by Segunda L.
Something deeper...And something I definitely could not have.
My heart tightened from this thought. But I ignored the tingling feeling and continued walking to my assigned classroom. Upon reaching the room, I sat on my usual chair to think. Why was TJ so intent on saying no and making me believe that they were just childhood friends? Did he not realize it himself?
~*~*~
The loud music of All Time Low's song Return the Favor was playing on my bedroom, relieving me from my stress. I was in my bathroom, checking the state of my face, my handsome face.
There was a bad cut on my lip and a bruise which was starting to turn violet was on my jaw. Cupping some water on the faucet by using my hands, I gently, very gently (we wouldn't want to put a scar on this pretty face) cleaned the cut and bruise. Then I ran my wet hands on my hair. I shook my head like how a dog does after taking a bath. The reflection I was looking at in the mirror was someone who looked like an action star. Bruise or no bruise, I still look good. In fact, the bruise and the cut completed the whole bad boy image.
Wrapping myself with my blue robe, I went out of the bathroom and sat down on the side of my bed. The music changed and "Accidentally in Love", the song in the movie Shrek, was playing. What an annoying song. It almost felt like it was talking to me, and I could almost hear Shrek mocking me right now.
I sighed and went back to the bed to settle down. Memories of the basketball practice this afternoon came rushing into me, TJ was playing poorly. All of his shots didn't go in at all. He almost got thrown out of the game for committing fouls. He even slipped. Something was off with him. The state that he was in was awfully familiar to me.
Like that day I witnessed for the first time how close he and Samara were.
What was TJ thinking about I wonder...or maybe who was he thinking about?
My iphone buzzed, making my bed vibrate and snapping me out of my thoughts. I put it on loudspeaker.
"Hey, it's been a while." I greeted. Carrie, my friend with benefits was on the other line.
"Jared, can you come to my house?" She asked, right away. I could tell that she was having her breakdowns again.
"I missed you too, Carrie," I answered with sarcasm, "Fine. I’ll be there in a jiff."
Carrie's house was right next to mine. We practically grew up together. If Samara had TJ, I had Carrie. But our relationship was nothing like theirs. Putting on a simple shirt and pants, I hurriedly went out of my room. I found Kiana and Dad watching Supernatural downstairs, it was her favorite show, she said the actors were cute. Bleh. Fortunately, when they asked about my bruise, they believed my story about getting it from basketball practice and didn't think too much of it.
"I'm going out for a walk." I called out to them as I opened the door to go outside, they were so absorbed with the show I bet they didn't hear me.
~*~*~
"Good evening, Sir." The forty something years old maid greeted me politely, and gestured for me to go inside the house.
Hmm. She was a new face. The last maid only lasted for a month, how long can this one last. I gave her two weeks before she started packing her bags with tears in her eyes and wishing she never applied for the job.
"Where's Carrie?" I asked.
"She's upstairs, inside her room, Sir, waiting for you." The maid answered, bowing. I wasn't used to being called Sir, I cringed every time she said it.
Carrie's family lived in a mansion, with stay-in maids and a butler. Tonight, their house looked grander than usual, all lights were turned on including the chandelier in the living room, making the marble floors sparkle. The first floor was composed of an entertainment area with lush furniture overlooking the swimming pool, a dining area with mahogany chairs and tables, and a kitchen connecting to the maid quarters.
"Okay, thanks." I said and headed for the stairs. Before going all the way up, I called out to her. "By the way, it's Jared." The maid seemed confused.
"Just call me Jared. Sir freaks me out." I explained to her and she nodded. Better be nice to her, she was already having a hard time with Carrie's family. I continued walking upstairs, and directly went for Carrie's room. I found her sitting on a couch, leafing through a magazine with unfocused eyes. She had her own living room with soft and comfortable sofas. A painting by some Italian guy whose name was too hard for me to pronounce hanged on the wall, giving color to the room.
"Car." After knocking lightly on her door, I called.
She didn't seem to hear me even though my voice was loud enough which only proved that she was so deep in her thoughts. Great, she was the one who called me and now she was ignoring me.
"Hey, Car." I called again, a little more loudly this time. Still, she didn't hear me.
Just what in the world was in that magazine?
With heavy footsteps, I strolled towards her to get her attention. Startled from my not too sudden entrance , she dropped the magazine and shrieked, "My God Jared! You could have knocked!" Her green eyes widened in shock. Soft curls of red hair playfully rested on her shoulders. She had a naturally tanned skin and a petite body.
"I did knock," I reasoned, "you were so engrossed reading your porn mag, you didn't hear me knocking." I picked up the magazine and scanned through it. Oh, Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson? She snatched the magazine from my hand and threw it on the couch. "It's not a porn mag, silly. And I wasn't even reading it." She walked around the couch then sat back again. "What happened to your face?"
The arm rest of the sofa was a good enough chair for me. "Got into a fight. Anyway," sitting on the arm rest, with my legs crossed, I asked, "what's up?"
She folded her legs and rested her head on her knees. Her eyes were looking far away. Moments of silence passed by. When the silence became too much for me to handle, she started sharing just on cue, “It's my parents, they..." She struggled to say the next words. "They had a fight, a big one this time, they were throwing things at each other. Glasses, plates, figurines! Everything they can get their hands on." Her voice quivered as she continued, "I-I tried to stop them, but they turned their anger on me instead." She swallowed. "Mom called me a whore, can you believe that?" She paused, unable to continue her story.
Carrie has a dysfunctional family, her father knocked up one of the maids and thus, Carrie was born. The lady of the house could not have babies so she tolerated Carrie's existence thinking that it will stop his husband's blatant infidelity and got the maid fired after giving birth to her. Unfortunately, Carrie's father did not stop his womanizing antics, but at least he was smart enough to use protection since Carrie didn't have any siblings. When she realized that his husband would not stop even after having fathered a child, Carrie became the object of her fury. Carrie longed for the approval of her mother, I guess it was natural for all daughters to be like that, although they were not really related by blood, she still thought of her as her real mother. Like I said, it was dysfunctional. I knew all about it of course since Carrie would spill everything to me, the way she was doing right now.
"Then Dad slapped Mom for it." She choked. Her eyes were watery. "This is my entire fault, I should have never been born." Her body started trembling.
Was she going to cry? No, no, no. Crying was something I could not handle. Before tears came spilling out, I stood up and did what I usually do when she was having her breakdowns, she also stood up and we met halfway. "How many times do I have to tell you? It's not your fault. Whatever your parents are going through, it's their own problem and you're not to blame for it." I said to reassure her. She hugged me and I hugged her back.
"It's just getting so hard for me, I'm trying my best to please her and I'm just not good enough." I heard her speak with muffled voice. Her head was on my chest and I can still feel her body trembling.
"Stop trying to please her like she's the fucking Queen of England." I advised.
"No, you don't get it. It's just..." She trailed off.
I don't get it? That was the same thing as TJ said this afternoon
. What was it that I didn't get? TJ was obviously in love but he hadn't realized it yet, and I was sure he was shaken by our discussion since he messed up in the afternoon practice. He was the one who didn’t get it.
"It's just what?" I asked.
"Never mind." Carrie sighed. We were still hugging each other, there was nothing romantic about it, no heart pumping feelings. For me, it was just something I did to make her feel better. It was almost out of pity.
She started nibbling my neck, then she slurred, "It's been a while since we last saw each other, huh."
"Yeah." I answered with hesitation. Her cold hands went under my shirt, the unexpected contact of our skins with different body temperature made me flinch. She trailed tiny kisses on my collar bone while she busied her hand with trying to take off my shirt. This was the usual routine when she was having emotional stress, I'd end up comforting her using my body, naked, and on the bed. She had been rejected far too much, I didn't have it in me to reject her too. But after seeing TJ and Samara's relationship, I felt disgusted with the kind of relationship I shared with my childhood friend, Carrie. What they had was something untainted, while what I shared with Carrie was the opposite. No matter how much I knew it will depress Carrie, I knew I had to stop this sick bond we had.
I grabbed both her hands, stopping her from taking my shirt off, she was already halfway through. "Car, let's not do this."
Her eyes popped, the shock only registered for a second. What came next was a hurt expression. I already had an experience with rejection, so I knew she must be feeling like shit right now. But I had to do it. "This...what we're doing, it's not right." I explained, while looking down.
She was silent for a moment then she stirred, "I-I-I'm sorry. It's my fault, I pushed you through this." She blamed herself again. "God, can I never do anything right? Mom was correct. I'm a whore." These words babbled out from her.
"Stop blaming yourself." I scolded her, "you're not a whore, okay? And you never pushed me to do anything. But what we're doing is not healthy for the both of us." Her eyes were wide in horror. "I'm still gonna be here for you, remember that. Nothing will change." She calmed down after hearing my words.
"O-okay." She gazed at me while silently studying my face.
"What?"
"Something changed." She answered, the slits of her eyes narrowing.
"No. Everything will be the same, I just want our friendship to be normal."
"What's going on? You were never worried about that before."
"Nothing's going on. I just realized that—,"
"Save the lies, Jared." She rolled her eyes. "Did you meet anyone new?" Ah. Bulls eye. My face probably showed that her guess was correct because she said, "I want you to start from the very beginning."
The thing about childhood friends was that they knew you so well, you couldn't lie. I told Carrie what happened the past few weeks, about Samara and how she ended up to be Mr. Reyn's daughter. When I came to the part about dad tempting me with the Mercedes-Benz, she interrupted. "Wow, that sounds something like from a teen drama. Was your father thinking of shooting a film when he bribed you with the Mercedes-Benz?"
Ignoring her question, I continued. Skipping the part where I developed a crush on Samara, I also told Carrie about TJ and Samara's relationship, explaining the bruise on my face. She asked questions from time to time, tricky questions, usually involving on how I felt about Samara. I changed the topic right away to keep her occupied.
We were both sitting on the sofa, she chewed on a popcorn while listening to my story as if it was a movie. She was so absorbed with what I was telling her that she had forgotten about her depressing mood earlier. After more than two hours, I finally finished talking.
"Hmm, I got a plan."
I raised an eyebrow. "What plan?'
"A plan for you to get the Mercedes-Benz."
~*~*~
"What? That's ridiculous!" I cried out after hearing her brilliant plan (her words, not mine). I stood up from the sofa and began pacing back and forth.
"Think about it, it's like hitting two birds with one stone." She explained, and popped another popcorn into her mouth, she looked at me and expected me to see reason from her logic.
While I do admit that it was a pretty good plan, there were some consequences involved on it that I don't think I was going to like. "I can't do that." I rubbed my hands together from anxiousness.
"Why not? It's a win-win situation for you. Unless of course you actually have feelings for her." She asked, observing me closely as to how I’d react. I didn't tell her about the "crushing" part, my feelings for Samara was the only thing that was going to ruin her plan.
Lying to Carrie would get me nowhere, she knew me too much. The lie would be detected spot on so I focused on answering her first question instead. "Because it's stupid." Not a very intellectual answer (sue me) but it would divert Carrie's attention.
"It's not stupid. It's a well thought out plan, the sooner you do it, the sooner you get your Mercedes-Benz. Your father is not a very patient man, you know."
Damn, she had a point again. How long would my deal with Dad last? If he found out I was not actually making any progress, just a snap from his fingers then the deal would be void. And after all I went through...I just could not let it end like that.
"All right, all right, I'll think about it." Tired and defeated, I sighed and sat back on the sofa.
Carrie stirred closer to me, then she said, "That girl is changing you." She made circles on the palms of my hands.
"Not really." My voice was curt and blank.
"Whatever. You're still my Jared, I had you first." I didn't want to go into that discussion so I decided it was time for me to go home.
Abruptly, I stood up and stretched my arms. "Hey, it's late. I gotta go."
"Okay, see yah. And I'll call you for the updates."
Did she think this was some kind of soap opera?
"Sure, I'll even bring a camera to record everything for you."
"Oh gee, thanks. That would be better." She faked a smile.
"You wished," I threw a pillow at her, and she easily dodged. Before going out of her room, I reminded her, "Hey, don't think too much about your mom, and just go do your own thing." The sadness returned to her eyes as soon as I finished talking. Uh, okay, so maybe it was a bad idea to remind her of that.
~*~*~
The lights were out when I went back to our house. Punching in the pass codes for the security system installed in our house, I slowly went inside. When I reached my room, I checked the time on my basketball shaped digital clock. 11:30pm. There was still some time for checking my FB.
Samara still hadn't accepted my friend request. Slumping on my chair in disappointment, I checked my emails. My eyes bulged out when I saw Ms. Santos' email on my inbox. But when I read the subject, I found out I freaked out for nothing. Almost thought Ms. Santos was into some kinky things. And even if she was, cougars were not my type.
Subject: SAMPLE GATHERING
Message:
On Saturday, we will be gathering different species on a tropical forest. Grades will depend on the number of samples collected. THE MORE SPECIES COLLECTED, THE HIGHER THE GRADE. Identification of these species will be done at home.
Good luck!
Elaine Santos,
Everson High Teacher
I stared at the message. One of the reasons why I enrolled for this subject was because it was easy to pass. Ms. Santos class was famous for this activity of hers. The students will go to some unknown place and collect a mountain of weird plants and animals which according to some was actually kind of fun. Samara would be going too of course if she wanted to pass the subject. And that was when it dawned on me.
I'd be spending almost an entire day with Samara.
Chapter Seventeen
Jared
“It’s too small.” Samara complained.
“I know.” I agreed. “I’m already so wet.” I stated the obvious. Our bodies
were side by side, and I leaned closer to her to feel more warmth.
“M-me too.” Her voice quivered. “I at least thought you’ll have something bigger since you’re a big guy.”
I raised an eyebrow, offended by what she said. “Just because I’m a big guy doesn’t mean everything I own will be big.”
“Yeah, sure. If you say so. Let’s just keep going. Can you move a bit to the side?” It was supposed to be a request but her voice made it sound like a demand.
While I was annoyed at her for being so demanding, I couldn’t deny her request. So I did as she asked and moved a little bit to the side.
“A little more please?”
Huh?
Okay, that was it! My temper couldn’t hold it anymore.
“Hey, this is my umbrella!” I snapped at her while holding on my too small umbrella that protected us from the ongoing rain.
“But I don’t have an umbrella.” Her eyes were pleading, almost apologetic. “And I don’t want to get drenched in the rain.” She was using that trick again, the one where she was pouting her soft lips matched with puppy dog eyes.
Was this how she got TJ under her control?
No, no, Jared. You’re stronger than that. Don’t give in just yet.
“Why didn’t you bring your own umbrella? Didn’t you read the itinerary? We’re going to a tropical forest. Rain is something common in here. It clearly says there to bring one.” While trying my best to put my aggression toned down, I shot back at her.
“I read it but I forgot to put one in my bag.” Her voice was low, I had to stoop down to hear her. The sound of the rain competing with her voice didn’t help at all.
At the mention of her bag, I wondered what the hell was inside it because it sure was heavy while it slung on my shoulders. I shook my head and grunted, “What a scatterbrain.”
She glared at me. “I wouldn’t be in here, drenched in the rain, if it wasn’t for you!” She screamed which I was pretty sure caused some of the birds to fly away from their nests.
She calls that drench in the rain? Then what does call the state that I was in right now? I let her hog the umbrella. My shirt was sticking to my skin and I was freezing my ass out here.
