by Brett Abell
Charlie flew down the side street, ignoring the stop signs. He was just barely able to feel a vibration coming from his coat pocket. He swerved the bike, trying to find the talk button. He looked at the screen, seeing it said Professor Wilson. “Fuck, it’s like he already knows I’m not at the lab.” He hit the talk button and said, “Good morning, Professor Wilson. How is the conference going?”
“Morning, Charlie; they lost my luggage and didn’t reserve my room.”
“So shitty sums it up, sir?”
“Watch your mouth, Charlie. It is looking like a real shitty weekend. Are you at the lab yet? We have some work being done on the place this morning, and I wanted someone who is halfway competent there to make sure they don’t screw anything up. I have that lab the way I want it. It would not take much to make it an unsafe place.”
Charlie tried his best to steer the bike down a flight of steps one-handed. “Yeah sir, I’ll be there in just a few minutes; you got nothing to worry about.”
“Just don’t screw anything up while I’m gone, Charlie. You clean the lab, answer any questions from any students, and take care of any packages. You put them in the fridge and leave them alone, Charlie. I have a few specimens coming in from some friends on the coast that I am looking forward to, and I’ll be damned if you are going to get first look at them.”
“Sir, would I do that?” The line stayed quiet for a moment and Charlie continued, “Okay, I got it. I’ll leave your special specimens alone. Anything else that you want me to do?”
“No, if you can handle those few things, then I’d say you are good to go. You shouldn’t have too many students bugging you with all of the activities going on. I’d be amazed if any of the students care that there won’t be any class. Have a good weekend, Charlie. Try to live a little … maybe go to the football game. You know as well as I do it’s the biggest one they will have this year.”
“Yes, sir; good luck with the conference.”
“Ten-four.” The professor ended the call.
Charlie was fumbling with putting his phone away and went down Main Street, blowing through a red light without knowing. Traffic had to slam on their brakes, their horns blaring.
Earl looked up, not paying attention himself, busy trying to light up a smoke in the smoke-free work truck. When he saw the mountain bike flying in front of him, he dropped the smoke and gripped the steering wheel with two firm hands and laid his foot into the brake hard.
The truck fishtailed. Skidding, it hit the curb hard, bouncing a foot into the air. Packages flew while Earl fought the wheel to regain control and brought the truck to a sliding stop.
Earl screamed out the window, “You little fucker! If I ever see you again, I swear to god, I’ll rip your balls off and feed them to you. God damned college kids.”
Charlie, who was unaware of his near-death experience, flew down the road. When he went past his girlfriend, Lisa, he squeezed her backside firmly and bent down, grabbing a cup of coffee that had her name on it. He held it up in the air, shouting over his shoulder as he hit the campus.
“Hey, love you, baby! You always get the good stuff. I’ll make it up to you later.”
Lisa smiled, watching him try to chug the coffee as he sped down the road leading onto the campus commons area.
Charlie tried to ignore the daily announcement playing over the speakers. Students, be sure not to miss the pep rally starting at nine this morning. You are encouraged to dress for Halloween and to come support our boys as they take on the Bulldogs tonight before our homecoming party. Remember, this is the biggest game of the year; alumni, parents, and previous graduates will be here.
Charlie thought of his parents, knowing there was no money and no chance that they’d be trying to visit this weekend. He wasn’t worried because that meant he didn’t have to go to the game or dress like some pretend character that he was too cool to try to dress like. He did think for a moment how he’d like to see his girlfriend in one of those Red Riding Hood outfits that, on any other day, would simply be looked at as a costume for strippers. But who was he to judge what society found acceptable once a year?
Charlie brought his bike to a stop next to the side of the building, locking it. He tried racing in, but the entire student body was forcing its way into the building. It was times like this that he despised having to be in a basement laboratory. But when he could see the end of the campus from where he stood, he knew that it wasn’t an Ivy League Harvard or Yale, which probably had an entire building or more at its disposal. He jumped into the flow of students making their way in.
Charlie tried staying out of people’s way, but in one second, his view of a girl in front of him became the view of the green-and-white tile floor and it was coming at his face extremely fast. He put his hands up to lessen the blow but hit hard. When he tried to push himself up, a foot knocked him over from the side. Charlie looked up, seeing Steven Thornbrugh, the center for the Middletown Knights. He had a smile spread across his face that made Charlie sick.
Thornbrugh leaned over Charlie. “You have a nice trip there, Noble?”
Charlie tried pushing himself up off the ground but got knocked down a third time. He knew he should just keep his mouth shut but couldn’t. “Wow, Thornbrugh, really making the best out of your college education, aren’t you? I bet this feels a lot like high school, and middle school, and, well, like your entire life, huh, jack off?”
He said, “You want me to kick your ass, Noble?”
Charlie shook his head side to side, making it look like he was debating and said, “Uh, no?”
Steven’s girlfriend, Christy, leaned in, gripping her thin arms around his massive ones and said, “I think he’s being a smartass. He was looking at my ass too. I think he wants to get his ass kicked; come on … do it. Kick his ass for me, baby.”
Steven smiled, leaning down and picking him up off of the ground. A group of his friends were surrounding him, and just as he thought he was about to get his ass kicked, Charlie’s girlfriend pushed through the group of jocks. She tried pulling Charlie down and free, but Steven’s grip did not falter.
Steven said, “Take a hike, Lisa. Your boyfriend here and I aren’t done talking just yet. We’ve got some things to discuss still.”
Christy laughed, egging him on to finish the kid, and Lisa reached in, kissing Charlie on the cheek and winked. “Good luck, baby.”
Charlie gave a thumbs up as Lisa walked behind Steven. He drew his hand back, ready to punch Charlie when a size-six foot came up from behind him, drilling him in the balls hard. His legs quivered and his eyes crossed as fresh tears started to make their way down his face.
When he looked like whatever he’d eaten that morning was going to come up, Charlie ducked to the side, leaving Christy as the prime target. Her cheerleader’s outfit, once white and red, was now an array of orange juice, eggs, sausages, donuts, and god knows what else. Christy screamed, now hammering on her boyfriend’s chest. “Really, Steven? Really, how the hell am I supposed to go perform with your puke all over me? What the hell were you thinking?”
Steven didn’t answer; he just dropped to his knees still holding his groin. Lisa pulled Charlie away and they disappeared down the stairs that led to the lab.
*****
Matt and Giles stared at the air duct ventilation system. The two of them knew how to fix it, but parts this expensive were not readily kept on stock. Giles said, “Matt, you got any idea how long this is going to take to fix?”
“Yeah, it’s going to piss away an entire day, you can sure as hell be confident of that. But we are going to have to tell Tom about it before we can order any parts. We might be better off if we just talk to his secretary, Rosa. She doesn’t seem so worried about the budget on maintenance.”
Giles said, “Well, it isn’t like it’s our god damn fault it broke, is it?”
Matt laughed, shaking a smoke free. “Well, maybe if I hadn’t ignored it for the first few weeks the professor called, bitching about it then
I might have been able to just replace a small part. But now, oh hell, it’s gonna be a real bitch, let me tell you.”
Giles said, “It is still running. Where are the fumes going from the ventilation chamber?”
Matt lit up his smoke, checking out the door, making sure that no one was coming. He puffed at it, blowing into the small glass case where specimens went. It disappeared, going up and out of sight. Giles said, “So again, where’d it go?”
Matt shrugged. “Well, from the smell in the gym, I’d say that somehow it’s leaking in there.”
“What the hell are we going to do?”
“Simple; we put a piece of paper saying don’t use it, and we leave a voicemail for the professor to let him know not to use the system until we can repair it. It isn’t like we get anything scary here; it’s Middletown, for god sakes. What the hell are they looking at? It isn’t like they’d be curing cancer, right?”
Matt grabbed a piece of paper from the printer and scribbled a message stating that parts would need to be ordered before they would be able to use the system again. He taped the message onto the container then they called and left a message for the professor, one that wouldn’t have an opportunity to be heard until the following week. They laughed as they left, both happy that they’d be able to spend a day doing easy work and be able to get out of some of the crappy work Tom liked to come up with and assign them. As they walked away, the taped piece of paper came loose and disappeared underneath the small gap between the table and floor.
*****
Lisa pulled Charlie, and they made a break for the stairs, running hand in hand. Steven and Christy were so busy screaming at each other that it had almost gone unnoticed when they had made their escape down the hallway, which led to the lower level. Charlie was laughing so hard he thought he was going to piss his pants at any second.
When they made it to the bottom of the flight of stairs, Lisa stopped running and slammed Charlie against the wall. She felt hot at this moment, and she gripped Charlie’s hair and crotch, giving each a little squeeze. She leaned in, giving him a deep kiss and he melted into her. She whispered into his ear, tugging on it with her teeth. “Do you want to go back to my dorm, baby? There isn’t going to be anyone who goes to class today; what is the point in you and I being the only ones who attend?”
“I guess I don’t know why I couldn’t, but if I’m not here for at least a couple of hours to collect packages and answer any questions, the professor will have my ass. You know that son of a bitch hates me. If he could go back to when he hired me, I’d be out of work and sure as hell wouldn’t have a job.”
Lisa smiled, rubbing herself up and down across his front and licked his neck. “So what you are trying to tell me is you’d rather sign for packages all day than have me lick other parts of your body?” Charlie looked nervous, not believing the words that were about to come from his mouth. “I can’t believe I have to say this, but yes, and I do apologize. I can make it up to you in a very delightful manner.”
She got up on her tiptoes, giving him one last kiss, making sure he would regret his decision and nibbled on his lip as she pulled away. “Okay, baby, if you want to stay here that’s fine.”
She reached down one last time, squeezing his groin and said, “I love you. Have fun sitting around the lab today; you make sure you take care of all those important jobs you’ve got to do.”
Charlie rubbed at his face. The idea of losing his job—and his future at getting a decent lab job when he graduated the following year—seemed more and more like a reasonable trade, if it meant spending the morning and afternoon with Lisa. The inner fight between his brain and the smaller brain was difficult, and before he could lose the fight, he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. “You know you are as bad as the devil, right?”
She smiled and headed toward the stairs. She said over her shoulder, “Wait till you see what I’ll be wearing later.”
Charlie hit his head against the wall lightly until it began to hurt and gave him something else to focus on. As he walked into the lab, he looked around and saw that other than some cleaning, he pretty much had nothing to do. He saw the message light flashing on the professor’s phone and when he tried calling it, for the life of him, couldn’t remember the four-digit code to get him into the voicemail center. He thought about calling the professor but remembered quickly the shitty mood he was in and wasn’t about to be the recipient of an ass chewing for forgetting yet again.
There was a knock on the lab door. Charlie opened it, none the wiser to who the delivery driver was. The driver instantly recognized him.
“It’s you!”
Charlie said, “Yep, I’m the assistant. How’s it going today?”
“You about made me crash my truck, you little shit.”
Charlie was trying to look at the number of packages coming in and checking them off versus the sheet. He stopped counting and looked up. “What are you talking about, man?”
“You were the dipshit this morning that cut me off on your bike, riding like a bat out of hell.”
Charlie smiled nervously, shrugging. “Sorry about that?”
“Yeah, sorry about that. Stupid-ass college kids; all the fucking education in the world at your fingertips, and you still don’t know how to pay attention to anyone but yourselves.”
Charlie was staring at the man’s nametag on his shirt and mouthing it and the phone number on his chest, just below where it said How was your service today? Earl looked down at Charlie and stepped up, popping the personal space bubble the two were keeping between them.
“You aren’t gonna do anything stupid, like call and report me, are ya? I’d hate to get my ass reamed just because some college shit called in complaining that he got yelled at.” Earl looked at the clipboard as Charlie handed it back and said, “Charlie Noble.”
Charlie had a quick realization where this was going if he went and narced on him. “No worries, man. I think I’m reading you loud and clear.”
Earl poked him once in the chest and said, “Well, you best be sure there’s no confusion about any of this. You have an ASOT kind of a day and be sure to use us again. We get things done right.”
“I’ll be sure to give you a glowing review on our feedback, sir. Sorry about the bike thing. I’ll try and pay more attention going forward.”
Earl smiled, turned around, and disappeared up the steps. Charlie took a deep breath, thinking that his luck today was not looking so good. It wasn’t even nine and he had nearly been in two fights already, both with giants twice his size.
He smiled, thinking how great it was to finally be in college. Remembering his days in high school and the torture that he’d endured being picked on for being smart and in all of the science clubs that were available.
He thought of the future and couldn’t be more optimistic and excited. Maybe he’d be trusted to run a lab and work with people of the same mindset and who’d dealt with all the same problems. He knew it would be difficult, but he knew he had to impress the professor to guarantee he would be able to get a glowing recommendation. He smiled, thinking maybe actually setting an alarm clock might be the answer to getting here on time.
Charlie went to the walk-in cooler, pushing the cart full of samples to keep them from spoiling until the professor returned. Working alongside Professor Wilson, he normally got to help view the samples, but he knew he would be skinned alive if he did anything with his samples without being asked to.
Charlie was respectful of the professor’s wishes. Respectful, that is, up until that very moment when his eyes took in the three red, bold letters on the side of a heavy-duty plastic case that read CDC as well as Do Not Open! He ignored the rest of the cases on the cart, pushing them into the cooler. He carried the case to the counter, staring at it and trying to debate if the short-term gain was going to be worth the gigantic pile of shit that the professor was going to unload on him the moment that he saw him.
Once Charlie had made up his mind, he knew t
here would be no going back. He was ready to deal with the professor. He knew he wasn’t really helping the professor by opening the case and working it, but he could live with that lie in the back of his head. He hoped that maybe whatever it was, he might be able to learn from the sample and be able to impress the professor enough to get the letter of recommendation, and not the ass chewing that was surely coming his way.
As quickly as Charlie had made his decision, he also decided it was an opportunity to show his friends he was cool shit. He texted frantically to his friends, telling them they needed to get down to the lab ASAP. He smiled, thinking of how this sample made its way to Middletown University. All the time that Charlie had been there, he thought there was absolutely no way in hell he would ever get his hands on something like this. It was what every scientist dreamed about: handling an important specimen, in spite of the potential hazard that doing so might involve.
He knew that if he was going to open it, he was going to have to exercise extreme caution—more so than ever before. He was thankful that the laboratory was equipped with a safe box where they could put the specimen and would still be allowed to look at the sample with a microscope that was connected to a camera, which was connected to a computer. It was the only state-of-the-art equipment in the lab; it also made it so they did not have to be face-to-face with a potentially deadly virus. Given what he knew about the sample—which was nothing—it definitely seemed safer to him.
Charlie wanted to make sure he did not forget, so to be on the safe side, he got the ventilation chamber going immediately. It did not take more than fifteen minutes for his friends to show up, each with excitement showing on their face. Charlie asked them if they were ready to see the coolest thing ever. Floyd nodded and Lisa came over, giving him a kiss and asking what was going to be so exciting down here. She mentioned there would be nothing more thrilling than if his friends weren’t there and they were in the lab by themselves.
