by Lisa Jade
But then her face falls, and she takes a pointed step back. Recognition glimmers in her eyes as she picks up on the bits of my face that resemble his, the broad shoulders, the dusty eyes. In a moment, she seems to remember who I am. Her face drops as she realises what she said.
“I’m sorry… I… I didn’t mean…”
She buries her face in her hands and lets out a pained sob.
I think of Nel again. How my words had done nothing to help when she was hurt. At the time, I’d reached out across our bunks to hold her hand – a bold move considering the circumstances. Just like when I was in tears on Darus’ boat and he dared to hold out his arms to me. He couldn’t fix my problems. Couldn’t even start. But he knew enough to just be there.
Pan watches as I unfold my arms, holding them out to her.
“W-what?”
“Come on.”
I beckon her forward, calling her into the embrace, but she seems hesitant.
“But I just said... that was awful.”
I laugh.
“I got my nose broken earlier today. Nothing hurts more than that. Now come on.”
She doesn’t seem to believe me, but then her chest swells and her eyes shine with more tears. She takes a step forward and throws herself into my arms, where I pull her even closer. She buries her face in my shoulder. Her body is racked with sobs and I tighten my grip, wishing I could squeeze hard enough to get rid of her pain.
That twinge of anger I’d felt earlier is growing now. How dare they? How dare they attack us, kill Nate, take Jay away, hurt her like this? I allow my eyes to slide shut for a moment, and ask myself a question.
Am I going to let them get away with it?
My fingers tighten around her.
“It’s okay,” I breathe, “I promise I’ll bring him home.”
It’s with a strange sense of ferocity that I burst into Jensen’s room. Pan enters meekly behind me, a sheepish look on her face – but everyone’s too distracted by my entrance to notice her slipping through the door. Jensen stares.
“Noah? What’s going on?”
“Jensen, I need your help. We’re going to get him back.”
He stares. I can feel the eyes of the others settling on my back, too, and wonder if they think I’ve gone mad.
“Don’t be stupid,” he warns, “I want to get him back as much as anyone, but we don’t have the manpower.”
“We don’t need manpower.”
“Do you have a plan?” he asks disbelievingly.
I hesitate.
“Not… exactly.”
“Well, let’s break it down. We need to save Jay, but he’s surrounded by Guards and Maynard, so we need manpower to try and break him out.”
My gut squirms.
“Not manpower. Firepower.”
“You mean the incendiary gun? I suppose that could work… but they could just hold the others at ransom to stop us acting.”
“Then you guys need to break in and let them out. I’ll take the gun and cause a distraction.”
Pan steps up beside me.
“Are you sure about this?”
I shrug.
“You’ll need someone who can force their way in. Someone who has a reputation for not respecting lives. I’m your girl. Once Maynard realises who I am and what I did to her Guards, she’ll be plenty distracted. It’ll allow you guys chance to save the others. Then, you can storm the area and pluck Jay out of there.”
Her face creases with concern.
“What about you?”
“I’ll deal with it. Maynard’s not much of a threat on her own – hopefully that ego of hers will keep her from setting the Guards on me.”
Jensen frowns.
“But as long as she has that shock baton, she is a threat. All it takes is one hit.”
Right. Just like Wirrow said. Maynard declared a state of emergency. Their network’s set to a lethal level – I was lucky to avoid the blow from his shock baton in that cramped tunnel. I don’t know if I can do that again when faced with dozens of them. Maynard’s in particular is going to be set at a frightening level, since she intends to kill Jay with it.
Wait. Wirrow. What were his exact words?
I step out into the tunnel and collect the abandoned baton from beside Wirrow’s motionless form. I turn it over in my hands, the Guard’s final words echoing in my head.
A strange thought occurs to me – and the idea is so stupid, so ridiculous, that I can feel a trace of excitement in my chest.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
The others take off before me, riding off on some of the more well-hidden bikes. How the Guards didn’t find them is beyond me, but I don’t bother to question it as I straddle a particularly glossy machine. Idly, I run a hand over the metallic surface, revelling in the tiny sparks of static that bounce off it. The electricity matches the feeling under my skin. I tug on the earpiece Jensen gave me and twist the dial on the side; after a few moments of crackling, the line comes clear.
“Guys, can you hear me?”
It’s Jensen that replies.
“Loud and clear.”
His voice echoes strangely, and there’s a strain at the end of each word. I realise it’s because we left him sitting upright, parked awkwardly in front of his computer. He’s in no fit state to be moving around, but we need him. The background is filled with the sound of tapping keys.
“How is it going?” I ask as I venture out into the alleyway. The streets are deathly quiet tonight. Everyone’s watching to see what happens.
“It’s a tough system,” he replies, “but I think I’ve got it. If you can give me fifteen minutes, twenty tops, I can get it done.”
My chest tightens at that. I’m only ten minutes away.
“Keep me updated. You can watch through the Feed, right? Try to gauge the situation. Pan?”
“Yeah?” comes her breathless reply. She’s terrified, and I understand why. She’s leading three clueless individuals into a practical warzone. I don’t envy the job – until I think about what I’m going to do.
“Let me know when you reach the back of the building,” I tell her. For a moment, I’m surprised by the level of control in my own voice, the degree of authority there. If I’d spoken like this even a week ago, I’d have expected to be laughed from the room. But now? Remarkably, the others are not just listening, but obeying, too. Pan promises to let me know what’s going on – and then I hear Kane’s voice on the line. It’s lower than it was when we first met, a sure sign he’s grown up since then. The thought makes me sad, but I push the feeling aside and listen to the words.
“Are you sure about this, Noah?”
I swallow hard. No.
“Absolutely. It’s the best plan we’ve got.”
That seems to be our usual course of action. We don’t always have a good plan. But we always go with the best we’ve got and usually we wriggle out with minimal damage. I have a terrible feeling that won’t happen this time, but right now, I have to take charge. Jensen’s in no state to do so, and even now I can hear a familiar crack in Pan’s voice. Like she might burst into tears any moment. Even though I’m scared half to death and my heart is hammering in my chest, I need to at least seem like I can handle this.
I need to try.
I rev the bike and take off at top speed down the street. I’m surprised just how easily I’m remaining upright on this thing; it’s nothing like the ATVs back at the Mill. Luckily, adrenaline seems to be forcing me to go faster than I’d like, and my balance is oddly working out.
I glance around the streets as I go. People line the streets, just as they always do – but they don’t seem drunk and dazed tonight. Instead their eyes are drawn towards the massive screens projected onto nearby buildings. I don’t need to look at them to know what they’re showing. Besides, I’m worried that my resolve will break if I’m forced to look at my brother’s face again. Still, it’s comforting to see how many people are drawn to the chaos at Maynard’s headquarters. I wonde
r how many of these people would fight back if given half a chance. Maybe it’s time to test that.
I turn a corner and suddenly I’m on that same road again, the one with the fairy lights. Maybe it wasn’t set up for a parade, after all. Once again I’m tempted to reach up and hold my fingertips up to the glowing orbs overhead, but I just speed up instead.
If this ridiculous plan works, I’ll have all the time in the world to look at lights.
It’s still raining. The tyres of the bike catch the water and sends it in a wide spray behind me. The constant motion does little to calm my racing heart, so I reluctantly turn my head towards the nearest screen. Maynard’s still talking – but with every step she nears him, and with every word her grip seems to tighten on the shock baton in her hand.
Hold on. I’m nearly there.
I turn the corner to Maynard’s building and run into a crowd of Guards – but I expect them. They’re not looking my way, but I flick on the lights and cup one hand around my mouth.
“Move unless you want to get run over!”
The reaction is immediate; they fall over one another to get out of the way and I’m able to drive through the clear space. As I do so, my gaze is fixed on the top of the steps.
Maynard still hasn’t noticed me. Still hasn’t noticed the chaos going on below. Good.
“Guys,” I shout into my earpiece, “this is it!”
Above me, Maynard pulls back her arm. There’s a broad, vile grin on her face as she swings the baton down.
I kick her arm away when it’s about three inches from his face. Maynard gasps, but before she can react I twist and punch her aside. In an instant, the world around me seems to slow; the Guards turn their attention towards me, and Maynard crumples into the concrete at my feet. When she looks up, I’m pleased to see one of her teeth has fallen out.
Behind me, Jay sighs. His relief is apparent – but it’s not over yet. Maynard’s scrambling to her feet now, fixing me with a stern gaze.
“Seriously?” she barks, “I knew we’d missed some people from the raid, but I didn’t think for a moment that anyone would be stupid enough to actually try a rescue!”
I don’t respond; I’m not sure she would care anyway. Pan and Jensen are both yelling in my ear, too loud and panicked to make much sense at all. I grab the earpiece and rip it off, throwing it aside in frustration and lowering my hood.
“Fuck, that thing’s annoying.”
In an instant, all eyes settle on me. It’s the same sense of bizarre intrigue that every citizen has when they see me – only now, it’s tenfold because I’m committing a crime right before their eyes.
Jay growls behind me.
“Noah! Why did you come here? I told you to stay safe! Why would you come out here?”
A growl escapes my throat.
“Because you didn’t say goodbye. You called me by the wrong name. Because you’re an idiot and I care about you! Reason enough for you?”
He falls silent at that, though I can still hear his heavy breathing. There’s no way to respond to that little outburst. I’m not about to say something soppy and heartfelt in front of the whole city. My skin crawls at the thought.
Maynard reaches up and wipes a little blood from her chin. It’s remarkable how quickly she’s bounced back – I’d expected that punch to knock her out cold, at least for a minute or two. But no. She’s upright again, pacing the length of the platform in her skyscraper heels. Cold, merciless eyes give me the once-over.
“A Millchild? Huh. I’d known James had some in his ranks, but I certainly didn’t think they would be so reckless as to try something like this. But wait…”
Her eyes narrow, and I can almost see the wheels turning in her head as she tries to place my face.
“You seem familiar,” she eventually says. There’s a strange edge to her voice as she speaks – she doesn’t know whether to try to frighten me off, or whether she herself should be frightened. I take advantage of her confusion and plaster an arrogant smirk on my face. I even add a tiny, mocking bow.
“I’m honoured you remember me. You must have seen me on the videos where I took down your helicopters.”
Her faces folds at that, creasing with fury. If it were anyone else, I’d feel sympathetic. I’d think she was angry at the lives lost and the injuries incurred that day. But that’s not it. As far as she’s concerned, those men were her property. And I took them away from her.
“Oh, you’re that Millchild. One of my men insisted that he’d seen you in the rubble. I’ve been wanting to meet you since that day.”
She shoots a curious glance at Jay, but his expression is unreadable. He’s not giving her any clues. Not letting on to who I am, or what relevance my presence here has. When I glance his way, he shoots me a knowing look. The choice is mine.
But then Maynard laughs.
“A little young for you, isn’t she James? Not to mention that face. Nose is a little bent, don’t you think? Though I suppose you probably don’t have very high standards for your concubines.”
Concubines? Yuck. My skin crawls at the thought, and my face settles into a scowl.
“Insulted by that, are we?” she scoffs, “then clear things up, Millchild. Who the hell are you and why are you here, tracking mud in my precious town?”
I bite my lip. She’s taking this a little too well, a little too much in stride. I’d expected rage, confusion and fear – not suave arrogance. My plan was to distract her, to give the others chance to break out. I’d expected at least a twinge of fear. Instead, she meets my gaze directly. And despite my best efforts, I’m the one who’s unnerved.
This is the woman who ordered her Guards to snatch me away. The woman who wiped my memory and put me to work against my will. It’s Maynard who executed my parents for daring to speak against her – and it’s Maynard who’s staring me down now, all arrogance and superiority. I look for any trace of regret in her eyes, any sign that she’s not as bad as she seems. Nothing.
I swallow hard. It doesn’t matter. Just like with Wirrow, I have to try. I can hear Jay’s laboured breathing from behind me. He’s terrified. This must be his worst nightmare, to be bound and tortured by the same person who murdered his parents. I can’t let this slide.
So I take a deep breath and walk towards Maynard, fixing my gaze on hers.
“I’m upset, Maynard. I’d have thought you’d remember me.”
“Am I supposed to?”
“You should. After all we’ve been through. Look again, tell me what you see.”
She does as she’s told, casting a cursory glance over my body, but there’s no hint of recognition on her face. She doesn’t know who I am. Surprisingly, I’m a little hurt by that. You can’t destroy a person’s life and not be able to recognise them afterward.
“Come on,” I urge, “you’re supposed to be better than this. How could you forget me so easily?”
“I don’t remember every mudhorse that steps foot in my town.”
I step closer, until our noses are only a few inches apart. Guards ripple around us, moving closer – but to my surprise, she signals for them to back up. She’s curious. She wants to know who I am. And that means the distraction is working.
When I speak again, I fight to keep my voice low. I want Maynard to hear the truth; but just her.
“Look at him.”
“Who?”
“You know damn well who. Look at him.”
She does as she’s told, fixing Jay in her sights. I try to inject just a little of my anger into my voice when I next speak – but in truth, it’s taking all I have not to grab her by the throat and hurl her down her own damn steps. I step a little closer and breathe in her ear.
“Do you see the resemblance?”
Her eyes widen, and in that moment I know she recognises me. Maynard stumbles backward and stares, taking in all the details of my face that she hadn’t noticed before. The eyes. The brows. Even the curve of my jaw, so similar it hurts. For a brief moment, I see al
l the fear and shame I had wanted to see. It dominates her face, and I wonder if this is the first time she’s been faced with the result of her own cruelty.
“Y-you’re not…”
She steps back again, panic in her beady eyes. She knows who I am now, but she doesn’t know how to deal with me. In a world controlled by her, I’m a loose cannon. A wild card.
“You can’t be,” she eventually manages, “the chances of that…”
“…Are surprisingly high,” I tell her, “you’d be surprised the lengths people will go to for the truth. You’d also be surprised by the reaction you’d get, being told your whole life was a lie.”
She grunts.
“Y-you’re lying. He called you Noah. This is some kind of trick from the treacherous Clover.”
“No trick,” I smile, “Noah is my Mill name. As much as I like Ada, I do rather prefer the name I grew up with. Besides, it’s not like my parents are around to be bothered by it. Thanks to you.”
There it is. The little twinge of anger breaking into her calm, like a crack in an eggshell. Breaking the perfection of her pale face.
“Nonsense! Listen to me, whatever they’ve told you, it’s not true. It’s impossible.”
If it were anyone else, I might actually consider listening. I’ve never been totally convinced that Jay and the others were the heroes; there are too many flaws worth considering, too many weaknesses to be addressed. But gazing into the face of the woman who’s killed before – willingly, and without reason – I don’t believe a word she says.
So instead, I laugh. The sound echoes strangely around us, sending nervous shudders through the Guard. I must seem crazy right now. So why is nobody stopping me?
“Why are you laughing?” she cries, “you have no way to prove these ridiculous claims!”
“I’m all the evidence you need. Blood and bone, right in front of you. And as long as I’m breathing, Maynard, you’ll always be on the losing side.”
She stares. Of course, I could tell her about the database. I could tell her that I’ve proven my identity twice over. I could let her know about the other Mill workers, and how they also showed up on Jensen’s computer mere minutes ago. The truth hangs on the tip of my tongue, tempting me to tell Maynard everything. But I can’t. I want to give her a chance.
