When supper time arrived, she had set up in the backyard, just like she’d planned. One always took into account that a spring storm could blow in in a matter of minutes. Marcus started the grill and she laid the plastic bags with marinated steaks onto a tray. The potatoes were reheating in the oven, and the sun tea was ready to pour.
“Mom?”
“Out here.” When the girls had arrived home several hours earlier, she’d sent them down to the local office supply to scan in and make copies of the last of the pictures. She’d worn their rented machine right out.
“The pictures and the discs are on the table.”
“Good. Thanks.”
Keira and Bjorn pushed open the gate and came in bearing both food and gifts for the birthday girl. “Smells good out here,” Keira said, handing the gaily wrapped packages to Kirsten, along with a kiss.
Marcus waved his long-handled tongs in the air. “Five minutes.”
Bjorn ambled over to the grill, and Keira set her bowl and basket on the round glass table. “You need me to do anything?”
“Nope, unless you want to pour the iced tea.”
When they sat down for supper, Marcus said grace and then, “Pass your plates. I’m thinking these are all medium, but feel free to swap if you like.” He placed a steak and a potato on each plate and passed them around.
After supper, Leah brought out the cake and they sang happy birthday. She served it with the strawberries, a decided hit with all of them. Kirsten brought her presents outside to open and laughed when she opened the package from Curt and Gwen, a bobblehead of her favorite baseball player on the Minnesota Twins. “For your dorm room,” the note read. That caused a bit of a pause, but she carried on.
When the breeze picked up the wrapping paper, they brought everything back into the house, then gathered in the family room to let Kirsten finish opening. Most of the presents were for her dorm room in the fall. Kirsten smiled and thanked everyone, but Leah noticed she avoided eye contact with Lindsey. The smile fell from her lips and she shifted uncomfortably, her hand moving instinctively to her belly. Surely she wasn’t going to throw up her birthday dinner. Leah saw her swallow. Catching Leah’s concerned look, Kirsten gave a nearly imperceptible shrug.
When the phone interrupted, Leah answered, then handed it to Kirsten. “Your oldest brother wants to wish you happy birthday.” Kirsten took the phone and, after a deep look into her mother’s eyes, carried the phone into Leah’s lair.
“Hi, Curt,” Leah heard her say, a touch nervously, just as she closed the door.
While the others chatted, Leah busied herself gathering dishes and wrapping paper for a few minutes before going to the door to her lair and tapping softly.
“Come in,” Kirsten said. Leah found her pacing.
“I told them. They didn’t say much. I think Gwen was crying. I wasn’t feeling well, so I said I had to go.”
“You’d better call Thomas right away or Curt will call him and then there will be fireworks.”
“I know, I just need a few minutes.”
Leah turned at the ringing of the phone. “You want to get that or…?”
Kirsten picked up the telephone. “Sorensons’.”
“Kirsten?”
“Yes. Hi, Thomas.” She seemed to wait for him to start in, but then looked relieved. “Yes, I just finished opening presents. Thanks for the gift certificate.”
“You’re welcome. Don’t spend it all at once,” Leah heard him reply.
Kirsten sucked in a deep breath. “Thomas, I have something rather important to tell you.” Another breath. “I’m pregnant.” She flinched at the expletive echoing in her ear.
“José! I swear I’ll beat him into the ground. When are you getting married? Kirsten, how could you?” The questions tumbled loudly over each other.
“Thomas. Thomas! Stop!” Suddenly, she dropped the phone, rushed to the bathroom, and shut the door.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Another cramp hit. Kirsten glanced down to see bright red blood staining her underpants. Was she starting her period? No. Losing the baby? “Oh, please.” But she wasn’t sure if that expressed horror or relief.
“Kirsten?” Her mother tapped at the closed door to the half bath.
“Come in.”
Leah entered the bathroom, the concern on her face changing to alarm. “What is it?”
“I’m bleeding.”
Leah stared at the telltale stains. “Oh, dear God. When did this start?”
“I don’t know. I felt like I was going to throw up but then it felt more like menstrual cramps. And then I had to go. What does this mean?”
“It means we see the doctor first thing in the morning. Is there more?”
Kirsten shrugged. “I’m afraid to move.”
“How do you feel now?”
“Yucky. Crampy. My stomach is heaving.”
“Okay, let me go get you a pad and we’ll get you up to bed. We’ll see how the next few hours go.”
Leah fetched the supplies and helped her daughter up to her bedroom where she propped pillows under Kirsten’s legs. There was a knock at the door and Leah asked who it was.
“Lindsey. Can I help somehow?”
“Yes, come on in and sit here and talk with Kirsten.”
When Lindsey stopped beside the bed, Kirsten gave her a half smile, half grimace. “I started bleeding.”
“Your period?” Lindsey glanced to Leah.
“I don’t think so.” Leah started for the door. “Think I’ll call Dr. Youngstrom just to be on the safe side. Just stay down, Kirsten, you need to relax.”
When her mother left, Kirsten turned her head. “Sit down on the floor, the bed, whatever.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Not much now and it wasn’t terrible before. Like cramps, you know.”
“So what does it mean?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m losing the baby. It could mean…” Kirsten chewed on her bottom lip. “If I lose the baby, everything will be so much easier.” She sniffed and reached for a tissue. “Am I a wicked person to want such a thing?”
“I don’t know, ask your mom.”
Kirsten laid a hand on her abdomen. “Poor little baby, not wanted.” She heard the phone ringing. Would Thomas call back to see what had happened? Curt would surely be calling. “Are Aunt Keira and Uncle Bjorn still here?”
“I guess.”
“What a way to end a perfectly nice birthday.”
“Are you going to tell José?” Lindsey wrapped her arms around her bent knees.
“I don’t know. All depends on what happens, I guess.”
“The roses sure are awesome.”
“I know.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet.” Another cramp made her squirm. “Sometimes I feel like this is happening to someone else. It can’t be happening to me. I thought my world was perfect and then this came along. One time. One time.” She turned her head to look at Lindsey.
Her mother tapped on the door.
“Come in.”
“That was Thomas. He and Curt talked. They said they are praying for you.”
Kirsten heaved a sigh. “Did you talk to the doctor?”
“Yes. He said he’ll see you in the morning and stay flat. If it gets worse, he’ll see us at the ER.”
“Did you tell the others?”
“I just said you were having female problems.”
“Right.”
“I’m glad you told Keira. She said to tell you she is praying for you even more.”
Leah took her daughter’s wrist in her hand to check her pulse. “All normal. How are you feeling?”
“Not the best but not real crampy.”
Lindsey’s phone rang. She flipped it open and read the text. “I need to get going. I told Mom I wouldn’t be late.”
“Thanks for coming.”
“Happy birthday, girlfriend. You are now as old as I am.”
&nbs
p; Later, after everyone had left, Kirsten pulled her journal from the drawer of her bedside table and, propping it on her raised knees, tapped her pen against her chin. Today was her eighteenth birthday and most of it was a good day. She could almost forget that she was pregnant and be herself. She wrote about the pool and Lindsey and the dinner and the roses. José hadn’t worked at the pool today after all, so she hadn’t seen him. But she had a picture in her cell phone of the roses and left room to put the picture in her journal. “I guess he loves me after all!!!!” Writing about the early morning scene with her father made her wipe her eyes again. That poor family to lose such a cute little boy like that. “My father asked for my forgiveness, can you beat that? I hope that the board of elders refuses his letter of resignation. God, it really isn’t fair that my dad should be punished for my mistake. It wasn’t his fault at all.” She doodled some shapes on the page before heaving a sigh and adding more.
“I was bleeding tonight. When I thought I might be having a miscarriage, I was so happy until I thought about it. The baby would die, my life would be back to normal, and all would be well. Do babies that die before they are born go right back to heaven? Sometimes I think of this that is growing inside of me as only cells but most of the time I see that picture in my mind. This is a real live baby growing inside of me. How can I be the kind of person that would want that baby to die? What kind of freak am I? How can anyone love someone who would wish that? God, how can you love me? You heard me. You know my thoughts. I hate these things that I am doing. This isn’t the person I want to be. But I don’t know how to be anymore. I just don’t know.” She slashed a huge line across the bottom of the page.
The next morning at the doctor’s office, she thought she would die of embarrassment at the examination and all the questions he asked. Dr. Youngstrom had known her since she was in kindergarten, when he took over his father’s practice. She told him that she’d slept through the night and had only a little spotting in the morning. After he finished writing on his laptop, he looked up at her sitting on the examining table. “You get dressed and I’ll meet you in my office. Your mom too if you want.”
She nodded. “I do want that.”
“So, what do you plan to do?” he asked a few minutes later, looking at her over his desk. “You said you explored an abortion?”
“I realized I can’t do that.”
“But your body might be doing just that.”
“Did I do anything to make that happen last night?”
“No, it doesn’t sound like it to me. I’ve known you all your life and I know how you have always wanted to be a doctor.”
“I still do.”
“So you and the father of this baby need to make some hard decisions in the weeks ahead.”
“I know.”
“I’ll be glad to answer any questions you have.” He wrote on a prescription pad and handed the paper to her. “In the meantime, your job is to grow a healthy baby. These are prenatal vitamins, take them as ordered. My nurse will give you a couple of booklets about your months ahead and, of course, you can find lots of information online. And I will see you once a month for the first four months, unless there is something unusual happening. Like this bleeding. If it continues or worsens, I want to hear from you immediately. Okay?”
Kirsten nodded.
“Thank you,” Leah said as she stood. “Oh, one other thing. The kids were to be part of a missions team that leaves for Mexico in about ten days. What do you think of Kirsten going on that?”
“I might have said go with my blessing, but this bleeding episode makes me more dubious. How about passing this one up, just to be on the safe side?”
Kirsten nodded on the outside but inside she was fuming. One more thing to give up. One more thing that wasn’t fair. Her life was changing, but José’s was pretty much going on as usual.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Leah woke early the next morning. It had been two days since her baby had become an adult, legally at least. Physically she’d been there a while. Her second thought went to the Winchester family. Kirby would never have another birthday, go swimming with his grammy, or fall in love with the new baby that would arrive in the next month or so. Dear Lord, comfort this family and bring them the peace that only you can give. She heaved a sigh and Marcus rolled over.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“Praying for the Winchesters.”
He scooted his pillow up and locked his hands behind his head. “Virginia is being so true to trusting God but the sorrow behind her eyes breaks my heart. His mother tried the stiff-upper-lip routine but she fell apart and they sedated her, for overnight.”
“What about the car that hit him?”
“A man from out of town, visiting friends here. He is devastated. The bike swerved in front of him before he even realized what was happening and could hit the brakes. Kirby was at Grammy Virginia’s house, so she is blaming herself, of course. I pray she will let that go. All these years and I still have trouble coming up with the right words.”
“There are no right words in a case like this.” She turned on her side so she could see him more clearly. “You slept better than at any time since Kirsten made her announcement.”
“I know. Hard to say that Kirby’s death set me free, but it did. When I held Kirsten on my lap, I felt this huge load lift, like giant hands were raising it so I could stand straight again.”
Leah heaved a sigh that held some strange combination of relief and joy. “I’m glad Kirsten was able to enjoy her birthday, in spite of everything. You should have seen the look on her face when she brought the vase of roses into the kitchen. She was positively beaming. I was beginning to think this whole thing had killed the love she had for José.”
“That is childhood love, you know that. Things could change.”
“Just don’t call it puppy love. They could change, of course, but not always. We’ll just have to wait and see.”
“Going to be a long, long time.”
“You sleep for a while longer, I’m too wide awake.” Sitting up, she slipped her arms into her summer robe and after stopping off to brush teeth and hair, meandered downstairs. She loved this time of day. The birds had just broken out in full chorus and the peepers hadn’t turned off their night song. Stepping out on the back porch she inhaled summer and hopefully exhaled the last of a long winter. Spring had been shortchanged this year. Two ruby-throated hummingbirds darted to the sugar-water feeder, as if afraid she might take it away, not that they were really afraid of anything. The flat seed feeder now held mealy worms for the bluebirds. The flock of purple martins had finished moving into their condos and were dipping and darting around catching bugs. While the petunia baskets lacked color yet, the backyard was beginning to look and feel like summer. Maybe they should eat out on the patio again tonight. So far she’d not seen any mosquitoes.
The coffeemaker created an aroma that drew her back inside to pour a mug and pick up her Bible. Outside again, she sat down at the table to read her lessons and work on her memory verse. One a week had been her goal every year ever since she and Marcus were married. By the time she finished her reading and her questions, her cup was empty and she could hear Marcus stirring in the kitchen.
She poured herself another cup, seeing that he had already poured his. “Come on outside. It’s glorious. We could have breakfast out there.”
He nodded, but appeared distant.
“You thinking about the elders?”
“Trying not to. They said they’d make their decision by this morning. I’ve been telling myself I am trusting God to work this out for everyone’s benefit. Have you ever said, ‘I trust you, Lord God,’ with your teeth clenched?”
“Well, we got bombarded with a lot of stuff here in the last week. Not surprising that we are reeling.” Leah thought about Keira’s discovery. As much as she hated keeping secrets from Marcus, maybe Keira was right. In a way it may have been best. He had so much to deal with already. But
he did need to be told.
“Leave it to you, Leah, always the pragmatic one.”
“I know, but has He ever let us down?”
“Felt like it with Mother’s death, but it was only selfish to want her to keep fighting when she was suffering so. So no, other than not healing her in the first place, He didn’t let us down.” He paused and looked up at her. “So, what are you doing today?”
“Getting the memory book to the printer. I work tonight. And you?”
“Preparing for the funeral service tomorrow. This will be one of the hardest I’ve ever done.”
“I know. Is the truck going south again this weekend?”
“Yes, Lars is going with Henry and he’ll look into the need for a construction crew to go down there. They’re talking about taking self-contained RVs and campers down if a crew decides to go. From what Bjorn said, just repairing the church is going to be a major job, let alone homes and businesses.”
The questions she wanted to ask above all others stuck in her throat. What if the elders let us go? Would we have to move? What could he do for a living? If he couldn’t pastor here, he couldn’t elsewhere either. Stop it! We are trusting God for the answers here. We are. I am. I am trusting you, Lord.
Marcus reached over and covered her hand with his. “It will be all right.”
She heaved a sigh. “I know.”
They had finished breakfast and he was about to go out the door when the phone rang. Marcus picked it up. “Pastor Sorenson here. Good morning, Jim… Yes, it is a glorious one.” He glanced over at Leah, who had stopped what she was doing. “I’m on my way, so I’ll meet you in my office in ten minutes. Good. Bye.” He set the wireless phone back in the charger. “I know it is late to pray for a certain outcome but please pray that I can accept their decision as an edict from God.”
“They would all have been praying for guidance and wisdom; you know how faithful they are.”
“I know. I believe, Lord, help thou my unbelief.” He crossed the room, kissed her, and strode out the back door.
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