Growing Up Neighbors

by Frances Hoelsema

  Deborah slipped into some flip flops, freshened up in the bathroom quick a minute and then grabbed her purse to head out. She was excited to see Nicholas because with each day that passed, the more he was starting to act like himself again, which she loved. However, she still told herself to control her feelings around him even though a part of her wanted to tell Nicholas in the worst way how she felt. She knew that she was better off not saying anything at all.

  When Deborah got inside Nicholas’ room, she found him sitting up for the first time since his accident and eating a snack while watching TV.

  “Oh, it’s you again,” he teased with a tad smile.

  “Hi, Nick,” she responded in a cheery voice as she came to sit down next to his bed.

  Deep down Nicholas was really glad that Deborah had been coming by. In fact, he saw more of her than any of his family or other friends and she kept him from getting lonely or bored. He found it easy to chat with her and he had to admit that she was a good sight to behold.

  However, he hated that she had to see him in the state he was in. He felt vulnerable and weak, which hurt his pride. Not wanting her to baby him or see him the way he was, he knew he would have to say something. It would hurt, he knew, and he would miss seeing her every day, but once he was out of the hospital and back to normal he would make things right again.

  Nicholas turned off the TV and faced Deborah. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure. What is it?” she replied. Deborah was a little concerned from the serious look on Nicholas’ face.

  “Why do you come here every day?”

  At first baffled by the question, Deborah decided to answer playfully. “Duh, to see you, silly.”

  “Well, I know that. But why? I mean, you could be doing other things. I don’t understand why you have been coming here and seeing me every day.”

  Deborah was a little offended with the fact that Nicholas didn’t understand why she came to see him every day.

  “Nick, you’re one of my closest friends. When I found out you were in an accident I was worried sick. I want to keep you company and make sure you’re going to be okay. I’m sure others have come by every day too.”

  “Not really. I mean, my mom comes almost every day, but that’s it. I understand why she comes to see me though.”

  “I don’t get it. Are you upset with me being here?” Deborah questioned, hoping it wasn’t true. His words sure made it feel like it was though.

  “Don't get me wrong, I like that you keep me company. However, I don’t want you to feel like you're obligated to be here.”

  “I don’t feel like I have to. I want to come and see you,” Deborah said, emphasizing the word want and trying hard to keep her composure.

  Nicholas was beginning to feel a little frustrated because he had no idea how to tell Deborah to stop seeing him.

  “Look, I’m not sure how to say this but I’d like it if you stopped coming here. I feel like you’re putting a hold on your life because of me and I don’t want you to do that. Can you just please go home and not come back? Go do what you do with your friends and don’t worry about me. Please.”

  Deborah couldn’t believe the words that just came out of Nicholas’ mouth. She didn’t know how to answer him either. Since his accident she had done nothing but care for him every day and here he was turning her away. This was so unlike him.

  I can't just walk away from someone I love, Deborah was thinking.

  “I can’t believe you’re asking me to do that. You're my friend and I care about you.”

  “I know, but you have a life beyond me, don’t you? Go live it!” Nicholas demanded harshly.

  Nicholas turned the other way, signaling he was through with the conversation. Deborah on the other hand, tears welling in her eyes, got up and left.

  When Deborah left the room without saying goodbye, Nicholas immediately regretted everything he had said. He knew his words had hurt Deborah and knowing that made his eyes mist up.

  I can't believe I just did that. I hate making her so upset.

  Thinking things over yet again, Nicholas decided that what happened was for the best.

  I hate her seeing me this way, and I'm definitely not worth her wasting her life on me.

  ---------------

  When a couple weeks had gone by and Deborah still couldn’t wrap her mind around the things that Nicholas had said to her, she decided to try some retail therapy. Her best friend, Felicia, thought it would be good for the both of them to hit the mall together, and Felicia even offered to buy Deborah lunch. She couldn’t resist the offer so she and Felicia went to the mall. It would be an excellent time to talk things through with her friend who was always good at listening and offering trustworthy advice.

  The two of them went to a few stores, did some window shopping and then decided to eat lunch at a sub shop in the food court. Just when they had finished eating, Deborah’s phone rang. She took it out of her purse and saw that it was Alex. Hesitating on whether or not she wanted to answer it, she finally did, excusing herself from Felicia.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s Alex. I have a huge favor to ask of you.”

  “What is it?”

  “I told Ms. Michaels I'd drive Nick home today from the hospital, but something came up at work and I can’t do it. Can you please do it for me?”

  Before Nicholas told her he didn’t want her to come by anymore she would have jumped at the occasion to do so. However, that’s not how things were anymore so Deborah didn’t know what to say or do.

  “I don’t know, Alex. Nicholas doesn’t really want to see me anymore.”

  “What?” Alex exclaimed, shocked to hear that. "That doesn’t sound like him."

  “I know, but a couple of weeks ago Nick told me he didn’t want me coming to see him at the hospital anymore so I haven’t gone there. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go now.”

  “Well, whatever. He’ll get over it. Someone needs to take him home and I’m not sure who can but you.”

  Deborah let out a sigh and then agreed to do it. She got all the details she needed from Alex and went to go tell Felicia. Felicia wasn’t thrilled that they had to cut their shopping trip short, but understood. The one thing she liked most about Deborah was her kind heart. She knew that if anything happened, Deborah would be the one to count on.

  After Deborah dropped Felicia off at home, she rushed to the hospital. She knew she’d be late, but wanted to make it there as quickly as she could. Her nerves were going crazy the whole trip to the hospital as she thought about what Nicholas was going to think or say when he saw her and not Alex.

  I sure hope I’m not a huge disappointment, she silently feared. Or that he'll blow up at me.

  Deborah took in a deep breath before she entered Nicholas’ room. She also thought it might be best to knock on the already opened door so that she could get his attention instead of just barging in there like she used to.

  Nicholas was definitely stunned when he saw Deborah at the door. She looked really good to him too, however, he could tell she was sad and that something wasn't right. There seemed to be a fear of him in her facial expression even though she did her best to mask it with a smile.

  “Hey, Debbie. What brings you here?” Nicholas asked, meaning nothing bad.

  “I'm bringing you home,” was Deborah’s short answer.

  “Where’s Alex?”

  “Something came up and he couldn’t do it. I told him I shouldn’t but he insisted.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, I appreciate you helping me out today. That’s nice of you to bring me home.”

  He gave her a smile and tiny wink, which she didn’t see because all she did was stand by the door with her arms crossed in front of her chest and aimlessly look around, acting like she didn’t even want to be there.

  “Are you ready to go then?” she asked.

  “I think so. I already signed the discharge papers so let me just grab a few things and we’ll be all set.” />
  Nicholas got up from the bed and left things as neat as he could. He put the few things that Deborah brought into a bag and made sure there wasn’t anything that he was forgetting. The whole time he did that Deborah watched him carefully. She thought he was looking a lot better, a lot healthier. She was glad to see him up and moving around.

  When Nicholas was ready to go he looked at Deborah with a smile and said, “Okay. Let’s get out of here.”

  The two of them walked slowly down the hallway to the elevator. Deborah realized this would be the first time she rode the elevator at the hospital seeing as she always took the stairs. When they got to the main level, they again walked slowly out the front entrance to Deborah’s car. She was glad she found a close parking space because she wasn’t quite sure how much walking Nicholas could take.

  Since leaving the room, the first time any of the two of them said anything was when Nicholas plopped down in the front passenger seat.

  “Whew! That’s the most exercise I’ve gotten in a while,” Nicholas said, trying to lighten the mood a little.

  Deborah remained silent. She was happy to see Nicholas again, but knowing he didn’t feel the same and remembering all he said made her angry and sad inside. She figured the best thing to do would be to get him home as quickly as she could and then leave so she wouldn’t have to be with him anymore.

  Then maybe my feelings will subside, Deborah silently hoped.

  “I assume you’re going back to your mom’s house?” she quickly asked.

  “Yeah, it looks like I’ll be there all summer. Doctor’s orders.”

  That statement alone made Deborah think that he didn’t want to be anywhere near her because the only reason he was going to be across the street from her for the rest of the summer was because it was the doctor’s orders.

  As they headed down the road, Nicholas spoke up. “Hey, Debbie, can we talk?”

  “About what?”

  “About what happened a couple of weeks ago. I can see you’re still upset with me for what I said.”

  “Can you blame me? All I wanted to do was see you and make sure you were okay, but you pushed me away.”

  “I appreciate that. I really do. But I just felt like you were giving everything up for me.”

  Even though this was partly a lie, he still stuck by it because he didn’t want to tell Deborah the real reason for not wanting to see her at the hospital.

  “It’s not like I was there all day long, Nick,” Deborah argued.

  “I know. I swear I didn’t mean anything bad by it, and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I’m really glad to see you today though and I’m thankful you’re driving me home.”

  If Nicholas was saying that to make Deborah feel better, it wasn’t working. Deep down she still felt crushed, rejected. However, she was glad that he at least was thankful for something that she did for him. For that, she gave him a little smile.

  Nicholas asked Deborah to come inside with him when they got back to his mom’s house just to make sure he got to his room okay and that his things were taken care of. She hesitated at first, but then obliged, deciding that it would just be for a quick moment.

  Deborah grabbed a glass of water and walked behind Nicholas up the stairs. He miscalculated a step and stumbled forward a little, scaring Deborah. When he assured her he was alright, they continued to his room. Nicholas lay on his bed after Deborah moved a couple of boxes. She gave him the glass of water and put a few things away for him. Having done all that, she told Nicholas that she was going to head out.

  “Don’t go, Debbie. We haven’t had the opportunity to talk, really talk, in a long time. Why don’t you stay awhile so we can catch up?”

  Confused at his request, she was unsure of what to say. One moment he didn’t want her by him and the next he wanted her to stay.

  “I don’t get it. You didn’t want to see me at the hospital, but now you don’t want me to leave.”

  “I thought we already went over what I said at the hospital. I told you I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I just didn’t want you to waste your life seeing me every day.”

  “But I personally don’t feel like I was wasting my life. I feel like it’s my fault you were put in that predicament in the first place and all I wanted to do was help you get better,” she said on the verge of crying.

  “How could it be your fault?” Nicholas asked with a puzzled look on his face.

  “You were on the way to my graduation that I wanted you at so badly when the accident happened.”

  “I wanted to go to your graduation. If I said I was going to be there then I was going to be there. The accident itself had nothing to do with you. It was a stupid drunk driver that did all of this to me, not you.”

  Nicholas was deeply saddened when Deborah revealed what she did. He had no idea that there was more to her seeing him at the hospital every day than just because he was her friend. She actually felt guilty about the whole situation. Now he felt even worse for how he handled everything.

  How could I have been so stupid? Nicholas thought.

  “Look, please don’t feel bad anymore,” Nicholas added. “I’m just sorry any of this happened.”

  “Me too.”

  A moment later Deborah added, “Do you really want me to stay?”

  “Yes. Of course! Tell me what’s new with you.”

  All that Deborah did was tell him about the graduation and the party that she had afterwards. Not much had been going on in her life since then. Nicholas listened very intently, which gave Deborah the feeling of truly being his friend again. She was glad that he seemed to care.

  “So what do you plan to do in the fall? I mean, I think I remember that you always wanted to go to college.”

  Deborah was unsure how to go about answering that question. She knew what she had planned on doing, but didn’t know for sure anymore. So she was honest with him.

  “I did plan on going to school. I’ve been accepted to Upton University to study Business Management.”

  Without letting her go further, Nicholas quickly exclaimed with a pat on her hand, “Congratulations! You’re going to be so successful someday. I just know it. So are you going to live there?”

  “I was planning on it. I was going to do all of that stuff, but I’m not so sure if I’m going to anymore or not.”

  “Why not?” Nicholas questioned, puzzlingly.

  “Well, your accident happened. A part of me wants to stay here and make sure you’re okay. I mean, I can always go next semester or next year so it’s not like I’m putting it off forever.”

  Immediately Nicholas’ excitement turned to disappointment. He was bothered with the fact that Deborah was willing to put her future on hold for him. Caring about him was one thing, but forgoing following her dreams for him was another. If there was something he could do about that then he was going to do it, no matter how much it would hurt her.

  “You can’t stay here for me. There’s no way I’d let you do that.”

  “What?”

  Deborah realized immediately that telling Nicholas about all of this was a big mistake.

  “I mean, you have to go to college. It's been your dream for years! Don’t stay here just because I had an accident. I can't – I'm not going to let you do that.”

  Who is this Nick?

  “Not going to let me?” Deborah’s voice was beginning to rise in anger.

  “No, I’m not.”

  “You can’t tell me what to do!”

  “Look, if you stay then I’ll make sure you don’t see me anyway. I don’t want you putting your life on hold for me, Deborah!” Now they were both on the verge of yelling at each other.

  “I don’t get you. One moment you're telling me you don’t want to see me then you're begging me to stay and now you’re saying you won’t let me see you if I stay. I thought you were supposed to be my friend.”

  “I am your friend! And that's my point. As your friend, I can't let you stay here!”

  Af
ter staring at him a second, she concluded by asking, “Are you really telling me you would refuse to see me?”

  I don't want to, but I'll do what I have to. I care too much about her to see her stall her future.

  “Yes. I’ll be fine without you here. You have to go. I don’t want to see you stay.”

  “Fine. I’ll do you a favor and just leave right now then.”

  Deborah got up and stormed out of the room.

  “Deborah, you don’t have to leave now,” Nicholas said with each word getting louder to compensate the further away Deborah was getting.

  She never responded. Instead, Nicholas heard the front door slam and knew she was gone.

  “Ugh,” Nicholas sighed frustratingly.

  ---------------

  Deborah got out her favorite set of black with blue lining suitcases so she could start putting her belongings inside. Later that afternoon she was going to be on her way to Upton University. She had it figured out that if she left shortly after her lunch, she should arrive sometime after six o’clock where she could always find a restaurant around the dorms to stop and eat dinner at. Felicia was over to help pack and see her off. It was going to be a long time before they would see each other again because Deborah already decided that she wasn’t going to come home until the next year during summer break.

  “I’m so glad you’re here to help,” Deborah mentioned to her best friend.

  “Hey, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m sure going to miss you though.”

  “I’m going to miss you too, but we can call each other all the time.”

  “Promise? I mean, you’re sure you won’t forget about me?” Felicia asked, worried.

  “How could I forget about you?” Deborah questioned. With a quick pat on Felicia’s shoulders and a smile, she added, “You’re unforgettable.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what do you want me to do with everything?”

  Deborah gave instructions on what needed to go where. While Felicia took care of that part of the moving process, Deborah stayed busy bringing things out to her car. Each trip out to her vehicle allowed her to see across the street where Nicholas was still staying according to Alex. She thought about him and some of the things he had last said to her and knew it was for the best that she was leaving.