by Lucia Grace
“What?” Sam asks, all innocently.
Like she has an innocent bone in her body.
“I’m only speaking the truth. Wear this and you’ll have him panting after you and eating out of your hand from now until the end of time.”
A brief vision of Damon and me, years from now, flashes through my mind before I quickly dismiss the idea of a future when I have no idea what’s really going on with us.
Despite how surreal the past few weeks have been, it’s like we’re playing house. Even though we still have separate rooms, everything else is like we’re living together. Moving forward as a couple. We do groceries together, clean house together, cook together, sleep together. It’s all very domestic and feels so right. We even spent Thanksgiving Day with my parents. Eating and drinking the day away. Ending the day with dessert at his parent’s right next door.
It’s like we’re a real couple falling in love.
Except I’ve already fallen.
But I can only hope it’s forever.
“I could never pull that off,” I reply as I touch the satin trim of the bust. Ignoring the unease my previous thought brings up.
“What are you talking about? Of course you could,” Amber pipes up. “You’d look sexy as hell.”
Smiling, I shake my head. “I think I’m good.”
The girls give me a look before shaking their own heads and scattering throughout the store. I stop by a table full of panties, thinking I could splurge on a few new pairs, and roll my shoulder back a few times. Still slightly sore from Teddy’s attack.
When visions of that day and my brutal attack from a couple of months ago start to creep in, I close my eyes and breathe in deeply to center myself. And that’s what I’m doing when Ember and Sam walk up next to me as I’m opening my eyes.
“You okay, girlie?” Ember’s tone matches the look of worry on her face.
I smile and wave it off. “I’m fine. Just a little sore still, but it’s good.”
“Everything else okay?” Sam asks.
I look over at her and see her scanning my face. Looking for…something.
“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Looked like you got lost in your head a bit back there when I brought up Damon. I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay with you two.”
“Of course. Things are great.”
“You don’t have to pretend with us, Trace.”
Ember’s statement has me looking at her and furrowing my brow. “Pretending? I’m not pretending. Everything is great with us. Perfect really.” I end on a whisper.
“Then what’s going on?”
I swallow before answering her. Looking between two of my best friends. Gathering my thoughts. Trying to mask my worry over thoughts of the future. “I don’t know,” I say through a sigh. “Everything really is perfect. Damon is perfect. Everything I’ve ever hoped for…”
“Okay then…what’s the issue?”
Looking down at a pair of floral, lace cheeky panties, I twirl the material in my hands to keep busy while I admit one of my fears. “I’m so scared one day he’s going to wake up and decide I’m not what he really wants. And that his decision to even try is the wrong one.” I look up at them, tears filling my eyes as I admit the biggest fear of them all. “And I’m afraid he’s never going to love me back like I love him.”
Ember’s and Sam’s faces fall at my admission.
“Sweetie,” Ember starts. “I don’t know what keeps Damon locked up so tight, and I don’t know what took him so long to come to his senses when it comes to you, but I can tell you that boy loves you. He may not say it, but you’d be blind if you couldn’t see it.”
I shake my head and sniffle. Wishing she was right, but knowing that whatever Damon has lurking in his past keeps him from thinking he’s worthy of giving or receiving love.
“Ember’s right, Tracey. I think that even a blind person could sense how much Officer Dimples is digging everything you have to offer,” Sam speaks up, adding her two cents. “But you have to remember, babe, love and relationships are always a risky thing. No matter the situation.”
“Sam’s right,” Ember then adds. “But love is a risk worth taking. Especially when you feel it with your whole heart.” She smiles softly, no doubt thinking about Kayson.
“Plus, that man would be a damn fool if he let you go. I mean, look at you!” Sam waves her arms around me in a flurry of motion. Causing Ember and me to giggle.
“You’re right,” I reply, straightening my shoulders and wiping my eyes. If there’s anything I know, it’s that Damon is worth the risk of getting hurt.
“Of course we’re right,” Sam says. Smug smile stretching across her face as she links arms with Ember. “Now let’s get Tracey something to drive her man wild.” She goes back to waggling her eyebrows, and I just chuckle at her before following along behind them.
“I hope Ember got me some of those nighties I had on my list.”
I look over to Kayson as he waggles his eyebrows. Towel slung around his shoulders. It’s Saturday evening and we just finished up sparring in the gym.
Ace and the girls went Christmas shopping today, so that left Kayson and me to find something to do with ourselves. He’s fucking lost whenever Em isn’t around and I’m finding I’m the same way when it comes to Ace. Even in such a short amount of time together. I always knew she was important to me, now more than ever, but it’s as if she’s an extension of me now.
So I took Kayson for a few rounds in the ring, whooped his ass too, but he would never admit it. His ego too fucking huge. But he took it like a champ anyway.
Now we’re in the locker room, showering and cleaning up after our workout.
“You into wearing lingerie now, pretty boy?” I ask as I shake my head at him.
I chuckle as he balls up the towel once around his neck and throws it at my head. I catch it midair, which pisses him off. I offer him a smug smile.
“Laugh it up, fucker,” he replies as he slides his pants on. “Em had me write up a list for her and I added a few of those nightie things she wears for me. I’m hoping she was a good girl and got them. Because hot fucking damn…” He trails off, not finishing his thought. Shaking his head, he closes his eyes then bites his bottom lip and groans at whatever vision he’s watching behind his eyes.
I just grunt at him and finish dressing.
Slamming our locker doors at the same time, I sit to put on my boots as Kayson picks up his duffle bag from the bench beside me.
“You heading home?” he asks as we head out through the gym and into the cool night air.
I shake my head before I reply. “The girls dropped Ace off at the Coffee Press since she was working tonight. I’m going to pick her up. Early.” I smile wide, knowing she’ll probably protest, but not giving a fuck. I want my girl home with me.
Kayson eyes me up as we make it to our trucks, parked side by side.
“What?”
“You two are getting pretty serious.”
My smile drops. I toss my gym bag into the cab of my truck and stand at the open door. My back to Kayson for a minute before I turn around. “I wouldn’t say we’re serious. But we’re together. Yeah.” Because I can’t do fucking serious.
“Not serious? Dude, you’re living together.”
I grit my teeth at his comment. Pissed off at him calling me out. “I don’t need to explain myself or my relationship with Ace to you, all right? Yes, we’re together. That’s all you need to know.”
He tosses his hands up in surrender. Backing away to walk around his truck to the driver’s side. Once he reaches the other side, he leans his forearms up along the bed. Looking over at me as he clasps his hands. “You seem happy, that’s all. It’s a weird fucking look on you, so I’m just wondering what the fuck is going on.”
“Yeah, well, all you need to know is we’re together. The specifics don’t fucking matter.” Because I have no fucking clue what’s going on.
I shake
my head of the thought as Kayson slaps a hand to his truck. “All right, man. All right. I’ll back off. Just know…I’m happy for you.” Then without another word, he’s jumping in his truck and taking off.
Giving a curt nod, I jump into my truck and start it up to follow out behind him.
Kayson’s right. I am fucking happy. Happier than I’ve ever been. And we are practically living together. But despite all of that, my past still lingers like a bad fucking dream every damn day of my life. Reminding me of the filth I’ve suffered and how I’m tainted and no fucking good for Ace. Not in the way she needs.
But I’m a selfish motherfucker and taking what I can get while giving as much as I can. Everything but my heart. My love. Because those don’t exist for me anymore. They haven’t since I was a kid.
Shaking my head of the too heavy shit Kayson stirred up, I put my truck in reverse, back up, then shift into drive and pull out of the lot. One destination in mind.
Ace.
My hand engulfs Ace’s much smaller, gloved one as we walk down main street. I picked her up at the Coffee Press before closing, still not liking her there after dark. Despite Wilkes being behind bars for his latest fucking stunt, I still don’t like her being there at night. Even if she wasn’t closing alone, I didn’t give a fuck. I just walked in, talked to her mom, who let her go without any hesitation, and then we left.
So even though she wasn’t very happy about me making her leave, she didn’t put up too much of a fight. Plus I hadn’t seen her all day since she was out shopping with the girls this morning, then worked the closing shift at the café.
Now we’re walking down the sidewalk toward my truck so I can take her home. The unseasonably cooler night air wrapping around us. The downtown is quiet even for a Sunday night. Made even quieter by Ace’s lack of chatter. She isn’t usually much of a talker, but ever since we decided to give us a go, she’s opened up even more to me. But tonight she’s much quieter.
“Everything okay, Ace?” I ask her as we make it to my truck. Stopping at the passenger side. She seems deep in thought until I just startled her out of them.
“Why do you call me that?” she quietly asks. Shocking me. Rich brown eyes on the ground beneath our feet.
Fuck.
I bring a knuckle under her chin to raise her eyes to mine. “Call you what? Ace?”
She nods her head. “You’re the only one that does. And I get it’s part of my name, but the way you say it…”
Double fuck. There’s a reason I’ve called her Ace for as long as I can remember. And no, it isn’t just because it’s a condensed version of her name. Even though that’s what I try to play it off as.
“People started calling you Trace, I just shortened it even more.” I shrug. Uncomfortable that she just called me out on her nickname. “Plus, you know I like to be a trendsetter.” I smirk. She doesn’t crack a smile like I hoped.
I sigh as she just stares at me. Then her eyes turn sad at my flippant comment. Triple fuck.
“I call you Ace because that’s what you are,” I find myself admitting. Her sad eyes my undoing.
“What I am?” she asks. Adorably confused. I get so lost in looking at her expression that I don’t even realize I’m spilling my fucking heart to her.
“I feel you in each breath I take. Through each pulse rushing through my veins. Through each beat of my heart. You’re everywhere, Ace. Every-fucking-where.” She gasps. Eyes wide. A look of disbelief now crossing her face. “So that’s why, sweetheart. I call you Ace because that’s what you are. You’re my ace of hearts. Always have been. Always will be.”
I don’t even have time to think about what I just admitted before she’s on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around my neck, and pulling my head down so she can reach my mouth. The cold December air has chilled her lips, but it doesn’t take long for mine to warm them up.
A growl rips from my chest when I feel her tongue touch my bottom lip. Her eagerness causing my dick to turn to steel despite the cold temperature. When she pulls back for a breath, I band my arms around her waist, dragging her up my body so her feet are practically dangling above the ground.
“The things you make me feel…” She trails off on a whisper. I swallow hard.
“What do I make you feel, sweetheart?” Her eyes spring open. Startled that she said the words out loud. Her flushed cheeks, both from the chilled air and our heated kiss, turn a shade darker but she holds my stare.
“Everything,” she quickly answers. Her eyes searching mine. Trying to find the answers I’m struggling to keep hidden. I feel it, too. Everything. She makes me feel everything. But this, what we are right now, is what I offered her and she took it. I can’t do more. I can’t.
Yes, you can, you’re just too fucking scared.
I shake the thought from my head. Thinking of anything I can say to backpedal enough to save myself from the truths I just admitted, when another gasp from Ace has me looking down at her. My arms are still wrapped around her, but her feet are now firmly on the ground. One of her hands clutches one of my biceps while her other is extended out to our side. Palm up. Catching the snowflakes that have started to fall around us. The flakes settle in her long, dark hair. Glowing from the streetlights around us. Making her look like an angel.
“Oh my goodness, it’s snowing,” she says in awe. Letting me off the hook temporarily. Long enough to gather my thoughts.
“You know all I just said was true, Ace. But—”
“I know, Damon. I know.” Eyes sad again. Shredding my fucking chest open because I caused that sadness. “What we have now is all we can have. I get that. Just please let me enjoy it while I can.”
Just please let me enjoy it while I can. Like she knows there’s an expiration date on us even though we’ve just barely started. My heart splits in two. Fuck.
But she doesn’t give me time to wallow in my self-hatred and pain. No, my girl wraps her arms around my neck, stands on her toes, and places the softest kiss on my lips. Eyes closed. Breathing in the moment. While I stand there, breathing in her.
I tighten my arms around her waist, bringing her in flush against my body, and deepen the kiss. Her soft, full lips part to allow my tongue entry, and I groan out in pure fucking ecstasy at her taste and touch and pure fucking goodness that I don’t deserve, but I’m taking for as long as I can.
Her arms tighten around my neck and I hesitantly pull away, placing my forehead to hers. Her eyes remain closed while mine can’t stop taking her in. A small smile lifts her lips before her eyes open, looking at me like I can do no wrong, when we both know that isn’t true. And fuck all if that splitting pain doesn’t hit my chest again.
“Just hold me,” she whispers. Watching the turmoil play across my face, interrupting my thoughts. And I do just that. I keep her close, my forehead to hers, as the snowflakes lightly fall around us.
Walking into the kitchen fresh from a shower, I catch sight of Ace standing at the counter, and what a beautiful sight it is. She has the iPod dock plugged in playing a random playlist. She stands in front of the counter, small sleep shorts barely covering her ass and what I know is a low cut, tight tank top covers her top half.
Her hips are lightly swaying to the song playing through the speakers and I can’t help but prop a shoulder onto the wall and watch. She must be baking again, something I’ve noticed she loves to do at any time of the day. That’s why I’m not surprised that it’s late—almost midnight—after she’s been out all day shopping then working, and she’s in here making something. I’ve had to put more time in at the gym at the station because of it, too. But I really can’t complain. Everything she’s made has been fucking delicious and watching her do something she loves, watching that light shine through her, is fucking beautiful. Just like right now.
It’s surreal how effortless this all is. Her being here—in my home, in my space. The panic doesn’t hit me like I expected it would. It’s like she’s always been here. That she’s meant to be here. Waking up to
her delicious kisses and making coffee every morning. Spending days together, laughing and talking and just being. Her sketchbooks and pencils around the house. Her listening to me play guitar and sing, riveted to my voice. Enjoying nights getting lost in each other. Tasting her skin. Feeling her touch. Fucking her all over the house, in every way possible.
I look away and adjust my cock beneath my basketball shorts, as her bare and luscious body flashes in my mind. Trying to calm myself down. I look back at her and it’s no use, my dick is standing at attention because of the thoughts running through my head and the vision in front of me.
God, she’s fucking stunning. Long, brown hair in a knot on top of her head. Fair shoulders bare. Skin soft as silk.
Then as the song changes and Van Morrison starts singing about his “Brown Eyed Girl”, I can’t help but think of touching mine.
Quietly walking up behind her, I wrap my arms around her waist, making her jump in surprise.
“Damon…you scared me.” Her words are breathless with shock.
Without a word, I slide my hands to hers so she releases the spoon she’s mixing with. I look over her shoulder to see some brownie batter. My favorite.
“What are you doing?” she asks, confusion lacing her tone.
Still not speaking, I spin her to face me with my hands to her hips. She squeals out in shock, forearms to my chest. “Damon, come on. Stop.” She tries to protest, but I don’t let up. Her smile is wide. “My hands have chocolate all over them.”
“I’d just bet I’d love chocolate on you,” I rumble before grabbing one hand. Bringing a finger to my mouth, I stick the whole digit in my mouth and slowly slide it out. Fucking delicious.
A breathless moan slips past her plump lips as she watches me lick her finger clean before moving to the next one. My eyes never leave her face. My tongue weaving around each finger the whole time.
“Damon,” she breathes out. Her warm breath hitting my bare chest.
“Chocolate never tasted so good, sweetheart.”
Sticky chocolate-covered hands forgotten, Ace slides them around my neck as she stands on tiptoes to kiss me. Deep and wet and long, just like I love them.
