“You’re pregnant?” Helga stumbled on the word. “You and José.”
“Yes. I am nearly three months along and I couldn’t tell anyone. I wanted it not to be so terribly. But I am.” A tear leaked out.
“So you and José will be getting married?” Helga laid her hand over Kirsten’s on the table.
“No. At least not now. We’re too young to get married, but I don’t know what I, we, are going to do. I only know I am carrying this baby until it is born.” She cleared her throat. “Please don’t hate me.”
“Hate you!” Keira jumped back in the conversation. “How crazy is that. Just think, I was that baby. Not with you but with Dagmar, my mother. Besides, why would we hate you?” She paused. That was what she had feared also. That no one would want her anymore, she wouldn’t belong. Shaking her head, she covered the others’ hands with her own. “I guess fear like that is what comes from keeping secrets. At least some of the time. Bjorn reminded me again with one of his favorite verses. ‘You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.’ ”
Helga nodded. “Fear and hate and worry, they just wear you out, eat you up. I learned that a long time ago.” She put an arm around Kirsten. “Your grandma would tell you to listen to what God’s Word says. Let love be your guide.”
“I wish God would make things clearer.”
“Don’t we all? He will guide you, but He won’t hurry.”
Giving the memory books out brought lots of wry comments and laughter, along with a few wet eyes as people flipped through their books and then their packet of pictures.
“You sure went to a lot of hard work,” was the main response. The others were hugs and heartfelt thank-yous.
Keira stood up. “I want you all to turn to page forty-seven.” She waited until they were looking back at her. “If you read that page carefully, on the bottom of the birth certificate, it says ‘father unknown.’ That is how, only a couple of weeks ago, I learned that Kenneth was not my biological father. This really bothered me, because I felt my mother, who always insisted on the truth, lived a lie and thus made my life a lie. As you can guess, I was really angry.” She swallowed the tears that were threatening to clog her throat. “But I learned something from my mother that I want to make the center of my life too. Unconditional love. We have all commented on that through the years. She truly accepted and loved each of us, and all those around her, no matter what. Maybe that great crisis in her life, what God forgave her for, made it possible for her to live that way. I don’t know. I wish she had told me this story so I could have told her how grateful I am that she was my mom. We don’t remember to tell those we love how grateful we are for them often enough and then it gets too late. So let’s not make that mistake.” She paused to mop her eyes, hearing plenty of other sniffs and noses being blown.
She turned to Leah. “You did a beautiful job, my best friend and sister. But then, that is the way you do everything.”
“Okay, knock it off or you’re going to have me blubbering all over everybody.”
“Right.” Keira stood still and waited for the hubbub to die down. “I have here the list of gifts that Mother wanted to give to each of you. She dictated it to me, and we went through the house and put the proper name on each item. I know she planned to do that herself and give them out at the next family reunion, but the cancer got her first.” She paused for a moment, fighting the tears that threatened.
“Oh heavens, Keira, just cry like the rest of us and get it over with,” someone called. The laughter that followed made her wish for her mother’s presence even more. But she read down the list without choking up completely. At the end, she smiled at Aunt Helga. “I have a request to make. For those of you who were given framed pictures, when you take yours down will you please check to see if Mother stashed anything behind it? You might have to check under the backing.”
Helga gave her a thumbs-up sign.
When she finished, some of the relatives went searching for their gift, so the house echoed with laughter and voices calling back and forth. Someone found a fifty-dollar bill taped to the bottom of their whatnot table. Leah’s younger son, Thomas, discovered an envelope with his name on it. Inside were four savings bonds valued at a hundred dollars each.
“But Mom, she already sent me money for school, every semester a check would appear.”
Leah hugged him. “She always dreamed of being able to help her grandchildren get through school. I know she helped Curt too.”
“This was deliberate, not her stashing money away.”
“I know.”
“Was Grandma wealthy so she could do all this?” Kirsten asked, holding her own envelope.
“She saved all her life. If you think your mother and I pinch pennies, your grandma taught us how.”
“It’s in the genes,” Bjorn added.
“Look what I found!” Eric, Keira and Bjorn’s younger son, shouted from the parlor. “Mom, come look.”
She met them in the hall, the others right behind her. Eric handed her an envelope with a faded piece of paper. “I think this is what you’ve been looking for.”
Keira hesitated. Could this be true? She took the envelope and pulled the certificate the rest of the way out. Sure enough, her formal adoption paper. Keira read swiftly. On the line that listed the father’s name, she again read, “Father unknown.” Anger flared for a brief moment, then died. Keira shook her head and looked at all her immediate family and then the party going on around them. “Look what the idiot missed out on.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “She was trying to protect me.” She read the final page. Kenneth had indeed adopted her. Three days after they were married.
Monday evening after everyone had gone home, the two families were gathered for supper in Leah’s backyard. Paul was the only one of the children left, other than Kirsten with José at her side.
“Monday morning quarterbacking?” Marcus asked as he set the platter of grilled chicken on the table.
“You have to admit that other than missing Dagmar, this was the best reunion ever,” Leah answered. “And to think we didn’t want to have it.”
“Aunt Helga hugged me and said that Grandma would understand. And, if she had her way, she would be sending us suggestions on how to figure out what to do,” Kirsten said.
“And you know her suggestions.” Paul rolled his eyes. “I still can’t believe all the gifts she gave us.”
As the laughter rippled around the table, Keira felt if she turned quickly she would see her mother joining in, the sense of her presence was so strong. “Didn’t you just feel her out there all weekend?”
Marcus nodded. “Sometimes I miss her so much that I want to pound on walls or something.”
“But instead you pound the pavement,” Bjorn said, tongue firmly in cheek.
“I do. But she was there, enjoying every minute.” He looked at Kirsten and José. “I had no idea she walked the road you two are walking, but I know she depended on her heavenly Father all her life. Let Him guide you to the way that is best for everyone and then wait to make judgments until you can look back. Looking back is how we best see God in action.”
Amen to that, Keira thought. Lord, you gave me the answers I needed, not necessarily the answer I wanted. But I see now how you took a bad situation and turned it into blessings. And I know you will for these two we love also. I sure don’t know how but I know you will. After all, peace comes from you. As Mother always said, “All will be well.”
Epilogue
I believe we did the right thing.” José held Kirsten in the circle of his arms.
“I know, but this hurts so much.”
“You suppose this is part of our payment for not keeping our chastity vow?”
“But God forgave us and forgave us.” Kirsten pulled back so she could see his face. How could he look so much older? He’d only been gone since August and he’d been home for Thanksgiving. She’d thought giving birth was hard, but that was physical. This ripped at her heart. She�
��d not realized she had a mother’s heart until she held her daughter in the delivery room. Melissa Jean they had named her, and her adoptive parents loved the name too. Curtis and Gwen had taken her home with them from the hospital. The doctor said it would be easier for her and José if they didn’t have time to bond with her. How could he say that? She carried that baby under her heart for four days short of nine months. No bond. Obviously he had never been a mother.
“We did what was best for Melissa.”
“I know. I’ve been telling myself that ever since we decided we should do this. One day I know we will be grateful but right now is hard.” She hugged him again and stepped back. “What made you agree? I was so sure you wouldn’t.”
“I don’t know.” He smiled down at her. “When my grandmother and I were praying about this, it felt like a wave rolled over me. All of a sudden I was absolutely sure. She came to me and said, ‘You need to give those two the greatest gift, and they will give your daughter their love as a gift in return.’ I told her I felt the same way.” He paused, staring at nothing. “She and I, we don’t usually agree like that.”
“So we will be auntie and uncle, and someday she will learn that we loved her enough to let her go.”
The organist started playing, and they wiped their eyes. When the door opened, Curtis and Gwen rushed in, their infant daughter wrapped snugly in a fleece bunting, one sewn by her grandmother Leah.
“Sorry we’re late.” Curt folded back the pink-and-white fleece to reveal the baby sleeping peacefully. “She wasn’t like this a few minutes ago.” He smiled at Gwen. “Was she?”
“She was hungry, was all.”
“A true Sorenson. If you get hungry, yell and someone will feed you.” He grinned at his sister. “Isn’t she the most beautiful baby ever?”
“You’re saying that to a very biased person.”
“I know. I thank God every minute that He told you to give her to us.”
“The ultimate gift.” Gwen sniffed back tears. “How are we going to get through this ceremony without crying?”
Kirsten handed her a tissue. The joy on her brother’s face and Gwen’s eased the hurt somewhat. That first night had been the hardest. She’d cried all night, partly from cramping but mostly because she missed the person she’d been closest to. Auntie Kirsten. That would be good. Someday she would rejoice, something assured her of that.
“Let’s go,” José said when Leah beckoned them from the doorway. He took Kirsten’s hand and walked with her to the second pew from the front. Leah was waiting, smiling like the sun on winter snow. Next to her sat his grandmother, her smile reassuring. Curt and Gwen sidestepped in and then Kirsten and finally José. They looked up to see Pastor Marcus nodding, a slight smile promising peace.
Nothing in the service registered with Kirsten until they were invited to bring Melissa Jean Sorenson to the baptismal font for the ceremony. Please, Lord, you promised to hold on to me, I need your strong hands. We all do. She clenched José’s hand, almost as hard as when a contraction rolled over her. They repeated the vows to rear this child of God in the faith and teach her the Word. They joined with the congregation in the blessing. Her father dipped water from the bowl and patted it on the baby’s head, once for the Father, once for the Son, and once for the Holy Spirit. Then he made the sign of the cross in blessing. Betty Flores brought up the baptismal quilt that the women of the church made for each baby baptized and presented it to Gwen, since Curtis was holding his daughter, who slept through the whole thing.
A line from one of Kirsten’s favorite hymns floated through her mind. “When peace like a river attendeth my soul… thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul.” She stared up at the cross behind the altar and the stained-glass window of Jesus holding a lamb. He was holding her.
Back at the house after the service, she watched her mother rocking the baby in the old family rocker they were sending home with Curt and Gwen too. Now her mother had gotten her wish to turn the spare room into a grandchildren’s retreat. Right now there was a crib but one day there would be bunk beds with stuffed toys and games and even a rocking horse.
“When do you leave for school?” Gwen asked.
“Tuesday. José will drop me off as he goes on to Chicago.”
“I’m surprised you changed your mind on where you wanted to go. I thought you were planning on Northwestern too.”
“I was, but something pulled me to the U of M. One of these days I’ll probably learn why.”
“When we learned you were pregnant, I remember feeling such jealousy. I had no idea our lives would turn this way.” The last words caught in her throat and choked out.
“Me either. I thought that after I heard Grandma’s story that that was the sign of what we should do, keep our baby. I had no idea how we would manage but I knew I still believed not getting married was the best way.” Her tissue was shredding so she reached for another. She caught a smile José sent her. Will we be married someday? To each other? Can we put this behind us and walk ahead without looking back and getting caught in the if onlys?
The next morning, Curt hugged her tightly. “Thank you doesn’t begin to cover this.”
Kirsten only nodded. Smiling wasn’t quite possible this frosty January morning. “Drive safely.”
“We will.” He climbed into the tightly packed car with a rocking chair tied on the roof and waved out the window as they drove off.
Keira and Leah snuggled Kirsten between them, each with an arm around their daughter. Kirsten blew out a breath and hugged them both. “I could not have managed without you.” She turned and hugged her aunt, then her mother. “Thank you.”
“Someone better have brought another box of tissues.” Keira dug in her pocket. “Nada.” They sniffed together.
“Our house is sure going to be empty after you leave tomorrow.” Leah hooked her arm through her daughter’s and the two of them climbed the two steps to the back porch.
“That’s ’cause you’re sending half your furniture with your kids.”
“Half my heart too. We’ll pack the car for you this afternoon. Guess I should be grateful that I had you home longer than we expected.”
“One more of the good things?”
“Yes. How about a cup of tea? Keira, did you by any chance bring lemon bars?”
“How did you know that? The tin is on the counter. I’ll help.”
“I’ll be right there.” Kirsten picked up Patches and went to stand at the dining room window that looked out over the garden, now blanketed with snow. So much had happened in a year. It was probably a good thing they couldn’t see into the future. But one thing she knew for sure, God could indeed be trusted to live up to His promises. Her family could be trusted to love each other no matter what. And wasn’t that one of His promises, to love His children no matter what? “No matter what” needed to be done in cross-stitch and hung where she could see it every day. Along with “all will be well.” She’d ask her mother to add one more project to her to-do list for after the birth announcement sampler she had already started that would have all their names on it: “No more secrets, no matter what.”
Afterword
Dear Readers,
Someone once said that to be a good writer, all you have to do is open a vein and let your lifeblood pour out on the pages. Reunion was like that for me. I wasn’t planning on writing this book. In fact, I had never told anyone this part of my life. But several years ago I was asked to speak at a mother/daughter luncheon at a friend’s church. I had my talk all prepared and that morning was praying that God would use me and my stories to help or encourage others. He said, in the listening part of my heart, tell the story of you and your mother. I, of course, said something along the line of “are you crazy?” or “surely I didn’t hear you right.” I heard Him chuckle and remind me that He is not crazy and yes, I had heard correctly. Right about that time I felt sick, like the breakfast I had just eaten was not going to stay in my stomach. I was not
prepared to give this talk; I totally believed He had been guiding my other presentation, the one that now I cannot even remember.
So, after a period of panic, I let my fear go, agreed to His wishes, and reminded Him that since this was nearly stage time, He was going to have to take over. Now the Holy Spirit has promised that He will give us the words when needed, but standing up to talk without the notes I usually have prepared was not a way to calm the butterflies that were cavorting in my middle. So I told the guests that day that I had a special story to tell them. My mother’s story—and mine.
When my brother, sister, and I were planning a party to celebrate my parents’ twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, my mother came to me and said, “It’s not really our twenty-fifth.” Ah, wait a minute. What was she saying? You see, I was twenty-five years old and their firstborn. She explained to me how she had gotten pregnant out of wedlock and the man blew her off, so she went to stay with her sister in another town. There she met my dad and they fell in love, but she would not marry him until after the baby was born in case he changed his mind. He was in the Navy and due to be sent overseas. (I now have the letters he wrote to her.) My mother, who was trained as a nurse and the first in her family to go on to higher education, went to work at a hospital in Chicago, and when I was born she found a woman through social services to take care of me. God worked it all for good, as He has promised. I was much loved by these two women, my mother and my Auntie Bobbie, who took care of me until my mom and dad could marry.
When I learned of all this, I was so shocked I couldn’t even ask questions. Since I am such a curious person, it is amazing to me that I didn’t ask more questions then, or through the years. But what I know for sure is that Mom loved me more than herself and did not give me away or abort me. My mother has always been my hero and even more so now that I know all she went through to give me life.
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