My mouth felt dry. Ryan was voicing things I’d been reluctant to consider. “But then we’re nothing more than vigilantes, Ryan. And what are we supposed to do? Go kill Ben Moran?”
“If that’s what it takes to eliminate the threat, then yes.” He straightened, never taking his eyes from me. “He brought this on himself, Kara. If he hadn’t brought the fight to us by attacking you, then he probably would have gotten away with this.”
“But what if we’re wrong?” I said. I rubbed my arms, unsettled at the turn the conversation had taken. “What if he’s not the one doing this? Ryan, I couldn’t live with myself if we did something drastic and he wasn’t the bad guy.”
Frustration and anger swept across his face. “Then we’ll make sure we’re not wrong. We’ll get proof, or a confession, or whatever it takes. It won’t be anything we can take to court, but it’ll be enough to let us know we’re doing the right thing.”
I gave a shaky nod, but I still felt horribly conflicted, which, frankly, surprised me. I’d always kind of assumed that in a truly dire situation I’d be able to do the whole superhero thing and Do What Needed To Be Done—no matter what—to save the world. After all, I knew without a doubt that, as a police officer, I could pull the trigger in a life-or-death situation. I’d carefully examined that moral issue when I’d first entered law enforcement. But what Ryan was talking about was different—taking the fight to the bad guy and eliminating the threat in a preemptive strike. Crossing heavily into that grey area, and edging dangerously close to the darker edge, if not going over.
I guess I had more faith and support for our legal system than I ever imagined.
“I took an oath, Ryan,” I said, stomach oddly tight. “I’m supposed to uphold the law. Not commit ... murder.”
Ryan came around the table and took me by the shoulders. “Kara. I know this is tough for you. You’re a cop. I’m a cop. You’re passionate about your work and you believe in justice and what’s right. But this has gone beyond the laws of the mundane world. He’s using magic. And that’s how we have to fight back. You swore an oath to uphold the law, but that oath also includes protecting the public.”
I looked over at Eilahn, hoping for some sort of signal or advice or solution or something from her, but she was silent and still, watching us. This was my moral dilemma.
I could feel tears snaking down my cheeks, but I made no move to wipe them away. Why was this so hard for me?
Because I’m normal, I told myself. It shouldn’t be easy. Back when I was a road cop one of my teammates had revealed to me that he’d shot and killed a man in the line of duty when he’d worked for NOPD.
“It was a good shoot,” he’d told me. “The guy had a gun and woulda killed me. There was never any question that my actions weren’t justified.” He’d paused. “But it still ate me alive that I’d killed a man. I saw the counselor for a long time, and you know what? That’s the way it should be. It shouldn’t be easy to deal with killing someone, especially if you’re a cop. We do it when we have to, but if it doesn’t hurt, then you’re a sick fucker.”
And now I was being asked to take it to another level. I looked back at Ryan. “Have you ... ?”
His expression grew very remote. “I have. But only when there was no other choice. Kara, I’m not going to give you some bullshit line about how you were given a gift and how you should use it for the benefit of mankind, or some crap like that.”
“But that’s what this is about, isn’t it?” I retorted. “I have arcane abilities. I can do things other people can’t.”
“So what? It’s not about your abilities. It’s about you and your moral base.” He lifted a hand and wiped a tear away form my face, a move that damn near undid me. I was too exhausted to be dealing with this right now. “Kara, I know what you’re going through. I went through it too. You swore to uphold the law and protect the public. I’m not trying to tell you what to do—”
I held up a hand to stop him. “Enough.” I pulled away from him. “Yes, you are trying to tell me what to do. I know you mean well and you’re worried about me and everyone else, but ... I need a few minutes.” I started toward the kitchen door.
“We don’t have much time, Kara,” Ryan said, beginning to follow me. I turned back to say something sharp and unpleasant, but before I could open my mouth, Eilahn stepped in front of him, barring his way.
“You will give her the time she needs,” the demon said, tone low and even. I watched in mild shock as anger swept across Ryan’s face, clearly directed at the demon. But I had the unerring feeling that there wasn’t a damn thing he could say or do that would move her. “Do not push her to an action that could destroy her later.”
She’s protecting me, I realized in a burst of clarity. She was a guardian in all ways, not just physically.
Fatigue and regret replaced the anger as Ryan shifted his gaze to me. “I would never do anything to hurt you, Kara.”
I nodded, a lump in my throat. “I know. Ryan, I just need to think and figure this out on my own.” I said quietly. I turned and headed down the hallway to my bedroom. I didn’t look back again, but I knew that Ryan wouldn’t try to follow me again.
I changed out of the borrowed clothing, not thinking of anything in particular, but allowing the thoughts and emotions of everything that had happened in the past year to swirl freely through my mind. Six months ago, my life had changed irrevocably, when Rhyzkahl had come through my summoning portal instead of the fourth-level demon I’d intended. I was a full summoner, with the power and knowledge to call forth demons—creatures of incredible strength and arcane power. Moreover, I was oathbound to the most powerful demonic creature of all—a demonic lord.
This wasn’t about me wasting my gifts, I realized as I pulled jeans on. This was about me using every weapon and tactic at my disposal. One of those weapons was my ability to see if arcane power was being used, and if not for that, no one would have even known that the deaths of Vic and Roger and Adam had been anything but accidental.
I hesitated with my hands on the button of my jeans, then shucked them off and dug my fatigue pants out instead, pulling on boots and topping it all with a black T-shirt. I belted on my holster, as well as my ankle holster and my backup piece, then grabbed a clean set of sweats and headed back to the kitchen. Eilahn stood in the doorway, casually leaning against the jamb. Ryan sat at the kitchen table, looking oddly morose.
Eilahn straightened and stepped aside to allow me to enter. Ryan lifted his head but didn’t say anything.
“We’re facing someone who’s committed several acts of murder,” I said, “and will no doubt commit more if he’s not stopped. My job—my oath—compels me to do all I can to stop a murderer.” I took a deep breath. “And, failing to act would be a greater violation of my oath. We’re not going outside the law. We’re going beyond what the law can handle.”
I thought Ryan would look pleased at that admission, but he merely gave a small nod, a haunted expression passing briefly over his face.
“That being said,” I continued, “we have to bear in mind that if we decide to do what needs to be done, there may be ramifications, such as, oh, being arrested for murder. Therefore, we need to think hard and long about what we do, and then plan and be careful.”
I turned and handed the sweats to Eilahn. “Put these on, please. We need to relocate to someplace safer, then we can figure out what we’re going to do and see about getting you proper clothing.” Good thing I’d recently paid off my credit card. It was about to get a workout.
She accepted the clothing with a gracious nod, then, without a blink of hesitation, dropped the robe from her shoulders, standing unashamedly naked in my kitchen before pulling the sweats on.
“We can go to my place,” Ryan said. I flicked a glance to him to see his reaction to Eilahn, but he was very carefully looking at the opposite wall. Smart man. “I highly doubt Moran knows where that is. I’ll call Zack and let him know.”
I nodded, suddenly re
alizing that I had no idea where he lived either. He’d mentioned something a while back about renting a house in the area, but I’d never asked where it was. Good thing he was driving.
“Then let’s roll,” I said, feeling like a badass.
Chapter 32
My badass attitude lasted as long as it took for me to get into the car, put my head back against the headrest, and close my eyes. The next thing I knew someone was gently shaking my shoulder.
“Kara,” a vaguely familiar voice said. “You have rested long enough now. It is time for you to wake.”
I opened my eyes, instantly confused to see that I was in bed—and not my own. I rolled over to see Eilahn standing beside the bed. Behind her Ryan stood in the bedroom doorway, scowling darkly. I sat up and scrubbed at my face. I had the vaguest whisper of memory of being carried from the car to inside a house. I was pretty sure it was Eilahn who had carried me, too, which might have possibly explained why Ryan looked pissed.
“How long have I been asleep?” Sunlight streamed through the blinds covering the window, but I couldn’t see a clock anywhere in the room. Or anything else that wasn’t an absolutely necessary piece of furniture. Bed, nightstand, dresser, and armoire—all in a very sturdy-looking blond wood. The bedding was in muted autumn tones and the walls were a dusky blue. It looked exactly as I would have expected Ryan’s room to look.
“It is midday,” Eilahn replied.
I grimaced. “Shit. I wish you hadn’t let me sleep so long.” Small wonder that I’d crashed so hard, though, between the scant sleep and the normal exhaustion of performing a summoning. I tried to run a hand through my hair, but the tangles made that impossible.
“I tried to wake you a couple of hours ago,” Ryan said sourly. “She wouldn’t let me.”
Eilahn inclined her head slightly. “It is truth. You were in dire need of rest, and those few hours would have been insufficient.”
I stood up, feeling as if I’d slept in one position the entire time. Someone had been kind enough to remove my boots and gun at least. “That’s great,” I said as I tried to get my vertebrae to behave and line up properly. “But there’s too much that needs to be done.”
“And you need to be clear-headed and at your peak performance for such tasks,” Eilahn replied, slight smile curving her lips. “The kiraknikahl briefed me on the nature of the threat you are facing in this construct, and I concluded that it was highly probable that you would need to employ your arcane abilities in order to thwart it. Thus your need for further rest.”
I glanced again to Ryan. I didn’t think anyone could look more annoyed at the moment. I sighed. “Eilahn, his name is Ryan. Please cease referring to him as ‘the kiraknikahl.’ ”
“As you wish,” she replied.
I suddenly realized that Eilahn was dressed in something other than sweats—black jeans, form-fitting gray T-shirt, and boots. She looked like a fashion magazine version of How to Look Fabulous in Urban Casual. “Did you two go shopping?”
Ryan’s scowl deepened, if that was even possible. “No,” he gritted out. “She refused to leave, and made me go shopping. For her.”
I tried to picture the tough FBI agent shopping for women’s clothing and failed. “How on earth did you know her size?”
He folded his arms across his chest and glowered at the demon. “I estimated and bought a bunch of shit in a bunch of sizes, and tomorrow I’ll go and return all the shit that doesn’t fit.”
“Oh. Thanks for taking care of that. I’ll pay you back.”
“No, you won’t.” He smiled tightly. “She owes me, not you.”
I looked doubtfully between the two. I wasn’t so sure it worked like that since Eilahn was here to serve me, but to my surprise she merely gave Ryan a slight nod coupled with a faintly amused smile.
I heard a door open and close somewhere in the house. Ryan glanced down the hall. “That’d be Zack. I told him to bring food. C’mon and eat, lazybones.”
My gun and bag were on the nightstand and my boots were on the floor beside the bed. I quickly donned boots and gun, then grabbed my bag. But I paused before following Ryan out of the room.
I turned to Eilahn after Ryan was out of earshot. “Did Lord Rhyzkahl tell you why I needed protection?”
She dipped her head in a brief nod. “He advised that there had been attempts to interfere with you, and that you might be at risk for being summoned to the demon realm.”
“What would happen if I was summoned?” I asked, gut tightening.
“It is the same as when you summon demons to this sphere. There are bindings, and terms are negotiated. Save for one difference.” She paused, and whether she intended it to be or not, it was seriously ominous. “Only a demonic lord would be capable of opening a portal to summon you to the demon realm. And a lord would have more than sufficient potency available to bind you against your will, negating any need for your willingness to set terms.”
My throat was completely dry. “Like the Symbol Man was going to do to Rhyzkahl.” I croaked. A slave.
“Yes,” she said quietly. “And with far less effort.”
Fear sliced at me, and for a moment I had trouble getting breath. Then Eilahn put a hand on my chin and gently forced me to meet her eyes.
“I will protect you,” she said with such utter conviction that it was impossible not to believe her. My terror faded to apprehension and wary caution. I could handle that.
She dropped her hand and gave me a warm smile. “Come. You need to eat.” She turned and exited the room. After a heartbeat I followed her out and down a short hallway. It opened out into living room where Ryan was waiting for us. From what I could see, the rest of the house was more of the same as the bedroom. Somewhat spare, incredibly neat, sturdy-but-nice furniture, autumnal tones. There were blinds over the windows, but they were open enough for me to see that Ryan lived in a subdivision—a somewhat older one to judge by the number of trees visible. I realized I still had no idea where Ryan lived.
Off to the left I could see into a spotless kitchen, where Zack was standing at the counter with his back to me and a number of grease-stained paper bags before him.
Zack turned as I came into the living room. “Hey, Kara,” he said with a smile. “I didn’t know what you liked on your burgers, so I asked for ...” He trailed off and went still as he caught sight of Eilahn. She froze as well, eyes locked on Zack. Any doubts I’d harbored about whether or not Zack was a demon were suddenly gone as an electric tension filled the room. Neither made a move, but I had the unswerving feeling that both were milliseconds away from doing something blindingly fast and vicious.
“Zack, this is Eilahn,” I said, shattering the strange tension as surely as if I’d thrown a rock at a window. “Rhyzkahl sent her to protect me.”
He remained silent and still for another three heartbeats, then abruptly smiled a normal Zack-smile as he grabbed several bags and came into the living room. “Nice to meet you, Eilahn,” he said with a cheerfulness that felt jarring after the tableau of seconds before. “Hope you like burgers!”
Ryan took one of the bags from Zack, apparently unaware of the brief tension. But then again it hadn’t lasted very long. I’d probably only noticed because I knew about Zack.
“Love them,” Eilahn replied with a bright smile that was just as jarring as Zack’s cheerfulness. “Thanks!”
Zack passed me a wrapped burger, meeting my eyes and giving a slight nod that I took as a sign of approval. I felt a weird surge of relief. At least if I had to have a demon dogging my every move, it was one that apparently met Zack’s standards.
“I need to call my sergeant,” I said after inhaling half a burger. The last food I’d had was a piece of cheese right before summoning Eilahn, and I was feeling it. “Since he’s pretty much on board with the whole ‘magic’ thing, it’ll be damn useful to have him along.” I glanced at Ryan. “Another witness for our side, so to speak.”
“And what’s your cover story going to be for Eilahn h
ere?” Zack asked with a nod toward the demon.
Crap. I hadn’t thought about that. “Um, a visiting cousin or something.”
“If I might make a suggestion?” Zack said. “If she’s here to protect you, then she’ll need to be in a position to be near you fairly often.”
I set my half-eaten burger down. “So she needs to be a cop or something.” Maybe Crawford could figure out a way to get her hired? But then how would she get through the background check? I’d have to get a whole identity forged for her, and I had only the barest idea of how to go about doing that. I could probably scrounge up some contacts, but it would take time and be risky.
“It’ll be too difficult to get her hired on with your department,” Zack continued in an echo of my thoughts. “With any department, for that matter, and you don’t have the luxury of time to do anything that requires detailed work. The easiest thing to do would be to have her be another member of our task force.”
I glanced at Eilahn to see how she was handling being talked about, but she seemed unconcerned, leaning against the wall with her thumbs tucked into the pockets of her jeans. Apparently she recognized that Zack had been through this before and was willing to benefit from his experience. Or least that was my assumption. At some point I was going to pin Zack down and squeeze more info from him.
“Great,” I said, “so she’ll be another FBI agent.”
But Zack shook his head. “No, still too easy to check that. Easier to make her foreign—here on an exchange program, or that sort of thing.” He flicked a glance at the silent demon. “That will also help cover any slips she makes with regards to culture or social stuff.”
I slid a look to Ryan. He was focused on Zack, and he had an odd expression on his face as if he was trying to remember something. Zack suddenly grinned cheekily. “I knew all those suspense thrillers would pay off!”
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