Silently, he tossed cash on the table to pay for their untouched wine, stood up, and held out his hand to her.
Her face lit up, and she put her hand into his. “Where are we off to, cowboy?”
He locked his arm around her back and dragged her up against him. He knew it wasn’t proper, but in that moment, he didn’t give a damn. He kissed her anyway, hot, wet, and with all the raging passion she’d just unleashed inside him. She melted into his body, kissing him back with every bit of the same need that he’d poured into her.
Swearing, he broke the kiss. “I want to rip your clothes off,” he whispered. “But first, I want to take you somewhere.”
She smiled. “It’s about time.”
Chapter 14
Erin felt her entire body relax when she walked into the Saddle Rack Tavern with Steen. The crowded bar was low lit, with unfinished wood beams, chandeliers made of battered wagon wheels, and tables that looked like they’d been recycled from old barns. There was a band on the low corner stage, four twenty-something guys in cowboy hats and blue jeans, winking at the audience with such charm she almost wanted to swoon herself.
The place was rowdy with the rumble of good-natured conversation. Almost every man had a cowboy hat on, and Wranglers were on just about every person she saw. The women came in all types: some who looked like they could wrangle a steer as well as any man, but there were also ones who weren’t afraid to show they were a woman who could clean up just fine. There wasn’t a single suit in sight, and no diamond earring studs flashing in the dim lighting.
It was real, without airs, and it felt like the home she’d never had.
She slid her hand into Steen’s and leaned against his arm. “It’s perfect.”
He grinned down at her, a smile so genuine and full that she felt her heart flutter. Despite all the time she’d spent with him over the last few days, she’d always felt a sense of distance from him. It had felt as if he’d been holding back, and now that she saw the light dancing in his eyes, she realized she’d been right.
She hadn’t seen the real Steen until now. Well, she’s seen parts of his true self, but he’d been guarded, unwilling to let her truly see who he was. Right now, though, he looked…happy. Comfortable. Like he belonged. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been here,” he said, his dark eyes sparkling. “Any interest in a quick spin on the dance floor before we eat?”
“Dance?” She hadn’t danced in years. The thought of having Steen’s strong arms wrapped around her on the dance floor made excitement rush through her. How awesome did that sound? There was something so magical about being held in a man’s arms while the music wove through her soul. “I’d love to dance. Really?”
“You bet.” He led the way through the crowd, threading easily across the room to a dark corner of the sparsely populated dance floor. There were hardly any people dancing, but Steen didn’t appear to care. The moment they reached the spot he’d apparently wanted, he turned toward her and pulled her into his arms.
The song was upbeat with a contagious rhythm, but Steen locked her against him anyway. He put one hand on her lower back, took her hand, and then began to move her around the dance floor. His dancing was effortless, in perfect time to the beat, and he moved his hips like he was made for music, sweeping her with him. He grinned at her as he spun her around, keeping her so tight against him it was as if they were moving as a single unit. Laughter bubbled up through her as they danced. The music seemed to come alive inside her, and her heart felt lighter than it ever had.
“God, you’re gorgeous.” He pulled her closer, so close that their knees bumped. He immediately slid his knee between hers, and suddenly, they were moving even more tightly together, their bodies moving in perfect unison, threaded together from shoulder to knee. He directed her with both the pressure of his hand on her lower back, and the unspoken commands of his body, turning her with his hips, his shoulders, and his torso.
She realized he was singing to her as they danced, the words to the song whispered in her ear in perfect tune as he whirled her around. His voice was beautiful, so melodic and deep she knew he could easily be on stage instead of on the dance floor. Music flowed through him as if it were a part of him, and he brought her into that magical circle, moving her with such indefinable grace and musicality that she felt as if she were being whirled around by a breeze on a perfect spring day.
Except it wasn’t a breeze. It was the raw, untamed strength of his body that was moving her, and she was locked against him by his hand on her back, and the angle he was holding her. He was leaning forward slightly, using his body as a shield to tuck her against him. She felt as though she were completely protected from everything, cradled by the strength of his presence while still being swept away by the grace of his dancing.
She was so aware of every place their bodies touched. Her skin seemed to tingle everywhere, and she wanted to laugh aloud with happiness. She’d never felt so free, so adored, or so graceful.
The song ended, but he didn’t even hesitate, never breaking stride as he merged their dance into the next song, effortlessly adjusting their steps to the new beat. She was astounded by what a wonderful dancer he was, so hopelessly out of her class.
“Just let me lead you,” he whispered to her, his voice so deep and sexy that heat seemed to ignite deep in her belly. “Feel the music in your soul and let it fill you. Feel my body against yours, and let yourself connect with me. Follow me, sweetheart. I won’t let you fall.” He pressed a kiss to her earlobe, still keeping her tucked up against him as he spun them across the floor. “Just feel my soul touching yours, and you’ll be with me.”
Her throat constricted with sudden emotion, but she closed her eyes, focusing her entire being on Steen. She felt the heat of his body through her clothes, and the sheer hardness of his frame against her. Yet, at the same time, she became aware of the fluidity of his hips, moving against hers. She focused on the movement of his body, softening her muscles, relaxing into him. The moment she did so, she felt herself melt into him, and suddenly, she was completely in sync with him.
Her body seemed to know exactly what Steen wanted from her, and it became effortless to move in unison with him. Her thigh was between his, but she never tripped over his feet or even moved the opposite way of him. The dance became true beauty, filling her with the sheer presence of Steen, and the magic of the music uplifting her.
“You’ve got it,” Steen whispered against her ear as they whirled across the floor. “We’re completely connected. God, you’re hot. I could dance with you every second for the rest of my life, and it still wouldn’t be enough.”
Sheer delight bubbled up through her. “You’re an incredible dancer.”
“Inspired by you,” he replied, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck without losing the beat. “I only dance when I’m at peace inside, otherwise I can’t feel the music at all. You need to have a completely quiet soul to hear the music. It’s like working with troubled horses. The magic happens in the inner silence of the soul.”
His words were so heartfelt, she felt her throat tighten. This was the man who thought he wasn’t good enough for his brothers? Or to take his place in his family? God, he was beautiful, and not just his face. His soul was pure and beautiful, just as she’d always known. She knew she was catching a precious glimpse that he never shared, an inside peek at the man he tried so hard to hide.
Instinctively, she tightened her grip on his shoulder. “That was beautiful,” she said. “Kiss me.”
He lifted his head from where he’d had it tucked against the side of hers. His eyes were dark and beautiful, peaceful for the first time she could remember. He searched her face for a moment, and then he kissed her.
The kiss was different than it had ever been before. It was sensual and demanding, as always, but this time, there was something else. An emotion. A need. A connection. She realized it was the first time Steen had kissed her with all of himself, instead of holding back and giving her
only the part of himself he was willing to give.
There was a tenderness to his kiss now. A softness. A realness. It was a kiss that touched her heart in a way that it had never been touched.
Steen cradled her face as he kissed her, his touch so gentle she felt as though she could be made of the most fragile china and she would still be safe in his arms. She wrapped her fingers around his wrists, kissing him back until she felt like her heart was going to explode.
It wasn’t until she heard the catcalls and the whistles that she realized the music had stopped.
Heat flooded her cheeks as she pulled back, but Steen didn’t let her retreat. He kissed her again, longer, and her heart seemed to soar when she realized he didn’t care about the whistles or the attention. He wasn’t finished kissing her, and he had no plans to stop until he was done.
With a happy sigh, she melted back into him and enjoyed every last moment of the kiss until he finally pulled back, just enough to break the kiss, but his body was still against hers, and his hands still cradled her face.
He grinned at her, and kissed the tip of her nose. “Hey.”
She smiled back. “Hi.”
“That was fun.”
She giggled at his understatement. “Yes, it was.”
“Want to dance again when the band comes back on stage?”
She rolled her eyes. “What do you think?”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He kissed her one last time, a deep, delicious kiss of connection, and then swung his arm over her shoulder, tucking her up against him as he escorted her off the dance floor. “This place makes great burgers. You up for that?”
“Of course.” It felt so natural to be nestled against him, and she wasn’t blind to the appreciative glances of the other women as they walked toward an empty table. She also noticed that Steen didn’t even noticed the women gawking at him. He was drop-dead gorgeous, yet he had no awareness of it whatsoever. He was simply watching her. After having her husband leave her for another woman, the fact that Steen was literally unaware of the feminine adoration he was receiving was so amazing.
It was incredible to be the focus of his attention. She was so accustomed to being barely seen, that to have Steen entirely focused on her was almost surreal. It felt incredible. She grinned at him. “You make me feel amazing. Thank you.”
“Hey.” He paused at an empty table and pulled her against him. “You’re the one who deserves the thanks. I forgot what it felt like to be alive. You’ve changed everything for me.”
“Mutual benefit, then.” She couldn’t keep the smile off her face as he pulled out the chair for her. “Thanks.”
“You bet.” He eased into the seat adjacent to hers, immediately resting his hand on the back of her chair. There was no doubt about the fact that he was claiming her, and she loved it. He made her feel like she was the most special woman in the entire world, and it felt incredible.
She didn’t want to go back home to her life. She wanted to stay with Steen, to feel every moment of the way he made her feel. The depth of her need stunned her, and she realized that if he asked her right now, she would stay.
The realization was shocking, and terrifying. Would she really give up everything she’d worked so hard to achieve for a man who made her feel alive? She had spent her entire life dedicating every last inch of herself to what she’d finally managed to achieve professionally. She’d developed self-worth through her work accomplishments, because she hadn’t been able to earn it in her personal life. Steen thought she was a simple vet, but she wasn’t. She was a highly specialized equine orthopedic surgeon, specializing in elite, expensive athletes, and she could never do here what she did in her real life. In this area, there weren’t many horses of that extreme caliber, the surgery facilities didn’t exist, and most potential clients didn’t have the money to pay for that kind of work. If she walked away from what she’d accomplished and put herself entirely in the hands of Steen, what would she have left for herself? What would she have to fall back upon when he realized he wanted something else, someone else? Her chest tightened, and suddenly she felt sick to her stomach. Would she really consider giving all that up for him, if he asked? She’d given everything to try to impress her husband and her parents. Was she actually willing to give it all up for another man?
His eyes narrowed. “What?”
She blinked. “What?”
“You were just thinking something serious. I saw it in your eyes. What’s up?”
She shook her head, trying to erase the thoughts from her head. She didn’t want to ruin this moment with real life. “Nothing.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t lie to me. I know it’s not nothing.”
She sighed, wrinkling her nose at him in exasperation. “Okay, fine. I was thinking something, but I don’t want to tell you.”
He eyed her speculatively, and she knew he was considering whether to force it out of her. The last thing she wanted was to talk about how they had no future together, or to even tell him what she’d been thinking. He didn’t want a future with her, and to offer him her own future would be against everything she’d worked so hard to achieve.
So, instead, she turned the tables on him. “When you compared dancing to communicating with horses, it made me think about your incredible talent with horses. Don’t you have any interest in working with them anymore? You could do that at the ranch.” He opened his mouth to protest, and she rushed on. “None of your brothers have your gift. You’re the only one who could bring that to the ranch. How can you think you don’t add value?”
He said nothing for a long moment, leaning back as a waitress stopped by to take their order. Erin knew he was aware of her attempt to change the subject and he was contemplating whether to let her go ahead with it, or force her back to what he wanted to talk about.
After the waitress was gone, however, Steen answered her question. “Horses aren’t my thing anymore.”
“Why not?”
“I gave it up to play football.”
“But you don’t play anymore.” She knew she hadn’t mistaken the depth of emotion when he’d spoken about the horses. It hadn’t been there when he’d talked about the furniture, and it hadn’t been there when he’d talked about the football days with Walt, but there had been no mistaking it when he’d mentioned the horses. “Why are you resisting the ranch? Help me understand.”
“I quit horses because there was no future. No one respected people who deal with horses. I wanted to get the hell out of my life and be someone, and football was the answer, so that’s what I did.” Steen let out his breath, looking across the bar. Finally, he looked back at her. “My knee healed after I graduated high school, and I was able to get to college on a full ride. It was my only chance out of my hell. I played three seasons, and then I blew out my knee again, this time for good. I had put everything into football, and I had no backup plan. So, I started riding dirt bikes. It was a rush of adrenaline, a way to outrun the reality of my life, like the fact that my job was pumping gas in a crappy station that was so filthy that even the cockroaches wouldn’t rob it.”
Erin leaned forward, listening intently. “Did you race the dirt bikes?”
“Yeah. I crashed. I severed my spine.” His voice was neutral, but she felt the sudden withdrawal of his energy, as if he were battling memories he didn’t want to deal with. “The doctors told me I’d never walk again. They said I was paralyzed for life.” He looked at her, and she saw the stark anguish in his eyes. “I was twenty-one years old. The only thing I knew was sports. I had nothing, Erin. Absolutely nothing. It was the scariest moment of my entire life.”
Her heart tightened. “But you walk now.”
“I fought back with everything I had. I had no insurance to pay for fancy physical therapy. It was all me, and I got my legs working again. I won, and then I lost it all again, and again. Everything I tried, I lost, until I ended up in prison for attempted murder.” He leaned forward, his
voice low. “But I am scared out of my mind that I’ll hurt my back again. If I fall off a horse the wrong way, I’m done. My entire horse career was helping the ones that no one else could handle. I have no interest in shoveling manure for the rest of my life or hauling hay bales around. The only thing I’d want to do on this ranch is deal with the horses that no one else can help, and those are the animals that just might send me back into the worst hell you can ever imagine.”
She understood then. She understood everything that drove him. He was afraid, the kind of soul-deep terror that could destroy a life forever. She knew, because she’d lived with that every day of her life. Not the fear of being paralyzed, but the fear of never being loved the way she needed to be loved as a human being. Everything she’d ever done had been driven by that fear. She understood what was driving him, and if she were him, she wasn’t sure she’d ever get on a horse again either, not at that risk. “You rode with me.”
“The horse wasn’t a risk. We had a conversation.”
She almost smiled at his answer. He had a conversation with the horse? And he was going to walk away from that? “So, you’re going to live in fear your whole life, then?”
He met her gaze. “No. I’m going to live with the memory of our time together. That’s what’s going to carry me.”
She suddenly felt tired, like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. “You’re an idiot. Why would you do that? You have a family that wants you to be a part of it. Do you know what I’d do if my family wanted me? I’d never leave their side.”
Regret flickered over his handsome face. “Shit, Erin, it’s not like that. I’m sorry you have a crappy family. But this is different. They aren’t my family. Yeah, I’m related to my half-brothers through our dad, but I don’t belong. I can’t take charity from them and park myself in the middle of the family ranch that Chase is trying to create.” He leaned forward. “I don’t belong there.”
A Real Cowboy Knows How to Kiss Page 13
