by Donna Alward
As much as it pained her to know that her error in judgment had been a fatal blow to their relationship, it hurt deeper to know she’d wounded him so deeply. Later, Carly could help her find the anger, show her how to be offended instead of gutted. But for now, she needed the release of a good cry.
Somewhere in the midst of it all, she drifted off. The sound of footsteps circling the truck jolted her awake. Jacy had a satellite phone because she often found herself in places outside of cell-service range. Plus, she had a loaded shotgun in the cabinet beside her bed. Country girls were more prepared than Boy Scouts. Whoever this idiot checking out her rig was better head out quick, because she wasn’t in the mood to shoot the fool in the leg.
Peeking out the windows by the bed didn’t give any clues, so she slid out of bed and onto the bench. Her feet had barely touched the floor when she heard her name, so loud the sound jumpstarted her heart. She recognized Ray’s voice and froze on the spot.
He had the nerve to try the door. The sound startled her into action. She crossed the camper and opened the door.
Yellow streaks of sunlight shone through the trees, highlighting the curl of his light brown hair. He’d changed into a denim shirt, a few shades lighter than his eyes. Bloodshot eyes, which had probably had even less sleep than her own. She looked past him to his motorcycle parked sideways behind her.
He gave her a half smile and then shook his head. “Can I come in?”
“No, I’m having a pretty nice life in here.”
He nodded. “I deserved that.”
“You think?” She stayed in the doorway, wanting him to come in but not wanting to feel more of his rage.
“Listen, I’m not exactly proud of how I spoke to you this morning. I thought I had a couple hours to figure out what to say here, but you weren’t even a half-hour away.” He rubbed the back of his neck, his bright blue eyes pinning her in place. “You wanted to talk. I’m here to listen. If you changed your mind, I’ll go.”
“I don’t know if I can believe that.”
He cast a glance at the sky before returning his gaze to hers. “I said I would, and I don’t lie.”
“But you do get stuck on one point and ignore the rest. And you want me to carry baggage I didn’t pack.”
His eyes narrowed and then softened as he caught her meaning. “Fair enough. Do you want me to listen or not?”
She stepped aside, the tight space closing in around them. It wasn’t a recreational camper, so there was only one seat. She offered it to him and perched on the bench. She checked her watch, surprised to find half the morning gone.
Ray leaned toward her, bracing his forearms on his strong thighs. “So you made up an ex-husband to join NotMy1stRodeo.com.”
She nodded. “It’s not for singles, and the one I was on before wasn’t working for me. Slade had talked about it, so I checked it out and signed up.”
“To lose your virginity.”
Heat spread across her cheeks and down her neck. “I know that you don’t get it. Somewhere along the way, I turned off that side of myself. I was so busy with school and wanting to not just pass my courses, but to truly understand what I was doing. I took advantage of every opportunity that came my way, and meeting guys wasn’t even on my radar. It wasn’t until I turned twenty-nine that I realized how far behind I’d fallen.”
His expression was blank, unreadable. She sighed, deciding to keep going. “And guys now want to talk about sexual history over the bread basket. And then my lack of experience became the only topic of conversation. Some couldn’t get away from me fast enough, others wanted to help me out.”
“Why didn’t you let them?” He leaned back in the swivel chair bolted to the floor.
She shrugged. “I didn’t want to see any of them naked.”
A grin flickered across his face. “Fair enough.”
Her breathing deepened and the tightness squeezing her chest loosened up a bit. “They didn’t want to sleep with me either, not really. They’d hit Google before we’d go out and usually know the size of Weston Ridge and see dollar signs. Guys that grew up anywhere around us didn’t want to go near me. I mean, you know my brothers, they’re not what you’d call warm and friendly.”
“At least not where their sister is concerned.”
“I wanted a chance to find someone who wanted me, not a place on the ranch or as a virgin novelty. To do that, I had to get out of the county, away from the name. I could be me and have sex if I wanted. And if it was awful and I embarrassed myself as I usually do, I could just go back to my regularly scheduled life.”
He rubbed his hands over his jean-clad thighs. “Your logic is flawed. You know that, right?”
She nodded. “I can see where you’d think that, but I see the value in it.”
“In telling people you’re something you’re not?”
“No, in wanting to find someone who liked the awkward vet who would rather spend the day with animals than people, who rambles when she’s nervous and doesn’t know how to sit down in a dress.”
He pushed a hand through his hair. “You said you did it to have sex.”
“When I signed up, that’s what I wanted. I wanted to be brave enough to go through with it, but I doubted I would be. It’s hard to go from celibate to sex kitten overnight.”
He leaned towards her, bracing his forearms on his thighs once more. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“When? If I told you on the first phone call, you would have thought I was crazy. And after we met, I didn’t think you knew me well enough to understand. Plus, you said yourself, if you’d known I was a Weston, you would have asked Slade for his blessing. And he wouldn’t have given it.”
“Why not?” He sat up straight, vertical lines pressing into his forehead.
She swallowed, not wanting to say something that might hurt him more. But he had a thing for the truth. “Our folks have always said that marriage is the union of two people who are great at forgiveness. And that’s not you.”
He pulled his hand down his face, his expressionless mask returning. “He’s right. I’ll never forget what you did.”
“I know.” Her future spiraled down the drain in front of her. Ray wouldn’t be here unless he wanted to try, she just needed to give him a reason. “I’ll never forget the way you kissed me after we got caught in the rain. I’ll never forget your confidence in me when Candy was foaling. Or how you kept me company during my drive home, and how I got that shirtless selfie out of you.”
He groaned and closed his eyes and she wondered if maybe, just maybe, he remembered it all too.
“Most of all, I’ll never forget how gentle you were with me. And how in that moment, nothing else existed.” Her throat tightened, her lashes wet as she blinked. “It was amazing, being together like that and knowing that you loved me and I loved you. It made something better than either of us.”
The silence stretched, the whirring sound of passing cars on the highway punctuating how long it had been since either of them spoke. Jacy closed her eyes and focused on anything else. The window against her back, the bit of comforter hanging off her bed that rested behind her head. If he wanted to go, he needed to be the one to leave.
“I can’t forgive you today.”
She opened her eyes at the sound of his voice. When he stood, he filled the space completely. She lifted her gaze to his and forced a smile. “I know.”
“I don’t think I will tomorrow either.”
Dear God in heaven, if he was going to get mean now, when she’d been so vulnerable with him, she was going to have to jump up and get her gun. She wouldn’t shoot it, but the thing was heavy and it would hurt like hell when she hit him with it.
“And I know I won’t be able to trust you until I forgive you.”
Not sure if she should ready herself for the fatal blow, she tried to read his eyes, finding
only naked emotion. He seemed as confused and scared as she was.
“But I do know that I loved you yesterday, and you loved me, and it was the best I’ve ever felt in my life. And in an instant, it was all taken away. I don’t know if I can handle someone having that much control over my life.”
“That’s the part that sucks for me right now.” He was damned lucky she’d learned how to save her tears for privacy, because holding back now wasn’t easy to do. “I don’t think either one of us are getting out of this whole.”
He cleared his throat and hooked his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans. “I know I don’t have much place to ask, but can you give me a few days? I’m so angry with you right now, and I don’t want to make a permanent decision while I’m seeing red.”
She sighed, her heart still leaden but her burden easing. “Okay. So this is a don’t-call-me, I’ll-call-you thing?”
He knit his brows together. “No, I mean come home with me. You cleared a few days because of the twins anyway, right? We can talk and fight and try to figure out where we go from here.”
“You want me to stay with you so we can fight?”
“It could happen. Probably will.”
She nodded and stood in front of him. “I’ll go home. With you. To make up. We can talk or fight or whatever you want, so long as we make up after. I’ll do anything it takes to get us back to yesterday.”
He reached for her and took her hand in his. “I hope we get there.”
She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head against his chest. His steady heartbeat beneath her ear soothed the parts of her soul still aching. He pulled her close, tightening his grasp around her.
“Maybe if we both hold on tight enough, it won’t unravel.” His husky whisper warmed her as much as his big body surrounding hers did.
“I love you too much to let go.” She loved the scent of him, all clean man and hard work.
“But you have to.” He tilted her chin up to meet his gaze. He brushed his lips against hers in the faintest of kisses. “You have to drive home.”
“Home is wherever we’re together.” She pulled him to her and his lips found hers. For a moment, she forgot about apologies and forgiveness, future worries and past regrets. He tasted like crisp autumn and fresh mint, his kiss melting into hers as if they belonged together. Which they did.
He pulled away when she slipped her fingers between the buttons of his shirt. “I’m going to like making up with you, babe.”
“Making up, making out, making love, making sandwiches…”
“Sandwiches?”
“I have a big appetite.”
His warm, rich laugh filled the space with hope. “You and me both, babe. You and me both.”
Epilogue
Seven months later
Jacy tried not to fidget too much in the passenger seat. She hadn’t spent this much time in a car with someone else driving since before she had her drivers permit.
“Relax,” Ray said for the third time, reaching out to rub her jean-covered thigh. “We’re almost there.”
“I’m trying, but this is a big deal. And if we do it wrong, it’s going to be…” She flailed her hands about, making explosion sounds.
“You mean I can’t open with Happy Mother’s Day, we’re pregnant?” Ray laughed, the warm sound like music to her soul.
She swatted his arm. “You’re on thin ice with my mother already.”
“She’ll like me again once the baby’s here. Babies make everything better.” He squeezed the thigh and then returned his hand to the steering wheel. Ten and two. He’d been obsessed about safety for the last five weeks. The day they’d seen the plus sign, he’d gone out and bought the car because he didn’t think a car seat would be safe enough in either of their trucks.
Jacy twisted the engagement ring on her finger. “If your parents hadn’t already guessed, I’d wait until the wedding to tell them. It’s only three weeks away. Lots of people wait until the second trimester before they announce.”
“They’re going to figure it out.” Ray rubbed his knuckle against her breast. She glanced down at the new cleavage and sighed. “Unless you want to cop to a boob job.”
“They do look fake.” She crossed her arms over her chest and squeezed. So far, adding two cup sizes was her only symptom.
“They don’t.”
“Like you’re some boob judge. They could totally be fake.”
He shrugged. “There’s a class guys take our freshman year of college. How to spot who got a boob job for high school graduation 101.”
“Ah, yes, I must have been too busy at how to tell if your guy is full of shit 102.”
“You aced your class, I aced mine.”
She glanced down at her cleavage again. “They’re too big for my body.”
“You’re going to grow into them. If I get lucky, they’ll stick around. If not, we’ll just have to have another baby. And another.”
“That’s hot,” she deadpanned.
“Three is the magic number.”
“Two. Maybe. We have to see how this one goes.” She rested her hand below the waistband of her jeans. “You’re going to have to figure out how to keep condoms from breaking, or we’ll go back to the birth-control method I used before we met.”
“You didn’t… Ah, I see what you did there. Clever. Never going to happen, but clever.” He cleared his throat. “Are you going to tell anyone the condom broke? Because I’d rather Bubba never know that. I mean, I wasn’t even back from the bathroom and you had your legs up the wall and were talking about when the baby would be due. It’s an oops, but not with a capital O.”
“It was an ideal time to get pregnant. The holidays are a slow at work and January is a good time for me to take a month off. I’m a practical girl, that’s where my mind went.” She rested her head on the seat back and smiled his way, the edges of his profile lit by the afternoon sun. “But don’t worry, no one in that house wants to think of us having sex. My mom’s just going to be disappointed because this is exactly why she doesn’t approve of living together before marriage.”
“We’re staying the night so we can get the marriage license in the morning before we head back home, so we can get married in her county, at her house. Still, my money is she makes me bunk with your brother, even after we tell her about Bubba.”
No way would she take that bet. She rubbed her fingers in the newly shorn hair at the nape of his neck. She liked it a bit longer, but the Mitchells had a Mother’s Day haircut tradition. “I want her to like you, and right now you’re really not her favorite person.”
“I’m not going to apologize for something we’re both happy about. Personally, I don’t care what she thinks. But if she’s upset, it will bother you, and you’re busy making a baby, so I’ll jump whatever hoops she wants me to. What did you say this week is?”
She took his hand off the steering wheel and placed it on her belly. “He’s the size of a grape and his heart is dividing into chambers.”
“Exactly. You’re busy. No one needs to hassle you with their judgments.” He stopped the car and yanked it into park. He turned to her with a megawatt smile. “Let’s do this thing.”
He leaned in for a quick kiss and then circled around the car to open her door. He offered her a hand in this chivalrous way he had. She always took it, because when she did, he pulled her up right beside him.
“Babe, no matter what, I’ll back you up. If you want to go in there and pretend you found some new supersizing bra, I’ll go with it.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and grinned up at him. He hadn’t shaved since morning and a light shadow covered his jaw. Right here, in this tight little circle, she had what she needed. “Leave our stuff in the car. If Mama doesn’t want you to stay with me, I’ll bunk with you at Slade’s.”
He k
issed her forehead and took her hand as they walked up the steps. He held open the screen door while she walked inside first. As soon as the screen door slammed, her mother came running the rest of the crew behind her. Jacy squeezed Ray’s hand tight, tighter.
“Happy Mother’s Day,” she said as her mom wrapped her up in an embrace. “We’re having a baby.”
About the Author
Jenna Bayley-Burke is known for her fun, sexy romance novels, baking banana bread and over-volunteering. She thinks she has the best jobs in the world—mother, wife and author. When she’s not lost in her latest story, she can be found pursuing whatever hobby her characters are enamored with—photography, yoga, shoes, gardening, crafts and cooking up a storm. For more on Jenna check out her website www.jennabayleyburke.com.
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