by Katie Ginger
The small blue-grey cobbles of the high street were already shimmering as a heavy frost settled. The night was cold and clear and by morning the world would have a light dusting of white. It wouldn’t be snow, but it would at least make the world look like something from a Christmas card. The chilly air nipped at Nell’s cheeks and she pulled her thick knitted scarf higher to help keep warm. With the sea crashing and roaring just a few streets away, both fierce and soothing in its rhythm, it was wonderful to see so many people about. The delicious aroma of rich Christmas spices, boozy mulled wine and sweet cookies and pastries warmed her senses. Her stomach bubbled with excitement like a child at the wonder of it all. Christmas really was the best time of year.
Further down the road, in the middle of the market, a small brass band were playing Christmas songs complete with a few singers. In matching Santa hats, they collected money for charity and Nell watched as the people who passed them mouthed the words to songs or sang along. Couples snatched kisses, children wiggled and danced, and everyone was merry. Even though it was only the start of December, Christmas spirit was everywhere, and everyone seemed to be embracing it making the most of the short time they had to enjoy it, especially if like her, you looked forward to it all year round.
They stopped at a stall and Kieran grabbed a traditional German potato pancake filled with gooey melted cheese, and munched happily. Cat was sadly absent. She’d told Kieran she wanted to come but her mum had called a last-minute meeting about the wedding. Nell hadn’t been invited but it seemed something else wasn’t quite right and Brenda was getting herself involved. Nell missed her best friend so much and her worry ebbed and flowed like the tide depending on how Cat was behaving. They’d had a few snatched phone calls but even those had been focused on the wedding as Cat was now ordering Nell to change the colour scheme for the party balloons and ribbons to go on the chairs. She could only imagine Brenda was forcing it on Cat because Cat had been perfectly happy with the silvery blue they’d chosen at the beginning of their preparations. Nell didn’t want to question Cat’s decisions, but she was torn between keeping their friendship trouble free and the duty she felt in helping her get the wedding of her dreams. Kieran had spent the first half an hour of the evening telling her how he wanted to be involved but Cat just wouldn’t let him. Nell desperately wanted to see Cat face to face but tonight was Cat’s only night off and with her night shifts, it wasn’t to be. Kieran dribbled melted cheese down his chin and Nell snapped a photo to send to Cat. Hopefully this would cheer her up.
‘This is delicious,’ Kieran mumbled, and Tom and Nell burst out laughing.
‘I’m after the roasted chestnuts down there,’ said Tom. ‘I always have a bag of those at Christmas time. Nell, have you seen the wreaths dotted around?’
The leftover wreaths had been placed at the ends of benches, on some of the shop doors and a few even hung from long red ribbons down from lampposts. They added to the traditional feel of Swallowtail Bay. There was nothing overly fancy about the decorations. Classic round, twinkling lights hung across them, zigzagging from building to building. A large Christmas tree stood proudly at the bottom of the high street. It wasn’t enormous like the one in Covent Garden, or the one in the Langdon Mansion Hotel for that matter, but it was perfect, and everyone gathered around, admiring the baubles and decorations that hung on its full, bushy branches.
‘The whole town looks great,’ she replied. ‘You should be so proud, Tom.’ As she stepped backwards, she spotted the waitress from the Langdon Mansion Hotel and St Herbert’s Welcome to Christmas carol service. The one who had been a bit shady about her earring and had lingered around Nell’s little reception desk. The girl spotted her too and paused then darted her eyes away. She looked so awkward, Nell went to speak to her. It was about time the air was cleared and she told the girl that she hadn’t deliberately put a spider in her soup, but before Nell could get near, she virtually ran away and was lost in the crowd. ‘That was weird.’
‘What was?’ asked Tom.
‘I just saw the waitress from the Langdon Mansion again and she just looked … I don’t know … like she was avoiding me?’
Tom checked the crowd then returned his gaze to Nell. ‘Why shouldn’t she avoid you? She doesn’t know you and you keep making crazy eyes at her.’
‘I am not making crazy eyes!’ Nell exclaimed. ‘Kieran, am I making crazy eyes?’
Kieran stepped closer and still munching on his potato pancake, examined her face. ‘Do the face you did just now.’ Nell did and Kieran scowled. ‘Sorry, Nell. Definitely crazy eyes. You look like a nutter.’
‘Huh,’ she huffed. Though she did her best to immerse herself in the festive fun, she couldn’t help but feel that she’d enjoy it more if she hadn’t read what she’d read that morning. ‘That’s a bit mean considering I’ve had yet another bad review.’
She’d checked HotelRater that morning to see if the video had been taken down, but it hadn’t and to make matters worse she’d been met with a new bad review.
‘Another one?’ asked Tom.
Kieran took a few steps away and brought a large bratwurst from another little wooden stall, eyeing it lasciviously, then shoving it in his mouth with childish delight. ‘Bwhahshw hishtiun.’
Nell tried to decipher what he was saying but couldn’t. ‘I’m sorry, what?’
‘Oi! Didn’t your mum ever tell you not to talk with your mouth full?’ Tom said. Nell loved that he was enjoying himself. He’d been so stressed of late; it was nice to see him joking again.
Kieran swallowed and was finally able to say, ‘But isn’t that the third one?’
‘Yes, it is, Kieran. Thanks for keeping count.’ Nell rolled her eyes and Kieran looked abashed then stuck the sausage back in his mouth.
Tom stood at her side. ‘What was this one about?’
‘Frustratingly, it’s another random one I can’t place. I genuinely think they must be moaning about some other Holly Lodge and tagging me by mistake.’
‘Have HotelRater got back to you yet?’
Nell shook her head as she shuddered in the cold, even in her enormous parka. ‘I’ll email again on Monday. God knows what Mum and Dad will say this time.’ Tom lifted his eyebrows enquiringly. ‘We had a catch-up the other day and they were not impressed. They weren’t mean, but you know how they like to point out all the things I need to do to turn things around. It just makes me feel even worse. They’re threatening to come down if things don’t pick up. The only thing that’s keeping them away is the wedding business. I’ve had some enquiries and I’m keeping them posted.’ She didn’t bother mentioning her conversation with Harry about going to New York. She didn’t want to stress Tom out even more and he definitely wouldn’t approve of her leaping off on holiday with someone she barely knew. Even she wasn’t sure now if it was an actual offer or a vague thing said in the heat of the moment.
‘Wow,’ said Tom.
They turned to see Kieran having demolished his sausage, now eating an iced doughnut with red and green sprinkles. The man had hollow legs. ‘Be careful or your wedding suit won’t fit, porky,’ she teased, mimicking Brenda and her obsession with slimness.
‘Hey! I burn enough calories doing my job.’ Licking his fingers, Nell and Tom giggled.
‘I want to go to Stella’s stall, she’s doing gorgeous wooden Christmas decorations,’ said Nell, shoving her hands deep into her pockets. Even her fleecy gloves weren’t keeping the tips of her finger’s warm tonight. ‘They’re my favourite type.’
Stella had come to Swallowtail Bay in the spring and turned around the fortunes of Old Herbert’s Shop. It was lovely to see her tonight in one of the little wooden huts, selling the wonderful Christmas decorations she was stocking. She was also recently engaged and beginning to plan her wedding. Nell hoped that if Cat and Kieran’s wedding went well, she and her fiancé, Miles, might think about booking Holly Lodge.
‘Come on then.’ Tom placed a hand at the base of her back and guided he
r forward. It felt different somehow, but it was nice to have her Tom back.
The three of them wandered over and Nell perused the little wooden snowmen, big fat Santas, gingerbread men and robins. There were all manner of sizes from enormous ones to sit on windowsills and bookshelves, to little ones with tiny green ribbons for hanging on the tree. ‘Stella, these are amazing.’
‘Thanks. I couldn’t resist them. I just love them, and they’re all made locally.’
‘Really? I love that. Look at that little nutcracker one, Tom.’ Nell pointed to it in the corner of the stall.
‘Where?’
‘There.’ She pointed at it again and watched as he tried to focus his eyes but still hadn’t spotted it. ‘Look, there.’ She picked it up and showed it to him.
‘Oh, that one,’ he replied, giving a chuckle. ‘Sorry, I thought you meant a different one.’ The laugh sounded hollow and forced, carrying a hint of a lie. As far as Nell could tell, he’d turned his head in the right direction but just hadn’t seen it and it was the only nutcracker there. Nell frowned but decided not to say any more as he seemed a little embarrassed. Unable to resist the festive temptation, she purchased one to hang on the tree at Holly Lodge. She had a little tree in her flat but as she spent most of her time in the hotel itself, the tree in the lounge got all the attention. Just as they were walking away, Tom stumbled, and Kieran caught his arm.
‘You all right, mate?’ he asked, and Nell became instantly aware of the concern on his face. Normally, Kieran would have cracked a joke or teased Tom. Nell felt her chest tighten, closing over at the base of her throat.
‘I’m fine, I’m fine.’ Tom reassured them, standing straight. ‘I just stubbed my toe on a cobble.’
He hadn’t though. Nell had seen it all. He’d done that thing where you stepped and lifted your leg higher than necessary and then because the ground was lower than you thought, you kind of crumpled down. Maybe he needed glasses. That would explain the headaches too. He really should go to the optician’s and she hoped it wasn’t ridiculous manly pride keeping him from doing so. Worryingly, Kieran’s concern seemed like he thought it was about more than just needing the optician’s. His face had lost all fun and satisfaction at his food and taken on a ghostly look. Tom suddenly brightened but it was faker than the Christmas tree at Holly Lodge. ‘Oh look, there’s the roasted chestnut guy. I’m going over. Anyone coming?’ Tom stalked off, his hands in his pockets, head down.
‘Yeah,’ replied Kieran enthusiastically, having recovered enough to still be a bit peckish.
‘In a sec,’ Nell answered. ‘I’ll just put these bits away.’ In reality, she had no intention of squashing the lovely decorations she’d just purchased into her tiny cross-body bag, she wanted to speak to Kieran and pulled him back by his arm as he tried to walk away. ‘Kieran?’ Her voice rang with worry. ‘What was all that about?’
‘What?’
‘You know exactly what. That! Tom and that whole couldn’t see the decorations thing, and then stumbling over his feet. I’ve never seen him do anything like that before and your face was …’ She tried to find the words.
‘What was my face doing?’
‘You looked …’ She continued to search her brain for the right word but the only thing she could come up with was, ‘Scared. You looked scared.’
‘No, I didn’t. He just tripped.’ Kieran shrugged. ‘He’s fine.’
A person dressed as an elf collecting for charity walked past them. After giving them some money, Nell said, ‘Well, I don’t believe you. And where was he on Thursday?’
Kieran paused like a rabbit in headlights and Nell raised her eyebrows expectantly. So Kieran did know where he was. ‘He was at an appointment – with a supplier – just a meeting with a supplier.’
‘Ha! No, he wasn’t—’
‘Oh, no that’s right.’ She could tell straight away Kieran was lying because he kept pushing his beanie hat down onto his head so it almost covered his eyes, and he shifted his feet. Now Nell was really worried. Why hadn’t Tom told her where he was going. ‘Ah, that was it, he was writing his best man’s speech. He’s really worried about it. He just wanted to be alone to do it.’
‘You’re the worst liar in history, Kieran. There’s no way he’d take a day off work to do that. He told me he was Christmas shopping, but I don’t believe him.’
‘I must have got the wrong day then. Yeah, I’ve muddled it up.’ He was turning redder by the minute. ‘I must have. If he says he was Christmas shopping, he was Christmas shopping.’
Though Nell felt bad for putting Kieran on the spot like this, she was becoming increasingly worried about Tom and that he wouldn’t tell her what was going on just added fuel to the fire. She really had tried to be patient and wait for him to tell her, but as her worry mounted so did her curiosity. If she knew what was going on, she might be able to help and she hated the idea of him struggling with something alone. ‘No, he wasn’t, Kieran, he’s lying. I can tell.’
Again, Kieran pushed his hat further down onto his head as if that would help him hide. ‘Maybe he was Christmas shopping for you and that’s why he kept it quiet.’
‘Why would he do that?’ She gently placed the decorations in her bag. ‘He’d never leave Janie alone in the shop just so he could go Christmas shopping and especially not knowing we were coming here to a fabulous Christmas market. And,’ she emphasised the word, ‘you know perfectly well he gets so excited about what’s he bought someone, he tells them straight away.’
‘Maybe he wants to get you something extra super special.’
‘Why? That still doesn’t make any sense, Kieran. I just know he wouldn’t leave the shop for that. They’re so busy right now.’ Clearly finding her interrogation unbearable he tried to walk around her, but she stepped in front of him. ‘Kieran, what’s going on?’
‘Nothing—’
‘Kieran, I can tell you’re lying. Please, I just want to help. If Tom’s worried about something I want to make him feel better.’ Kieran tried to respond but she cut him off. ‘I love you to bits but you’re a terrible, unconvincing liar. You’re covering for him and I’m starting to worry something is properly wrong. Something’s going on and if you don’t tell me what it is, I’m going to go and ask Tom why he’s suddenly being weird, lying to me, and can’t seem to see prop—’
Completely panicked, Kieran glanced at Tom then back to Nell. ‘Nell, wait—’
Under the barrage of words, he’d turned bright pink. She waited but he didn’t finish the sentence and just opened and closed his mouth like a fish. ‘Right I’m off—’ Nell began to walk off.
‘Tom loves you,’ Kieran blurted.
Nell’s stomach tightened like someone had slapped her around the face, which in effect they had. ‘What?’
Kieran stopped looking like a rabbit in headlights and now looked like he’d accidentally dropped a bomb – a bomb that had taken half her world with it. ‘Nothing,’ he said quickly, trying again to shuffle away.
‘What are you talking about, Kieran?’ She glanced at the roasted chestnut stall and saw Tom being served. He’d be back any minute. She had to know for sure that she’d heard him correctly. The words Kieran had let slip so hastily were buzzing around her head.
‘Look, I was never supposed to say anything but surely you must have guessed by now?’
Nell’s eyes couldn’t focus. Everything she looked at didn’t seem real and even the noise of the band faded in her ears. Her heart thudded hard in her chest as if it didn’t want to be ignored anymore. ‘You mean like a friend, yeah?’
Kieran shook his head. ‘You must have known.’
‘Why would I have known? And what did you mean by now? He’s had girlfriends, I’ve had boyfriends. How was I supposed to know he felt like that about me?’ She felt a little bit queasy with the stress of it all. All the smells that she’d loved when they arrived were too much for her overpowered senses.
‘Oh, come on, Nell, he’s been in love w
ith you for years. The way he looks at you must have told you? Or have you really never noticed? The way he’s always been there for you? The way he always tries to be there for you whether you want him to or not. There’s …’ He counted on his fingers. ‘Three things for starters.’
Nell stared at his held-up fingers. ‘How do you manage to run your own business?’
‘Cat helps me with the counting,’ he grumbled.
Even a deep breath of the cold night air didn’t help as she tried to come to terms with a tiny sentence that had shaken her world. It stung her throat like she was coming down with something. The lights overhead dazzled rather than romantically framing the moment. ‘Tom’s in love with me? Me?’ Kieran nodded, a small smile pulling at his mouth. ‘Does Cat know?’
‘No. Tom swore me to secrecy.’
Nell really wished Cat was there with her right now. Her best friend would be full of advice and help her navigate this strange situation. What was she supposed to do? How did she act around him knowing that he was in love with her? With her! What did she say? Cat had always grounded her, doing her best to stop her turning everything into a fantasy and helping her see things as they really were. Never had Nell needed her so much.
‘He’s coming over,’ Kieran said, quickly. ‘Act normal.’
Normal? Normal! What was normal? Knowing her own mind, normal for Nell would be imagining a life with Tom – a snowy declaration of love, a kiss under the mistletoe – but she was too shocked to do anything. For once, her mind had frozen and wasn’t sweeping her away to another world. That could only mean one thing – it wasn’t right – they weren’t right. It wasn’t to be. So why did that thought make her feel so sad?
Tom came over, oblivious to how Nell’s world had just been blown over in the icy chill wind and she suddenly realised that she’d stopped feeling cold the moment Kieran had said those strange unexpected words. Shock normally made you cold but something about Kieran’s secret made her feel the exact opposite. She felt warm and … safe? Unsure how to describe it, she focused on the ground. Tom munched happily on his bag of roasted nuts.
