My good intentions lasted about a week. On that particular day, I, along with five other eager students, was following along behind a stern older doctor. She was grouchy as hell to us, but the kids seemed to love her. She was my preceptor, or boss, Dr. Olsen. Each day we did rounds on all the patients, checking on their progress, or meeting the new kids who had come in overnight.
Once again, she was explaining the cases and the lab work results to us. We were all frantically scribbling everything down or typing it into our phones, pretending to know what she was talking about. Or at least I was pretending. Maybe everyone else is a frigging genius.
We were all squeezed into a little room, learning more about my favorite Indi 500 patient, Alex. Someone bumped against me, and I assumed it was a straggler squeezing in behind me.
A tingling started down my spine. Is it possible to see without your eyes? Because my body knew instantly that it was him. It was Liam. I felt the warmth of him all down my body.
He leaned forward and whispered “Hey”, right below my ear. His breath stirred the tiny hairs on my neck, making me shiver. It was the sexiest thing I had ever felt.
I turned my head a little, happy. Despite my vows of celibacy and Liam-avoidance, I was relieved that he seemed to be giving me a second chance. “I'm so sorry…” I started to say.
“Excuse me,” the Dr. Olsen snapped. “Are we interrupting you, Dr. Spencer, or might I continue?”
I shook my head and apologized. My cheeks burned with embarrassment. Great start to my new career. See? There are so many ways men can be trouble.
I didn’t turn my head again even a fraction of an inch. When we had finished discussing Alex’s case, we said good-bye to him and turned to leave. Liam was gone, and my heart sank
Half an hour later, when we were finished rounding on the patients, I noticed Liam leaning against the nurses’ station. I thought he might be the Resident in charge of us and I tried to decide if that was going to be a good or a bad thing. It was bad because I would be forced see his beautiful face every day, which would be torture. And it was good because I would get to see his beautiful face every day. I’m the first to admit I made no sense at all where Liam was concerned.
“Hi,” I said. After the coffee shop disaster, I was feeling anxious and more than a little shy. “Are you our Resident?”
“Nope,” he laughed. “Thank god. Who would want all that paperwork?”
His smile was killing me. I thought I could die if I didn't get to see it again, and again and again.
“I'm on Cardiology right now. I just stopped by to see race car kid.”
“Oh,” I laughed. “Mario Andretti?”
“Yeah, that's him. Alex. He’s been through a lot. He's my bud.”
A man who is nice to kids is such a turn on. Don't ask me why. No doubt it's some biological, primitive something-or-other. Whatever the case, that was it for me. Even though the sex appeal, which radiated off him in waves, had drawn me in, it was his kindness that finally made him completely irresistible.
He leaned toward me and whispered in my ear. “Can we talk later?” I had said yes before he had even finished the question. So much for making him work for it. Someone else would have panicked at my eagerness (aka desperation), but he just laughed and gave my hand a squeeze. It felt like I had known him forever.
CHAPTER FOUR
We met after work outside the doors of Emergency and decided to just walk around for a bit. It was a beautiful evening, warmer than a normal for March, with a bit of light remaining in the sky. We made all that compulsory getting-to-know-you small talk as we strolled through a nearby park.
He seemed happy and comfortable in his own skin: confident without being arrogant at all. He was an adult in a world filled with petulant little boys. Here was an incredibly sexy man, who, as far as I could tell, wasn't playing any games. What you saw was what you got, and oh lord, did I like what I could see.
We were crossing a bridge and stopped half way across to watch the water flow by. It's so nice to stand beside someone you really like. You can't see their eyes, so you can say things you might not otherwise say. You feel their elbow touching yours, and then you say something funny and they bang their hip into you while they laugh. Somehow, these little moments tell you most of what you need to know.
“Well, you're not only gorgeous, you're interesting.”
I was suddenly at a loss for words, so I looked down at the water, smiling.
Then he asked, “Can you tell me what happened at the coffee shop?”, and in that moment I felt that, yes, I could tell him. That maybe this was one person who would be all right with it all.
We pushed back from the bridge railing, and as we continued our walk, I told him about the terrible night.
Two years before, Chloe and I had gone out to meet up with my ex-boyfriend and she left with some new guy. Alone, I had consumed a roofied drink and somehow ended up online naked and humiliated. “Bad pictures, you know?”
That's all I could say, but it was enough. He got it. He shook his head and took my hand. “Come home with me,” he said.
I laughed nervously. ”I don’t think I’m brave enough to go home with you.” I used my hands to put brackets around “home with you”, and wiggled my eyebrows.
Liam smiled. “That's not the only thing we can do at home.”
“Well, what else?”
“Video games?”
I burst out laughing. “Good god, that sounds awful.” It did, but being with Liam felt really good. I didn’t want the evening to end. “But, okay.”
We walked back toward the hospital and he stopped at a parked car. It was a pretty black car, an Audi I think, but I'm no expert. I had spent more than a few years on the bus, and any car was a thrill.
“Is it far?” I asked. “I thought all you residents lived close to the hospital.”
“I have a dive close by that I share with a couple of guys. It’s easier to be close when I’m doing a lot of Call. But I want to take you somewhere nicer.”
I laughed, “Are you taking me to your parents'?” I was joking but the serious look on his face made me stop smiling. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I didn't mean to sound so snide. Parent issues. I’m sure yours are great.”
He came over to my side of the car. I leaned back against the car while he moved closer to me. “I do live with my parents. In a way. It's nice, you'll see.” Then he cupped my face and leaned forward to kiss me.
I think it was meant to be a quick, icebreaker kind of kiss, but the second our lips, I was shocked by the intensity of it. Pleasure and desire flooded through me. My mind went blank. I wrapped my hands around his back to pull myself even closer to him. His hands started running up and down my back with increasing urgency. He pushed them up into my hair and kissed me harder.
His hands moved back down again until he was cupping my ass, and grabbing it just hard enough to increase the excitement. I thought I had buried all these feelings, but here they were, stronger than ever, absolutely bursting from me.
I kissed him everywhere I had access to. I smelled his neck and his hair, and we kissed some more. Our tongues moved in and out of our mouths, taunting each other playfully. I was wild with desire.
Finally we pulled apart and stood staring at each other. I was shocked, and he seemed to be, too. We were practically panting. “Oh my god,” I murmured.
He nodded and seemed to be trying to catch his breath. “So,” he said, stroking my hair. “Home?”
My head was nodding vigorously before I could even speak. My mind was still anxious and probably not quite ready for what this man had to offer, but, sweet god, my body was. “Yes. Now,” was my answer.
In the car, driving along the darks street of Seattle, we tried to fill the time with small talk. It got serious pretty quickly, though. There was no way to avoid the topic. “So, the pictures and everything,” he started. “You're obviously not okay with that yet.”
“No. I guess that's true.”
�
��So you haven't, you know, been with anyone since then?”
“I haven't even been on a date.”
Here is where things got really interesting. I expected Liam to either be scared off by the pressure, or to start playing the sensitive new-age guy routine: how we didn't have to do anything, how we'd take it slow, how we'd just be friends. Instead he said, “Well, it's time you got back in the game, don’t you think? Let's just have some fun. You remember fun, right?”
I turned my head towards him. “Well, that was unexpected!”
“But you're smiling.” It was true. I should have been repulsed, or at least a bit anxious, but instead I felt something wonderful opening up inside of me. He went on, “You're gorgeous. You're incredibly sexy. Your body just fits with mine. If that kiss is anything to go by… Jesus, I shouldn’t be thinking about this while I’m trying to drive.” Here he took my hand. “I'm sure you have trust issues. Who doesn't, right? I'm definitely not long-term material, and I'm sure you don't want to fall in love and be vulnerable and all that, right?” I nodded, still a little confused. Was this beautiful man taking advantage of me, or understanding me completely? Was it worth the risk?
“So, let's just have some fun.” He looked at me, waiting for my approval.
“Okay. We can try.”
He turned back to the road, pleased with the decision. “Good, because I want to kiss every part of you.”
CHAPTER FIVE
Not long after that we reached a house. It was a mansion, really, and it made me instantly uncomfortable. There was no way I was going to waltz in, say hello to Mr. and Mrs. Country Club and then head upstairs for some making out.
Liam sensed my reluctance and nodded towards the enormous four-car garage. “I live above it. I wanted to be able to stay here to save a little money, and also to get away from the mold in my apartment now and then.” We walked to the far side of the garage, where stairs led up to a second level. “But I couldn't live with my parents, you know?” He pulled me gently up the stairs and started unlocking the door to his secret lair. “So I built this place for myself.”
I was expecting, well, I was expecting some dusty old attic-like space with a mildewed mattress on the floor and a sagging patch in the middle of the room that we had to avoid, or risk falling through.
I was so wrong. It was a beautiful, long room with shiny hardwood floors, pale blue-grey walls, and white shutters on the windows. It was GQ man meets beach house. “Oh, it's amazing,” I gushed. I spun my arms around. “How?!”
“YouTube videos,” he offered, humbly. I liked him more every second. “Come here,” he said.
He was standing in the first part of the room which was sectioned off as a little kitchen and eating area. I leaned my back against the counter and he came to stand in front of me. “So, what are the rules?” he asked.
“Rules?”
“Yeah, well, I know you are worried about where we go from here. We should probably talk about the plan.”
I laughed a little at the idea of the plan, but I loved it too. “I won't let myself get too attached to you,” I blurted out before I could really filter it.
“We'll see.” He leaned in towards me. I leaned back. “No, I mean it. I can't. I do like you. I would really like to kiss you again, but…”
“Okay, I understand. I guess this is every guy’s dream, right? Gorgeous woman wants sex with no strings attached?” I looked at him sharply. “Sorry, shouldn't have said sex. Yet.” As he said it his body pushed harder against mine and mine pushed back. My lips were so close to his I could feel his breath.
“I'm not saying no for sure. I just don't know how it will go. I need to try and see…”
“So, I’, an experiment?”
I opened my mouth to disagree, but he was laughing. “I like it! I get it. You need to have control and you need to be with someone who will stop exactly when you need him to?”
I was flooded with relief. “Yes! Yes!” I was so excited that he understood.
“Okay,” he leaned away from me, folding his arms across his chest. “You start.”
At first it seemed ridiculous and I just stood there. But after a few seconds, the irresistible force of our attraction took over. My body softened, readying itself for new possibilities.
Beside the kitchen was a small living room, and I pulled Liam toward the sofa. We sat down beside each other. He put his hands to his sides and looked straight ahead. “Okay,” he said. “Try to seduce me. But be warned. I'm slow to warm up.”
We both looked at the growing bulge in his pants and laughed. He put his arm around me, moved close to me face and waited. My lips tingled, desperate for contact. I moved my face towards his until our lips nearly touched. I pulled back a bit, teasing us both, then leaned in again. Finally, I put my hands in his hair, pulling him to me.
Our lips touched gently. He groaned, a sexy desperate noise that made me feel wanted and powerful. Soon we were kissing with our whole bodies, limbs entwined, clutching to being each other even closer.
The angle of our bodies on the couch was awkward, so I moved to straddle him. I was so swollen and wet that as we kissed my hips started moving on their own. His hips rose to meet mine. I was losing control. I needed to slow down.
I got off his lap and kneeled down in front of him. “You okay?” he asked, concerned. I rested my cheek against the inside of his thigh.
“Yes, yes, I'm amazing. This is amazing.” I tried to slow my breathing. “It's just, it's almost too much, you know? Can we just concentrate on you for a minute?” He leaned back and almost growled.
“Oh my god, woman. This is a dream, it has to be.”
I smiled up at him. “So hands at your sides, and no touching.”
He clenched his fists and pinned them to his sides. I was suddenly unsure of what to do. I was 23, but I had never really explored a man's body. Not without him instantly being inside me and the whole thing being over before I knew what had happened. Now suddenly the most delicious specimen I had ever seen was in front of me and I could do whatever I wanted. And, best of all, I could stop if I needed to.
I spread his knees apart and moved between them. I looked nervously at the door. “I'm worried someone's going to barge in.”
He laughed, and it sounded a little bitter. “My parents aren't home. They're never home. And I'm the only one with the key, anyway.” He held my hands, helping me up off the floor. “But let's go over here.“ He pulled me towards the far end of the room. Hidden behind a wall was a modern and masculine platform bed. He sat down on it and tried to pull me down beside him.
“No,” I smiled. I stood in front of him. He's a tall man, six feet at least, and I'm about five feet six inches, so as I stood in front of him, my mouth was at the top of his head. I kissed him there. He smelled amazing. I kissed the sides of his face and his mouth. I started to undo his shirt, and he groaned again.
He leaned back, closing his eyes. I unbuttoned him all the way then pushed the shirt off his muscular shoulders. I wanted to take a lot of time, to kiss him everywhere, but there was an urgency to his moans that drew me downward.
I kissed his collarbones and his chest. Then I put my tongue on his stomach and worked my way down to the edge of his pants. His head was shaking back and forth, and he moaned, “Oh, Madison, I want you. Oh, my god. I want you.”
But he couldn't have me. Even though I was so swollen and throbbing and all I could think about was ripping my clothes off and riding him until we both screamed, it wasn't time. I wasn't ready.
But he was ready, and that gave me so much pleasure. “Stand up,” I ordered him. He did as I asked and stood in front of me.
“Please let me touch you. I have to touch you.” I shook my head and ran my hands down the front of his chest and then his abdomen. I brushed my hand against his groin, and his hard-on pounded against his pants under my touch. I undid his button and then his zipper, rubbing a little harder against him as I made my way down. I pushed him back onto the bed and pul
led off the rest of his clothing.
He was naked in front of me and he was gorgeous. I moved up the side of the bed a bit and patted the pillow. “Lie down”. He did and I sat down beside him. I ran my fingers down his abdomen. Then I started at his feet and ran my fingers more roughly up the inner surfaces of his legs. I massaged and licked his upper thighs.
Liam's hands were clenching, trying not to grab for me. I moved his legs apart and kneeled between them. I stroked his abdomen, coming closer and closer to his shaft. I was timid and nervous. I wasn't sure I was any good at this particular maneuver. But I was so turned on, and so attracted to him that I wanted to lick and nibble and bite him. I wanted him pulling me down on him. I wanted to hear him cry out.
In the half-light of his bedroom, I saw the most beautiful body. It was all mine to play with, but I could feel that it was getting too intense for both of us. His hands had found their way to my hair and he was trying to pull me up toward his face. I knew that if my breasts felt his chest beneath me, if my swollen cleft pressed down on him, I would be beyond control.
So instead, I ran a finger lightly up his shaft, which throbbed, hard and swollen. The skin was taut and soft and hot. I bent down to lick his balls in figure-eight movements until he began crying out, “Oh god, Madison. Please, please, please.” I put my left hand where my tongue had been, and massaged him gently. I teased his cock with my tongue. I circled the tip once, then twice, and then took his whole shaft into my mouth.
He gasped and moaned. He grabbed my hair and pulled me onto him. I could have teased him a little more, but he had had enough. His hands ran wildly through my hair. It was time to let him go. I moved my mouth slowly at first, increasing the pulling sensation, rubbing his tenderest area with my tongue: then faster and faster until he was moaning incoherently, his hips bucking.
God I wanted him to be pounding into me. The thought was both shocking and delicious. I was nowhere near ready for that kind of intimacy and loss of control. It had to wait. Faster and faster I went until his whole body tensed and he screamed my name again and again. The spasms lasted a long time. As his body relaxed and his breathing sowed, he stroked my hair and sighed contentedly.
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