He ran the fingers of both hands through his hair and looked at her. Was he upset? Did he understand that she would always give of herself as a mother first? As much as she wanted to stay in his arms, she couldn't let that get in the way of Kristen's needs.
"I'll be right there, honey," she called out. To her own ears, her voice was still shaky.
She took two steps toward Kristen’s bedroom door and heard Kyle behind her, pulling on his clothes. She flicked the light switch as she walked into the room.
Kristen clutched her stomach and moaned. "I have a belly-ache."
"How many cookies did you have today?" Lauren asked softly. Then she glanced at Kyle, who was now standing in the doorway, for confirmation.
He shrugged and wilted against the doorjamb. "We both ate quite a bit of dough while we were making the cookies this afternoon. Sorry."
Lauren frowned in disgust and sat on the edge of the bed. "No wonder you have a belly-ache, sweetie," she said to Kristen as she rubbed her stomach.
"I'll get some ginger-ale," Kyle suggested.
When Kyle was out of earshot, Kristen tugged on Lauren's shirt, her eyes widened. "Are you going to marry Kyle?"
Completely taken aback, Lauren sat up straight and tried to steady herself. Where on earth had that come from? Had her little eyes seen something she shouldn't have? Oh, Lord, what had she done?
"Why do you ask?" Lauren probed.
"You look at him funny."
Her eyebrows furrowed. "Funny how?"
As if she were impatient, Kristen heaved an exaggerated sigh and said. "You know, the way Belle looks at the Beast in the video."
"I do?" she croaked.
Kristen nodded. "Julie says that sometimes people get divorced, just like a boy in my class, and they get new daddies."
"That happens sometimes."
"And Santa Claus said that all the other daddies are taken already."
"Well, honey-"
"And Julie said she never sees Kyle with a girl. Even though we didn't have a divorce, you could marry Kyle and he can be my new daddy. We can live together and be a family." She yawned before adding, "Wouldn't that be great?"
It would be wonderful, Lauren thought.
"Is that what you want, sweetie? You really want a daddy?"
Kristen nodded. "If you marry Kyle, will Julie be my sister?"
"The two of you were plotting more than a sleep-over, I see." Lauren's shoulders sagged and she puffed her cheeks. "I don't think we have to worry about all this just yet."
Kyle rapped on the door with his left hand and held a plastic cup in his right. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah."
She had no idea how long Kyle had been standing in the doorway or how much of their conversation he overheard. But by the look on his face and the slight tilt in his smile, she knew he heard enough.
He handed her the cup of ginger ale and settled onto the mattress at the foot of the bed. Kristen smiled her obvious pleasure.
If it hadn't been so delicate a situation, she may have allowed herself to feel lighthearted. What pained her was that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't keep herself from doing just that. If anyone looked at them and didn't know any better, they'd think they were a family.
But that wasn't the case. They weren't a family. Who knew how long she and Kristen would be able to revel in all the delightful feelings Kyle Preston bestowed on them?
Still rubbing Kristen's belly, Lauren asked. "Any better?"
Kristen yawned and nodded, her eyelids at half-mast.
"Goodnight, honey." She bent down and kissed Kristen's forehead. Kyle got up and did the same. He followed Lauren, turning the light off behind him before shutting the door.
She waited to speak before they were both alone in the living room. "You must be tired, too, after such a long day. I can't thank you enough, again, for all you've done."
"Are you trying to get rid of me already?" he teased, reaching for her.
She picked up his jacket and extended it to him. "You must want to get home."
His smile faded when he saw she wasn't kidding. "You really do want me to leave?"
She took a deep breath, but said nothing.
He brushed his blond hair back with one swipe of his hand. "Is it what Kristen said about us getting married?"
"I'm sorry you heard that."
"I'm glad I did. At least I have one of you on my side." His gaze was searching as if he were trying to understand the about-face. And why wouldn't he be after what had just happened between them. If not for Kristen’s call to Lauren, they’d still be in bed making love all night.
"This isn't about sides. I just think it's better this way," she said softly. "Kristen has never seen me with a man before. She's beginning to get the wrong idea."
His expression drooped. "Why do I get the feeling I did, too."
"She's not used to having family around. Suddenly, she's overwhelmed being with your family. Please don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for it. I've missed my own so much and, except for me, Kristen has never had that. But she's already asking me if she's going to be Julie's sister."
Kyle's face brightened. "We can accommodate her if she wants a sister."
"I'm serious."
"So am I."
Frustrated with the situation, she blew out an exaggerated breath. "You're missing the point."
"No, I don't think so. Kristen wants a family. And if you're honest with yourself, you want it, too."
She swallowed hard and averted her gaze.
"I could talk to your parents."
Her head snapped up and her eyes flew open wide. "And what, Kyle? Invite them to dinner? Is that your answer to everything?"
He lifted his arms in the air and let them fall clumsily to his side. "No, but it's a start, isn't it?"
"I won't let you do that. They've made their choice to stay out of my life despite my efforts. If that’s the way it has to be, then so be it. It's not your problem."
"I'm making it my problem."
"For how long? I'm not some stray dog that wandered into your yard and scratched on your door."
He rolled his eyes. "Believe me. I don't put you in the same category as my dog."
"But I'm still a stray, aren't I? Are you going to make everything all right for me, then move on to the next person with a problem? When I'm no longer a problem?"
"What are you talking about?"
She touched one of the cookie ornaments on the tree before looking at him. She recalled how Kristen and Kyle had worked to decorate it with just the right amount of frosting and sprinkles. "Sooner or later, things aren't going to be as nice and pretty as they are today. It's inevitable. Then what? I don't want Kristen to get hurt."
"You're not talking about your daughter this time, Lauren. You're talking about yourself." He moved closer to her, but she backed up two steps. When she had the courage to look into his eyes, all she saw was pure pain. "Don't be afraid of us. I'm not like the other men in your life. I'm not going to leave you."
She laughed sardonically and mumbled under her breath, “That's exactly what they said."
"What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not like them? Do I have to climb a mountain every time I walk through your front door? Because if that's what it takes, then I'm ready for the challenge."
"Don't you see? I don't want to be your challenge. When the challenge has been conquered, the game is over."
"Then tell me what you want."
"What I want doesn't exist. I want someone who's willing to stay for the long haul, when things are great and when they're ugly. I've never known a man that was willing to do that."
"You know me." He took her hand in both of his and kissed it lightly, then rested it against his cheek.
Easing her hand away, she said, "Really?"
She wasn't convinced. Kyle knew by the edge in her voice and heaviness in her eyes. What was it going to take to convince this woman how much she meant to him? To prove to her just how
much he loved her?
"I was eighteen when I was adopted."
She looked at him, puzzled. "But I thought you were twelve."
"No. When I was twelve, my biological father went to court and relinquished me as his son so he wouldn't have to keep paying child support after my mother died."
He watched her horrified face. "Kyle, I'm so sorry."
"I don't remember much of my mother. I was younger than Kristen when she died. My father was married to someone else and didn't want me. I stayed with my grandmother until she couldn't care for me anymore. After that, I shifted from one distant cousin to an uncle or aunt for a few months until they couldn't handle me anymore and I went into foster care."
"It must have been awful for you."
"All you have to do is look at my childhood and you'll know how mistrust breeds."
"Judy and Will-" she started to say, but Kyle broke in.
"Are the best things that happened to me. And I almost blew that, too. After the accident, I was sure my new parents would throw me out of the house as soon as I turned eighteen. They had every right after the way I'd behaved. I figured I'd save myself the humiliation."
"What did you do?"
"I packed my bags and told them I was leaving." He shook his head. "I don't know what I was thinking. I suppose I thought they'd open the door and let me walk away and say 'Good Riddance'".
She shook her head and held her hands to her chest. "But they didn't, did they?"
He smiled and a flood of warmth filled his heart with the memory. "No, thank God. I remember my dad got angry and dragged me to the car, which was kind of hard since he's a full foot shorter than me. He didn't say a word until we got to his lawyer's office. Before we got out of the car, he told me I could go down to the bus station and leave. He'd even pay for the ticket. Or we could march into the lawyer's office and file the papers to make me his son legally."
Her mouth dropped open. "But why then? You were already legally of age."
"Exactly. There was no more red tape keeping them from adopting me. The state didn't care, but they did. My dad said he was there for the long haul, whether or not there was a piece of paper collecting dust in a courthouse somewhere saying he was or wasn't responsible for me. He said I'd always be his son." His voice cracked as he spoke. "That day it meant more than I can say to hear him call me son."
He saw a single tear trickle down Lauren's cheek, which she quickly brushed away with her fingers.
Kyle cleared his throat. "That's the kind of man he is and the kind of man I strive to be." He reached out to her again, hoping she'd welcome his touch, needing hers in return. She didn't back away this time. Instead, she wrapped her fingers around his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I want to be here for you and Kristen. Some men mean what they say, Lauren. Some do stay."
"Your parents are wonderful people."
He nodded and couldn't help but smile. "I know your parents will come around. Whatever it is that is holding them back can be overcome."
She stiffened and pulled away, crossing her arms across her chest. "I'm glad you told me this, but-"
"But you don't believe me." He felt his heart fall through the floorboards.
She averted her gaze for a full five seconds before looking at him again. "I don't know what to think."
Somehow, some way, he had to get her to believe in him. It was the only way she'd learn to trust his word. Damn every man who let her down before, but he wouldn't be one of them. And somehow, she would know that as fact.
He picked up his jacket and walked to the door. Bending down, he saw her close her eyes as he kissed her cheek. He breathed in her sultry scent, filling his head with tantalizing memories of how they lay so close to each other, making love just moments ago.
And he walked out the door. Not because that was what he wanted to do, but because that's what she wanted.
Once he was out on the bitter cold sidewalk, he turned and peered up at the top floor gable window of the Victorian home. Behind the curtain, he saw the soft glow from the light and a faint shadow of a silhouette standing by the window.
She was watching him leave her.
Because that was all she knew.
He climbed into the Jeep and jammed the key in the ignition until the engine roared. If this is what she wanted, then he would respect her wish and he'd leave.
For now. Only for now.
# # #
Chapter Ten
Lauren wiped her hands on the red cotton apron Judy had given her to wear. She looked around the kitchen and frowned when she saw there was no available counter space left. "Where do you want me to put this cake?"
Judy turned and searched the same surface Lauren had just perused. "Mmm. There's no room in here until the food is cleared from the buffet table."
"I'll take it," Kyle said, walking through the kitchen doorway, munching on a pastry.
Judy swatted him on the arm with a dishtowel. "I told you to wait until I serve."
Kyle returned a mischievous grin.
She picked up a two pastry dishes and headed for the kitchen door. "You'll go nowhere near that cake until dessert is served. Do you hear me?"
With Judy gone from the room, Lauren darted a glance at Kyle and held his gaze. His eyes were smiling as well as the rest of his face.
Relieved, she felt a smile tug at her own lips. After the way things ended the other night, she wondered how he would react to her. She thought about not coming. But a deal was a deal. She promised him she would be here. And she wanted to be here with him.
When she'd stood at the window and watched him drive away two nights ago, she fought to keep herself from running down the stairs after him. She'd been tempted to tell him she wanted him to stay, that it didn't matter how long. She wanted to tell him how she felt.
But that was just it. What was she feeling? For the first time in years she allowed herself to think about herself as a woman with real emotions and desires. She'd been both exhilarated and frightened by the exigent need she had when Kyle held her, kissed her until he took her breath away. She would have allowed him to take her to the pinnacle of that need if she hadn't been pulled back to reality by Kristen's call.
And now, was it too late? Had she pushed him away too far?
As his smile danced in his eyes, she knew it wasn't. And she knew he was feeling the same thing, but it wasn't the right time. At some point, she would find the right moment and tell him, show him exactly how much she loved him.
“We haven’t had so much as a moment to talk since I got here.”
Kyle bent his head and kissed her cheek. “I know. We have a lot to talk about. There’ll be some time tonight, after everyone’s gone.”
She bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “We can pick up where we left off the other night,” she whispered.
She watched his eyes grow dark and smoky, fueling her with the satisfaction that he knew what she meant.
“You’re going to help me set up the dollhouse for Kristen, right?”
“You bet.” He glanced at the kitchen clock and said, “I've got to go change. The kids are asking when Santa will arrive." He brushed by her and paused a moment to cup her cheek. His hand was rough against her skin and sent a tingling sensation through her body. She leaned into his touch before her eyes caught sight of Judy coming into the kitchen again.
Suddenly self-conscious, she straightened. But as if he understood her hesitation, Kyle didn't seem to mind. He bent down, kissing her lightly on the lips and said, "I'll be right back."
When he closed the kitchen door behind him, Lauren took a deep breath and glanced at Judy. Her approval was evident in the slight tilt of her mouth, and the twinkle in her brown eyes, but she said nothing.
"I guess I should go round up the troops," Lauren finally said.
Judy's smile widened and she gave a quick nod. "Good idea. And I'll dole out the dessert."
With the help of little Scotty, Will brought in an antique rocking chair w
ith detailed scrolls carved into the back and placed it at the end of the room by the Christmas tree. It didn't take more than five minutes to gather all the kids in the house and settle them on the floor of the family room. Chas and his wife, Kim, whom Lauren had met briefly earlier in the evening, sat together on the loveseat with their youngest daughter. From the size of her, Lauren guessed her to be about two or three years old. Their eldest daughter was about the same age as Kristen and Julie.
All I Want for Christmas is You Page 13
