April stopped and pulled three envelopes out of her purse.
“I have an envelope for each of you. I know each of you will open them at different times, maybe not even open them for months. And that’s okay. I know what they say. When you are ready, you can read his words to you all. In the meantime, while I can feel Rick’s presence around me, I’m going to tell you what they say.”
Ava squeezed my hand tight, and I wondered if April had shared the contents of the letters.
“When we found out I was pregnant, Rick being Rick went into over-protective hyperdrive. Sorry babe, but you did.” April laughed and looked up towards the clouds. We all chuckled along with her. That sounded like Rick. “So anyway. He had to update his will of course, set up a college fund, research all sorts of stuff on drinking water and lead paint. I won’t bore you with all the details. But one other thing he did was sit down and write each of you a letter. In the letter, he has requested each of you to be the baby’s Godfather. He has a reason for wanting each of you to stand up for his child. Those reasons are yours alone and you will find them in the letter. Now I tried to dissuade him, Ava, I promise. Three over-protective hyper vigilant badasses as Godfathers. I fear if this baby is a girl she will not only never get a prom date, but never get a first kiss.”
“Goddamn right she won’t,” I chuckled.
“Not a boy good enough for her,” Dustin added.
I waited for Austin to weigh in, but it never came. He was stone-faced.
“So, it would be an honor if all three of you would stand up for this baby and help me teach it all the things he or she will need to know about life. If you could all help me teach this baby about Rick and who he was and what he stood for, I would be grateful. I’m going to need it. And Ava, I was hoping that you would be the baby’s Godmother. You, friend, are a force of hope and love and embody everything a mother should be.”
Ava tried to answer through her tears, her head nodding. “There would be no greater honor than being the baby’s Godmother.”
“Great. Now that all of that is settled and out of the way. I’ll give you all whatever time you would like with Rick before we head off to Red’s to toast one hell of a guy.”
I was in shock. Total and utter shock of April. I don’t know where she found the strength to get through all of what she just said. But, she impressed the hell outta me. Damn but Rick was a lucky man to have had her standing beside him. I understood now, when he told me he was stronger with her by his side, that she made him a better person. At the time I thought he was blowing smoke up my ass and was turning soft. Now… now, I got it. All of it. Even if I didn’t have that same great love with Ava now. Seeing April up there pushing through her sadness, I would’ve understood. She was remarkable.
April handed us our letters, and each of us said good-bye to our friend, our brother. And we did go to Red’s and celebrate one hella good man.
By the time we left the bar, Ava was on pins and needles to get home. She wanted to see the kids. But there was something different about her. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was like a fire had been lit in her belly. Her eyes were bright, her smiles came quick, and she somehow looked lighter. Like a cloud had been lifted.
Whatever it was, it was pure beauty. And mine. All mine.
I was one lucky bastard.
Chapter Twenty-Two
FULL CIRCLE
Ava
Today was the day.
It was the one day of the year that I hated. I dreaded it with every cell in my body. Only today, when I woke up wrapped up in Reid’s shield, I didn’t hate it quite as bad. Sure, today still hurt. Sure, today held sadness and the memory of loss. But today, on this anniversary of Jacob’s murder, the day also held hope.
Hope for the future.
Today was the day I was going to make things right. I was finally strong enough to do what I should have done a long time ago.
I knew that Reid was worried about me. I had been secretive and needed to pull into my head to work out the rest of my feelings. When he asked what he needed to do to help me, I didn’t shut him out, I gave him honesty. I just needed his quiet strength and his promise he wouldn’t give up on us. That was all I needed to pull through today.
Today was a new beginning.
“Jake. Melody. Do you want to come down here and put the frosting on the cake?” I yelled up the stairs.
Two resounding yeses came floating down. Two sets of feet ran to the top of the stairs.
“Whoa, slow down there, speed demons. A trip to the ER is not on today’s agenda.” That sounded hauntingly familiar.
Melody and Jake made their way into the kitchen. The cake had cooled and was ready for frosting. We only had about fifteen minutes until Reid and Mac got back. If I wanted this cake frosted before we left, we had to hurry.
“Alright we don’t have much time,” I said to the kids.
“Can I help? I’ve never put frosting on,” Melody asked.
I glanced at JJ waiting for him to answer. This was a special tradition for him. I had baked cupcakes for Melody to frost in the off-chance JJ didn’t want to share.
“Of course, you can. You frost that side, and I’ll frost this one.” JJ pointed to the cake.
I watched as the kids each frosted their side and smiled when Melody tried to get her side to look as perfect as her brother’s. I listened as they prattled on about licking the leftover chocolate frosting off the spatulas. Their sweet voices filled my heart.
Today was a good day.
Melody was resilient and making huge improvements every day. She had stopped asking JJ to sleep on her bedroom floor now that she had a bed full of stuffed animals to sleep with her. Her hugs and kisses came fast and frequent now. She was healing. And it was beautiful.
By the time the kids were done licking the bowl and spatulas clean, they had chocolate all over their faces and hands.
“Go wash your faces. We’re gonna leave in a minute.”
“Okay,” Melody said and jumped off her stool running towards the stairs.
JJ hung back a minute, a worried look on his face.
“What’s going on, little man? You alright? I know today is tough,” I asked.
“I was just going to ask you the same thing. Are you okay, Mama?”
“Yes. My sweet boy. I am okay. Today will always be a sad day for us. But today, we are going to do things a little different.”
“I’m okay too. I’m happy. Well, I mean, I’m sad today is the anniversary of when Dad died. But I am happy, too. Is that okay? Would Dad be mad at me?”
“My beautiful, thoughtful son, your dad would never want you to be sad. Not one single minute. He would want you smiling and happy. Today we are not going to be sad. We’ve had five years of sad. Today, we celebrate your dad. No tears. No pain. Only joy and happiness. Today, we remember a good man, a good husband, and good father…” I looked up to see Mac and Reid in the doorway to the kitchen. “… and a good friend.”
JJ looked over his shoulder at Mac and Reid “Hey Uncle Mac, hi Dad. I have to go wash my face.”
Without waiting for them to reply, he was out of the kitchen heading for the stairs.
“I see the kids decorated the cake,” Reid commented on the mounds of chocolate frosting.
Mac chuckled sticking his finger in the leftover bowl of frosting, coming up with a huge glob. After he licked his finger clean he threw a wink my way as he exited the kitchen. “Damn that’s good woman. You almost ready?” he asked.
“I am,” I replied.
“Yeah, you finally are.”
***
This time, when we pulled up to the cemetery, there were no blue and red flashing lights. There were no first responders lining the street. When we piled out of the car, this time there were no bagpipes to greet us. I was not in some dowdy black dress fit for a grieving widow.
Today was about celebration.
This time, I arrived at the cemetery with hope in my heart. I had fina
lly found peace. We walked to Jacob’s final resting place and came to a stop. JJ was holding a dozen white lilies. Every year on our wedding anniversary Jacob would bring me white lilies. Now, we brought them to him every year. JJ knelt down and placed the flowers in front of Jacob’s marker.
“Hi Dad,” he whispered.
Mac, Reid, and Melody were all standing a few feet behind us. Mac was standing in the same place he stood each time we came. Ever faithful in his duties to watch over JJ and I.
“Hi, Jacob.” I sucked in a breath and prepared for what I had to say. I had practiced it in my mind a thousand times. “I owe you an apology.” I looked over at JJ. He was so handsome, and so brave. God, I loved that boy so much. “I know that I have disappointed you, I have disappointed myself. I have been so lost in my head, lost in my grief, lost in my anger, and most of all my guilt that I have shut everyone out except JJ. I even pushed Mac away. But, of course you know that. I did this all wrong. He promised you he would watch over us and I made him break that promise. I didn’t let him fulfill the vow he made to you. Well, not to the fullest extent I know he wanted to. And for that I am truly sorry. I also pushed away our child, the one I lost. I refused to acknowledge that loss. We created that child out of love. I realized that by doing what I was doing, I was denying that the baby ever existed. I am sorry for that too.”
I turned to look at Mac. “I am so sorry, Mac. I know I don’t deserve it but I hope you can forgive me. I want you to know, that even as I was pushing you away, I knew that you wouldn’t let me. I knew that you would always be there to care for us. I know that makes what I did even more wrong. But that is the truth. Thank you, Mac, for everything.”
“Nothing to apologize for, Ava. I’m just pleased as fu..just pleased that you and JJ are happy again. That is all I ever wanted for the both of you.” Mac’s voice was full of emotion.
“I need to thank you, Jacob. I know that when Carl took me, you kept our son safe. I know you spoke to him the same way you spoke to me. Hearing your voice again was a Godsend. I miss your voice. I miss your laughter. I just miss you. I also want to thank you for Melody. For bringing her to us. For sitting with her and singing to her. For giving her strength when she needed it. I want you to know that not a day goes by we don’t think about you. Thank you for bringing us Reid. I know that was you, too. I know you are watching out for us. He loves us, the same way you loved us. We love him too. He protects us and watches out for us. He is helping those seeds you planted grow. Him and Mac both. He’s a good dad. I love you, Jacob, always.”
I stepped back and found myself in Reid’s strong arms. Careful not to crush the bouquet of wildflowers I was holding, he hugged me. “I love you, Ava,” he whispered.
JJ was smiling looking at his dad’s marker. I looked at the marker next to his that was covered with a black cloth and prayed I had done the right thing. The plot next to Jacob used to be mine. We had bought two burial plots together.
I pulled out of Reid’s arms and looked at Mac. He nodded his head, encouraging me to continue.
“Melly, baby, can you come sit over here with me?” I asked.
She let go of her dad’s hand and sat where I was pointing. JJ had come over and sat next to me too.
“Do you understand what this place is?” I asked.
“Yes, it is where dead people are buried,” she answered.
“You’re right. And you see that stone there,” I pointed to Jacob’s marker. She nodded her head and I continued. “That has Jake’s dad’s name on it. It marks where he is buried so we can visit him.” I pulled the black cloth of the stone marker. “Do you know what this says?”
Melody leaned over and studied the freshly cut stone. “Valerie Fairman. That’s mommy’s name.”
“Yes. That is mommy’s name. This is where your mommy is buried. Right next to Jake’s dad. Now, anytime you want, we can come and you can sit and talk with mommy, and we can bring mommy flowers. For today, I brought these for you to give to your mommy.” I handed Melody the flowers. “Next time we come you can pick out your mommy’s favorite flower.”
“What do I do?” she asked.
I stood up and left Jake and Melody sitting next to Jacob and Valerie.
“Anything you want, Melly. Just set the flowers down. You can talk out loud or in your head. Whatever you want. Sometimes, I talk out loud. But today, when I talked to my dad, I wanted to tell him a secret, so I just thought it in my head.”
“What was your secret?” she asked.
“It won’t be a secret if I tell you.”
“Please. Pretty please. You’re my brother, you have to tell.”
Oh boy, that girl was good. Almost as good as JJ when he wanted something. I see bad things in our future with these two swindlers.
“I told my dad, that I was happy that Mama had Reid. That she wasn’t sad any more. And I told him that Reid tells me cool stories about him. Ummm, oh and I thanked him for bringing my sister home and for protecting you until dad could.”
Wow.
“Hi, mommy. I miss you.” Melody started to cry. “Sometimes I am still scared, but my big brother sneaks in my room and sleeps on the floor. Daddy is nice, and he tells me every night when he reads us our bedtime story that he loves me. Like that? Am I doing it right?” she asked JJ.
“Yep.” He smiled, obviously thrilled that Melody was telling Valerie about him.
“Okay, good. I’m back Mommy, Ava lets me help her cook and she brushes my hair pretty. Wait, Ava is JJ’s mommy. When I asked JJ if Ava was my new mommy he said that it was up to me. I’m not sure yet. Is that okay with you? Oh and, Uncle Mac is super cool. Jakey was right. He tells us funny stories. And there is a swear jar just for him, because he says those naughty words. JJ says he is gonna buy a car from the F bombs. That’s cool, right? Maybe Uncle Mac will give me F bombs, too.”
I felt Reid shaking beside me, trying not to out and out laugh. His lips at my ear again before he spoke softly, “There are no words for this. What you’ve done today. What you just gave Melody. I don’t know how you pulled this off but thank you.”
“Mac helped. And there are no thanks necessary. I love you, and I love her. She needed a place to visit her mom.”
“… that’s all for now. But Ava said she’ll bring me back here, and I can tell you more. I love you, Mommy. I wish I could see you.” Melody whispered the last part.
Both kids walked over to us, and I suggested we walk to the nearby fountain to give the guys a minute.
The kids talked and I allowed my thoughts to wander. I saw Mac bend down and touch Jacob’s head stone and walk back to the car. Reid took longer, first in front of Jacob, then in front of Valerie. He looked in our direction and his smile was so big and wide it took my breath away. I didn’t need to see them to know his dimples were out, and the smile lines were around his eyes.
When we got back to the Rover the kids piled in and I called over to Mac before he could get in his car.
“Hey Mac? You got a few more minutes?”
He didn’t reply. He just shut his car door and made his way over to me.
“You got this, sweetheart. I’ll wait with the kids.” Reid kissed my forehead and I grabbed the sunflowers out of the back of the truck.
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know how to start this conversation. “I think I’ve blamed you all these years. I don’t know. Maybe because it was you that told me, that I illogically blamed you for telling me. Like, if you had never told me, then it wouldn’t be real. I don’t know, I was all kinds of screwed up.”
“I know you did.”
“You knew?”
“Of course, I did. And, honestly, I knew you needed someone to blame. And I was okay being that person for you. If it made it just a little easier for you to be mad at me, I was willing to take it. But, I was on the verge of helping you pull your head outta your ass when Reid finally got his outta his ass and decided to claim you. I figured Reid could sort you out.”
“Do you really
think that Jacob would be happy that I have moved on?”
“Yes.”
“Just yes, huh?” I laughed.
“What do you want me to say? Jacob loved you so much. He would never want you and JJ to be sad for the rest of your lives. And before you ask, yes, he’d be pleased it was Reid. They didn’t know each other well. But, Jacob respected him, and thought he was solid. More than that, I know that Jacob trusted Reid.”
We came to a stop in front of a place I hated to go. Every year I fought with Mac about coming here. Yet, this year he walked straight to his car after we visited Jacob.
“Why didn’t you suggest that we come here?” I asked.
“Because, you didn’t need me to.”
“What if I decided not to come? What would you have done?”
“Nothing. Me bringing you here wasn’t about you coming here to stare at a piece of stone. It was about forcing you to acknowledge that you losing the baby wasn’t your fault.”
“I know that I couldn’t control the ectopic pregnancy. And I know I didn’t do anything wrong. Thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me. I was a bitch; you didn’t deserve what I gave you.”
“It’s all good.”
I leaned down and placed the sunflowers on the marker. I placed my fingers over my lips kissing them before placing them on the marker that Mac had made.
It simply read, Kelley.
***
We walked back into the house and I looked around.
Today was a good day.
I looked at our comfy chocolate brown over stuffed couches that my family sat on nightly to watch TV together. My eyes scanned the living room where my family laughed enjoying each other’s company. I noticed Melody’s crayons and coloring books on the coffee table and JJ’s tablet next to them. There were little girl shoes mixed with not so little boy shoes thrown near the shoe basket never having actually made it in. Reid’s boots sat next to them neatly lined up.
Unbroken -Part Two - A Second Chance at Love Romance: The Collective - Season 1, Episode 6 Page 20
