So awesome! I typed after the clip. I went back to swaying on the stool, the phone clutched in my hand. I hoped Dean would have a positive response despite their encounter before he’d left town, and was thrilled when he texted back, He’s good!
I know! Wish you were here.
Me too. But have fun! X
I put the phone away, thriving on the buzz in the air, that feeling of everyone rocking out together, high on a mutual good time. Ryan finished another song, and a roar of clapping echoed throughout the room. As it dwindled, there came a loud male voice at my back.
“There you are.” I didn’t move for a beat once I heard it, trying to figure out if it was a dude talking at a table behind me or if it was as close as it’d sounded. When he continued, “I was hoping I’d find you here,” I froze.
I swear I knew that voice.
Oh, fuck. Please don’t be him...
The man who’d spoken stepped next to me at the table, and my stomach dropped. He was too close to me, his presence stabbing daggers straight into my heart. It tried to beat its way out of my chest, desperate to escape like I suddenly felt.
Way up on the stage, Ryan spoke out to the audience with words I couldn’t hear thanks to the tunnel sound of my thoughts.
“You’re looking good these days, Maya,” the man said.
I cringed when I met his eyes.
It was Charlie.
Chapter Ten
It was difficult to comprehend anything in the next second. My heart pounded too hard, my body a lake freezing over with ice that cracked in cold, so much cold. I slid off the stool and jerked backward, not understanding how this was happening. How Charlie, my ex, the man I’d run away from ten years ago, could be right here, next to me, grinning like the history between us was no big deal.
Like he was welcome here.
“Aren’t you glad to see me?” he asked.
I was so far beyond shaking, I didn’t know how my legs supported me. I needed Selby. I wanted to run off but I had her stuff. She’d have no idea where I was, and no phone to try and call me. She might still be in the bathroom, but she could just as easily be weaving through the gigantic crowd and thus impossible for me to find.
Fuck. Fuck!
I stared at Charlie. He looked older than he did in my memory, the last decade not treating him well. He had to be over forty now, but that didn’t explain the deep lines framing his mouth, or the darkness around his light blue eyes—those stupid blue eyes I’d fallen in love with, back when I’d been young and naïve and I’d convinced myself I could fix everything. That I could heal what wasn’t meant to be healed between us, every sordid word, hateful spew or violent, angry lash out that’d left me terrified for the better part of three years. The brown of Charlie’s hair was full of grays, and he appeared awfully worn down. But of course he was. He’d partied then, drugs and booze, all of it heightening the ugliest parts of him and making it easier for him to treat me in the horrible manner he had.
To terrorize and torture me until I’d been broken into pieces.
“Are you here by yourself?”
I ignored his question. I tried to ignore him and focus on Ryan’s music. But Charlie leaned close. My heart went crazy, and my throat thickened with fear. I’d known this exact same feeling before, that sensation I never wanted to feel again. There was no fight or flight with Charlie, only deep wells of terror that I’d fallen into time and again. Drowning in it. I remembered drowning in it, and I coughed.
He’d left town. He’d crossed the country. I’d never heard from him again.
Why the fuck is he here?
Charlie said, “Hey, I hoped I’d run into you. I took a job with a distribution company and I’ve been driving a truck all over the states. I’m making a ton of money. You’d be proud of me. They’re talking about relocating me to a stationary plant, and I thought I’d see what home felt like. And...” I swear I could feel his breath, he got so close, and I slid back on the stool. “Listen, I’ve changed. I want you to know that, and I haven’t forgotten how great we were.”
What?
Instinctively, I folded my arms over my chest, my fingers digging into my sides. He’d worked at a popular local beverage producer way back then, and he’d talked about trying a different side of it at some point if they started to expand. I hadn’t kept track of him, though. Why would I? It’d taken such strength to get out and hold my ground, to not fall into his snare again. When I’d heard he’d left town, I’d put nothing more into it than a giant sigh and endless thanks to the universe that I’d never see him again.
But he was here, and close. I flinched, and he kept right on talking, puffing up his chest. “I saw Ryan was playing here, and I thought I’d try to bump into you. I want you to see how different I am. Maybe...maybe you’ll let me show you, Maya? What if we went out sometime—”
“No!” I lashed. This couldn’t be real. Everything came rushing back—things I’d buried, every fear, so long gone and yet right there, flooding my head. You’re weak. A weak fucking whore. I choked on my tongue and jerked off the chair, clutching Selby’s purse with mine against my stomach, the alcohol I’d had making me slower than I should be. Than I wanted to be.
“Maya! It’s all good. Talk to me, please? I won’t hurt you, now. I swear. I’m sorry about how we left it. It was bad, how it ended.”
Why did that sound familiar?
“Stay. Let’s talk.”
I blurted, “I’ve got to pee.”
Before he could say anything else, I whirled from the table and rushed off. The loud music filtering into my ears sounded tainted, even though my brother looked so happy onstage. I didn’t want to check to see if Charlie was still behind me. The seconds ticked by like a timer on a bomb about to blow my chest open as I raced in the direction of the bathroom, and when I thought I saw Selby walking along the wall, laughing at something someone said to her, I hustled to confirm it was her. She was startled at my grab of her arm, but she followed my lead when I steered her deeper into the herd of people on the floor. Lost in the mass, I wrapped my arms around her, needing her hold badly.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” she asked.
“Charlie.”
“What?”
“Charlie!” I shouted.
She pulled back, alarmed. “He’s here?”
“Yes!”
“Where?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t wait to see. He might have followed, I don’t know.” My lips were cold, my words forced.
Selby took my hand, her mouth screwed up tight and her face fixed with worry. “We’re leaving.”
“But Ryan—”
“We’ll call him later. Come on.”
She pulled me into her side. Her words might have calmed me if I wasn’t so trapped in my head. Get out. Go. Can’t move. Charlie is here... Charlie wants to talk.
“I swear, if I see him, I’m going to kill him. I will straight-up kill that man. Let’s go.”
I wish I could say I fathomed what’d just happened, how I’d sworn a thousand times in the last decade that I wasn’t that girl anymore, that I was stronger than this. I would stand my ground if I ever saw him again, which wouldn’t happen in a million years. Shouldn’t happen in a million years.
But dread had taken over the blood in my veins, freezing it solid, turning me so cold I had to concentrate on moving my limbs. My palms were clammy, everything in me shrieking to run and hide despite the resistance of my body ceasing order, command. I clung to Selby, and she led me out of the crowd of happy people. They were too close, swarming around me, smothering like the anxiety breaking memories loose to drop like grenades in the war zone of my head.
* * *
Selby and I had spoken little for the entire car ride home, save for her checking in repeatedly and
me offering up some semblance of a response each time. I was trying desperately not to bottle it up; I knew I needed to keep the communication open, but at the late hour and as tipsy as I was, what I needed was to curl up in a ball and drown myself in quiet.
To say I’d never triggered with my history would be a blatant lie. It was something I’d learned to manage over the years, sometimes passing swiftly and other times taking more energy and coping skills to soldier through. I was better now, happy, healed. But seeing Charlie, physically standing next to the man who’d inflicted so much pain and damage—that was another level of terror. When Selby led me into the guest room, the world hadn’t stopped crashing in, too tight, too loud. All I wanted was sleep, a mind-numbing coma in which I could help heal fractures breaking over my reality until maybe, maybe, I could wrap my brain around it in the morning.
Selby had done her best to make sure I was comfortable in the guest bed I’d crashed in often over the years. She’d tried to feed me a quesadilla she’d whipped up that I’d rejected, and after she’d given me a pair of her pajamas and offered me an extra blanket that I shouldn’t have needed with the warmth of late summer, I tucked it tight around my neck and let her rub my shoulders while she offered anything to try and comfort me. She’d been through this with me when it had happened, and it was the reason she’d formed her fierce protective streak over me. Now her alert was on high, a maternal, hormonal instinct she didn’t bother keeping in check until I’d finally whispered that I needed to sleep.
After Selby had left to join Alex, I’d lain in the dark, staring at nothingness. I reminded myself the urge to throw up was all in my head. But Charlie was back, at least for a time, and he’d sought me out...to make amends? I’d tossed about, trying to block the siege of ugly memories plaguing my mind, jerking awake from whatever half sleep I’d been in when Ryan texted after the show.
Are you okay? Oh my God. I got Selby’s text. Maya...fuck.
I stared at the glow of the screen in the black room, then typed back, Not really. Will be, but right now not so much. Typing it made tears burn at the corners of my eyes.
I’m sorry. Do you need anything? Should I come over?
No. Am okay tonight. At Selby’s.
Okay. Good. Tomorrow? Can I pick you up? he typed.
Okay. Need to sleep.
I’m sorry. I love you, sis.
I backed out of the text strand and stared at Dean’s name below Ryan’s on my list of messages. He’d been the last person I’d texted before all this. I needed sleep. I needed quiet.
More than that, though, I realized I needed him. It was three in the morning. I couldn’t bear to wake him, nor did I think I would’ve been able to form a cohesive sentence if I’d tried.
I dropped the phone to the top of the nightstand and buried my face in my pillow, trying not to sob.
Not to think.
It didn’t feel like much more than an hour later when Selby rapped on the door. “Hey,” she said.
I cracked open my eyes. The room felt too bright with the sun breaking through the blinds, and the covers formed a hot shield over me. I must’ve finally fallen asleep, but grogginess crowded my head while she crept in wearing her flowered pajamas and carrying a mug of something steaming with her across the room.
“How’re you doing?”
I grunted in response. She sat on the side of the bed, the mattress shifting slightly beneath me with her weight. I threw the covers back and lifted myself up on the pillows to rub my eyes. “I didn’t think I’d sleep, but I must’ve passed out a little. It was a rough night.”
“I’m glad you got some sleep.” She offered up the mug. “I made you coffee.”
“Thanks.” She watched me after I took it, concern occupying her face while I sipped.
“What time is it?”
“Eleven.”
“Jesus. I guess I did sleep.”
“It’s okay.” She reached out to brush a strand of hair off my cheek, and as shaken as I felt, I gave her a half smile. She was being so gentle with me, comforting me in the sweet way Selby naturally could with just about anyone and almost easing the discomfort overwhelming my system. She had the biggest heart.
“You’re going to make a good mama, you know?”
“I’m just looking out for my girl.” Selby tilted her head and pursed her lips with a fold of her hands in her lap. “Did he say why he was here?”
I stared into the cup, my voice flat when I spoke. “Job prospect. Talking about getting stationary here or something. Wanting to show me he’s different now. To hang out.”
She shook her head. “Oh, what? No. I say no.” I didn’t respond and she said, “I hope he doesn’t get the job. I can’t believe... I don’t like that he went searching for you.”
“You’re telling me.”
She took my hand. “The good news is that you’re tough. And we’re all here to keep an eye out.”
“I don’t feel tough. I feel...winded. Weak.”
“You’re not weak. He’s...” Selby scowled. “I don’t care what he says. I don’t trust him. He’s not a good man, Maya.”
“I know.”
“Did you call Dean?”
I cupped the coffee mug to my chest. “Not yet.”
“What? I’m surprised you didn’t call him last night.”
“It was late.”
“He wouldn’t have cared!” She regarded me with seriousness. “I know your go-to is to pull back and get quiet, but don’t, okay? Especially with him. It’ll be okay.”
I nodded. I needed to call him, wanted to, despite how ragged I felt. Whatever bullshit had risen with him and Ryan—it didn’t matter. That felt like peanuts. This, though, this was... Fuck.
Selby said, “I’m going to make breakfast, and you’re welcome to stay all day if you want.”
“I’m not hungry—”
“Food will help.”
“Fine.” She rose from the bed, and I put the mug on the nightstand. “I’m supposed to meet Ryan today.”
“Okay. I can take you over there. Maybe he can get you to your car?”
“Yeah. God.” I drew my fingertips down my cheeks. “I’m going to have a hell of a ticket.”
“Who cares? I’ll pay for it.” Selby bobbed her head until I did, too.
“Okay. Thank you.”
“I’m going to give you some privacy, okay?”
“Thank you, Selby.”
She left to make breakfast, and I grabbed the phone, staring at it. Dean was working like mad down there, whether or not it was a Sunday, but Selby was right. I needed to talk to him.
I dialed his number. At his answer, I croaked out, “Hi.”
His voice went on alert. “Hi. Are you okay?”
“No.”
“Maya, what’s—”
I broke into full tears in a nanosecond.
Dean listened to me blubber in circles for a minute, then tried to calm me down. “Okay. Take a breath... I’m right here. Tell me everything.”
I slowed to breathe. He was patient, so patient, and I was shaking, hard, my nerves more whacked out than they’d been in a long time. Dean knew about Charlie. After what’d happened at the sex club a year ago, I’d cracked open and shared my entire past with him. He’d been strong, supportive and amazing at listening to what I had to say, like he did now, though I fought tears as I rambled through most of it. Dean didn’t speak much while I recounted what’d happened, but when he did, the concern in his voice kept escalating.
“I don’t like this. What can I do to help you? I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I know, but I wish I’d been there. I should’ve been. This isn’t okay for you to go through alone.”
I closed my eyes
, sucking in a deep inhalation through my nose, trying to circulate air in my body in an attempt to calm down. It would be okay. It would be okay. I wanted Dean’s arms then, bad.
“Shit, did he... Is he the one who sent the flowers, Maya?”
My heart stopped.
I’m sorry about how we left it. I want to make it up to you. I love you.
The card on the flowers. That was why I’d recognized what Charlie had been saying. Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. I clawed at the neckline of my shirt, too goddamn stuffy all of a sudden.
“Maya?”
“Maybe. Oh my God, maybe,” I whispered.
“How does he know where you work?”
“Because I started working there before we broke up!”
Dean had to have heard the panic in my voice, because he lowered his when he asked his next question. “Where is he now?”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t want you alone.”
I didn’t want to be, either. I fought the fresh blanket of worry trying to cover me in fear. Had Charlie sent them? Had he been looking for me all this time? First work, now he’d hunted me down at a club?
I needed to breathe. To not let worry trip me up, not any more than it already was. “I’m not alone, okay? I’m with Selby, and later I’ll be with Ryan.”
“Good. I’m glad. Ryan’s...” Dean paused, quiet. “He’ll take care of you. I know that. But he’s gone, what, tomorrow?”
I was driving him to the airport after work. “Yeah.”
“All right.” Dean thought a moment. “I’m going to see if I can get home sooner.”
“How is that even possible?”
“I don’t know. I’ll find a way. I want to be there for you.”
The tears started to roll again, but they felt less heavy. Startled as I was, Dean’s words painted a light in my view. His care wrapped me up in warmth. I said, “I love you. I’m going to be okay.”
The Reward Page 15
