by Lisa Gerkey
I think about what Dad said. For whatever reason, he thinks Jensen loves me. I’ve loved him for years, but after everything that’s happened I’m not sure I’ll ever be capable of being what a man wants or needs. I feel nasty and disgusting after everything I’ve done, not just because of the things that happened while Malcolm had me locked away, but the pictures and the videos I was forced to do. All of it. I wish there was a way I could erase it all. I know I can’t do that, so somehow, I’ll have to find a way to live with it.
“Madison?”
Shit. I thought for sure my dad would tell him to leave me alone. I should’ve known he’d be too stubborn to listen.
I watch him move closer to my bed. He looks like the Jensen I remember from before. He’s shaved the beard and he’s dressed in a black t-shirt and blue jeans. Even after everything, I can’t deny how attractive he is.
“Can we talk, sweetheart?”
He pulls a chair close to the bed and sits down. I don’t fight him when he picks my hand up and brings it to his lips.
“I’m not ready to talk, Jensen. It’s too much. I’m going to need time to work through everything.”
“I can give you time, Madison, but there’s a lot we need to talk about.”
Why do I have the feeling he’s not talking about just me and him right now?
“Jenny.”
“Yeah, baby, we need to talk about Jenny. I’m not going to bring up the past. I know what happened with the blackmailing and everything. I don’t like it. I wish you would’ve trusted me to take care of you and got in touch with me anyway, but I understand why you didn’t. You were protecting me. What’s her name? Jenny’s?”
I can’t fight the tears that slip from my eyes. There’s no way I’m emotionally ready to do this with him right now.
“Her name is Jensen Summer Parker. Please. I can’t do this right now, Jensen. I need time. After I spend some time talking to the therapist and getting mine and Jenny’s life back in order, we can talk about everything. Go. Please.”
“I’ll go, for now. I know you’ve got a lot of shit to work through. I have things I need to take care of too. It’s not over between us, Madison.”
He places his lips gently against my forehead. I decide, for Jenny’s sake and Jensen’s, I’m going to talk to Dr. Townsend tomorrow.
Chapter Twenty Seven
“Jensen”
FOUR MONTHS LATER
“Did you get moved into your new place?” Grant’s sitting behind the desk in his office, inside the new club he opened last week.
“I did. It’s time to put all that shit behind me. I need to get on with my life, man.”
It’s been close to four months since I watched Madison being loaded into the back of an ambulance. While at the same time, my wife was being loaded into the back of a police car. It’s hard to believe all the shit that went down. I’ve got to believe it though, because there was plenty of evidence along with my wife’s long ass confession.
Madison’s “X” turned out to be a combination of two people who were working together to destroy her life. Hayley (or Kaitlyn, as I knew her) started it when she lured her innocent little sister onto a website and inside chat rooms, and Madison’s best friend, who turned out to be Hayley’s half-sister, soon got on board with Hayley’s plans. Together, they wreaked all the havoc they could on Madison’s young life.
Malcolm Phoenix lured them all in.
Hayley met him first and fell for the promises he made, in return for the girls she brought to him. Most of the times, he used his own men to do the dirty work when it came time to snatch the targets from the street, or wherever else they could catch them.
When Hayley decided to make me a part of her agenda against her sister, Malcolm turned to her younger sister Michelle to play his twisted sex games with.
It’s a long and complicated mess, but when it’s all sorted out in the courts, all three will likely face years behind bars. I hope none of them see the light of day again after everything they’ve done.
“Are you ever going to talk to her, Jensen?”
“Yeah, I’ve been making plans. I just needed to get my own shit figured out before I started trying to help her get hers figured out, too.”
“What makes you think she doesn’t already have it figured out?”
“I don’t know, G. You don’t just get over shit like that in a little while, you know?”
“Trust me, I know. You could always find someone in the club to play with for a while, and take your mind off everything. Let’s go get a drink.”
I follow Grant out of his office and down the short hallway until we reach the main room of The Grind. It would be hard to describe to someone what everything looks like here. This isn’t a typical night club.
The club is opened three nights each week, Thursday through Saturday. People can’t just walk in off the street. The only way to be a part of this club is to have a membership. To get that, you must pass extensive background checks that are more thorough than those required to purchase a fire arm. On some Thursdays, Grant allows his members to bring guests, but they must also pass the background check, and sign the papers, including an NDA, before they are permitted to enter.
I follow Grant to the bar.
“What’s your poison?”
“I didn’t come here to play or drink, G. I just wanted to check out what you’ve got going on here.”
“Whatever. Why don’t you talk to her, Jensen? We’re all getting tired of you acting like a big pussy.”
“I did fucking try, G! She refused to see me. After everything she’s been through, I didn’t think I needed to push it.”
“What about the little girl? Are you just going to forget about her?”
“Nah, Drew wants to meet up with me for a few days. I’m thinking about taking him up on the offer. Maybe when I get back I’ll have a clear head. I’m going to be a part of Jenny’s life. I just want to give Madison time to deal with shit. I don’t think it’s fair to Jenny if I push her mom too hard.”
“Good luck, Jensen. I’ve been thinking about looking Madison up myself. I feel like I owe her an apology for the shit I had to do with…”
“I can’t hear it, G. If I have to sit here and listen to you tell me all about you putting your fucking hands on her…”
“Yeah, I got it. Get out of here, Jensen.”
The bastard has the nerve to chuckle at my reaction.
During the drive back to the house, I give Drew a call. He’s already got our place lined up and everything, so I’m going to pack a bag, throw it in my back seat, and take off for a few days.
I let Jonathon know I was going to be out of town. He didn’t mind me taking a few days off. He’s looking forward to me getting my shit back together. That’s what I plan to do.
It’s been too long since I’ve felt a warm pussy wrapped around me. That shit’s about to change. I’m tired of dragging my ass around over someone I met years ago. Spending time with her again did nothing to curb my appetite for her, but I can’t have someone who doesn’t want me.
Chapter Twenty Eight
“Madison”
“Mommy, Mommy, look!”
I never get tired of hearing that word. A few months ago, I’d almost given up hope of ever getting to hear my sweet girl call me Mommy again. Her little voice is the happiest music to my ears.
“I know, baby girl. That’s a pretty one.”
We’ve been out here, walking up and down a little strip of the beach for over an hour while Jenny collects seashells.
I’m so glad my parents talked me into bringing Jenny here. After everything that’s happened, I needed a change of scenery. You’d think coming back here would’ve been a terrible experience, but after seeing the way Jenny lit up when she saw the ocean for the first time, I could never think there’s anything terrible about it.
At first, I had a hard time forgiving my parents, because they had kept it a secret all those years that Hayley wasn’t my f
ull sister. Daddy never thought her mother would ever come looking for her. Since Hayley was so young when they split up, he didn’t think he had to worry about her remembering anyone else being her mother besides my mom.
Mom told me how she had a good relationship with Hayley for a long time. Now we know it changed because Hayley had discovered her real mother and everyone’s secrets.
Daddy says even though everything she did was terrible, she’s still his daughter. He’s spent a lot of money on attorneys. Instead of trying to keep her from having to pay for what she’s done to so many people rotting in prison, my dad wants her in a mental facility where she can get treatment. The final diagnosis hasn’t been made, but it’s believed she suffers from a psychotic disorder. I haven’t seen or talked to Hayley or Michelle since everything happened. I doubt I ever will.
I’ve been talking with Dr. Townsend about the things that happened to me. Dealing with the aftermath has gone a lot easier for me than it has for some of the other girls. I know I’ll never forget the hell I’ve been through, but I’m doing okay. I know with time, I’ll be even stronger.
I haven’t been able to forget about Lindsey. I hope someday I can find out what happened to her. I hope she made it far away from that place and got the help she needed.
“Jenny, baby, we need to get you in the house for a while. Nana and Papa are going to think a big shark got us if we don’t get back soon.”
“You’re silly, Mommy.”
“Yes, silly Mommy thinks it’s time for silly Jenny to get cleaned up and take a nap. We’ve got a lot more to do, but you need to rest first.”
Jenny wiggles around and giggles while I tickle her tummy. She’s growing so fast.
I carry Jenny back to the beach house.
“It’s about time you girls got in here. Who’s hungry for lunch?”
I watch Mom hurry around the small kitchen to get the food on the table. It’s nothing fancy. She’s made burgers and fries, but it looks delicious.
“Thanks, Mom. After we eat, Jenny and I are going to get cleaned up from our little outing and take a nap.”
“Madison, why don’t you let Mom and I take care of Jenny for a few hours this evening while you go out for a while? I know you don’t want to let her out of your sight for more than a minute, but it would be good for you to have some time for yourself.”
“I’ll think about it, Dad. You know I don’t care about going out. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than with my little girl.”
“Just consider it. After this vacation, your mom and I need to get back home and back to our jobs. We want to spend time with Jenny before we go our separate ways, unless, you decide to stay with us…”
“I want to stay in Tennessee, Dad. I love going to school there, and I like working at Betty’s. At least that’s one thing Hayley did for me that I’m not upset about. I think Jenny and I will do just fine living on our own in Nashville.”
When Jenny’s done eating, I scoop her up into my arms and go to our room. After we take a shower and get into some comfy clothes, we snuggle in the big bed for an afternoon nap.
Looking around at all the people, I’m starting to second guess my decision to come here.
There are many different bars and clubs to choose from, but I remembered Club Spirit from before, so when the cab driver asked me where to, this was the first place that popped into my head.
Being here brings back a lot of memories.
I’ll never understand how Michelle took advantage of me the way she did for so many years of my life, without me even knowing it. A part of me thinks there was a time when she really was my friend. I think Malcolm and Hayley brainwashed her and made her believe I was a threat to her…to them. Maybe someday, years from now, I’ll be able to ask her about everything. Then again, maybe the best thing I can do for me and Jenny is forget about the whole mess and get on with my life.
I slide myself between some people and push past a few others until I get to the bar.
“What can I get you, sweetheart?”
“I’ll have a Cosmo.”
“Coming right up.”
After I pass him the money to pay for my drink and a tip, I walk around to look for a place to sit down. I find some small tables in a little area beside the dance floor and, luckily, one of them is empty.
This isn’t as much fun, now that I’m older. I’m almost twenty-two so I guess I’m not so old I shouldn’t enjoy this kind of thing, but after being a mother for four years, I’ve found my priorities and the things I like to do for fun aren’t anything like they were when I was seventeen.
“Excuse me, would you like to dance?”
I look up to a rather large, but otherwise attractive man.
“I…No…thank you. I just came to have a drink.”
“Come on, pretty girl, one dance won’t hurt anybody.”
There’s something familiar about this guy, but I can’t place it. He’s right. I need to let myself live again. Not everyone I meet is out to hurt me. Since this is a hip-hop club, they don’t play many slow songs, but one has just started.
“Okay. One dance.”
I take the big guy’s hand and let him pull me out on the dance floor.
Chapter Twenty Nine
“Jensen”
“How about another round? This time they’re on me.”
I’ve lost track of how many drinks I’ve had since I came here tonight. I should’ve known coming back to this place wasn’t going to do shit for me, besides bring up all the old memories I’ve been trying like hell to forget.
“Sure, man. I can still feel my fucking toes. That’s got to be a sign I haven’t had enough yet.”
I don’t know why I’m being such a sarcastic ass with Drew. I know his intention is to get me over all the shit that’s happened.
“You need to get laid, Jens. That’s the only way you’re ever going to forget about those bitches who caused you so much trouble. Except this time, find one you’re sure just wants to fuck and nothing else.”
The waitress sits the four shots of Fireball that Drew ordered down on the table in front of us. I throw my two back.
“I’m going to find the restroom.”
“Why don’t you grab one of those bitches over there and take her with you?”
Drew’s points to a table full of obviously drunk women. From the way things look, I’m not sure I’m their cup of tea.
“Damn, Drew. Your radar is fucked up, man. I don’t think those ladies float the same boat we do. It looks like they’re into each other, dumbass.”
“Yeah, well, what about that chick out there on the dance floor that Declan’s dancing with?”
“Fuck that. I remember the chicks he and Marty like to fuck with. I’ll pass on that too. I’m going to go piss.”
It takes twenty minutes to fight through the crowd and get in and out of the restroom. On my way back to our table, I stop and let my eyes roam over the dance floor.
The ladies aren’t as wild as they were when Drew and I came here before. I watch people dance for a while, and then I look over to an area next to the dance floor. There are some smaller tables lined up next to the wall. That’s probably where some of the single people like to sit, hoping someone will come along and join them, or ask them to dance.
I see the back of one woman and notice her long blonde hair. I can’t see her face, but I watch her play with her drink. She’s not paying any attention to anything going on around her. She’s just running circles around the rim of her glass with one finger.
I see my friend Declan come out of nowhere with two drinks in his hand. I watch him hand her one, and then he sits down across from her.
Declan and Marty are both here. Any time one of these trips take place, the whole gang gets the invite. Kind of like Drew and I, Marty and Declan have their own friendship that’s separate from us. Yet, from time to time, we all like to get together and catch up on everything.
The DJ starts playing a slow song. It’s Thin
king of You by Katy Perry.
I watch Declan take the blonde woman’s hand, and I watch as she lets him lead her out onto the dance floor. She wraps her arms around his neck, and then he leans down to talk to her. He pulls her in close, and I watch as he slides his hands down to where they almost touch her sexy ass.
“Looks like Dec’s getting lucky tonight, huh?”
Just when Drew walks up, Dec raises his head from where he’s been sniffing blondie’s hair for a long time, and he looks in our direction. When he sees us, a devilish smirk plays across his face. He steers the lady further in our direction and turns his body so it’s her eyes I see.
Fuck.
Those fucking green eyes.
Fate keeps finding us, over and over.
“Motherfucker, I’m going to kill him.”
“Woah, dude, he’s not doing anything wrong. Are you with her?”
“No, Drew, I’m not fucking with her! You know that. Every one of you fuckers knows what the deal is.”
“Yeah, everyone knows you can’t fucking get over her and get on with your life, but you’re too much of a pussy to do anything about it. When I went out with Declan and Marty earlier, we saw her and the little girl in town together. It’s a coincidence we’re all here tonight, but…man, maybe Dec’s doing you a favor.”
“He’s got his fucking hands all over her, how’s that a favor? It’s going to get him fucking killed if he doesn’t get away from her!”
“Is she yours, Jensen?”
“No…Yes! Fuck, yes, she’s fucking mine.”
“Then go out there and get her.”
It’s too late to go get her.
I watch her run from the dance floor and head straight for the door.
Drew and I were so loud the whole damn club probably got an ear full. I take off after her and pray I don’t lose sight before I’ve had a chance to catch up with her.
“Madison! Stop!”
