by Unknown
Why would I ever let her leave me? How does she think I can do that?
I open my mouth to tell her just that but then I remember.
"And you're going to let me, Regan," she says but she doesn't know that she won't be the one who'll leave me because I'd have already left her.
I will be dead.
"Yes," the word rolls off my tongue, burning it on its way out just before I crash my lips to hers, desperate and broken, ready to seal a connection that's just a pretense, will always be a pretense.
A lie I'm willing to believe in for as long as both that lie and my life will last.
(47) Caving
|Scarlet's POV|
Every touch is burning. Feathery gentle from the first taste of his fingers on my skin, it's now more, so much more...
My heartbeat is increasing its pace just as he is, the rasping of sheets and our hectic breathing – the only sounds in the ghostly house. Ours for a moment of time, a moment in which we are connected the way a man and a woman should be. Quickening, melting under the sweetest of agonies just before...
A whispered cry probes into the air, my name shouted from his lips, the naked emotions audible in every note.
My own lips part, teeth breaking the tender flesh, canines descending upon his skin in response as raw as the creature entwined with him is. Fingers drawing blood the same my lips are, I am connected to him in more ways than just one. Leaving a mark to stay in remembrance of this moment, my teeth are sinking into his welcoming skin.
The world is fading with the bite, swept away by all which we are now, bombarded with feelings that crumble all walls between us until there's nothing and no one else but us. Our own world.
A wonder of life in one single moment of completion. We are complete. There's nothing blocking the bond. There's no bond. We are the bond. One and the same.
Just us. No regrets.
Quiet in our embrace as we both lay on the bed. Spent. Peaceful.
I want to keep this moment forever. To keep loving him like I'm loving him now, just for a while, just for as long as this moment would last. I can love the man who has nothing in common with the monster, who is a mate and not an alpha, who has given himself to me freely despite the lack of promises for more, because of it. But can I love the monster as well? Can I love the alpha?
"I'm sorry I hurt you," he breathes into my hair, kissing the skin below my ear, trailing down to my neck as if each of those kisses is an unspoken apology and it is, I guess. His body is satisfied but his heart is broken, his sorrow – a tangible flavor in the bond.
"I've been through much worse," I find myself saying – consoling, but the moment the words leave my mouth I know I shouldn't have spoken them.
He rolls off of me, breaking the touch, physically distancing himself from me as his swirling emotions retreat from the bond we now share, just an echo of them still coming through. Sitting on the bed, he bends down to retrieve the pair of boxers he has discarded on the floor and slips them on. Hiding from me.
His back is shaking as he says, "I know, Scarlet. I was there." Oh-so-softly, without turning to look at me.
My body has a mind of its own. I find it moving towards him, crawling over the bedsheets with my hand raised and reaching for him just before I get a grip on it, snatching it back. I can't do this. I can't fall for him, give in to the bond that's snapping and twisting with the intent of making me do what a mate is supposed to do. The draw to give both of us relief is so much stronger than it was before the mating, it's nearly impossible for me to resist it. But I shall resist, no matter how hard it is I need to resist.
Halting the motion, I feel for the bedsheet behind me, my fingers grasping the fabric to pull it off and weave it around myself like a protective shield covering my body.
Turning away from him, just like he's turned from me, with my feet touching the floor my body leaves that bed. It feels awkward to have been moaning my pleasure in his arms just a minute ago and now to be suddenly back to my usual state. I don't go as far as to question it, though. We have better things to worry about instead of that bond between us and what we just did.
The mistake we just made. Had to.
"You need to call a pack meeting and get things back in order, Regan. And since our bond is completed and I'm now your Luna in more than a name I think it's time you do the same for my family and make them officially members of the pack. Besides, giving them each a mark and joining them in the pack-link is going to be a big advantage once we face the wildlings, not to mention if there's another rise from the pack."
The bond sizzles and snaps under the force of his anger, flooding in hungry waves of cold, it's crashing over me and waking my own confusion. Quickly, before I have the time to even consider the reason for it, it draws back, bottled back inside him as he weaves a masterful hand over his self-control.
What is he hiding from me? What is it that makes him lose control? Why is he lying to me still? Will he just find another excuse if I ask him?
"I never imagined it will be this way," he interrupts the trail of my thoughts, still not turning to face me, however, I do not need to see the sentiments in those forest eyes. They are all over me now that we are sharing a meaningful connection if not relation. Tendrils of quiet sadness snaking around my heart, he goes on, "Never imagined our first time together will be no more but a tool in a game, a quick fuck before we get back to business–"
"Oh, trust me, Regan, it wasn't how I pictured my first time either," I cut in, voice filled with my own bitterness. "But really, did you think we'd make love and declare our undying devotion for each other or something? She cursed us, Regan. This...this bond, this fate, it's nothing but her punishment for us. It's not real. I don't love you, neither you love me. We're just forced to be together because She chose it for us."
Slowly, he turns to face me, giving me a look that says it all. He did think there will be more, he hoped and that simple truth, staring back at me from the depths of his green orbs, is like a punch in the gut, making me feel more guilty and self-aware than ever.
How do you break a heart? Even knowing it's the right thing to do, how do you break someone's heart?
"This could be real, you know," he chokes out, moving an inch closer to me. "It will be if you let the past go and trust me for once. Maybe someday you can even love me–"
"Not today, Alpha," I push past the breath stuck in my throat, the mate-bond so heavy with his grief that I can barely stand my place and not run away. From him. From all that can be felt between us.
There's too much pressure and no way out for the girl who's become a Luna overnight. So much she needs to do, not for him – perhaps never for him, but for the pack. And I can't escape, can't turn my back to my new responsibility like I'm doing to him.
I've never turned away from my responsibilities for the pack, not even after he came along and took everything from me, my future, and I'm certainly not going to start now. Just as I know he won't.
"Today, we need to do what we need to do so we can have tomorrow." I sigh, the burden of so many unspoken words weighing on the bond that's tugging on me to finally do what I am supposed to do, to be the mate I must be, refuse to be yet.
"Tomorrow?" he questions, unable to hide his surprise. His hope is blooming in the bond, filling it with warmth instead of sorrow.
I nod instead of admitting it out loud. I can't speak the words I know he wants to hear, yet I give him the silent concession because deep down, after everything that's happened between us, I know there is a chance, a hope that's so small, so insignificant, yet a hope nonetheless...
Because I know that even a monster can have a heart.
(48) Luna Unchained
|Scarlet's POV|
Another evening in his presence, the sun is sinking down to come back in the morning for a bright new future but for tonight, it's the Moon who will guide us in resolving our matters.
The luna is walking next to the alpha, their hands clasped together as they tr
ek further into the crowd of people gathered to witness yet another of the dark nights this pack is going to survive. I am, the touch of our hands – a sensual lie we present in front of the pack as they too fake their smiles our way when there's nothing else they'd do but leave this place once and for all.
The Moon is looking at us, seeing us bare and real through the clouds of illusory bright colors and faked sentiments of joy. Nothing stays hidden from her all-seeing eye.
And some night, She will punish me for what I've done, for playing with her gift instead of taking it with the seriousness I should, fighting instead of embracing the bond, punish me for going back and forth and never settling on a decision, but tonight I am to play my role of a luna, whether I'd stay one or crumble if and when the bond is renounced. I will play and pretend, I will try to deny that it might be true, that the role might be more than a role... because of not knowing any better.
And he will let me do it, despite the wish deep into his heart, despite his beast, he will let me pretend in front of the pack that can't know the truth yet, that's torn both with the outside threats and the internal conflicts. Like a true alpha, he will do what is expected from him to do, regardless of his own desires.
The soft sound of my promise from just a few hours ago still ringing in my ears, I let him lead me with the gentle tug of his hand on mine as we make our way to the empty circle in the middle.
We've stricken a new deal for a different future and not the one he hoped for when he found me hundreds of miles away from this place... only a few weeks before today. And here we are now – the fake luna-to-be and the alpha who needs to straighten his pack before he renounces our bond, walking hand in hand in front of his wolves, in front of my blindfolded to the truth friends, none of them knowing of the bittersweet feelings floating in the silent bond between the man and the girl.
They see a couple who finally found each other and I see a couple who might not work out in the end, probably won't. I can't hope that we will even if I'm letting him hope for that future.
I wish to say that this is not hurting me, that being in his pretense is nothing but simply going through the motions, but can't. How can I do that when I am so close to him yet feel so far away, when his warm hand holding mine is the only anchor keeping me from falling to my knees and crying out my anger to the Moon, when the thought about the conflicting nature of the creature, walking next to me, is sickening me but his very presence is giving me comfort I've never felt before?
I can't and I won't. But I will keep pretending still. I won't acknowledge the fear I see in the wolves' eyes, their awareness of us lurking behind the corners of their upturned in traditional greeting of their alpha couple mouths, how the mothers shield their children as we pass by.
Instead, I listen to our footsteps, watch the darkness slowly creeping upon us and stay right next to him even if each second is tearing my heart apart. Torn to decide between the man and the monster when, in truth, he is both.
He stops in front of the fire lit up in the middle of the circle, whisking me to his side as he turns toward his people, awaiting his announcement in nervous anticipation. We are the only ones who know what this is about but soon they will find out as well.
I hear his deep inhale, feel the trembles traveling from his hand to mine and then to the rest of my body just before he lets go of it, breaking the contact between us so he can stand on his own even with me being next to him in the quiet, barren from trees yard behind the house.
Several feet ahead, the empty field is swallowed by the trees that have grown here for as long as I can remember, this place – just one of the very few clearings within the woods surrounding the city and the packhouse. For a town this small, Fallon's Grove has surprisingly managed to survive secluded in the wilderness. But then, two and a half years ago, we've been running the deliveries as efficiently as Regan's pack has, until now.
Tonight is not about our cut off supplies or the wildings being the reason behind this particular situation. No, tonight is about betrayal and new beginnings. A night of righteous judgment and harsh punishment, yet a night of celebration as bitter as it might be.
Regan takes a step forth, just a step yet one that makes everything different as he's once again turning into an alpha. Looking at him now, a heartbeat later, his chest seems bigger, his muscles bulging under the black shirt he's wearing, his features harder and sharp under the moonlight. Raising his hands up, calling for silence as if the eerie place can become quieter, those lips part, letting words for everyone present to hear.
"My pack," he shouts into the silence, the voice reverberating through every fiber, through the bond we all share now. Words that weight and cut through all excuses before they can speak them aloud.
"You betrayed your alpha. You fought and you lost and last night you were spared my punishment. Your luna," – he points at me, his smoldering with anger and aggression gaze flickering to me just for a split second before returning to the pack – "in an act of kindness, she spared you from a fate of life-long torment. She pleaded for you, defying me like no Luna should defy her Alpha. She broke the law and for this, she will be punished."
She will be punished...the words echo inside my mind, my heart picking up its pace only to stop mid-beat just when I realize what those words mean. Cold beads of sweat trail down my back, fear I haven't felt for a long time grasping the frozen in my chest heart with the sentence he's just spoken.
I fight it, my tongue glued inside my mouth, I can't speak the words out loud. Instead, they come out into the mate-link.
Regan? I scream a plea that's so desperate it rips into our bond, leaving burning trails in its wake.
He doesn't move towards me. Doesn't look back at me. Doesn't respond to my cry. There's only silence and his barely noticeable shaking body when he turns back to face the fire alight, bending down to pick up something my clouded with shock mind can't recognize at first.
It takes him just a few steps to reach me.
"She will brand the females," he announces, holding the handle up with his hand for me to take, willing me to grasp it with my own.
My first instinctive response is to do, feeling the heat coming off the device being so close to my body as he looks down at me, his tall frame towering over mine as his eyes pierce mine. "This is your punishment, my luna."
This is waste spilling out just like his love is spilling out. Leaking out to disappear underneath the next mistake he's making.
And now you shall serve mine, he adds into the link, knowing I can hear him as clearly as he's heard me a moment ago.
Drawing in a breath, I close my eyes, knowing that he didn't want but had to do this. Feet standing on a principle, he's going to give them a punishment even if he didn't present it as their punishment and I am a part of it now. His luna, his tool in this trial.
Nodding my concession to my alpha, I open my eyes, ready for what's to come and accepting of the pain my own hands will be delivering just a few minutes from now.
Indeed, I shall serve.
(49) Brand Me Yours
|Regan's POV|
Her hand is shaking with exhaustion. The skin on her palm is now blistered and bleeding from the heat of the device she's been holding, branding the females with. She never turns her eyes aside, never speaks a word of apology or concern towards them. She knows better than to let them see that this is affecting her.
This wasn't supposed to be her punishment but I find out that it is her punishment too. She doesn't want to do what I've bestowed upon her, nevertheless, she keeps pressing the hot metal to their bared shoulders. Skin is burning, hissing under the heat, the device retracts with a flick of her wrist. She places it back into the burning fire to heat up, then dips her fingertips into the oil mixed with silver powder, applying the substance over the raw, branded flesh so the letter will stay instead of heal within hours.
There will be a letter on each female's shoulder, a small X to mark them for as long as they live. Nothing will ever
cover that mark. Their luna has been doing her task with the utmost care, carving the letter to the bone as per her females' request while their cowardly mates, brothers, fathers, lovers and friends watched. They accept the mark, welcome it on their flesh as if it's their luna's sign branded upon their flesh and not a punishment I have bestowed for her to carry out and for them to wear. A chance to prove themselves worthy of a female they now see as a savior and protector and they use it. They know it.
Their eyes burn with this knowledge, just like the debris of our old glory is dying with the flickering fire, heating the tool of their suffering.
Only a few to go before it's time for me to honor my word and join new blood to the pack. It's the last thing I wish to do tonight, but do it I shall.
The hybrids are watching the show silently. Collen is protectively standing in front of the others, a stance I never expected to see him in again but, I guess, even he – a man lost honor and values, still holds a pride within himself to not let himself be seen for the monster he truly is, unlike me who no longer has a person in front of which to hide his disgrace.
My first command after the challenge has been to use my own Luna as a tool, a tool for me to punish the insolence without getting blood on my hands and stirring up more of my pack's animosity towards my person. Some of them see right through it. Some of them will still flee from the pack but most will take their chance and stay, believing that I am the monster they should fear and trust their lives on their new hero, their luna.
Now that they've seen her strength, they'll raise their web of whispers to her ears, make her listen to words she should never have been forced to hear. Words of betrayal. Words of challenge against me. The moon children may be beasts at nature but they are survivors at heart.
