'Leon,' Merle said softly, 'I don't want to go back up there.'
'You have to, Merle,' he said firmly. 'You have to face what happened up there and come to terms with it.'
'But Leon…'
'No buts, Merle,' he said sternly, opening the door to the cab. 'You promised not to defy me—I'm holding you to it. Don't worry, I'll be with you.'
He got out and came around the front of the Blazer to help her out. The sun had set hours ago, but the landscape was bright from the light of the harvest moon. The air was chill and already hoar frost was painting the prairie white. Leon joined her, and with his arm about her shoulders, they silently climbed the hill. In the distance, a coyote yelped and a dog started to bark. Merle bit her lip, wondering what had happened to Laddie Boy.
Merle's heat was pounding heavily in her chest when they reached the crest of the hill, and not from the exertion of the climb. But Leon was right, she had to face it. If she didn't she might never feel safe again.
Leon moved a few feet away to peer down at the well site, while Merle stood staring at the spot where Greg Larson had been. She felt a deep compassion for the man—and guilt. What role had she played in his breakdown? Though the police had assured her that he had been unstable long before she came into his life, she knew that she was not totally blameless in precipitating the events of this afternoon. For several minutes she thought about Greg, about the way she had led him on. She thought of all the other men she had known over the years. She had always told herself she needn't feel guilty for using them. They hadn't been hurt. In exchange for some pleasant companionship, they gave her information. But, now, she knew she had been lying to herself. Of course they had suffered emotional pain when they discovered what she was about! She just hadn't wanted to admit it.
She looked over to Leon. He had found her spotting scope, which she had left on the hill, and was using it to look at the drilling site. She would have used him, too, if he had let her. That was probably why she had been so angry with him most of the summer. And, that was why they would be saying goodbye tonight.
Leon lowered the scope and turned to her, holding out his hand to her. With slow steps, Merle went to him but didn't accept his hand.
Standing apart, they stared down at the drilling site. The men had capped the well now, but pools of black crude still surrounded the derrick. The site was illuminated by powerful overhead lamps, their reflected light breaking into prisms on the surface of the puddles.
'I saw the strike,' Merle said quietly. 'It was… incredible. I'd never seen anything like it before.'
'To tell you the truth, neither had I,' Leon admitted. 'You know what it means, though, don't you? Your report won't do Wild Rose much good now. Every company in the country will be bidding on those available leases after this.'
'It doesn't matter,' she muttered, keeping her eyes turned to the well.
'Doesn't it?' he asked, hardness creeping into his voice. 'You risked your life for that report.'
Merle shook her head slightly. 'I—I'd changed my mind about turning in my report.' She shrugged, trying, and failing, to smile at him.
'When did you decide that?' he asked and Merle sensed a strange tension in him as he waited for her answer.
'A while ago,' she answered, lightly. She knew he had turned his head to look at her and for a second she held his eyes, before hastily lowering them, but then looked back. What did it matter if he guessed she loved him? It was all over between them now. Knowing the sort of person she was, she could see now he would never return her love.
'Why were you still watching the well?'
Merle ignored the question, looking back to the site. 'I… Larson, oh, Leon I feel so badly about what happened. It was my fault.'
'We all make mistakes, Merle.'
'You don't understand, Leon,' Merle protested, driven on by shame and guilt. 'Greg wasn't the first man that I used. Practically every job, I found someone I could pump. I told myself that I wasn't hurting them. I thought because I wasn't sleeping with them, I was keeping everything nice and light. But some of those guys were in love with me and I just walked away from them as soon as the well was finished. Most of the time, I couldn't even remember their names after I left.'
Leon set the scope down and put his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him. 'Merle, we've all done things we've regretted, that we're ashamed of. It's not easy to learn to live with guilt and remorse, but you have no choice. The only thing you can do, is try to change.'
'Oh, Leon, it's… it's different for you.'
'Don't you think I have faults?' He mocked her gently, pulling her to him. 'Merle, I've done things I've regretted afterwards. Anyone who is human has. How do you think I felt after forcing you to take that money? I threatened to break your arm… I still haven't forgiven myself for that. I've always despised men who use their superior strength against women, and yet… I did the very thing I hate.' Merle rested against his hard chest, his heart beating steadily in her ear.
'Merle,' he said softly, 'we can't change the past, only try not to make the same mistakes in the future. You know when you asked me where I got the money to start Puma Resources and I told you the story about winning it?'
She nodded.
'It didn't happen quite like that, although I did win the money. I told you that story because I wasn't sure I was ready to tell you the whole truth—or that you were ready to hear it. Besides which, you're so gullible I enjoy teasing you.' He smoothed her hair in a tender gesture. 'To be honest, I went into that casino to lose the money, although it didn't end up that way.'
Merle leaned away from him and peered into his face. 'You'll have to explain.'
'While I was in the Middle East I was engaged to a girl in London. Every few months I would fly back to England and spend a few days with her, then return to my job. It wasn't a very satisfactory arrangement, but I could make far more working overseas than I could if I stayed in Britain. You see, I very badly wanted to have my own company, so I was saving every penny that I could. Well, to make a long story short, my fiancée got tired of waiting. She wanted to get married, and I wanted to. wait until I had enough money to start my own company. We had a big row about it and the next time I went back to see her, she was married to someone else.' He fell silent for a few minutes and Merle snuggled closer to him. She wondered what the woman had been like. She sensed that it still hurt Leon to talk about her and envy snaked through her. The woman had been a fool to give him up.
'It was my obsession with starting my own company that cost me the girl I loved,' he said softly, then held her away from him so he could look into her face. 'So I do know how you're feeling now. I hurt the woman I loved—and lost her—because I let ambition override everything else.'
'But Leon, I've been so wicked.'
'No, Merle.' He shook his head, smiling gently down at her. 'Not wicked, just very unthinking. You didn't set out to maliciously hurt Greg—you just didn't consider the consequences of what you were doing. You've had a painful lesson, but one you needed to learn.'
Merle rested her head in the hollow below his shoulder, considering his words. She derived comfort from them. She knew she would be different in the future. Perhaps because she had never been hurt herself before loving Leon, she hadn't been able to comprehend the hurt she could inflict on others.
After a few minutes, she said, 'Leon, I still don't understand about the money.'
'When I discovered I had lost Louise, I guess I went a little crazy. I left London immediately and ended up in Monte Carlo. I suppose it was some sort of idea for self-punishment, but I suddenly felt I had to get rid of all the money I had saved. I wired my bank in London and had my savings transferred to Monte and took the whole works into the casino one night. Then…' Leon chuckled. 'You remember the lady with the rings?' Merle nodded. 'Well, she hadn't been winning, in fact, she was just about out of chips. Since I wanted to lose, I placed my bets where she did—only her luck changed just then, and we both sta
rted to win.'
'Why didn't you just keep playing until you started losing?' Merle asked, puzzled.
He looked down at her, his expression chastening. 'Merle, I'm impulsive, not stupid. When I saw how much money I had won, I came to my senses and stopped playing. My company has never been an adequate substitute for what I could have had with Louise, but it's been satisfying, nonetheless.'
He had wanted to marry a woman named Louise. Just the way Leon had said the name, Merle knew he had loved her. Paul—after they broke up, Merle had realised she hadn't even liked him very much, much less loved him. 'Do you still love her?' Merle asked softly, compelled by some masochistic need to know.
Leon sighed. 'Not the same way I did when I was engaged to her, but, in a way, yes. You never completely forget someone you were that close to. I think we could have been happy together.'
'I see,' Merle said slowly, the pain of jealousy almost suffocating her. 'Would you marry her now—if you could, that is?'
'No, I wouldn't,' he said simply. His mouth brushed hers and he continued, 'Because I'm going to buy a horse… and marry you.'
Merle pulled away from him. 'You're going to what?'
'I'm going to buy a horse. A white one, I think.' He grinned down at her confused countenance. 'I was so slow rescuing you this afternoon, you had to rescue yourself. I don't want that to happen after we're married, so I figure I had better get a horse.'
'You want to marry me?' Merle asked in amazement, joy starting to beat a heavy tattoo in her chest.
'You are in love with me, aren't you?' he mocked. 'Isn't that why you decided against turning in your report?'
'But… of course…'
'Of course,' he interrupted, claiming her lips briefly. 'And since I'm in love with you, then don't you think we should get married? You know your mother will drive us both crazy if we don't.'
'I… you were so angry with me after we made love.'
'That morning I knew how I felt about you, but I still wasn't sure of how you felt about me. I suppose that's why I just asked you to live with me instead of marrying me, which was what I really wanted. Then, God,' he swore softly, 'you brought up the well… Damn it Merle, I knew Larson thought you loved him. God knows how many men have thought you loved them over the years. I could see myself in this long queue of men who thought Merle Halliday loved them when all Merle Halliday loved was her job.'
Merle pressed closer to him, aware of the bitterness in his words. 'Oh, Leon, I'm sorry. When you got so angry, I knew I had been wrong to accuse you like that but I didn't know how to make things right. But, believe me, I did love you then. It was just that my job had been my whole life for so long that I saw everything in relationship to it.'
He twined his fingers through the silk of her hair, and when he spoke his voice was rough. 'When I found you had been shot at, I started to realise that it didn't really matter how you felt about me. I loved you and I couldn't stand the idea of you being hurt even if you had only been using me. I wanted to protect you—except you wouldn't let me. By the way, how did you get the Blazer running?'
'I hot wired it.'
'Where did you learn to do a thing like that?'
Merle shrugged. 'From a guy I used to date. He was kind of a shady character.'
Leon scowled at her. 'I think I'd better marry you pretty quick. The sooner you're out of circulation the better. You pick some real winners for boyfriends.' He saw the shadow that crossed her face, and cursing himself for the careless remark, pulled her to his chest. It would take a long time for Merle to come to terms with her role in Greg Larson's breakdown, to forgive herself for what she had done.
'Leon,' Merle asked quietly, a few minutes later, her lips softly swollen from the thorough kiss Leon had just administered. 'Do you think we could have children when we're married? I know you would have to teach me how to take care of them, but I… I miss Lisa and the boys.'
He chuckled softly. 'My dear, I fully intend to keep you barefoot and pregnant for the next few years. It will keep you from going out scouting oil wells.'
'You're a chauvinist, Leon,' Merle accused, but her eyes were smiling. If any other man had said that to her, she would have been furious. With Leon, she was actually looking forward to the prospect.
'You got it. Now, let's get back to the motel, so I can get started.' With their arms around each other's waists, they started back to the truck. Half-way down the hill, Leon stopped.
'Did you hear something?'
Merle had and started to grin. 'Laddie Boy!' she called. The big dog came bounding up. He growled at Leon, then jumped up and with his big paws on Merle's shoulders, started washing her face. 'Stop that, you big lump,' she cried, pushing him down. He sat on his haunches, his tail thumping, his teeth bared while Merle knelt down and hugged him. 'You missed all the excitement, boy,' she scolded him and he replied with a deep growl. If he could only explain about that rabbit—he had almost caught it this time.
'It looks like I'm going to have to buy a bigger house,' Leon laughed down at her. Merle looked up at him questioningly. 'We're going to need a lot of room to keep that dog, the horse, and all the kids we're going to have,' he explained.
'Do you think the man who owns him would let us have him?'
'It wouldn't surprise me if he wouldn't pay us to take him off his hands,' he said, laughing as he reached down and lifted her to her feet. 'Come on, I want to start practising for our honeymoon.'
Table of Contents
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
A Risky Business Page 16
