by Kimberly Nee
“I expected you to protest, but not Mami. Not after all she’d gone through herself. I was certain she’d have more compassion toward Katie, more understanding. They aren’t really all that different. I thought she’d understand.” Rafe raked his fingers through his hair, which was damp from sea spray and already beginning to curl at his temples. “Both did what they had to in order to survive. Katie didn’t deserve such hatred. And for that, yes, I can fault you. Can and will.”
“She wanted only to get her hooks into you, into what you will one day inherit.”
Anger tired him further, but that didn’t stop it from flashing in his gut. They’d had this discussion more times than he cared to think about, with only slightly different wording. “Her hooks into me? For what? Sebastiano is in trouble, remember? From the sounds of it, there won’t be anything to inherit.”
Inigo flinched, but his jaw tightened. “It won’t always be that way. I’ll be damned if we don’t turn it around. It will happen, and it will happen sooner with Hamilton’s investment.”
“I loved her. I wanted to marry her. And she wouldn’t have given a damn if I was penniless, Papi. That’s where you are both wrong. She loved me. Not my fortune, just me.”
Inigo arched one graying brow. “Loved? In the past tense?”
“Yes. Past tense.” Color stung Rafe’s cheeks. “She loved me. Now, she despises me, I’m sure. Not that I blame her. I don’t blame her at all. I deserve no less.”
“She loved you so much that she ran away.” Inigo leveled him with a steady stare, his arms folded with a casualness Rafe knew he didn’t feel. His shoulders were far too stiff and betrayed his true feeling. “Ran away rather than listen to any reasonable thing you might have had to say to her.”
“I proved to her that I wasn’t worthy of her. What possible reasonable explanation could I offer for taking the coward’s way out?”
“How in God’s name are you not worthy of her? You’re a good man, from a fine family. You have a brilliant future set for you.” Some of the tension in Inigo’s shoulders eased, and his arms slipped slightly free of their tight cross. “If anything, you were far too good for her. She needed to prove herself to you, and she failed, didn’t she?” He shook his longish hair, once as black as Rafe’s, now more of an iron gray that suited his temperament. “She wasn’t worthy of you, you mean.”
Rafe winced at the renewed anger rippling through him. “She didn’t have to prove a thing to me. Why should she? I’d already stood up and made it very clear where my loyalties lay. And they weren’t with her. She’d done nothing to deem her unworthy.”
“Is that so? When she wouldn’t hear you out? When she was the one who just ran away like a whipped pup, and now you don’t know where on the face of this earth she is.”
No matter how he argued, Rafe would never get his father to change his viewpoint. In Papi’s eyes, Katie was a fallen woman, which made her the lowest of the low, beyond contempt. Worthy of no more than scraps and whatever treatment could be doled her way.
It rankled, but if there was something to make Papi change his mind, Rafe hadn’t found it yet. They merely had the same tired argument they’d been having for the last year, and it led to the same result. He swallowed his rising temper. “She wasn’t worthy of you and Mami is what you mean. Isn’t it? Not me. You.” He met his father’s gaze with a steady, cold stare of his own.
“It’s all water under the bridge now. And the discussion is over. You will be cordial and polite, and who knows? Perhaps you will find that you don’t mind Lady Sally so much.”
Perhaps he wouldn’t. And perhaps a giant sea serpent would rise up from the ocean’s depths, wrap its tentacles around the Eastwind and drag them all to the bottom. Given a choice, he’d prefer the serpent. A quick, relatively painless serpent attack would make his day.
But this close to Bermuda, that wasn’t likely to happen. Rafe bit back a sigh. It’d been six years since his last visit to the island, and this was the first time he actually dreaded landing ashore.
He’d last seen the Hamiltons six months ago, when they’d visited his home island of St. Phillippe. Lady Sally was a beauty, and she was as warm and delightful as the waters surrounding her island home.
Despite her wonderful traits, he’d found himself wishing for an escape after only a quarter of an hour in her company.
“Mami is not going to relent. She’s going to be disappointed, and is going to make damn certain everyone knows it.” Rafe shrugged. The only one who ever seemed to understand was his older brother, Aidrian. If he held Katie’s past against her, he kept it to himself and was willing to overlook it all because she’d helped his wife Vanessa in a time of dire need. Helped him at one of the blackest moments of his life as well. In Aidrian’s eyes, there was little wrong Katie could do, even if she was one step above a beggar and sold herself to keep food on her table. There was more to her than that, and they seemed to be the only ones with the ability to see it.
However, he couldn’t lie—not even to himself. Katie’s chosen life had made him uncomfortable when he’d first met her. But only a few hours later, that chosen life had lain forgotten, Katie’s warmth and bubbly spirit enough to wash it away. After a few ales, when they were both feeling warm and amorous, her past hadn’t mattered one bit.
She belonged with him. Being with her felt right. Right enough that he’d wanted to marry her.
Then his mother had butted in.
Coward.
The perfect word to describe him. He was a coward. Since Katie had left, he felt as if part of himself was missing as well. He’d lost interest in pursuing other women altogether. It all meant nothing to him these days.
His father had caught wind of his plans to search for her and had done his best to keep Rafe busy. Any time a trip to Jamaica was brought into conversation, the subject was quickly changed and Inigo made the voyage himself.
It’d been nearly a year, so why wasn’t he beyond it? Would he ever be beyond it?
If not, what difference did it make if he married Sally or some other woman?
The ship bumped its slip gently, and several crewmen jumped to the docks to catch the heavy ropes and secure it to the pilings. With the ship moored, there was nothing left to do but go ashore and climb into the carriage that would take them to Marchand Hall.
“All I ask is that you keep an open mind. I will respect your decision, even if I don’t necessarily agree with it.” Papi still looked unsettled as they bounced their way up the narrow, winding road inland. “If you choose not to do this, your mother will eventually understand. You know that. She won’t be taking a switch to you or disowning you. She might stomp around and grumble for a few weeks, but it will eventually fade away as old news.”
“And Sebastiano Distillers?”
Inigo rubbed his chin. “I’d have to see about Conn or Galen marrying one of these girls.”
The resignation in his voice made Rafe smile for the first time in what felt like months. “Lady Sally probably won’t appreciate being passed around like an old shoe. Surely she’s going to put her foot down, if she hasn’t already.”
“We will cross that bridge when we reach it.”
“I’m not so certain Mami will understand any of it.”
“Of course she will. Above all else, she wishes you to be happy. That’s always been the most important thing to her. She might not like how it has to be done, but she wouldn’t want any of you to suffer.”
“I was happy.”
Inigo shot him a dark look. “Must we really debate this again?”
Rafe sank deeper into his seat. “No. There’s no point. I let my mother chase away the one woman I thought I wanted. Why am I fighting anyone on this? You’re all determined to see me marry Sally, and I suppose I’ll have to accept it, whether it’s what I want or not.”
Papi’s jaw tightened. “That isn’t f
air, Rafael. You must see it from Mami’s point of view. People knew about Katie. They knew what she did. There was no way for you to pretty it up.”
The drollness of his father’s voice brought a heat to Rafe’s cheeks. “They knew because they chose to believe gossip. People believe what they wish to believe.”
“But in her situation the gossip was true, which makes for a world of difference.”
“It no longer matters, seeing as how I’m here and she is God only knows where. Everyone can sleep easily at night, knowing I will not fall into the clutches of a harlot and tarnish my good name.” Rafe rubbed his eyes with one hand. “Although everyone knows I’ve slept with her and sees nothing wrong with that.”
Papi coughed, a faint flush staining his cheeks. “I don’t know I’d say that. But dallying with a tart and marrying one are two completely different things.”
“A tart.” Rafe snorted. “Never mind how she saved Aidrian’s life. How she helped Vanessa when she had nothing. Katie had only a bit more than nothing herself. None of that matters. All anyone sees is a fallen woman. A very far-fallen woman, who wasn’t a pure-white virgin when she came to my bed.”
For a moment, Inigo looked as if he’d been punched in the gut, but he recovered quickly. “It isn’t fair, I’ll agree. But it is also in the past. And if she cared so much for you, why did she choose to leave? Why not fight for you, the way you did for her? And you did fight for her, you know.” Heat crept into Papi’s voice now. “She chose to walk away. Perhaps she didn’t care for you as much as you think.”
“I didn’t fight when it mattered,” Rafe grumbled.
They rocked through the gates of Marchand Hall and rolled up to the doors, where the lord and lady of the house stood waiting for them.
“Captain Sebastiano!” Lord Marchand’s smile split his fat, jovial face as he clasped Papi’s hand in his own. “And…er, Captain Sebastiano! How good to see you again.”
Rafe forced a smile. “It’s good to see you as well, Lord Marchand. Lady Marchand.”
Lady Marchand’s smile was as welcoming as any he’d ever seen. “It’s wonderful to see you both. I only wish Aidrian and Vanessa could have joined you. I’m so anxious to see their new arrival. I understand she had a boy?”
Papi beamed like the proud abuelo he was. “Yes, she did. Two boys, actually.”
“Two? How wonderful!”
“We were all taken by surprise.” Papi chuckled. “They were quite unexpected.”
Rafe tried to ignore the pang he felt at the mention of his brother’s children. They were beautiful boys, and it was terrific to finally see Aidrian so happy, as he’d endured a great deal of suffering. But Aidrian’s joy served as a reminder of what Rafe had lost at the same time. And lost through his own stupidity, no less.
Still, Rafe smiled at the Countess as she beamed at him, her voice light and airy as she said, “I’m sure it won’t be long before you will be the one showing off a strong son.”
He wanted to choke, but held it off. “No doubt,” he managed to mutter.
Lady Marchand’s smile grew wider still. She was a handsome woman, tall and slender, with shimmering dark hair artfully swept back from her thin face. Her skin was only slightly sun-kissed, and she’d passed on her unusual aqua eyes to both her daughters. If she was a portrait of what Sally would look like in a score, he would never have to fear the fading of her looks. He might not love her, but there was no denying Sally was a beauty and would remain one. Perhaps it made him shallow, but he was honest with himself.
“I will be sure to send you back to St. Phillippe with two gifts, then,” Lady Marchand said, a silvery chuckle laced through her words. She slipped her arm through Rafe’s. “Sally has been so looking forward to your arrival.”
“Tell her not to monopolize him,” Lord Marchand broke in with his usual good-natured bluster as they made their way inside. “I’ll need him to sit in on our meeting since I assume ’twill be his ship running most of our goods.”
Papi nodded. “His and Conn’s, most likely. Conn has the responsibility of bringing his mother and sisters from Puerto Rico, with Galen. The Persephone shouldn’t be much more than a few days behind us.”
“It’s no matter of great concern. We look forward to their arrival. The girls, especially. They will be happy to have more ladies in the house.” Lord Marchand steered them down a wide, airy corridor to the large office at the rear of the house. It overlooked the great expanse of the Atlantic Ocean and, as he watched whitecaps break on the waves, Rafe itched to be out there, putting Bermuda behind him and the Royal Colonies before him. Perhaps that was all he needed, a good long voyage to a part of the world he rarely visited. Until recently, Aidrian had overseen the runs to the Colonies, but since the arrival of his sons he was obviously more interested in remaining on dry land for the time being. Which suited Rafe just fine.
“And have you?”
Rafe jerked back into the present to find himself staring down at Lord Marchand’s great, blinking gray eyes. He hadn’t heard anything after the Earl’s remark about other ladies being in the house. “I beg your pardon, but I didn’t hear you,” he said, his face growing warm. He despised looking foolish.
If Lord Marchand was put out by Rafe’s seeming lack of interest, he didn’t let it show. His smile never wavered. “Ready to sail for the Carolinas? I asked if you’ve prepared yourself. It’s a far cry from St. Phillippe at this time of the year.”
“I look forward to the change of scenery. It will be welcome after all this warmth and color. And snow would make it all so much better.”
Either no one heard him or no one found any humor in his words, for both older men ignored his comment. No matter. He shrugged and tried not to lose any more of their conversation. For all he knew, they’d already arranged for him to reside permanently in the colonies. His family was doing their best to make his important decisions for him. What would one more matter?
“I only hope it won’t be too cold for Sally.” Lady Marchand directed this to Inigo. “She’s a bit too delicate for frigid climes, I’m afraid.”
Inigo shook his head. “You needn’t worry. The Eastwind is warm enough to keep Lady Sally in excellent health. Isn’t it, Rafe? The stove in your cabin should suffice, I think.” Papi said this far more pointedly than necessary.
“It will. Easily.” At least now it made sense, why his father had insisted he have something so useless as an oversized stove installed in his cabin. He hadn’t understood it at the time, as he rarely took meals alone and wasn’t much of a coffee or tea drinker, but his father had suggested it so many times that Rafe had finally given in. “If she insists on coming, I’ll see if I can have someone at the harbor move the stove into her cabin instead.” Which was where it should have gone to begin with, as far as he was concerned.
Inigo didn’t look happy about that suggestion, muttering, “More money we can scarcely afford to spend right now.”
Rafe glanced at Marchand, who was busy checking his watch, and then looked back at his father. He held Papi’s stare easily. “Then perhaps I’ll just go alone. I can always retrieve her when I return.”
His choice of words definitely caught the Earl’s attention this time, for he jammed his timepiece back into his waistcoat pocket and swung about to level Rafe with a steely-eyed scowl. “Retrieve her? You make her sound like wild game.”
“I meant no offense, of course.” Rafe cleared his throat. “Might I go up to my room and freshen up a bit? It’s been a long journey. I’m a wrinkled, rumpled, tired mess and would like to change.”
“Of course.” Lord Marchand lost his annoyed look and gestured to the footman striding toward them. “Robert, please take Captain Sebastiano to his room.”
Relief flooded Rafe. At least he’d be able to have a bit of time to himself, to try to gather his thoughts and hopefully keep from making an even bigger ass of himself.
“Thank you, m’lord.”
“There is no need for thanks, m’boy!” Marchand clapped him on the back with such force that Rafe stumbled toward the footman. “After all, you’re going to be family.”
He swallowed the sour taste rising in his mouth and managed a nod. “Of course.”
Chapter Three
Katie heard Rafe’s voice long before she saw him, which was a good thing. She didn’t have enough time to hide, but she swallowed hard and tried willing the heat from her cheeks. They weren’t the only parts of her body to feel warm. The low pull of his voice was enough to send an uncomfortable hum through her. It made her fidget and want to do things like smooth her skirts and run her hands over her bodice. And her hair! She instinctively reached a hand upward. She had to fix her hair. It was half braid and half rat’s nest.
Would she really have to suffer through the next few decades, or would it fade once she acclimated herself to knowing Rafe was Lady Sally’s husband? That sounded awful to her; the words actually hurt her brain to think. She tried not to dwell on it, but couldn’t help but wonder how she’d feel, being maid to the lady who shared Rafe’s bed each night.
She simply wasn’t strong enough.
“Stop,” she muttered, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. Her stomach painfully turned over, and she swallowed hard again.
“Are you all right, Katie?”
She nodded as Martha touched her shoulder with a light hand. The other maid knew nothing of Rafe, only that Katie had arrived in Bermuda nursing a shattered heart. She’d never said who’d done the shattering, and there was no need to do so now. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.” Martha leaned closer, her eyes narrowing, her forehead puckering. “You look a bit pale. Are you feeling ill? Should I tell Mrs. Bates you’re not up to serving tea? She might not mind if you took a bit of a rest. Especially if you’re coming down with something.”
“No!” The word burst out with more force than she’d meant, and at Martha’s look of surprise, Katie swallowed the sense of urgency and shook her head. It wouldn’t do to make Martha suspicious. “It isn’t necessary. I’m fine. Really fine. In fact, I’m wonderful, so there’s no need to say anything to Mrs. Bates.”
