by T. K. Chapin
“Where is she?” My words were but a whisper as I could barely get a word out as she pulled further into the driveway.
“Who?”
“Zeda!” I blurted. Slapping the dashboard out of impulse caused Faith to jump. Immediately regretting the action, I turned to her as she brought her car to a stop. “Sorry. She is Zeda, what I call my dad’s car. Alex was supposed to come straight home.”
“Maybe he went to the store?” She was being sweet, but I had a feeling she knew just as well as I did that he wasn’t at the store picking up some groceries or doing some mundane task around town. This was seriously not good.
My eyebrows furrowed as I glanced down, contemplating my next move, feeling regret.
“I’m such an idiot.”
“James, you trusted him. That’s not being an idiot. He’s the idiot for going somewhere other than home with it.”
My phone rang.
Pulling it out, I saw it was an unknown Idaho number.
“James Anderson?” The man’s voice wasn’t a voice I had heard before.
“Yes. Who’s this?”
“This is Nate. I think I have your car.”
“What? Where, how?”
“I found it parked along the side of the freeway out here on I-90. I’m in Wolf Lodge, Idaho. There was a piece of mail in the glove box with your name on it. I found you on Google.”
Wolf Lodge was about ninety minutes away from Diamond Lake. “Hold on.”
I covered the phone and looked at Faith. “This guy found my car. Any chance you want to go on a road trip about an hour and a half way?”
“Absolutely. Whatever you need.”
Returning to the call, I got his address and let him know we were on the way.
As we got on the road headed toward Wolf Lodge, I turned to Faith. “Thank you so much. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t get that car back.”
“What about Alex? Where is he?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I have no idea where he was even trying to go in that direction. What did I do to make him run?”
“Don’t blame yourself. You can’t control other people, James.”
“That’s true, but we’re responsible for what we say and what we do. I did press pretty hard into making him come to church this morning. Maybe that wasn’t right.”
“James. Sometimes things just happen. You have to believe that God is ultimately in control. Sure, your friend might end up back on drugs and in that crazy life, but it’s not your fault. It’s ultimately up to him on what he’ll do. Remember the sermon this morning, we can’t serve both man and God. We have to pour everything we have into God.”
“You’re right.”
We continued on down the road and turned on K-Love radio station and listened to it on our way to Wolf Lodge. About thirty minutes out, I turned down the radio.
“Tell me about your dad, Faith.”
Glancing over at me, she flashed a questioning gaze. “Random.”
“I have this theory about dads being super important and influential in how adults turn out. You’re pretty solid in your faith, it seems, so I’m guessing your dad was too.”
Raising her eyebrows, she nodded lightly.
“I don’t know my biological father. I was raised by my mother and stepfather. My stepfather, though . . . he took God seriously and made sure my sister and I got to church every Sunday. I’d also find him reading his Bible in the wee hours of the morning over a cup of coffee. He was truly a saint for dealing with my mother’s random bouts of anger and depression.”
“Are you speaking about him in past-tense on purpose?”
She got quiet. Then she finally spoke again. “He fell ill about six years ago. Stage-four prostate cancer. Losing him was the most painful experience I have ever gone through.”
Like that of a puzzle piece connecting to another, I felt Faith and me snap into place. It was making more and more sense why God had us meet. We understood a part of each other, like the pain of losing a parent.
“It was hard to lose my dad too.”
“I can’t imagine being in a bad spot and losing your dad too.”
“It was nice finding out he believed in me last year. In fact, that car we’re going to get? That was his that he rebuilt for me. I thought he gave up on me in my bad days, but he never stopped believing I’d get better. I just got it a little over a year ago from my brother-in-law, Mark.”
“I’m happy we never lose God.”
“I agree. He never leaves us nor forsakes us.”
Reaching my hand over to her lap where she was resting her hand, I grabbed it and weaved my fingers through hers. My heart felt at home with Faith.
Chapter 29 - Faith
“THERE IT IS.” JAMES LEANED forward, pointing to the side of the road up about another fifty yards ahead. The car looked to have traveled off the road and into a ditch. On the opposite side of the ditch was a mountainy slope with trees along the top. I let off the gas, slowing the car down and pulling over on the shoulder of the road. I parked a few yards behind where James’s car was angled into the ditch. Right as my car came to a complete stop, he undid his seatbelt and launched out of the car.
Waiting a moment as I watched him proceed up the side of the road, I bowed my head in prayer. We didn’t know how bad the damage was, nor did we have a clue to where his friend Alex had run off to, but we had plans to find him. “God. You are in control and You are merciful. Please help James. Help guide his steps. Let anything I say only be from You. Amen.”
Unbuckling my seatbelt, I got out and proceeded up the side of the road. A couple of cars zoomed by, causing my steps to stagger into the ditch, losing the gravel. Coming to the back end of the car, I peered downward at James, who was in front of the car, inspecting the front.
I sheltered my eyes with a cupped hand. “How bad is it?”
He shook his head, then turned his gaze toward me. “The front is busted up, but I think it might still drive.”
Turning around, he peered toward the trees up the rocky terrain. “If he fled on foot, it was most likely he climbed up these rocks and into the woods.”
Maneuvering over to the wall, he began the climb. He made it about halfway, then turned to me, holding out a hand.
Hurrying down the rocky ditch and up the slope over to the rocks, I started to climb and grabbed hold of his hand. He hoisted me up to the boulder he was standing on. I was about an inch away from him. A semi-truck flew by down the highway, startling the two of us. We hadn’t shared a kiss since our first the other evening, but I had thought about wanting another ever since it happened.
Leaning in, he brought a hand up to my cheek, gently grazing my skin. My heart skipped a beat, then we kissed. Bringing his other hand around to the small of my back, he kissed me deeply. Then released.
James shook his head. “I’m sorry. I just needed that right now. I don’t know what state we’re going to find Alex in. I’m glad you are here with me.”
“Don’t apologize. You can do that anytime you wish.”
He smiled, then we continued up the rocks to the trees at the top.
The shade from the trees provided a measure of cool that was appreciated on the warm day. We began shouting Alex’s name, calling out to him as we went deeper and deeper into the woods.
Crunch.
Stopping, I peered at the forest floor to see what I had stepped on. It was a beer can, clean and looked to be recently used.
“James . . .”
He stopped and turned, running over to me.
“What?”
I pointed.
He dropped to a knee and picked it up, tilting it. A few drops dripped from the rim of the can. James’s jaw clenched as he rose to his feet.
“James,” I said, stepping closer to him. My hand found his arm, stopping him. “Don’t sin in your anger.”
His lips pressed together to form a thin line as he turned his gaze toward me. “He’s dead when I find him, Faith. He dr
ove drunk in my car, crashed it, and is now missing in these Idaho woods. It’s all unacceptable, and actions have consequences.”
“I couldn’t agree more, but don’t be like Saul and seek a man’s life over your own pride. You don’t want to make a decision in your anger that you might possibly regret later.”
He nodded, appearing to calm a measure. We continued into the woods, calling out for Alex. Each minute that went by without a response, without finding him, was another moment I felt he might not have survived.
Chapter 30 - James
AS DAYLIGHT DWINDLED TO ITS end, we turned and headed back through the woods toward the highway. There were no signs of him outside of that empty beer can.
“I’m sure he’ll turn up.” Faith’s words were meant to be encouragement, but it did little to ease my growing fear that Alex was no longer alive.
Finally stopping, I turned to her and grabbed hold of her arms. “Alex has severe depression, Faith. Okay? There’s a really good chance he’s . . . dead.”
Startled, she took a step back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s okay.” Releasing my hold on her, I let out a sigh and turned my gaze to the tops of the trees. I could feel my eyes welling with tears. I began to get choked up as I tried to continue. “I hate thinking of his final moments being alone in these woods.”
“James.” Her lips voicing my name only made the pain of it that much more. She came closer and placed her hands on my face as she pulled my eyes to her. “It’s going to be okay, no matter what happened to him. Things will work out. God is in control.”
Wiping my eyes as I felt my splintering heart comforted by her, I shook my head. “I thought I could save him, Faith.”
“Only God can save him, James. You know that.”
Swallowing the lump of reality set before me in her words, I wiped my eyes again.
“We’d better get headed back.”
We made our way back toward the cleft that led down to the ditch. As we came out of the woods, we saw Alex leaning against Zeda with his arms crossed.
“About time you two came back.”
Infuriated, I flew down the rocky ledge and cocked my arm back to punch him straight in the jaw. Staggering my steps as I reared my fist and was about to connect the blow, I thought of Faith’s words about Saul and stopped short.
“Go ahead, hit me. I’d hit me too, brother.”
I shook my head and clenched my jaw. Lifting my gaze to his, I said, “You’re not worth it.”
Walking back over to the boulders, I helped Faith down gently as Alex approached us.
“I’ve been waiting here for about an hour and a half, James.”
Empowered by the Spirit of God, I was able to control myself in the moment as I held firm to my faith. “We were out looking for you all day, Alex. I thought you were dead.”
“Hm. I’d think you’d be a little bit happier to see me alive if that was truly the case.”
Ignoring him, I went over to Zeda and got in. Turning the key over, it started. Getting back out of the car, I looked at Alex as I headed to Faith. “Get in.”
As he maneuvered around the front of the car, I came over to Faith, who was standing on the shoulder of the highway. Touching her arm gently, I kissed her. “Go home. I’m going to take him out in a random field and shoot him.”
Her eyes widened, taking my words seriously.
I laughed. “Sorry. I’m just kidding, but I’m going to talk him into rehab on the way back and see if I can get him checked into one tonight. Thanks for all your help today. It means the world to me.”
Leaning in, she planted a kiss on my lips. “Walk in the Spirit and in Truth as you deal with this situation, James.”
I saw her words for what they were—helpful. She wasn’t trying to talk down to me but to help me as a fellow believer.
“Thanks. I will.”
Walking back toward Zeda, I prayed for strength.
Chapter 31 - Faith
WAKING THE NEXT DAY, I had a text message from Charlie questioning me about the whereabouts of James. Hurrying out of bed, I wrapped myself in my robe and headed upstairs in the inn.
Upon entering the kitchen, Serenah and Charlie stopped in the middle of a conversation.
“What?” I asked, looking at both of them. Directing my attention to Charlie, I continued. “I left James on the side of the road with his car and Alex last night in Wolf Lodge. That was the last time I saw or talked to him. Why? What’s going on?”
“His car? Alex? What?” Charlie asked, approaching me. He appeared clueless to the entire situation.
I explained what had happened.
“Well, he never showed up for his shift last night and never called me either. I called his phone this morning, but it’s just going straight to voicemail. He could always just work his day off tomorrow, but it’s a little concerning.”
Anxiety welled up inside me as I pondered the possibilities of what had happened.
Serenah came over, touching my arm slightly. “I’m sure he’s fine. Just not good that he never called Charlie. What did he say last night before you two parted ways?”
“He said he was going to talk Alex into going to rehab. Maybe he took him to one?”
“That could be,” Charlie said, his tone doubtful, but he tried to mask it with optimism as he raised his voice. Walking over to the phone book on the island in the kitchen, Charlie began flipping pages. “I’m going to start calling around.”
Serenah poured me a cup of coffee and we went into the living room. As we sat down, she pulled her Bible and notebook off the coffee table and set them into her lap. Peering up at me, she cleared her throat. “Can I share something with you? I think it pertains to this morning, and it might help calm some of what you’re feeling inside.”
“I’d like that.” Taking a sip of my coffee, I waited for her to continue.
“I was reading in Isaiah this morning and highlighted this portion. Isaiah 41:10. ‘So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’ I take comfort in this passage because no matter what happens in our life, we can take comfort in a never-changing God. He is the same today as He was yesterday. People change, they go through seasons, they love, they hate, and they disappoint, but God? He never disappoints and His love never fails.”
My anxious heart latched onto the passage and her words. “That is so true. Thank you for sharing that with me.”
Charlie walked into the living room with a set of raised eyebrows. “I couldn’t get much information, but they all were able to say they hadn’t had any check-ins last night or this morning.”
I stood up and set my cup down on the coffee table. “I’ll go over to his house and see if he is there.”
“I didn’t even think of going down there. Want me to go with you?” Charlie asked, pulling his keys out from his pocket.
I shook my head. “No. That’s okay. I want to go alone, if that’s all right with you.”
“That’s fine.”
Chapter 32 - James
THE DOORBELL CHIMED, WAKING ME slightly from my sleep. I hadn’t gotten more than a few hours of shuteye and I didn’t want to answer the door. A few moments passed and I was almost asleep again when the doorbell chimed again. I finally threw off my covers. Getting out of my bed, I slipped my jeans on over my boxers and proceeded to step over Alex who was still fast asleep on the floor. I didn’t grab a shirt. Making my way through the house, I finally arrived at the front door. It had better be a good reason someone felt so insistent in ringing my doorbell twice at seven o’clock in the morning.
Flinging open the door, I was startled.
It was Faith.
Her eyebrows were furrowed.
Pushing open the screen door, I let her come inside.
“Put a shirt on, please.” Her words were cold but firm as she entered. Faith promptly went over to the couch and
sat down.
A bit put off, I didn’t respond but grabbed my white V-neck shirt off the arm of the couch.
Placing her hands in her lap, she shook her head as she peered up into my eyes. “How could you do this, James?”
“Um. How could I do what?”
“Blow off work? Make me worry? I woke up scared to death this morning. Do you get that?”
Raising a hand, I shook my head. “You don’t understand. Alex was bad last night, Faith. I couldn’t force him into anything.”
“You couldn’t pick up your phone and tell someone you wouldn’t make it to work? You couldn’t send me a text and let me know you were okay?”
My embarrassment fueled my anger. I became defensive. “You’re not the boss of my life.”
“You’re right, I’m not.”
“Where is all of this coming from? You’re not my boss, my mother, or anybody.”
She went deathly quiet, her eyes turning away from me. I realized I had hurt her deeply by saying it. Coming closer, I touched her shoulder, but she jerked it away.
“I’m nothing to you. Got it.”
She stood up.
“Whoa. What is going on out here?” Alex asked, coming out from the hallway leading down to my bedroom.
A look of dismay crossed her face. She peered at Alex, then over at me. “He is back here? Really, James?”
“I don’t think you can truly understand, and therefore, cannot judge.”
“You’re right, but I was a fool to believe what you said when you said you were taking him to rehab.”
She started to walk past me toward the door and I caught her arm.
“You don’t understand.”
She looked at my hand on her arm, then jerked it away and looked into my eyes. “No, you don’t understand.”
