We—I took the test, then a few days later, I bought another kit and took it again.”
“But you two took the chastity vow… and all our antiabortion work. How could you get pregnant?” She shook her head and raised her hand. “No, TMI.”
They were both quiet a moment.
“Where is José in this?”
“He wants to get married right away.” Kirsten stared straight ahead, shaking her head at the same time.
“I thought you two planned on getting married. This just speeds it up.”
“Yeah, like four years from now. After we graduated from college.”
Lindsey turned so she was facing the windshield too and propped her crossed arms on the steering wheel. “So what do your parents say?”
“Say? My dad hasn’t spoken to me since that night, other than one comment before graduation.” She could hear the anger in her own voice.
“Well, at least he didn’t throw you out.”
“Thanks for the consolation. Mom and I have been talking, after she got over the shock. I didn’t talk to José for a few days either. He called more than you did. Texted. Good thing we have unlimited or my dad would have killed me over the bill.”
“Who else knows?”
“No one. I took the test three days before graduation and dropped the bomb on them that night.” Kirsten used the tips of her fingers to wipe away the tears leaking through again. “I don’t know how we could have been so stupid.”
“When?”
“After that dinner when we went out to celebrate José’s scholarships and aid package. That’s the only time, I swear it. I asked forgiveness and said it would never happen again and please God, don’t let me be pregnant, but I missed my period two weeks later. I thought maybe it was accidental—you know, like it used to be—and I prayed a whole lot more and begged God and promised I’d do anything to not be pregnant. And then I missed the next one and I knew. José kept saying everything was gonna be all right, but I knew it wasn’t.” She dug in her bag for a tissue and when she didn’t find one, used a paper napkin to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. “So my dad won’t talk to me, my mother is acting like a nurse, making sure I know everything, José and I had a big fight in the park and he’s not called since, and now you’re the only other one I’ve told. Oh, besides my aunt Keira.”
“And you know I won’t tell anyone.”
“Right, but pretty soon everyone will figure it out when they see me getting fat. And fatter.”
“How will you go to college now?”
“I’ll probably be going to the community college. We’ll be able to drive together.”
“When are you due?”
“Christmastime. And before you ask, no, I am not getting married. José and I are too young to get married.”
“So what about
the baby?”
Kirsten hunched forward. “I even looked into an abortion without telling anyone.” She turned to Lindsey. “But I couldn’t do that. The lady at the clinic said it would be easy and this is not a baby but a group of nonviable cells.” She shook her head. “How can she say that? What a lie to feed girls.” A silence stretched but for her sniffing. “Getting pregnant was bad enough, but I can’t kill a baby. He or she deserves to live too. This isn’t the baby’s fault.”
“All your plans and dreams…”
“Are on hold for now.”
“So will you keep the baby or put it up for adoption?”
“I don’t know. Adoption makes more sense, but I don’t have to decide that yet.” She turned in the seat again, staring at Lindsey in the deepening dusk. “Everyone will know we broke our vow. What we did.”
“Well, at least school’s out and if you don’t tell anyone, for a while they’ll just think you are getting fat.”
“I’ve messed everything up.” She took a swallow of her drink. “I know what you’re thinking.”
“What’s that?”
“Should have thought of that earlier?”
“No, I’m just feeling so sorry. I don’t know how you can even act normal. Like go to work, get out of bed, not be screaming and crying all the time.”
“Already did all that. Didn’t help.”
“Stop and think. Would getting married be so terrible?”
“José wouldn’t be able to go to Northwestern, he’d lose all his scholarships. We’d live with his grandmother. She’s a great lady, but… I would go to school during the day and him at night. Or perhaps I would be able to find a full-time job. What would we earn? Minimum wage. Remember that class we took on economics? The budgets we had to work out, baby costs, no insurance unless one of us got a really great job. And how would that be without any kind of training?” She shook her head as she talked, then dropped her voice. “I don’t want to give up everything either—school, a career in medicine, a family when I’m old enough to take care of them.”
“So you’re thinking about giving it up for adoption?”
“I don’t think I can. José will hate me if I give our baby away. And I’ll hate me too.”
“Sondra’s parents are taking care of her baby while she’s at school and at work.”
Reunion: A Novel Page 20
