“How about Champagne?” he suggested. When she nodded, he elbowed up to the bar, looping his arm behind her, steering her closer, laying his fingertips lightly against the bare skin of her back to keep her beside him. She stiffened slightly, shivering, and drew her shoulders up, goose-bumps rising on her flesh. He ordered two glasses, then raised them high to turn toward her.
“Shouldn’t you be drinking a martini? You know, shaken… ”
“That’s not me,” he laughed, shaking his head, handing her a glass. She took a sip, and wrinkled her nose as the bubbles tickled it. His mouth lifted into a crooked smile.
“There you go again laughing at your own private joke.” She clicked her tongue with feigned annoyance, secretly thrilled at his nearness, and his attention on her again. “And I was seeing you as this… sort of … bearded mystic on a hilltop.”
“Hah! That may be closer to the truth. I’ve been known to forget to shave, or forgo a haircut, but my daughter keeps me in line. She likes her guys clean shaven.”
“A woman after my own heart,” replied Kate, their eyes briefly meeting before she glanced away.
“How is she, by the way? Last I saw you she was ill.”
“Much better, thanks. It was a short-lived stomach virus, I guess. She was back at pre-school yesterday, good as new.”
Just then, the MC announced that dinner would be served shortly.
“They bounce back quickly, don’t they?”
“Where are you seated for dinner?” he ventured, and reached for her elbow, which tingled again at his touch. “Are you here with someone?”
She flinched, picturing Jay, who loathed formal fundraisers, refusing to accompany her tonight, and replied, a little breathless, glancing across the room, “Oh, table twelve, over there. A bunch I sort of know from my volunteer work at the hospital. Social workers and psychiatric nurses, mostly.” She spoke too quickly.
“I should have known you’d be involved with the patients somehow,” he said.
“It’s nothing. The hospital social worker calls me up from time to time when there’s a little problem with the families,” she shrugged, her sheer shawl slipped, baring one shoulder. Simon stared, and she pulled up her shawl self-consciously.
“Uh. Well if your boyfriend’s not here with you, would you care to join me? There’s room at my table,” he hurried to explain, “and a group of very dull old lawyers whose evening your company would distinguish, not to mention my own.”
A little wave of guilt washed over her. Could she abandon the colleagues who invited her? She knew they’d understand and cheer her on. “Maybe for a while?”
At her hesitation, he added, “I won’t bite.”
“I… ah… I suppose. Sure.” She tilted her head. “I’ll just let them know. What table?”
“Thirty-one. Just there.” He pointed, standing close to her so she could share his line of sight, and she inhaled deeply the fresh, crisp masculine scent of his hair and skin, a hint of his citrusy cologne, vaguely familiar, making her head spin. “I’ll be waiting.” He strolled slowly away from her toward the table, and stood by his chair watching her across the room.
She felt awkward explaining Simon to her friends, especially since a couple of them had met Jay. “He’s just an old friend,” she said, shaking her head, trying to convince herself as much as them. Several of them turned to check him out, and then gave her approving mischievous glances and nods. “I’ll catch you later.” She bent to retrieve her auction ticket. Blushing, she gave a little wave to her colleagues, and turned back in his direction.
The older lawyers at his table were bold and lewd. As Simon introduced her to the partners from the firm where he’d articled years ago, they stood, bowing and fawning over her like schoolboys. But she was more than used to holding her own among professional men, even younger and more aggressive ones. And their interest was more avuncular, in truth, than real. One old guy had a face like a shriveled apple doll.
As dinner was served, Simon watched her silently. Her efforts at conversation felt forced, and she squirmed under his gaze. What is he doing? They ate in shy silence, she attempting small talk, and he staring and smiling, with heat in his eyes.
As the dinner plates were being cleared, and the live auction was wrapping up, he leaned toward her and whispered, “If I leave you alone with these old lechers for a minute, will you manage?” She simply laughed, and cocked an eyebrow. He sauntered away slowly.
Between bids and banter, the older men at her table eventually turned their attentions away. It allowed her a chance to return to her table of friends and chat awhile, though she had to rebuff their questions about the mystery man. “We’re working together on a case, that’s all.” Simon’s temporary absence also gave her a little space to contemplate the strange evening, especially now that her was not staring at her so relentlessly.
She still was stunned to have found him here. But more than that, his demeanor left her in a coil. He was behaving like a besotted lover, staring at her and (gasp) reciting poetry, inviting her to join him for dinner. But then, he just sat there, aloof, observing her with that infuriating half-smile on his handsome face and a question in his hooded eyes, barely saying two words together. She imagined his busy brain brooding, questioning who she was, how she’d changed, just as she was. She’d felt obliged to fill the silence with empty chatter, which made her feel vapid and awkward. His attentions both warmed and worried her. Is he still shy? Is he toying with me? What on earth is he thinking about? Her mind bounced to Jay again. Why am I even thinking these thoughts?
Discretely, she kept one restless eye on his progress across the room. He strode with a polished and confident air, and struck a dashing figure in his black tuxedo, with his height, broad shoulders and slender hips. He moved with elfin grace, the candlelight glinting off his golden hair. She had assumed he went to the men’s room, but he stopped abruptly and exchanged words with a stunning beauty in an elegant navy blue sheath. Her gleaming chestnut hair streamed down her back like a racehorse’s mane, and she had a sleek, sinewy model’s physique to match.
They made a striking couple. Standing close together—she was almost as tall as Simon—their degree of intimacy was obvious from the nearness of their faces and their steady eye contact. Kate’s forte was reading non-verbal behavior and it was clear they knew each other well. Simon stood rigidly with his back to her, arms at his sides, his hands clenched in fists, but the woman’s expression was sultry and seductive, and Kate couldn’t help wondering who she was, and what claim she had on Simon’s attention.
But, Kate caught herself, what claim do I have on it? She was being ridiculous, just because of some innocent flirtation and a little superficial flattery. It was dangerous to entertain such thoughts. She fell instantly to imagining Simon as he was all those years ago– when he was hers. Though then he was not so polished and worldly, he was both romantic and passionate. Why did he make her feel such strong emotions, when in truth she hardly knew him? She’d become enthralled by him again, so easily. It was too easy to imagine herself the object of his desire, too.
It frightened her to allow the thoughts playtime, and she quelled them with ruthless reminders of how he’d rejected her, and how she’d fallen to pieces. A shiver skittered over her bare skin, and she tugged at the edges of her thin shawl. She couldn’t trust herself to judge her true feelings, even though it felt wonderful to imagine that kind of infatuation and desire overtaking her. Surely he was only playing, and meant nothing by his flirtation. The room tilted as dizziness invaded her head, her stomach squeezed and surged. She sat upright, stiffening, and closed her eyes, trying to breath through it. It was best to put a stop to this before it went any further. She would turn away both eyes and heart from his encounters with other women. It was none of her business.
When she saw him returning to their table, she excused herself and made her way back. But when he arrived, he was altered, and she found she no longer had to withstand his heated regard. She
tried not to care; though he spoke no more or less than before, he was tense, fidgety, more reserved, and looked not at her but at his utensils. He made desultory conversation with the man to his right, ignoring her for long periods, as dessert was laid before them, and coffee and tea served. What happened to him? Abruptly, she felt cold and unwelcome. I should say goodnight and rejoin my friends.
Kate’s appetite for sweets was gone, and although she told herself she didn’t mind, she couldn’t help feeling dejected. She felt heat in her head building. She missed his eyes on her, though they made her tremulous and queasy, as if she were an amateur on stage, her lines forgotten. After another empty exchange with the lawyer to her left ended, she could no longer pretend she hadn’t notice Simon’s mood.
“You’ve gone quiet,” she observed.
There was a long pause as he sipped and set down his teacup. “I often am.” Now he was curt. Not the charming romantic from an hour earlier. He seemed to regret his harsh words, and relenting, said, “I bumped into Sharon on my way back.” He pressed his three middle fingers to his creased brow, rubbing with an abstracted air.
“Oh? She’s here too?” The conversation felt forced, with long awkward pauses, and she was certain he would rather be anywhere than sitting here with her. He must be embarrassed that Sharon would see them together. “I can’t picture her at an event like this.”
“She’s actually quite civic-minded. She got me the ticket, insisted I come,” he replied, glancing at her chin. His jaw was working, dimpling as he clenched his teeth, thin-lipped.
Kate remembered their exchange on Tuesday. “You seem upset. Did she say something?”
His eyes closed slowly and opened again, flicking skyward. “Almost everything she says annoys me. It appears she’s figured out that we…” he flicked a finger back and forth between them to indicate which ‘we’ he meant, “…were much more than acquaintances back in university. I hope she doesn’t make trouble. I wouldn’t put it past her.”
“Ooh. Oh! I worried that we should have disclosed more. Now what?” Kate pondered aloud, nibbling the inside of her cheek. This could get sticky, especially if Sharon decided to press the issue publicly. “I mean… not that anything–”
“Now? Nothing. We’ll be certain to give them nothing further to talk about.” There was a cold distance in the tarn blue of his eyes, a flatness she hadn’t encountered for a long, long time. It made her shudder to remember that other side of him. He could be ruthless when enraged; as hard and cold as a steel blade. The message was clear enough, though.
Nothing for whom to talk about? Her stomach clenched. “I wonder how she figured it out?” Kate mused, poking indifferently at her mousse. She didn’t want those glacial eyes aimed at her anymore.
He sneered. “Some women make it their business to poke into other people’s concerns and use whatever they find out against them. Sharon’s a pretty typical professional, clawing and scratching her way to the top, stepping on people as she goes.” Simon’s jaw was set like granite, and his eyes did not meet hers while he delivered his verdict.
She could hardly believe her ears. Where did that come from? Kate felt a hard jolt of rage slam through her, and gripped her fork with white knuckled fingers, pointing it at him. “Professional woman, I suppose you mean? I can’t believe you would make such a blatantly sexist and petty comment. You sound like a misogynist, when I know you’re not. Maybe it’s you who has issues about competition in the workplace, not Sharon.”
He tongued his cheek and shot a wary glance at her hostile fork, his nostrils flaring, and replied, “There’s truth in what I said and you know it. It wasn’t my intention to offend you.”
“Too late, I’m afraid.” She glared at him for a long moment, assessing, while her buzzing nerves made her tremble so hard she could hardly draw breath. Her chest ached with tension. Inside she was in turmoil. Perhaps he wasn’t the enlightened male she took him for, or that he pretended to be. Maybe it was all an act, to get rid of her, so he could return to the company of that goddess in the blue dress. Or maybe she’d only imagined his charm and insight, dredged up from the years of fantasies she’d conjured. She turned her head from side to side, gnawing her upper lip. Either way, she’d had enough. Infuriating man. “I think I’ll head over and visit with my friends from the hospital. Excuse me.” She stood up. “Good night.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Alexa scowled. “I’m worried about you Kate.”
“I’m okay. Really. It’s just so weird. I don’t know what to think.”
“You should have stayed away from him. It’s probably a careless act he’s been perfecting for years to impress and snare women.” Alexa concluded, stabbing a broccoli floret with venom.
“Well, it’s more in keeping with his hot and cold behavior back… then,” Kate reassured herself. She crunched thoughtfully on a mouthful of salad. Thankfully Alexa was here to share her tumult of conflicted feelings after her disturbing encounter with Simon last night.
“He hasn’t changed, after all. He’s just more polished. Maybe he’s not even conscious of flicking his charm on and off like a switch.” Last night’s abrupt about-face was probably meant to dismiss her, or let her know he was only playing with her, since he was obviously flirting with that gorgeous redhead as well. “He seemed really embarrassed that Sharon found out about us. I know I am.” Kate felt a painful knot twist in her stomach, and suppressed a belch. She pushed aside a bright red tomato wedge, examining the remains of her salad. “Are you sure this feta is okay?”
“Well, I wouldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt,” Alexa said. “Men like that know exactly what they’re doing. I’ve known a few. I wouldn’t trust him, or take his flirting seriously.” She stood to clear away their plates and tossed them on the pile of unwashed dishes in her kitchen sink. Turning, she pointed at Kate. “Which would be fine, if you weren’t so vulnerable. Why wasn’t Jay with you, anyway?”
“Wouldn’t come.” Kate shook her head. “I wish I weren’t so gullible.”
“It’s only because it’s him, you know. If you had a thicker skin, and just wanted to play and move on, I wouldn’t worry so much about you. It’s this naive obsession with happily ever after that gets you in trouble.”
Alexa set two cups of steaming coffee in front of her and sat down again.
“Maybe.” It was a relief to finally peg him and move on with a clear head and a calm heart. But she didn’t feel calm. “Still, there was no reason for him to become so nasty last night. We have to work together, after all, and it seems less than politic to offend me.” Something didn’t fit.
“It would be easier for you to work if he weren’t there at all. You need to forget about guys and focus on your career.” Their eyes met, Alexa’s criticism implicit. “So why wouldn’t Jay go with you?”
Kate rolled her gaze to the ceiling. “Because I couldn’t give him an answer, and he’s miffed with me.”
“And why is that?”
Kate shrugged. She took a sip of coffee and cringed at the bitter taste. “Don’t know. Not ready, I guess.”
“Why aren’t you ready? You were expecting him to propose. You told me so. Why can’t you decide?”
Kate slumped in her chair. “I’m not sure it’s the right thing. It feels like settling.”
“Well, you said that, too. But it’s what you want. Stability. Security. A family.”
“But… something’s missing. I just don’t have strong enough feelings about Jay.”
“As opposed to Simon.”
Kate looked up.
Alexa had correctly deduced that Kate was flattered and disconcerted by Simon’s attention last night, and was worried that it would go to her head. Kate had not let on how deeply disturbed she was, neither by the flirtation, nor by his sudden indifference.
“He does shake me up.”
She told herself it didn’t matter, but his words had hurt her. Again.
We’ll be certain to give them nothing further t
o talk about.
Well, what did she expect? Just because she still went weak in the knees at the sight of him, didn’t mean he was eager to jump back into a relationship with her. It ripped her apart, exposing raw wounds she had thought long healed, and undermined her confidence as nothing had in years. The feeling of betrayal was too familiar. She didn’t know herself, she was so confused; desire, anxiety, anger and insecurity mixing in a toxic brew despite her rationalizations.
Alexa said nothing, just sat drinking her coffee and gazing thoughtfully at Kate.
“I know it’s irrational! And it’s probably unfair to Jay. I feel horrible. It’s not his fault. But shouldn’t I have strong feelings for the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with?”
~*~
A walk on the beach was just the thing to sooth Kate and help her think. Last night’s drizzle had left everything glistening with wet, but the sky had cleared, and she looked forward to some time outdoors in the fresh washed air. She cut diagonally across the waterfront park toward Kits beach. As she walked, the spring returned to her step. Maybe she would even continue on to Granville Island so she could pick up some groceries from the farmers’ market and take a water taxi home.
Autumn in Vancouver was never what it was out east where cold dry weather provided spectacular colour. But still, there were moments, and being by the water on a cool, sunny day was a treat she wouldn’t have traded for anything. Though the leaves on the maples and elms in the park were a subdued mix of russet, green-gold and brown, and the trampled wet grass was slick with rotten fuscous leaves, the afternoon sun glinted off the water in English Bay and the indigo North Shore mountains rose above the water. Everything shimmered, the blue and green vivid and alive. She had a great life, she concluded, her spirits lifting. She had her health, work she loved, a beautiful home, good friends and supportive family. What more could anyone want out of life? If she chose it, she could even have marriage and a family. She could still have it all.
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