by Deb Kastner
His blue eyes met hers and their gazes locked. For a moment, the only thing between them was their breaths, slow, deep and steady, until they were unconsciously breathing in unison.
Her throat closed, choking off her air, and she looked away.
“Okay,” he said, his voice low and gruff.
“Okay?”
“We don’t have to like it, but I don’t see any way around it. Without my help, Granny’s ranch will crash and burn and that would be a real shame—especially since I eventually intend to claim the land. I’ll consider my work on this property as my investment.”
Angelica bristled, although she couldn’t imagine why she would have such an odd reaction to his words.
They’d already talked about this. She’d practically promised to sell Granny’s ranch to him. Maybe a little later than Rowdy had originally imagined the transaction would take place, but it would take place.
Eventually.
That was what they both wanted, wasn’t it?
Rowdy stood and excused himself, saying he needed to finish the chores and get back to his own place. Angelica was all too happy to let him leave.
Her head was spinning and her heart was pounding.
Now that she was here, with no job and nowhere else to be, all she had was the land under her feet. With Toby totally reliant on her to take care of him, it frightened her to feel so helpless.
Maybe the reason she’d failed in Denver was she’d lacked vision and resources. She’d never cared much about money except as a way to make ends meet, at least until she got pregnant with Toby. Then she had another life to care for, and he became all that mattered.
She needed to make a new plan for what she and Toby were going to do long term. She had no solid ideas at the moment, but she’d been tossing around a few thoughts—attending a culinary arts school or cosmetology college or something, just to get her out of waiting tables.
Maybe get an associate’s degree in accounting, something recession-proof that would make a decent salary for her and Toby to live on.
This way, that way and the other.
Yeah. She had no clue.
She had enough money to live on right now with what Granny had given her, and if she sold the land to Rowdy, she would have new opportunities for the first time in her adult life. She was overwhelmed considering where to go with those choices.
The only plus she could see to all this was that Rowdy would end up with Granny’s land. He would do right by it, and by Granny. That was one less thing she had to worry about.
There was another thought poking out from the back of her mind, demanding attention, but it was hardly worth considering. If by some wonder she could pick up sheep farming and take after Granny, the only woman in her life she had looked up to and who had always believed in her, she would be able to provide Toby with a good, stable life.
Country life, granted, but then, had she really done well in the city?
There were a lot of hurdles in her path, to be sure, not the least of which was her bad reputation in a town that had a long memory. Even with the first baby steps in the way the church ladies had reached out to her, it wouldn’t be easy to prove to anyone that she had changed, that she was a Christian now and God had made her heart new.
And Rowdy living next door? Could she ever get over the angst she felt every time she thought about him, much less saw him or spoke to him?
Was this what Granny was thinking when she wrote the notes? To make Angelica and Rowdy work together until they could get over themselves?
Confusion washed through her.
Too many questions.
Too many decisions to make.
It had appeared so cut-and-dried when she’d first come back to Serendipity, ready and willing to sell the ranch.
But now?
Who knew?
Maybe only God. This was new to her, living by faith, but she was determined to do her best to follow Him. She could only pray she would figure out what He had in mind for her and, for once, do the right thing.
* * *
The next afternoon, Rowdy met Ange to walk around Granny Frances’s ranch and explain what went where and all the daily chores for which she’d be responsible.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
She slipped Toby into a sling and grabbed a notebook and pen with which, she explained, she intended to take copious notes.
“As if sheep farming can be boiled down to a list of things to do,” she muttered.
Rowdy laughed and nodded in agreement. “It’s more like a list of lists that never ends and rolls around in cycles from day to day.”
“I’d like to see Patchwork,” she said, a tingle of excitement in her tone.
Ange had spent the last eight years in the city, and even as a child living in Serendipity she’d been a preacher’s kid, not a rancher’s child. She hadn’t learned how to ride a horse until she was a teenager, whereas he had been propped in a saddle before he could walk.
He remembered how excited she’d been the first time he’d helped her onto the saddle, so giddy that even the docile mare had picked up on her exhilaration.
Patchwork neighed and tossed her head in greeting when they entered the barn.
“I wish I could ride her,” she whispered. Her gaze twinkled and took on a starry-eyed look.
His breath caught. She had always been a dreamer. It was one of the things that had first attracted him to her.
“Well, why don’t you? It will give you two the opportunity to get reacquainted and she could use the exercise.”
She glanced down at Toby and her expression instantly went from animated to sober.
“Maybe someday. Right now, I have Toby. Horseback riding isn’t in my near future.”
He almost offered to care for Toby so she could take Patchwork out. Riding always relaxed him, and she certainly looked like she needed a break.
But he knew nothing about babies and wasn’t quite comfortable taking on that kind of responsibility, even if it was only for an hour.
If Toby was his baby, everything would be different.
But he wasn’t.
His gut churning, Rowdy suggested they finish the tour of the property.
“The hay is over here,” he said, pointing to a corner of the barn. “Granny Frances grew hay on a rotating basis every year, but she didn’t need much, so she’d sell the rest off, or give it away to ranchers in need.”
Ange smiled softly. “That sounds like Granny.”
“The rest of the fields are composed of grass, clover and forbs, all perennials. It’s important to move the sheep around so the fields don’t get overgrazed.”
She scribbled frantically in her notebook.
He showed her the chicken coop, but given the way her brow was scrunched, displaying both her concentration and her anxiety, he gave her a pass and told her he would teach her how to care for the chickens another time.
Rowdy sensed that Ange was feeling overwhelmed by it all. Even though he hadn’t seen her for eight years and he’d never been great with reading people to begin with, he could tell from her expression how inundated she was feeling.
And who could blame her?
Any sane person would be feeling that way. He’d grown up on his sheep farm and there were still days where there was more to do than there was sunlight to do it in.
Not one thing about this situation was second nature to her, as it was to him.
If he was being sensible about it, he wouldn’t care how she felt about ranch living. His heart tugged to see her so overwhelmed and confused, but his head reminded him otherwise and he was the one most conflicted by it all.
Ange was dangerous.
Off-limits.
But the fact that her floundering was to his advantage didn’t play well with him. No matter what their
past, Ange was going through some major life changes right now, and he couldn’t help but want to cut her a break.
More the fool, him.
Throughout the visit to the barn, Angelica had tented a pastel green receiving blanket over her shoulder and the fabric sling in order to protect Toby from the dust hanging in the air in the stable and then again when the sun shone too brightly on his chubby face. When clouds covered the direct sunlight, Ange uncovered him and let him enjoy the fresh country air. He was the cutest little thing, making the occasional mewling coo, sucking noisily on his fist and appearing quite content just riding along with his mama.
“I tried a pacifier but he always preferred his thumb,” Ange said with a chuckle.
For reasons unknown to Rowdy, the baby sounds choked him up. He couldn’t even put names to the emotions he was feeling—or why he was feeling anything at all.
It wasn’t like Toby was his baby.
But he could have been.
If Ange hadn’t freaked out and bolted before their wedding.
There it was.
The real reason the infant was getting to him. Not that he was cute or cuddly, although he was both.
But because he wasn’t Rowdy’s.
He tightened the reins on his emotions and focused on the tour he was giving.
Toby slept through most of the walk around the ranch, making the proverb “sleeping like a baby” come to life right before Rowdy’s eyes. He had never seen such a peaceful sight as Toby curled onto Angelica’s shoulder. Not even a newborn lamb could compare.
Several times the notion that they could have been a family sneaked up on him. And every time it treaded by, it sucker punched him.
Time and again he fought it as all the air left his lungs in a whoosh, recovering as quickly as he could and pushing his emotions back into the recesses of his heart before Ange could read them on his face.
She’d always been good at knowing what he was thinking, guessing how he felt, and that was the last thing he wanted to have happen now.
There had been a time in his life when that trait had reassured him, but not anymore. They were way, way past that point in their lives.
He’d moved on.
Kind of.
He had buried what had happened with Angelica just as deep as it could go. He lived alone, but he wasn’t lonely most of the time.
So why was he experiencing this sudden sense of panic in her presence?
The answer was obvious.
He’d come to grips with his past, and now he was inviting that very same past into his present situation, rather like aiming a runaway train toward a caved-in bridge and giving it the go-ahead to move forward.
This was crazy.
He was crazy.
But he had to believe it wouldn’t always be like this, the way he experienced a twinge in his heart every time he so much as thought of Ange.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to function. And he couldn’t run a ranch—two ranches—without giving it his full mental and physical effort.
The ache would ease eventually, wouldn’t it?
He returned his mind to the task at hand with some difficulty. He had moved the flock of sheep—the very subject of Granny’s last letter—to the closest field, so they could walk to it. Walking wasn’t quite as effortless as he’d let on, but he never let his injury stop him. He wasn’t about to let it interfere with his work, so he sucked it up and used a walking stick to help him balance with his bad leg.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
Ange’s gaze widened. “There’s more?”
He grinned. “I’ve saved the best for last.”
He whistled for the border collies to accompany him and had them move the sheep forward so he didn’t have as far to go.
As the dogs brought the flock to them, nipping on their heels to keep them moving in the right direction, Rowdy turned his attention to Toby.
“He sleeps a lot, doesn’t he?” Rowdy asked, keeping his voice low, so as not to disturb the infant’s rest. “Or is he one of those babies who have their nights and days mixed up?”
“Toby is the perfect baby,” Ange acknowledged, smiling softly at her son. “He does sleep a lot, day and night. More than most babies, I imagine, but he’s very responsive when he’s awake and rarely fusses at all.”
An awkward silence stretched between them, a chasm Rowdy didn’t know how to breach or even if he wanted to try.
“What about Toby’s father?” he asked. It was none of his business, but he couldn’t contain his curiosity. “Is he in the picture?”
Her face turned bright pink, her expression an alarming combination of embarrassment and anger.
“No. Josh is not in the picture. I dated him for two years, and I thought our relationship was serious. And I was very foolish with how I conducted myself during that time. He spent more time at my apartment than his own, but we never talked about marriage. That is, until...”
Her words dropped off and she shook her head.
What had she been about to say?
Until she discovered she was pregnant?
Had Josh reevaluated his life and wanted to marry her then? Be a good father to Toby, even if he hadn’t been a good man to Ange?
Rowdy had zero respect for a man who didn’t put a ring on the finger of the woman he loved. Shacking up with a woman was the coward’s way out.
Even though in Rowdy’s own case his relationship with Ange had turned out in heartbreak, he had been ready to fully commit to her, to give her all of his future, his protection, his heart and his life.
“I was incredibly stupid and completely blind where Josh was concerned. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She sighed. “Yes, I do. I wasn’t thinking at all. I met him when I was serving at a corporate function. He was a big shot with lots of money and little small-town me fell for his outward charm and charisma. Even when I realized he wasn’t the person I thought him to be, I didn’t walk away. I kept waiting and hoping things would get better between us. I learned the hard way that a woman can’t change a man’s character.
“But it wasn’t only that. I wasn’t looking in the right place to find peace and acceptance.
“My whole world changed the moment I found out I was pregnant with Toby. For the first time, I genuinely sought God and found forgiveness. The Lord changed my heart and my life.
“But my change of heart didn’t change my circumstances. That was all on me and my foolish choices. So now, it’s up to me to dig my way out of them and make something of myself, somebody Toby can be proud of.”
Rowdy had always known Ange to be a determined woman, but he’d never seen a spark of dedication like the one she now carried in her beautiful blue eyes.
Had her relationship with the Lord really changed her heart and life that much? Her words sounded so genuine. He wanted to believe them. He wanted to believe her.
But Rowdy didn’t know if he could trust her, and he definitely couldn’t trust his heart to figure out what was really happening with Ange.
“Am I ashamed of the way Toby was conceived out of wedlock?” she continued, even though that question wouldn’t have been something Rowdy would ever have asked. She didn’t quite meet his eyes until she answered her own question.
“Yes,” she affirmed. “I’m terribly humiliated every time I think about that part of my life. But keeping my sweet baby? There was never even the smallest hesitation in my mind and heart. Not for one second. Like I said before, Toby is the biggest blessing in my life.”
“Surely Toby’s father is obligated to pay child support, at least? Even if he doesn’t want to be part of Toby’s life?”
Rowdy couldn’t imagine a man who would abandon his wife—girlfriend, he mentally amended—and their child when Ange and Toby needed him most.
It hadn’t taken him long to form
an opinion about this Josh fellow, and it wasn’t a good one.
She scoffed. “Obligated? Perhaps. But it’s not something I intend to pursue. Josh adamantly refused to acknowledge that Toby was his child from the get-go. When I told him I was pregnant, he called me a host of bad names I don’t care to repeat and insisted Toby wasn’t his, even though he knew full well he was the only man I had ever been with.
“And then he walked away. I don’t know where Josh is, and I don’t want to know. But he was absolutely right about one thing. He is not Toby’s father. Not in any of the ways that matter. It takes more than biology to make a dad.”
Rowdy growled, agreeing wholeheartedly with Ange’s statement. This Josh guy wasn’t good enough for Ange and Toby, and leaving was probably the best thing that he could have done for them.
It sounded as if she would have been miserable living with the dishonorable jerk. And good riddance to him. But Rowdy still thought Josh should be throttled for walking away from his responsibilities.
“I know in the best of all worlds Toby would be raised by both a loving mother and father. I wish it was that cut-and-dried, but that simply isn’t our reality.
“Toby and I will be okay. I’ll do whatever I have to do to raise my baby on my own. I’m not the first woman who has ever found herself a single parent, and I won’t be the last. But I’m bound and determined to be the very best mother I can be.”
“I believe you,” he said, his throat tightening around his words and making them come out in a deep baritone.
Her surprised gaze swept to his, but he didn’t want to explain his last statement.
It wasn’t admiration. It was a point of fact.
Ange had proven herself resilient.
And she continued to do so. Perhaps Granny Frances had wanted her to test her mettle on the ranch. To remind Ange how strong she was, that she could do more than just survive.
Rowdy felt like he was starting to get it now, to understand Granny Frances’s motivations.
