by Desiree Holt
Holly wet her lips before speaking. “So I should unload my baggage too.”
He gave her a tiny squeeze. “If you think it’s relevant. I don’t want anything hidden anymore.”
“Okay.” She answered him in a small voice. “For now you have the floor, sailor.”
She forced herself to be still next to him as he told her about the ten-year-old boy whose mother walked out on her husband and child and left the child feeling abandoned and questioning his value as a person. About the high school sweetheart who’d celebrated prom night with him by having sex with one of the other members of the football team beneath the bleachers on the field.
But the worst, to her, was the story of his fiancée, a woman he’d given a ring to and wanted to spend the rest of his life with. A woman who had not only betrayed him but in the bed she’d shared with him. A scene he’d walked in on. A scene that had ripped every shred of trust from him and left him once again unsure of his own self-worth. As she listened to him roll out the details of the most painful moments in his life and their effect on him, she wanted to cry—for the little boy, the teenager, and the young man.
She couldn’t help the tears in her eyes when he finished, or the sharp hatred in her heart for women who had treated this excellent man in such a selfish manner. Who’d made him question his own value as a person. Whose heart had been ripped out again and again. How could people be so cold and cruel and callous?
She took one of his hands in hers, squeezed it, then kissed each finger individually.
“But you pulled out of it,” she reminded him.
“Not all at once,” he told her. “Football was my first anchor,” he went on. “Coach Fenelli was a second father to me. Not to say anything against my dad,” he added quickly. “He was great. A standup guy. He was there for me all the time, doing more than his fair share. Between him and Coach, I finally understood I wasn’t such a loser after all. That my mother was the one who missed out on things. Football made me realize I had something to contribute as a person. That I had value. I made friends, contributed to something good. When my girlfriend—when she—well, anyway, all the old feelings of lack of self-esteem came roaring back.”
“And then, when you let down your guard, Cheryl disrespected and abused your trust in a terrible, terrible way.” Her heart was filled with such pain for him. “You didn’t have too many good examples. But they are the ones I feel bad for.”
He turned his head to look at her. “Why’s that?”
“Because they don’t know what a great guy they’re missing out on.”
Chase wrapped his arm around her, holding her close to his body. “You’re good for my ego, Holly. I’ll give you that.”
“I’m not puffing you up. Look at who and what you are today. A commander in the Coast Guard. A coach for youth football. A man with friends who admire him.” She smiled. “And a great guy on top of everything else. Any woman who doesn’t value that is crazy.”
“All of that is why I’d made up my mind never to let another woman into my heart or my soul. You can understand that, right?” Against her, his entire body tensed as he waited for her answer.
“I do. But whatever happens with us, please believe this. I would never, ever betray you like that. I’d like to think you know me well enough to accept I’d never do it.”
“I’m counting on that. It’s the reason I decided to lay it all out for you. If we move forward with whatever this is, I’m telling you I trust you not to betray me the way others have. Trust,” he repeated. “It’s very important to me.”
She knelt on the bench so she could face him head-on and cupped his cheeks in her hands, studying his face for a long time. There was such a mix of emotions in his eyes—pain, uncertainty, maybe even a touch of fear. She ached not just for the man but for that long-ago little boy who’d felt so abandoned. Who didn’t believe he was good enough to make his mother stay at home.
She gave him a hard, penetrating look, trying to put everything she felt into it. “I’m not your high school girlfriend or your fiancée, Chase. I’m me, and I’m all in for you. I got scared, okay. I had my own bad history. But I’ll never do that again because this trust goes both ways. I trust you too.”
Then she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. No tongue, No sexy invitation. Just a touch of lips that she hoped conveyed all the caring and respect she had for him. He wrapped his fingers around her wrists, holding her hands in place as if he’d never let them go. At last she sat back on her heels.
“I would never, ever, ever do that to you. Yes, we have something special here. I think we both have reasons for not wanting to put a name to it yet. But to move forward we have to have all our cards on the table.”
“That means you have to open your baggage too,” he reminded her.
She straddled his lap and wound her arms around his neck.
“Mine’s not nearly as devastating as yours, but it was still hurtful.”
“Wait. Don’t go anywhere.” He shifted her off this lap and reached for the champagne and the glasses. “I think this calls for a refill.”
He shook the bottle to get the last drops from it, then touched his glass to hers again before they each took a sip.
“Okay,” he said, settling her in place again. “Your turn.”
Holly let out a tiny sigh. “I never like talking about it, but if this is going to work between us, everything needs to be out in the open. All the things that made us who we are and brought us to this place today.”
“And that’s what counts.”
He tucked her head against his shoulder, stroking her back with his hand. In sentences that brought back the pain of it all, she told him about her parents, who would only pay for her fire science degree if she got one in business too. Who insisted she get a job that utilized that degree instead of “playing at being a fireman.”
She pressed herself against him, arms around his neck as she explained about Brad, who epitomized everything her parents wanted for her. How they’d refused to see that the longer they were together the more controlling he became. How more and more he had criticized and belittled her on a regular basis, the situation deteriorating the longer they were together.
Until finally she’d snapped. Her sense of pride and confidence had been so diminished that some days she didn’t remember the person she’d been. And she told him, in painful detail, about that final night, their screaming match when once again he verbally spit on her desire to be a firefighter and denigrated her femininity. Called her names that she still heard in her head sometimes.
“So we can thank Brad for that big chip you were toting around on your shoulder when we met?” He nudged her chin with his knuckles, tipping her face up so he could brush his lips over hers.
“Probably. And for whatever made me scared enough to back away from you.”
“In that case I might have to go to Charlotte and beat the shit out of him myself. Listen, Holly.” His voice turned serious. “You are one of the most feminine women I have ever met. You’re pretty and funny and sexy and a whole lot of other things. I admire your choice of careers, admire you for going after what you wanted. That makes you the woman you are. The woman I—” He stopped, swallowed. “The woman I shared the most painful moments of my life with. That puts you in a class by yourself.”
She brushed her lips over his. “Thank you, Chase.”
He cradled her face in his hands and looked directly into her eyes. “I will never, ever disrespect you in any way, and I’ll be happy to destroy anyone who tries.”
“Can I have that in writing?” she teased.
“If you like.” The worst of the strain had disappeared from his voice.
She waited for him to say something else. When he didn’t, she decided to push the envelope herself.
“So exactly where does that leave us? What do we call ourselves now?”
“Do we have to call ourselves anything? I want us to
see if this is real. If we can build on it and, okay”—he chuckled—“be something we can give a name to. Would that work for you?”
She thought for a moment before she nodded her head. “Yes. I think that works. It does.”
She felt as if she’d run twenty miles with rocks on her shoes—or maybe in her heart. Confession might be good for the soul, but it hurt everywhere else.
“How about we head back to shore?” Chase looked out toward the horizon. “The sun has almost set, and it will get cold out here pretty quick. Don’t forget, we still have that decadent chocolate cake to dig into.”
“Then let’s head back to my place. I can show you some interesting ways to eat that cake. Ways that will make you forget everything bad that ever happened to you.”
He shifted her from his lap and rose to his feet. “That sounds like a winner to me. I can’t wait to get started.”
But he took a moment when she was on her feet to thread his fingers through her hair, holding her head in place while he pressed his mouth to hers, traced the seam of her lips with his tongue before thrusting it inside her. The kiss was hot, it was steamy, but more than that, it was filled with an ocean of emotion. Holly gave it right back to him, sucking his tongue deep and doing her best to convey in that kiss her feelings for him and the hope for what happened next.
Chapter 15
Holly had just climbed out of her car after another twenty-four hour shift when her cell rang with the ringtone she’d programmed for Chase.
“Hey.” She said the word in a soft voice. “What’s up?”
“I know we said we’d stay home tonight and binge on Netflix movies, but I have a couple of people I’d like you to meet.”
“People?” Holly frowned. Chase had no family here, and she’d met the few people he considered close friends. “Someone else from the base?”
“No. From my high school football team.”
“Football team?” Excitement bubbled up inside her. If he was introducing her to his friends from high school, then he really was all in. He really did trust her.
“Uh-huh. Rafe Ortiz was on defense with me. He’s out of the NFL now doing security for the San Antonio Hawks. He’s in town because the Hawks play the Chargers this weekend.”
Holly shifted her phone to her other ear. “I didn’t think the top guy traveled with the team.”
“You’re right,” he agreed. “But he just got engaged to the daughter of the owner of the team and he decided to gather more firsthand knowledge of the security needs on the road. He and Tyler are taking a sort of mini-vacation.” He paused. “He called to see if I’d have dinner with them, and I want you to come with and meet them.”
Yes! She did a fist pump. “Um, sure. I’d love to. Thank you. What time?”
“How about if I pick you up at seven? That way you can catch a nap this afternoon.”
She loved how he was always so insistent she get her rest after her shift and take care of herself.
“I’ll be ready.”
Rafe was exactly what she would have expected from a defensive lineman—big and muscular, and his muscles had not gone to fat. Next to him, petite Tyler was dwarfed by his size but certainly not intimidated by it. And their love for each other was so obvious that for a moment Holly experienced a flash of jealousy. Would she and Chase ever reach that state or were they too damaged by their pasts?
She found it interesting that Tyler worked as marketing director for the Hawks, especially when Rafe insisted it was no cushy job, but one she worked very hard to do properly.
“She’s got a touch for it,” he added.
“It was a good place for me to land,” Tyler added. “My father and I were—sort of estranged for years. Now we’re making up for lost time.”
“Even though she does work her ass off,” Rafe added.
“I’d rather hear about you guys.” Tyler looked at Holly. “Do you get a lot of people giving you sly looks when they ask you about being a firefighter?”
Holly gave her a rueful grin. “Almost everyone. I’m used to it by now, though.”
“Well, I think it’s terrific. Chase told us it’s something you always wanted.” She sighed. “I wish I’d had such definite career goals. I might not have wasted so much of my life.”
Rafe reached for her hand and squeezed. “I like to think you were just marking time until I got my head out of my ass.”
They both laughed and shared an intimate glance. Holly bet their story was interesting, if she ever got to hear it.
“Do you get a lot of flack for marrying the boss’s daughter?” Chase asked.
Rafe shook his head. “Not really. I—”
“No one questions how Rafe does his job,” Tyler broke in. “He’s probably the best in the business. He didn’t have to marry anyone to get where he is.”
Rafe laughed. “I pay her to say that.” He looked at his friend. “But look at you, my friend. Coast Guard, huh? Yeah, I can see it. I’ll bet you set the bar for others.” He turned to Holly. “I don’t know what this clown has told you, but he was a free safety on our team, covering quarterbacks. There were plenty of them who dreaded playing the Coyotes because Chase had the best sack record in the division.”
Holly leaned forward. “Details, please. You know he never brags.”
“That’s Chase, for sure.”
He launched into some of the anecdotes from the three years they’d played together, some of them so funny Holly laughed until tears rolled down her cheeks. Others painted a player totally focused and devoted to the game. He’d taken that same devotion into the Coast Guard with him, and it had paid off in spades. It also gave her a much more detailed picture of the man beside her, the man who had captured her heart, whether she said it aloud or not.
“How long are you in town?” Chase asked over coffee.
“For a week,” Tyler told him, “but not all of it in San Diego. We’re going to take a trip up to Napa Valley and do the wine tour.”
“You’ll love it,” Holly told them. “I went with my college roommate when I first moved here. Although”—she smiled—“it’s much more romantic as a couple.”
Beneath the table Chase reached for her hand and squeezed it. She hoped that meant a trip for them was in the future. She would love a romantic Napa Valley getaway with the man sitting next to her.
“That’s what we’re hoping.” Tyler looked at Rafe and winked.
“Then it’s back to work for both of us.” Rafe grinned at Tyler. “I might be able to squeeze in a couple more days, but Tyler’s got deadlines.”
“I like them,” Holly said as she and Chase headed back to her apartment. “And I loved hearing about your playing days.”
Chase laughed. “Rafe has a tendency to exaggerate.”
“I don’t think so.” She glanced over at him, a tiny smile on her lips. “I might be developing a bad case of hero worship.”
“Yeah? Maybe when we get back to your place you can show me exactly how much you worship me.”
Heat streaked through her, the pulse suddenly throbbing in her sex and her nipples hardening to diamond tips.
“Maybe I can,” she told him in a soft voice.
* * * *
Chase rolled over in bed, lifted his watch, and checked the time. Six AM. At that exact moment the alarm on his watch sounded. He pushed the button and rolled back to his side, curling around the warm body next to him.
“Time to get up?” Holly mumbled.
“Sure is.” He brushed her hair behind her ear and placed a string of kisses along the line of her cheek. “Not even time for showering together this morning. We both have early calls.”
“Tell ’em we changed our mind,” she said, her voice muffled. “Have things to do.”
“We sure do, babe.” Chase laughed softly. “Just remember, in another twenty-four hours you’ll have forty-eight off. With my schedule change, we’ll have two whole uninterrupted days together.”<
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“I know.” She snuggled tighter against him, the press of her very sexy ass against his morning woody sending spears of lust through him. “Whatever will we do with all that time?”
Chase laughed, a soft rumble in his chest. “I can think of a few things.”
Since the night of the picnic, their relationship had intensified. Their lovemaking was more intense, their pleasure in each other stronger. They hadn’t said the three magic words yet—I love you—but probably because despite everything there was still a tiny piece of himself he held back. He sensed the same in Holly. The kind of pain they’d suffered took a long time to go away. But she’d also done everything she could to let him know he was the central focus of her life. That she would always be there. He could count on her. When his brain and his heart knew that he could place his full trust in her, when she could fully believe that his respect for her would never waver, those last walls would tumble. He wished that could happen now, but the lack of trust had been with him for so long that it was hard to let go of the last vestiges of it.
Soon, he told himself. Very soon.
He hoped he was right, because he wanted a complete relationship with Holly more than he’d wanted anything in a long time.
“You must be thinking of more than a few things,” Holly murmured, “because I can hear your brain burning.”
“I can’t decide if I want to spend every minute in bed with the sexiest woman in the world, or if at some point we’ll need some fresh air.”
She laughed, a musical sound that never failed to warm his heart and get his blood moving.
“Why don’t we start out in here and see how it goes,” she teased. “We’ll need to eat at some point to keep up our strength.”
“Okay, sounds good to me.” He reached down and smacked her ass lightly. “Meanwhile I think we both need to get moving or we’ll be pulling extra duty to make up for being late.”
“I know.” She sighed. “I’d say up and at ’em, but”—she rubbed her bottom against his cock again—“I think you’re already up.”
