She looked up, blue eyes wide with anxiety. “Threatening my father.”
That sounded like a really bad idea. Her expression said she already knew that. “Can I help?”
“You heard Victoria. I agree with her this time.”
“Right. You know, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness.”
“I know.” The corner of her mouth tugged up in an almost-smile. “I have to do this part alone.”
He wanted to pull her close, wrap her up, and make the rest of the world vanish. He settled for reaching across the counter and squeezing her fingers. Not because he had to hide how he felt, but something told him she really did need to do this alone. “I’ll be here when you’re done.”
“I know,” she repeated, her half-smile growing closer to the real thing.
He traced his thumb over the back of her knuckles, and muttered a small prayer to any god listening, begging them to keep her safe when he couldn’t.
IT WAS ODD TO ASH, and more than a little terrifying, to stand in front of the family home again after so many years. When she’d called her dad and asked to see Kelly today, he’d snapped that he was busy. Then begrudgingly agreed to make time in the afternoon, in a tone that implied he’d find a way to make her pay for it.
She knocked on the front door. The house that once felt intimidating and large, seemed dingy and lonely, compared to what waited for her back at Mischa’s.
Kelly answered—a spot of sunshine amid the gray—and nearly knocked Ash over with a hug.
“We have plans tonight.” Dad’s words cut through the reunion. “You have two hours.”
Instinct to recoil at the harsh tone spilled through Ash. To apologize then leave. She pushed it all aside. “That’s fine.” She was pleased when her voice didn’t waver. “May I have a few minutes of your time first?”
He pursed his lips, jaw clenched. “All right. We can speak in my office.”
“I don’t have a problem doing this in front of Kelly.”
He glanced at her sister. “I do. Join me in my office, or not at all.”
Ash followed him. The envelope from Victoria was in her purse, and it felt like a lead weight each time it bumped against her hip as she walked.
He closed the door behind her, then strode to the other side of his desk. He didn’t sit, so she remained standing as well.
“What can I do for you, Georgia?” His question was sharp.
“Ash.”
“Excuse me?”
A trickle of boldness ran through her, and she held onto it for all she was worth. “I haven’t gone by Georgia for several years. Which you probably know if you’ve been keeping an eye on me. I prefer Ash.”
“That’s not what I named you.”
“It’s not. But it’s what Mom called me, and I like it.” Her insides quaked, threatening nausea, but hope tempered it. This had to work. She wanted to turn and run, but she was doing this for Kelly, who was worth this stress.
“Don’t talk about your mother. You don’t have the right.”
She was used to stern and abrupt, but his venom caught her off-guard. “All right, we’ll talk about something else. Why did you take Kelly back, after all this time? Why... everything?” Way to sound less-than-intelligent.
“There is no everything, Georgia. You do like your stories, don’t you?”
“This isn’t a story.” The longer the conversation went on, the easier it was for her to stash old insecurities. She refused to cower in front of this man any longer. “You can insist all you want that I’m imagining your behavior, but I know better. Why do you treat me this way? Why are you doing this to us? To me?”
On the surface, it felt like a childish question. Making things about her seemed egotistical. It was true, though.
He sneered. “You know why. You killed your mother.”
The accusation stole her breath and made her hesitate. It uncovered all those old wounds, aching through every inch of her. She clung to her newfound boldness for all she was worth. “I didn’t.” It took more strength than she thought she had, to say the words aloud. And she felt a million pounds lighter once it was out.
“I’m sorry she’s gone.” She let sincerity fall into her voice. “There’s not a single day that I don’t miss her. I wish Kelly had gotten to know her. I wish I had more time with her. That you did.” Now that the words were flowing, she didn’t want to stop. “She made her decision, and whatever reasons she had, she thought she was making the only choice she could. I don’t fault her for that, but I still miss her with all my heart. It’s a shame you can’t move past the blame, and give yourself a chance to heal.”
Dad’s expression might as well have been carved in stone. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not surprised.”
Was this what she looked like to Mischa? Using a past full of bitterness and resentment as an excuse to keep him at arm’s length? No. She wanted to move on, and was pretty sure her father didn’t.
“Is that all?” her dad asked.
“It’s not. I actually came in here to tell you I’m taking Kelly home with me. Today.”
“No you’re not.” His barking laugh punctuated the words.
She pulled out the envelope Victoria gave her, and her fingers brushed something plastic. The CD from Mischa.
“This is a formal filing.” She repeated what Victoria told her. “All the I’s are dotted and T’s crossed. It’s the complaint I’ll be filing with Child Protective Services, if you make this difficult.”
“There’s no point in that. If there was, you would have already done it. Kelly isn’t in any danger here, and any CPS representative will see that.”
“It doesn’t matter if that’s the case or not.” Please let Victoria be right about this. “If the word gets out that your daughter is suing you for custody of your other daughter, because of neglect, the damage to your reputation will take years to repair. Especially with the family-oriented business you’ve built.” Saying the words left an acrid taste in her mouth, but she felt cleansed.
“You’d really turn on me, on us, because why? Out of spite?”
Victoria hadn’t given her a script for this, but the response came to her lips without hesitation. “This isn’t on me. You brought it on yourself. Monday morning, you’ll receive the paperwork you need to sign to transfer custody of Kelly to me. She hasn’t lived with you for years, and I can prove it. This way, it all slides under the table.”
His face was so red she thought he might explode, and terror—raw and familiar and as old as she was—surged inside.
“You can take your sister, but if you do, this relationship is severed.” His voice was a low growl.
“It already was. A long time ago.”
He clenched his jaw. “I won’t let you walk into my house and threaten me. Don’t think this conversation is over.”
She didn’t like the sound of that, but she’d take the victory for today, and deal with the rest if he did something with it.
It took the last of her control not to bolt from his office like a frightened child. She found Kelly in the living room. “Grab your bag, you’re coming home with me,” Ash said.
Kelly hesitated, but not for long. She sprinted from the room, and thirty seconds later she was back with her duffel. They walked side-by-side to Ash’s car.
“I’m sorry,” Kelly’s voice was quiet.
“For what?”
“I listened at the door. I shouldn’t have, but I had to hear.”
Ash hated to see the same insecurities surfacing in Kelly that she had, but they could start repairing those. “It’s okay,” Ash said.
“I’m not sorry about listening. I’m sorry I made this happen.”
The vanishing pit in Ash’s gut grew to stone-sized. She stopped her sister, and forced Kelly to look at her. “None of this is your fault.” She kept her tone firm but kind. “Not a single bit. If you ever find yourself thinking that, remember what I’m telling you right now.” She used the
words as much to comfort herself as Kelly. “Promise me.”
Kelly nodded. “I promise.”
They got in the car. Ash started the engine and pointed them toward home. The silence that descended in the car was oppressive. Ash pulled Mischa’s CD from her purse, desperate for something that would keep her from thinking, and slid the disc into the player.
Aerosmith’s “Angel” drifted from the speakers. As Steven Tyler sang about breaking the walls between them, suffering and seeing the light, she had to skip to the next song.
It was Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel”. At least he’d stuck with a theme.
“Pretty song,” Kelly said.
Ash nodded. She wanted to sing along, about not feeling good enough, needing a distraction, and finding a release. The words stuck in her throat.
“Are you all right?” Kelly sounded concerned.
Ash turned off the stereo. “I’m fine.”
“Can we go for ice cream? Just you and me?”
“Sure.” That sounded like a good idea. Ash pointed them to the nearest Baskin Robins. She let Kelly order three scoops in a waffle cone, knowing her sister wouldn’t eat it all. But seeing Kelly smile, and then laugh, as the afternoon stretched on, made it worthwhile.
“Are you and Mischa still broken up?” Kelly’s question came out of nowhere.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to stay that way?”
Ash started to say I don’t know, but she did. She didn’t like the idea of being away from him. If she was being honest with herself, the thought of not repairing things with Mischa made her miserable. “No. I don’t want it to stay that way.”
“Me neither.” Kelly dove back into her ice cream.
When they got home, Ash tried not to care that Victoria’s car was in the driveway. “Go put your stuff away,” she said to Kelly.
“Okay.” Kelly skipped inside, and to her room.
Voices drifted into the foyer, and Ash followed them to Mischa’s office. As she drew closer, Victoria’s voice was distinct. “Is there any universe where we’re together? You and I? Where you forgive me for what happened?”
Ash’s legs wobbled and her ears rang as she waited for Mischa’s reply. She didn’t think she could take any more news today that was anything other than good.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
MISCHA DIDN’T KNOW how he was going to keep himself busy while Ash was gone. He didn’t like this whole sit-back-and-let-someone-else-handle-things plan. Even if those things weren’t technically his to deal with.
When Victoria rang the bell, about half an hour after Ash left, he sent a glance to the sky. Not the kind of distraction he was looking for.
He answered anyway. She’d changed her clothes since this morning, and now wore a baggy T-shirt, her hair pulled back, and no makeup. It was a startling reminder she was much closer to Ash’s age than his.
“I know nothing is official yet, but you’ve got me excited.” Her smile was bright and sweet. “I wondered... I wanted to ask you some questions about the building, if you have a little time.”
The reserved demeanor wasn’t like her either. He had a pretty good idea what she was playing at, but she’d also done Ash and Kelly a huge favor, so he wasn’t going to be rude. Removed. And certainly not playing into this new angle for flirting. But not rude.
He opened the door wider. “Come on in.”
She wanted to see the floor plans for the place, if he had them. He was surprised she actually wanted to talk about the property. Within a few minutes, they had blueprints and other layout information spread out on his desk.
Victoria had questions about wiring, plumbing, and load bearing structures. As he pointed out answers, he almost heard the gears in her brain turning, figuring out how to place everything. They stood with their backs to the door, poring over everything.
Maybe her visit here was strictly business after all. It was a better distraction than he expected from Ash being gone.
“Tell me something, and be honest.” The catch in Victoria’s voice resummoned his tension. She turned and leaned against the desk, to meet his gaze.
“What’s up?”
“You and Ash—is it real?”
The way she phrased the question made his thoughts stall. Were they actually engaged? No. Did he love her? Yes. That was real. Did she feel the same? He had a feeling yes, but he couldn’t speak for her. And none of those details were for Victoria to hear before Ash did. “It is.”
“Is there any universe where you forgive me for what happened between us?”
“I’ve already forgiven you.”
Her smile was tentative, lacking her standard confidence. “Yeah?”
“It won’t make me love you, though.”
She gave a sharp laugh. “This isn’t about us. We’re toxic for each other. But I still care about you, and she could be just as dangerous.”
The words sent an unexpected spike of irritation through him. “This isn’t about who is and isn’t broken.” He fucking hated that word. “I wish you weren’t stuck on that, and I really wish you hadn’t put that thought in Ash’s head.”
“It was already there, or what I said wouldn’t have mattered. Besides, why are you so determined to save the world? It’s not your job to fix the broken dolls.”
He clenched his jaw at her emphasis. “First,” he spoke through clenched teeth, “Ash isn’t broken. She’s got some hang-ups, we all do. When you were struggling, you were happy to suck me down with you.” He winced at the accusation, and the hurt that flashed over Victoria’s face.
“That’s not you now, but it was then.” He let apology slide into his words. “But that’s not Ash.”
“Is there a second point on your list? Or more?” Victoria’s tone was flat and emotionless.
“What?”
“You said first. I assume that means there’s a second.”
Right. “Sure. Second, why are you so convinced that my caring about people is a character flaw? It’s not.”
“You’re right, it’s not.” Everything but resignation vanished from Victoria’s voice. “But falling for someone because you want to fix them is a character flaw.”
“I don’t love Ash because I want to fix her.” It felt good to say it out loud—that he loved Ash—but he hated that Ash wasn’t the first person to hear it. “I love her because she’s smart and funny and impulsive and sexy as fuck without even trying.” As he spoke, Victoria’s expression softened. “I want to see her deal with her demons,” he said. “I want to be there so she has someone to listen when she’s hurt. And none of that matters if she doesn’t want the same.
“It was the same with you.” He locked his gaze on Victoria’s. “I left you because when we were together, you didn’t want to get better.” He squeezed her fingers then let go. “I know you reached that point, and I’m glad. You deserve that. But it doesn’t have anything to do with Ash and me.”
She kissed him on the cheek, then pushed to her feet, looking past him. “You’re so very lucky, and you don’t even know it.”
Mischa whirled to see Ash standing in the doorway, expression blank except for wide eyes. She spun on her toe and walked away.
Fuck. He glared at Victoria, who shrugged. He shook his head and took off after Ash. Victoria knew the way out.
He heard the front door open and close when he was halfway up the stairs. Seconds later, he stood in front of Ash’s room.
She sat on her bed, legs dangling over the edge, gripping the mattress with her good hand. Tears stained her cheeks, but she wasn’t crying.
“How did things go?” That wasn’t how he wanted to open. He needed to know how much she’d heard. Make sure she got the whole story.
Her smile was heartbreaking. “Good. We got Kelly back. She’s downstairs.”
We. “Talk to me?” He hated that he might be the cause of her tears. “At least tell me what you need me to say.”
Ash dragged the back of her hand across her cheeks, and
gave him a weak smile.
What was he supposed to do with that?
She stood and crossed the room, stopping inches away. She stood on tiptoe, and kissed him lightly, stealing his thoughts. “I’m sorry,” she said.
“For what?” He stopped himself from telling her not to apologize. He had no idea what her frame of mind was like.
“For pushing you away. I was wrong.”
“How much did you hear?”
She twisted her mouth in apology, and he wanted to kiss away the hint of a pout. “A lot,” she said. “I should have said something, but the things Victoria was asking... I wanted to hear the answers too.”
“And?” He struggled to draw a breath, as he waited for a better idea of what Ash was thinking.
“You were right. I don’t need you to fix me, but it’s pretty nice to have you here when I falter. To the point where I feel lost without you, even though it’s only been a few weeks. And I love you, too.”
His breath caught, and his heart slammed against his ribs. How did something so simple sound so incredible? He brushed his lips over hers, memorizing everything from her soft skin to her sweet scent to the tiny gasps that barely reached his ears.
This wasn’t the frantic, denial-filled need of two nights ago. It was more intense. He broke away to search her eyes. “I meant everything I said to Victoria, though I wish I’d said it to you directly. I love you so much, it’s devouring me to have you close, but out of reach. I don’t want to do this being apart thing. I need you.”
“Me too.” Ash laughed. Fuck, he adored that sound. “You know what I mean.”
He cupped her face between his palms and pressed his mouth to hers. It was passion and intensity and tenderness.
“Stop.” She broke away, finger against his lips.
He watched her, brows raised, curiosity flowing through him. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m still not a China doll.” Mischief danced in her eyes.
“I didn’t say you were.”
“You don’t have to treat me like one in the bedroom.”
He didn’t know how to respond to that. “Are you complaining?”
“No. Definitely not.” She traced a line along his chest as she spoke, sending fissures of need across his skin. “But...”
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