‘I’m not in his favour, and believe me when I say that Crato doesn’t do things if it doesn’t benefit him in some way.’
‘What, he wants to use you?’
‘We’re all pawns in this game, and at the moment Crato is the player.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I say.
‘It means don’t lose yourself, the girl you’ve grown to be, especially not to Crato. I kept your existence a secret for a reason, Leonie, and if you become one of his pawns, if that happened to you, I… I wouldn’t…’ He turns away from me, focusing on the carpet as he restrains his emotions. ‘There was a time when I was like Crato, when I tried to crush your spirit, to mould you into what I wanted you to be.’
I stiffen. We never talk about that part of our lives—never.
‘You’re at your very best when you’re you, when you’re true to yourself, when you’re honest and kind and witty. No one should try to crush that out of you, though they’ll try—though they have tried. I was so…’
‘Um, look,’ I say, ‘let’s just… let’s not talk about this. It’s stupid. It’s the past—’
‘I almost killed you. You were so lifeless.’
‘Dad, don’t—’
‘But you became someone when you met her.’
‘Dad.’
‘She saved you.’
‘Dad.’
‘If it weren’t for her, I’d have lost you—’
I stand up. ‘Stop it, just stop it!’
‘You can’t run away from it forever—’
‘I don’t want to talk about this. Don’t just… don’t just talk about it like that!’
‘Leonie—’
‘Please, get out.’
‘I—’
‘Now! Go! Just go!’
He stares and I turn from him. After a moment I hear the door close, and I’m alone with Pegasus. I sit on the bed. There’s a rage in my stomach, or is it rage? No, it’s fear. Fear of remembering, fear of being reminded. Fear fear fear—always in the background, like my shadow trailing behind me. I try to calm myself, to tell myself I was overreacting. I didn’t mean to shout at Dad. I didn’t mean to let his words rile me up. I work so hard to forget, so hard to block out the past, and I do a good job, too. But when he ambushes me like that, when I have no time to put up a wall against his words, how can I remain insensible to the past?
‘She saved you.’
Yes, in many ways she did. But I didn’t save her.
I rest my head against Pegasus and close my eyes, drown-ing out the world.
_________________
The Sandman has been holding out on me lately, so sleep hasn’t come easily. Sunlight filters through the window and onto my bed, telling my eyelids it’s morning. I sit up and find Pegasus on my bed; at least that hasn’t changed. Hugging my knees, I glance around the room. It doesn’t seem as forbidding today, and the scarlet is just that, a colour.
I keep thinking about Dad’s words last night, about how Pulsar were the sword and shield of the Imperium, and I wonder if that’s why the rebels see me as a threat, because they think I’ll destroy them. Hah! The attack yesterday must have proved to them how weak I am, how powerless and unmagical I am.
It’s not like I don’t understand a little about my duties as a Pulsar, how challenging it will be, how difficult and consuming and how alone it will be. But that’s what I like about it. I want to be consumed by something. I don’t mind being alone. I don’t. I don’t.
Even if I did mind, there’s no turning back from the choice I’ve made, the choice to come here. After seeing what I’ve seen, and knowing there’s so much more, I can’t go back to that empty life in that empty cottage. I can’t.
I climb out of bed, booting out Pegasus as per usual. I thank those stargods everyone’s so crazy about when I find an en-suite. As I wait for the water to fill up the bath, steam rising from the tub, I look into the long, grand mirror standing opposite me. Eyes gaze back that aren’t my own, a reflection that doesn’t quite belong to me. It’s like I’m not Leonie Woodville anymore, but someone different, the legendary Pulsar everyone keeps going on about. I turn away.
Once I’ve finished washing, I notice my suitcase in the bedroom beside the cupboard. Sersu or Dad must have brought it with them. I was assured when I was back home that I didn’t need my clothes, that they had ‘appropriate clothing’ for me, but judging by the robe fad here, I made a good decision to bring them with me. I quickly dress.
There’s a knock on the door.
‘Leonie?’
‘Yeah, I’m here.’
The door opens and Dad walks in.
‘You OK?’ he says. ‘Sleep well?’
‘I had a dream about a sock that tried to kill me. How about you?’
‘My dreams were less exhilarating.’ He stares at me, hesitant, and then puts on a smile. ‘So! I found out this morning that there’s someone else like you here.’
‘Pulsar?’
‘No, no. Someone ignorant.’
‘Great. Somehow, I’ve got the label “ignorant”.’
He shifts.
‘What?’ I say.
‘Hmm?’
‘You obviously have something you want to say.’
‘Right… well, to be honest, Leonie, it’s only Pulsar that are brought to the Temples of Elswyr when they awaken, but knowing how you’re new to all this, Harriad arranged for someone else who’s just awoken their magic to be brought here, too.’
‘Wait, so, only Pulsar come here usually?’ I ask.
He nods.
I ‘tut’ but I’m not that bothered being misled. I know that O’Sah, Harriad and Dad are just trying to keep me relaxed, and after what happened yesterday I definitely need to be relaxed.
‘He’s at breakfast,’ says Dad, ‘so if we hurry up, you can meet him.’
I think about it. It would be good to meet someone new—not ignorant—to this world like me. Besides, I’m starving.
I leave Pegasus and follow Dad out of the room and through the corridors. I get to take a proper look this time. The walls are marble tinted like gold, polished and glinting from the light of the candles. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I’ve travelled quite a bit.
The corridor opens up to a room with three wooden doors lined with gold. As we approach, the middle door opens for us. ‘Thank you,’ I say to no one, and we walk through.
There are no windows in this hall, but then there’s no need for them: this room is light, large and high, the ceiling an entire painting of stars and constellations and people who I gather represent the stargods. The stars are actually illuminating as if they were real, and I gaze up in wonderment.
In front of me is a large table decorated with white linen and silver plates. I recognise most of the people at the table from yesterday: the Thrones who brought me here, including Sersu and one boy who I guess is the newcomer. The Thrones begin to stand up when they notice me.
‘No, please, don’t do that,’ I say. ‘Seriously.’
Dad sits down at the table and I sit next to him.
‘You look full of colour today, my Lady,’ says Harriad. ‘You’re feeling well?’
‘Yeah. I’m good.’ I drum my fingers on the table. I thought breakfast would be ready when I got here.
‘I hope you’ve recovered from last night,’ says Sersu.
I nod. ‘I guess so, though I don’t really understand how it happened. I mean, I thought only a few knew about me.’
‘That’s what we thought, too,’ says O’Sah, narrowing his eyes. ‘The information regarding your existence was deleted from all databases some days ago as a precaution against any potential threats towards you.’
‘Somehow, these rebels infiltrated the Replica’s system,’ says Harriad. ‘It’s an impossible feat, but they managed it.’
‘And then they came here,’ I say, ‘to see if I was real.’
‘We think so.’
‘The attack was inexcusable, my Lady,’ s
ays O’Sah, ‘and I hope you can forgive us for putting you in danger like that.’
I wave my hands. ‘No need to apologise. And everyone else, are they OK?’
‘There were no significant casualties,’ says Sersu.
‘I’m guessing everyone knows about me now,’ I say, and when everyone gives me a questionable look, I continue with, ‘They attacked me even though I was wearing that cape. Why would rebels attack some girl? The other soldiers must’ve questioned it.’
‘No, my Lady,’ says O’Sah. ‘Not that it’s any of the soldiers’ business, but for the sake of precaution we told them the attack was meant for one of us Council members, not you, and as far as they are concerned, you’re a dignitary from the Sun Rocks.’
Before I can ask any more questions, Magen come in to serve breakfast, and though it’s not pancakes or cereal, I’m happy to see it isn’t too out of this world: bacon, sausage and eggs, or at least they kind of look like that.
‘Introduce yourself,’ I hear a Throne say from across the table. The boy next to him glances at me. He’s probably about twelve years old. I’m disappointed he’s a kid; it’d be nice to have someone around my own age. Then again, maybe someone as childish as me will help me relax around here.
‘Um, hi,’ he says. ‘I’m Jacob.’
‘Hi Jacob,’ I say. ‘I’m—’
‘The Pulsar.’
‘Leonie,’ I correct.
‘Oh, right.’ His cheeks are a little flushed.
‘Are you from the human realm, too?’ He has a certain ‘human realmness’ about him.
He nods, not meeting my gaze. I guess the Thrones have told him about me and made him feel intimidated.
‘We should go around the temples together sometime, Jacob,’ I say. ‘We’re probably never going to see this place again once we go to the Imperium, so we should make the most out of our stay.’
A smile breaks on his face. ‘Yeah. I’d like that.’
Once I’ve finished my breakfast, O’Sah and Dad take me outside the temple. There’s a hint of blue sky above the dark clouds, a little of the sun’s light breaking through. The snow falls without wind, straight and gently. I like to think I adapt to changes quickly, so it’s not surprising to me that I’m already unfazed by the grand temple and the grounds surrounding it. Still, though, there’s an excitement in me, hard to contain and impossible to ignore. Magic is all around me, and there are so many things to discover.
The wind blusters against me, cold and unkind. I’m glad I dressed for snow, and I think how Pegasus will enjoy coming out here, if he can. Don’t worry, boy, I think. I’ll sneak you out soon.
I notice a group of soldiers heading down the side of the temple. A man walking with them is dressed so exquisitely he looks like a peacock. He’s holding something, a large cup with two handles. No, not a cup, it looks more like an urn.
‘Who’s that?’ I ask.
‘Ah, he’s the ilwion, my Lady,’ replies O’Sah, ‘the keeper.’
‘Keeper of what?’
‘The Temples of Elswyr aren’t just famous for their location or history. This temple in particular holds all sorts of treasures, both terrible and wonderful. He may not look it, but the ilwion is quite powerful. He protects the artefacts from thieves and people who seek to destroy them.’
‘Can I have a look at them?’ I ask.
‘I’m afraid not, my Lady. No one is allowed to look at them without good reason.’
‘What’s so important about that urn then?’ I ask. ‘The one he’s holding. Or is that all hush-hush too?’
‘Ah. It’s been scheduled to come here for some time now. It’s been brought here from a temple near the Dator Isles.’
‘But what does it do?’
‘Nothing significant, my Lady.’ But the way he looks away from me tells me otherwise.
He takes us to the gazebo we passed by last night, and I run inside to the railings, peering over. Below me is nothing but a decent into darkness.
‘Wow. What a drop!’ I say.
I hear O’Sah and Dad come inside the gazebo, and I turn to them.
‘What are we doing today?’ I ask. ‘Are we travelling? Can we see the haunted Dator Isles? Or is that too far away? Oh, wait, we have to stay in the Temples’ vicinity, don’t we? Well, can we have a look around? Can we—?’
‘Actually, my Lady,’ says O’Sah, already looking exasperat-ed, ‘we, we being the Council and I,’ I try not to roll my eyes, ‘thought it best you take the day to conserve your energy.’
‘To relax?’
‘Precisely.’
‘Hmm. All right.’
‘But there are a few things we have to discuss first.’
‘Like what?’
‘First of all: kytaen.’
I remember how Harriad had mentioned that word when he was whispering something to O’Sah.
‘What is that exactly?’ I ask.
‘Kytaen have served the Chosen since the creation of the Imperium,’ says O’Sah. ‘We moulded them for one purpose: to protect us against our enemies as a shield. Only Thrones and Pulsar have them.’
‘So you have one?’ I ask.
‘Certainly.’
‘What is it, like, an animal?’
‘In a sense. It has two forms: an elemental-like form and a human form.’
I try to imagine Pegasus with a human form. ‘Let me see yours then,’ I say to O’Sah. ‘Where is it?’
‘Actually, my Lady, all of the Thrones left them here at one of the temples, just so you weren’t unnecessarily shocked.’
‘But I want to see them.’
‘All in good time. Besides, you’ll be receiving your own kytaen tomorrow.’
‘Wait, I will?’
‘Of course. It’s all being arranged. After meeting the selected kytaen, you’ll then be soul-bound and—’
‘OK, seriously, you keep dropping words that are meaningless to me,’ I say. ‘What the hell is a… soul-bound?’
‘A soul-binding is an ancient ritual that ties the soul of a kytaen to that of a Chosen,’ says O’Sah, in his textbook way. ‘A kytaen can only soul-bind to one Chosen until their death, and vice versa. It’s simple, really: imagine splitting the soul from two bodies and then joining them together.’
‘Yeah, that sounds very simple,’ I say.
‘The two will be able to read each other’s feelings,’ he continues, ‘know each other’s minds, and though they remain two separate entities, the kytaen will remain with the Chosen and protect them, the magic created by the binding compelling them to do so.’
‘That’s… uncomfortably intimate.’
He looks at me as if he doesn’t understand what I mean. Well, of course he doesn’t. He knows everything about this world and I’m like the new player who has just logged onto the game for the first time.
‘Are you all right?’ Dad asks.
‘Yeah, suuure, I’m great. I’m totally OK with the idea of attaching my soul to a creature I’ve never heard about until today.’
‘It’s not as bad as you think,’ he says.
‘I don’t see you being joined at the hip by a kytaen thing, so I don’t see why I should have to.’
‘But I am.’
‘What’s that now?’
‘I have a kytaen.’
I narrow my eyes, thinking, and then they widen. ‘Pegasus?’
He laughs. ‘No,’ he says. ‘You haven’t even had him for long.’
‘You’re telling me that all this time you’ve had a kytaen? All this time?’
‘Yes.’
‘Since I was born?’
‘Even before that.’ He grins sheepishly.
‘Wha…?’ It’s about all I can come up with.
‘For me, it’s a bit different to most.’
‘What do you mean?’
He backs away. An outline of a shadow grows from him and towards me, forming into a different, more demonic shape, and I stumble back against the railings of the gazebo. It d
etaches itself from Dad.
There’s a whoosh from behind me and I know it’s not the wind. My back tingles, the hairs on my neck stand like they’ve been electrified, and I’m acutely aware that there’s something behind me, almost touching me, breathing me in. I swirl around in a full circle and then face Dad who is grinning, the shadow returning to him.
‘OK,’ I begin, ‘first of all, from visions of the future to this, I’m starting to think you enjoy scaring the crap out of me out, so yeah, stop with that. Secondly. What. The. Hell?’
‘I have a rare type of kytaen, a shadow kytaen. The way we bond is much more physical.’
‘Ew.’
‘How to explain this? A shadow kytaen becomes, in a way, the shadow of their keeper, and when the keeper chooses it to, the shadow will detach itself like it did just then.’
‘What, like Peter Pan?’
He ignores me. ‘It can be draining on the old energy reserve, though. Only downside for a shadow kytaen is that once bound, they can’t ever take on another form, so instead of being immortal, as kytaen are, when I die, it dies, too.’
I remember the shield that had formed in front of me when the rebels had attacked, a shadow-like shield. I mention it to Dad. ‘Was that your kytaen?’
He nods. ‘It was.’
I look at the floor where the shadow had appeared. ‘Can I have a kytaen like that?’
‘Shadow kytaen are rare these days,’ says O’Sah, ‘and they’re not considered strong. Your kytaen will be of a different element.’
‘Different element?’
‘There’s shadow, earth, air and fire,’ he replies.
‘Shadow is an element?’ I say.
‘There used to be more, like water and metal, but they’re what you would call extinct now.’
‘Why?’
‘We’ll talk about that in length later.’ He puts his best effort of a smile on. ‘Today, I highly suggest we look around the gardens. They’re quite wonderful in the snow.’
I do feel sorry for O’Sah. It’s so obvious he doesn’t want to be here. I bet it’s because he’s the youngest on the Council and he has to prove himself or something. I guess I’ll try and make it bearable for him by being well-behaved.
So, we do as he says and spend the day walking through the temple’s gardens. I’ve always loved scenery, and the statues dotted with snow and the strange plants peeking out from under a blanket of white look beautiful.
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